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I’ve had the shittiest day at work - please cheer me up 🥺

56 replies

User92737 · 15/05/2023 19:09

Change of username for this one.

I’ve had a crap day at work, so much so that I just broke down in tears on the phone to a friend.

Basically my manager told me that she is hiring for a new role that should naturally be the next step in my career. She has never tried to develop me and she is a bit of a micro-manager.

When I asked her if I was capable of doing the role, she said that I have strengths but things are missing. I disagree with this and even if things are missing, it’s because she never gives me a chance to just get stuck in.

I feel disheartened, insulted and upset. I’ve been wanting to leave for a while and am actively looking for a new role, but this seems like the final cherry on top of the cake.

I am seriously considering resigning so I have more time to find a job, but also I don’t think I can take any more of it.

I know it’s a risky move but life is so short and I already feel like I’ve wasted a couple of years in this place.

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crabbyoldappletree · 15/05/2023 22:55

First off, sorry you've had such a shit day, however now turn that into a positive; you're unhappy in your job and have been for a while, you wanted a new job, but maybe have been a bit 'hrumph' about searching one out, so now reallylook to use this a a catalyst to do what you really want to do.
What do you really want to do? What are you good at? What gives you that 'Yes' factor at work? What makes you feel like you are achieving, that you are making a difference? What have you always dreamed of doing, but had the fear factor stopping you? (These are rhetorical questions, just things for you to ruminate on).
Well now is the time to get away from micromanager and to seek new pastures.
Write down your skill set, take a while as it can be really hard to do, then start looking for jobs in those areas.
Think of it as she's given you the final push you need to get out of your comfort zone and really pursue your goal(s). It's hard leaving what we know, and leaping into the abyss, sometime there might be the odd snag, but keep going, keep going, keep going!

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Kentlassie · 15/05/2023 22:55

Mentally detach. Up the ante on the job hunt. If you’re really unhappy, and can afford to, resign now. Life is too short.

I am returning to a job I dislike, with an equally unsupportive boss, in a few months and will be doing all of the above.

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betaglucans · 15/05/2023 22:59

Honestly, I would do two things

call a meeting with your manager and say everything you said here. Honesty about how you feel never given a chance to grow and ask for her suggestions on how it could improve and so on. Potentially speak to hr or her boss as well. Tell them you feel like leaving and see what they suggest. If it is easier put it all in an email and send in the morning.
if they have no decent come back, quit asap. Get a job in a pub or temping just until you get a job you want if necessary. Don't stay in this situation unless they can reassure you it will improve.

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Babyroobs · 15/05/2023 23:26

Chatillon · 15/05/2023 20:12

I have an apple tree in my garden.

It bears much fruit in the year and in the Autumn, when they are ready (and in their own time) each lovely, ripe, fragrant apple twist off in my hands with no pressure at all. I never pick the fallen ones, for they are bruised and if I put them with the others the fungus from the bruise spreads out and turns all the apples in the same trays to a brown mush by Christmas.

Resign. Your manager is a toxic brown apple. The poison will leave your veins. You will live longer. You will think clearer. And you will always do best in an environment that nurtures you.

Resign! Best answer.

Show quote history

I kind of agree with this. I was in a job last year which was utterly toxic. I was taken advantage of and other members of the team did very little and were never pulled up on it. I left with no job to go to but felt an enormous relief on leaving. It took a couple of months to find something else, but that time off gave me time to relax and be ready for a new start also.

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TheSandgroper · 16/05/2023 05:35

Reddit always says that people don’t leave good jobs. They leave bad managers.

Look for somewhere else.

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 07:47

Urgh I don’t know whether to bring it up today or not. I just really don’t want to go in.

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Sparkletastic · 16/05/2023 07:51

You need to go in. Don't let this beat you. I agree with the 'quiet quit'. Turn up, say little, do your job. Then apply for other jobs.

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 07:52

So I shouldn’t say anything then?

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crabbyoldappletree · 16/05/2023 08:17

Yes you need to go in. Don't let micromanager beat you, but think about being on count down to your new life! How much notice do you need to give? Do you work in an area that's currently got a recruitment crisis, or could it be a little while before getting a new job? Look at your finances and work out how long you could life off any savings. If you have at least three months worth of savings I'd be tempted to resign, but if you are living hand to mouth, then stick with the current job, whilst making a supreme effort to find a new one.

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LookItsMeAgain · 16/05/2023 08:19

Imagine that you're playing a game of poker (or any strategy game to be honest).
You wouldn't show your hand to the other players and you wouldn't show whether you have a good or bad hand by having a big grin on your face or by being upset.

Try acting it out. Fake it till you make it kind of thing.

But I wouldn't mention anything to them.

Get yourself a better job and then if they do an exit interview with you, you can let them know why you're leaving and leave with your head held high!

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LookItsMeAgain · 16/05/2023 08:23

Try to think of something like a bingo card and when your micromanager says something to irk you, that's a square ticked off that card. See if you can get a line on the bingo card or a diagonal. Perhaps they are such a micromanager, they will have a full card each day.
Each day have a different card and do it again.

Roll Call Bingo Card (bingobaker.com)

Roll Call Bingo

Roll Call Bingo bingo card with your hard work doesn't go unnoticed, i used to work in ___ division, i'm only talking to a few specific people, the person responsible isn't in this room, i'm not a micromanager, this is coming from above me, you guys ha...

https://bingobaker.com/view/3826024

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 08:36

So I shouldn’t tell her how upset she made me, how I feel I am being pushed out, and how she’s giving me no development?

