How do I word this to child?

[Doodoododdledoo]

I nanny for a family and this includes picking up their 6 year old from school and walking home.

Now I will start by saying I do actually sometimes buy them a little sweet or something as a treat but I work part time and money is very tight for me. But child is always asking for me to buy them something if we pop into the shop when I get a bottle of water or asking me to get them something nice from the bakery. The parents do provide snacks and water for them on the way home which are sometimes fruit but also crisps on occasion.

Obviously buying her things out of my own money for them isn’t my responsibility but I just don’t know how to quite word this to them. I have said things in the past like ‘you have a snack in your bag’ ‘we will get you something to eat at home’ but this child is used to parents buying her something while out and that’s what they are getting at, it’s not really about it being something that’s considered a treat. Even if they have crisps in their bag, they want me to buy them crisps in the shop etc.

Please help me phrase it right because I don’t know the best way to explain that her mummy and daddy buy her things because they are her parents and that’s not my job. As it does make me sad that I know all she is hearing with the reasons I give her now is “no”.

@Dontbelieveaword by it wouldn’t fly I mean her parents would Pearl-clutch a bit about her being aware that some people have little money because she’d be saddened by it. I don’t agree with being sheltered like that but it’s not my child and that’s how they parent.

I think you’re right though. She doesn’t get to dictate how I spend my money and I do think I need to stop feeling bad about it sounding harsh and just say I’m not her parents and don’t buy her extra treats when there is already things provided.

You need to carry your own water in your bag, so you don't need to go into shops at all. You can buy water bottles that you can top up from the tap. That's a simple fix.

I wouldn't say "not today" or "I haven't got my purse today" though, as that implies you might another day and might make it worth her trying again. I'd stick to the "you have a snack in your bag" or "I'll have to talk to your mum about that, she probably wants you to have the snack you've been given".

I wouldn't say "not today" or "I haven't got my purse today" though, as that implies you might another day and might make it worth her trying again.

This was definitely my thought process and why I wanted a solid reason to say rather than an excuse.

I still don't see why it wouldn't fly with the parents. You just say "sorry I don't have any money for treats today" and then remind her she has treats in her bag and change the subject. That's simple, something a child would understand and there doesn't need to be any more explanation.

But surely it's not hard to avoid taking her into a shop in the first place.

This

I don't why you can't carry a bottle of water. I seriously think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
Is this your first job as a nanny?

Either ask for petty cash from the parents or frankly, stand up better to this child. If the answer is no then it’s no, she doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your money!

I’ve nannied (and still do some agency nannying occasionally) and find it’s easy to blur boundaries if you start with this sort of thing. I would have said right from the start ‘mummy and daddy have given you this snack from home’ or ‘mums and dads can buy you things but not your babysitter/nanny/teacher’ and walked straight past the bakery/shop etc.

Because you’re caring for the child in the home environment it can be too easy to start acting like a parent or family member. But you aren’t. I’m sure if she was on a school trip she wouldn’t be asking her teacher to buy her things and it’s the exact same principle.

And also maybe just start bringing your drinks etc with you. Not to be picky but it’s a bit unprofessional really - you don’t do your errands on paid time, sort your food and drinks before you start work.

I'd ask the parents whether they actually want the child to be bought bakery treats after school. If they do, then they can give you the money. If they don't (which the fact they provide a snack suggests) then the message needs to be joined from the parents and you that bakery treats are a once every so often thing and won't be given often.

Also, if you care about the planet even a little bit it really is time to stop buying bottled water on a regular basis. Consider that your actions are also setting an example to a child.

Could you not take a water bottle, then you would not need to go into the shop?

Echoing all the “just bring a water bottle” comments. It’s not rocket salad. Also, annoying as it is, small children tend to repeat the same request over and over, so whatever wording you use they’re still going to ask for something from the bakery and not remember what you said, so you may as well keep it simple and say “No, there’s a snack in your bag”.

Just say No?

I did that regularly with my own kids. I certainly wouldn't be buying stuff for kids I'm paid to look after.

Rocket Salad

Talk to the parents. This is the situation, how would you like me to approach it? See what they say.
And stop going into shops to buy bottled water. How can you not have a drink during the day?? That's really unhealthy. Take your own bottled water with you which can be refilled from a tap. Take a small cup of some description and get a drink of water from a tap. I don't understand why you have to go into a shop to buy bottled water which is then having the knock on effect of the child wanting you to buy them a treat. Stop going in the shops and that should make it easier to walk the child past the shops breezily and just keep repeating that she has a snack in her bag.

I tell my own kids on the daily I forgot my purse/.phones dead, they’d spend a fortune if we brought something everytime we passed the shop.

I'm picking up a real sense that this job isn't for you.

I felt that too. Lack of problem solving ability which is essential for working with children.
Also seemingly unable to talk to the parents which would be the first port of call - unless the parents are unpleasant in some way, in which case maybe find another family better suited to you.

Sounds like the kid needs to get used to hearing the word “no”.
If the parents have packed a snack then I’d be pissed off if you have my child other snacks and treats.
Genuinely why are you buying water? I don’t get it.

Definitely not rocket salad - take your bottle of water so you don't have to go in the shop.

When the kid wants a snack because you're passing a bakery or whatever and they already have a snack in their bag to waiting at home....you just say that!

You are allowed to gently say 'no, you don't need one'. Baffles me that them asking for a bag of crisps when they have crisps in their bag is even up for question?!

I’ve worked with children for 10 years. So I’m not questioning my job and it’s not a lack of problem solving like someone suggested. I already said I knew what I wanted to say, I just wanted opinions on how to phrase it to a child. Bloody hell.

also I know it’s easy to run with the small bits of information included in threads on here but I promise you all, I’m not buying bottles of water every day. It was just an example.

I once made a thread on here about breaks where countless replies said one of the benefits of nannying is that you can take the child with you to grab a drink/get some food when you need it so I do find it strange that people are now calling it unprofessional.

I don't agree with most posters. I think you need to start drip feeding the message that parents buy these type of treats not nanny's. So saying something like. You can ask mummy or daddy when you are with them. Or only mummy and daddy buy treats.

I’ve worked with children for 10 years. So I’m not questioning my job and it’s not a lack of problem solving like someone suggested. I already said I knew what I wanted to say, I just wanted opinions on how to phrase it to a child. Bloody hell

If you've worked with children with 10 years you should have no problem whatsoever with coming up with a way of phrasing this.

@helpfulperson this is perfect and the type of response I was looking for. Thank you