I’ve had the shittiest day at work - please cheer me up 🥺

[User92737]

Change of username for this one.

I’ve had a crap day at work, so much so that I just broke down in tears on the phone to a friend.

Basically my manager told me that she is hiring for a new role that should naturally be the next step in my career. She has never tried to develop me and she is a bit of a micro-manager.

When I asked her if I was capable of doing the role, she said that I have strengths but things are missing. I disagree with this and even if things are missing, it’s because she never gives me a chance to just get stuck in.

I feel disheartened, insulted and upset. I’ve been wanting to leave for a while and am actively looking for a new role, but this seems like the final cherry on top of the cake.

I am seriously considering resigning so I have more time to find a job, but also I don’t think I can take any more of it.

I know it’s a risky move but life is so short and I already feel like I’ve wasted a couple of years in this place.

[SquishyGloopyBum]

Go for the job anyway. Would she still be your manager? If not, bonus!

But don't resign. Keep looking for jobs. Picture her face when you tell her your leaving for an amazing opportunity!

[lissie123]

Have you had performance reviews with your boss where you have discussed your achievements and where you could develop your skills? Have you ever been offered training to improve your performance?

[User92737]

@SquishyGloopyBum I don’t want to go for the job because I want to leave. It’s just the principle and they have treated me unfairly in other aspects of my job which I am not going to go into detail. Unfortunately I would still report into her, yes.

[SarahSmith2023]

Is she doing the recruitment?

can you afford a period of not being paid?

though I do subscribe to the 'it's easier to get a job when you have a job' line of thinking.

id double down on the job hunting!!

[Busybusybusy]

Definitely don’t leave just yet. It’s always easier to find a job when you already have one!

[goldenlocks]

I left a role in a similar-ish scenario. It was my drive to achieve more! :) You will peover her wrong and be valued in your next role!

[pickd]

My old manager said much the same to me when a promotion came up. I was qualified for it, capable of it, had proved my worth time and again but got told the same as you. I also felt the same as you seem to be feeling.
I didn't leave for another couple of years but honestly I wish I had. Left eventually and it's been the most refreshing thing! I feel so much better about myself mentally and I'm now valued in what I do. Don't stay around somewhere you aren't appreciated (though make sure you have something to move on to!)
Good luck!

[fivetriangulartrees]

My first proper job, I asked the hiring manager if I should go for it and she said no, I wasn't suitable. A colleague overheard, took me to one side and said of course I should apply for it. I did, I got it, and the initial conversation was never mentioned again.

You already know you don't like your boss, but if you're applying for other things, you might as well apply for the promotion at the same time and just continue job hunting if you get it.

[User92737]

I just don’t think I can tolerate going into the place any longer 😢

[User92737]

Any more advice? 😞

[swanling]

@Busybusybusy

Definitely don’t leave just yet. It’s always easier to find a job when you already have one!

I agree with this. Don't make any rash decisions because you are (understandably) feeling hurt, disappointed, angry, frustrated, offended today.

What are you doing with yourself this evening? I would focus on a bit of self-care and compassion while it feels raw. Don't make decisions while you feel this way.

Detach a bit emotionally from this job and treat it as you using them to pay your bills and keep your CV in good shape so you can move forward.

In the grand scheme of things a couple of years is not long, I wouldn't think of it as wasting your life. It's just a small blip on the way to where you want to be.

[Perfect28]

My advice is to completely disengage with work, mentally. Turn up, get paid, clock off. Your work does not define you. Your work does not measure your worth. You know this person is unkind, you don't need let that reflect anything except herself. Start job hunting in your free time, good luck!

[Hairbrushhandle]

Quiet quit and spend your time doing job applications.

[Chatillon]

@User92737

Any more advice? 😞

I have an apple tree in my garden.

It bears much fruit in the year and in the Autumn, when they are ready (and in their own time) each lovely, ripe, fragrant apple twist off in my hands with no pressure at all. I never pick the fallen ones, for they are bruised and if I put them with the others the fungus from the bruise spreads out and turns all the apples in the same trays to a brown mush by Christmas.

Resign. Your manager is a toxic brown apple. The poison will leave your veins. You will live longer. You will think clearer. And you will always do best in an environment that nurtures you.

Resign! Best answer.

[User92737]

@Chatillon I am so very tempted..

[Chatillon]

Unemployment is at a low I read because the UK and most of the world is short of skilled people. The risk of resigning is at an all time low.

[MrsRickAstley]

You will come through this stronger and it will add a layer to your skin. You can't see it now but you will.

Only thing you can do is learn to give less of a fuck and crack on with the job hunting.

[Outofthepark]

OP I'd just jack in the job every time and temp til I got a new one. Not saying it's good advice but it's always worked for me. Life is too short and I've always found something temporary!

[TheChosenTwo]

My advice is to find a new job pronto.
I was really unhappy in my job last year and had been for a few years, only stuck with it as I was seeing through a project that I was totally invested in.
Found a new job and then handed my boss my resignation. It was so satisfying knowing that I had an out after mentally building myself up for it for a while.
To be completely fair, my boss (who was nice) did offer me different roles which she knew would help me feel better about being there but I knew ultimately my heart had left there and it was time to move on.
it sounds like you’re ready to move on too. Do it with dignity, don’t resign until you have something lined up unless you can afford to be unemployed for an indefinite time and to echo a pp, Disengage, work to rule.

[User92737]

Thanks all for your advice.
I think I am going to have a late night applying for jobs. What will help keep me awake tomorrow? Pro plus?

[User92737]

Anyone?

[swanling]

@User92737

Thanks all for your advice.
I think I am going to have a late night applying for jobs. What will help keep me awake tomorrow? Pro plus?

Is that necessary and does it help to exhaust yourself further when you've already had an overwrought stressful day?

I'd be focusing on decent sleep and regroup on applications tomorrow. 24 hours to look after yourself properly isn't going to harm you but will benefit you.

[User92737]

@swanling you are right. I am off to bed, maybe have a little cry on my pillow 😞

[User92737]

Hi @swanling I’ve just seen your really helpful advice about detaching from the job emotionally which I think will really help. I am a very emotionally person and I need to learn to care less.

I haven’t done anything tonight except order a wagamama takeaway!

[Hawkins0001]

@User92737

Thanks all for your advice.
I think I am going to have a late night applying for jobs. What will help keep me awake tomorrow? Pro plus?

Even if you run off a ream of applications it can still take hours or days to even be considered by other companies.