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 08:38

Also, can I say that some recruiters are just awful. They literally either don’t want to know or they won’t leave you alone… and then they ghost! Honestly I am just so done with today already and it’s not even 9am 😢

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 08:48

I am just having a wobble 😢

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Whataretheodds · 16/05/2023 08:53

User92737 · 16/05/2023 07:52

So I shouldn’t say anything then?

Have you been having performance reviews with your manager? Do you talk regularly about your development? Does she know what your ambitipns are and have you discussed what skills/experience you need to build?

If not, ask for a meeting to do this. At least 1 hour. Send out an agenda beforehand - you're looking for constructive and specific feedback on your performance against your job description and a gap analysis against the job vacancy description.

Prepare a list of your key skills (in relation to the job description for your role and this new vacancy) with examples.

Where there are gaps, make suggestions for how you could do these in role/with stretch and support from your manager. Ask for her suggestions.

In the meeting get her to cover her feedback first, then go through your list and fill in the gaps with her.

See this as an opportunity - you will end up with a clear development plan for getting to the next level and great material for your CV/ job applications.
You might decide to apply anyway especially, gives you some interview practice (ask for feedback on the application /interview and make sure you get it) and who knows, you might just make a case for getting the job and upskilling in role.

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SometimesIwonderifishouldbemedicated · 16/05/2023 08:57

I had such a manager, and I left.
It was 100% the best thing I have ever done, my new workplace and manager have just transformed my life, my confidence and self worth.
You're right life is too short, get onto some recruitment agencies, and you know what, I'd pull a sickie for a week to properly look.
You owe them nothing!!!!!

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Unbridezilla · 16/05/2023 09:03

Firstly try to take the emotion out. "It's just a job"

Then I would:

apply for the job anyway. If you get it, you'll be applying for new jobs from the position of a grade higher which would be a good thing in my industry
do a perosnal development plan. Is there truth in her saying there are gaps? Work out a plan to close them: training courses? Mentoring?
understand that of course there are gaps in the more senior job spec: people don't apply to jobs that they can 100% do. You don't develop that way. So apply for the job
keep an eye out for other external jobs. Your pdp will help you pick the ones that give you the best opportunities

Also, look at you sleep/diet/stress and see if you can identify why you are so emotional about this. It's usual to be a bit upset after a poor performance review, but crying yourself to sleep and not wanting to go in is extreme. If it is that your manager is toxic then get on with applying for jobs.

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swanling · 16/05/2023 09:09

User92737 · 16/05/2023 08:36

So I shouldn’t tell her how upset she made me, how I feel I am being pushed out, and how she’s giving me no development?

No, you won't get the validating response you want.

Focus on that emotional detachment.

Also, recruiters are sales people. The same emotional detachment applies.

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Peppacorn · 16/05/2023 09:09

User92737 · 16/05/2023 08:38

Also, can I say that some recruiters are just awful. They literally either don’t want to know or they won’t leave you alone… and then they ghost! Honestly I am just so done with today already and it’s not even 9am 😢

After a few months of job hunting, I've decided to put recruiters in the same bracket as estate agents and builders; very, very few are a credit to their profession (trying to be polite here!) and finding a decent one with integrity who behaves with professionalism is like gold dust.

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 09:31

@Unbridezilla my diet is really poor at the moment and I am also recovering from an operation I had about 7 weeks ago. So I am not feeling my best.

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 09:39

@Peppacorn yes, the way some of them have treated me is really bad.

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quietnightmare · 16/05/2023 09:45

Quit in your mind not physically.

Spend lunchtime looking for jobs.

Just knowing that the end of this job is in sight will keep you going

Get some interviews lined up

Get yourself an interview outfit, get your hair done, get your head in the game

Put your best foot forward for the interviews and do your best

Get new job

And smugly resign

On your exit interview feel free to state exactly why you are leaving in a confident and calm manner

Get your butt out of there and on to pastures new

This doesn't need to be a negative thing this is a chance to develop yourself in a new environment.

Embrace it.

Sometimes we need something shitty like this to happen to give us a kick up the butt and get going.

Go for it you have nothing to loose

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betaglucans · 16/05/2023 10:05

@User92737 I actually think it's a good time to sit down with them and be honest. Maybe with less emotional investment in the situation but if they understand they could lose you then you might be in for getting some extra training or development or even a slight pay rise / change in responsibility.

Be open without being too emotional if you can. Try not to sound manipulative but also be upfront. They might realise what an asset you are and if they don't well you know where to go - out the door!

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User92737 · 16/05/2023 10:52

Thank you everyone for your support and advice! It really does help.

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Newestname002 · 16/05/2023 12:37

@User92737

Firstly try to take the emotion out. "It's just a job"

Very sensible advice - do please try and take it, OP.

Also another poster suggested "quiet quitting", ie: turning up, being a good employee and colleague, doing a good job for the hours you are contracted for, and leave at the end of the day (not having put in unpaid overtime). If you are the sort of person who constantly goes over and above what's required you'll need to be disciplined to change that mindset.

Then, out of the office, focus on your job search along the lines you've already been advised on this thread. Don't take any frustrations from recruiters personally- it's just a job to them. Make a note of the companies you'd like to work in and read the employee reviews about them on Glassdoor. Good luck on your job search. 🌹

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