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Original poster

What would you do if you were DH?

168 replies

NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 11/05/2023 15:39

DH is an over thinker and getting in a muddle about a job offer. He works in a profession and is currently on £61k. His current work have been stringing him along for almost a year saying he will be promoted ‘soon’ and he’s been doing a number of the senior positions tasks already. He has been approached by another (good!) company and following interview offered a job. Which would you choose:

Job A- new company, next jump on professional ladder, good salary £70k + 8% yearly bonus. He would be a senior role in a smaller team so could move up the ladder faster, also offices abroad to potential for working abroad. Potentially longer hours as more senior.

Job B- current job. Been there 6 years and likes it, nice company which promotes wellbeing. When he informed them of job offer seemed very keen to keep him, said ‘would try to come close’ to offer. Sounds like won’t offer quite the same role (director) but a pared back version of that. DH is worried he’s only finally getting this promotion in a sense due to having a better offer rather than them actually wanting to give it. Financially it’ll be around £67k he thinks. No bonus.

I think Job A- his current work have taken advantage of him imo and are doing the bare minimum to keep him, it’s a good professional opportunity which I think he’d be gutted if he misses. He’s not one for change so I’m hoping others opinions might encourage him!

OP posts:
Newyearnewmeow · 12/05/2023 19:25

Too little too late.
They didn’t even have the decency to say they would at least match the new salary.
Sounds like they have took the piss out of his good nature So he owes them no loyalty and if he’s been head hunted and got the job he is obviously very good at what he does.

Original poster
NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 12/05/2023 20:18

Thanks all.
Its annoyed me today as a director at his office was basically trying to convince him to stay and saying the new opportunity is a dud job, he’d been offered it himself and turned it down and now laughs when he sees it advertised (DH has never seen it advertised before). Basically that he’d be stupid to leave and that he’s better off where he is.
I dunno just seems like a dick move to me but it’s spooked DH. He has read this thread and actually found it really helpful despite being sceptical when I said I’d posted about it. He really appreciates the different opinions.

OP posts:
Kennykenkencat · 12/05/2023 20:33

NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 12/05/2023 20:18

Thanks all.
Its annoyed me today as a director at his office was basically trying to convince him to stay and saying the new opportunity is a dud job, he’d been offered it himself and turned it down and now laughs when he sees it advertised (DH has never seen it advertised before). Basically that he’d be stupid to leave and that he’s better off where he is.
I dunno just seems like a dick move to me but it’s spooked DH. He has read this thread and actually found it really helpful despite being sceptical when I said I’d posted about it. He really appreciates the different opinions.

After what that director has said to day I would be running to Job A

So many red flags where he is if this is the way they twist and turn when something doesn’t go their way

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Jobs
Kennykenkencat · 12/05/2023 20:35

Also why would he better off where he is? The company has already laid their cards on the table that they can’t afford to pay him what he is worth and there is no career progression.

Undisclosedlocation · 12/05/2023 20:39

So the current employer is a (almost certainly) liar and a grade A manipulator as well as a cheapskate then.

Run away. Don’t look back.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 12/05/2023 20:41

Undisclosedlocation · 12/05/2023 20:39

So the current employer is a (almost certainly) liar and a grade A manipulator as well as a cheapskate then.

Run away. Don’t look back.

Completely agree.

Original poster
NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 12/05/2023 20:57

Thanks @pussycatinfluffyslippers @Undisclosedlocation @Kennykenkencat I completely agree! It really pissed me off and I think it’s just a horrible thing to do to someone.

OP posts:
Fiddlerdragon · 12/05/2023 23:16

NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 12/05/2023 20:18

Thanks all.
Its annoyed me today as a director at his office was basically trying to convince him to stay and saying the new opportunity is a dud job, he’d been offered it himself and turned it down and now laughs when he sees it advertised (DH has never seen it advertised before). Basically that he’d be stupid to leave and that he’s better off where he is.
I dunno just seems like a dick move to me but it’s spooked DH. He has read this thread and actually found it really helpful despite being sceptical when I said I’d posted about it. He really appreciates the different opinions.

Oh well, if his director who doesn’t want to either pay him more or lose him says the job is shit, then it definitely must be true 🙄he really needs to go somewhere where he’s appreciated. And he needs to get a bit more self confidence if he’s seriously been shaken up by the director blatantly trying to take the piss out of a better paying job. I’d counter act that with well they obviously think he’s as good as his director if he’s been offered the same position, and he doesn’t think it’s shit. So he’s worth at least what the director earns.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/05/2023 23:17

NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 12/05/2023 20:18

Thanks all.
Its annoyed me today as a director at his office was basically trying to convince him to stay and saying the new opportunity is a dud job, he’d been offered it himself and turned it down and now laughs when he sees it advertised (DH has never seen it advertised before). Basically that he’d be stupid to leave and that he’s better off where he is.
I dunno just seems like a dick move to me but it’s spooked DH. He has read this thread and actually found it really helpful despite being sceptical when I said I’d posted about it. He really appreciates the different opinions.

What a prick. One that clearly went for the job and didn't get offered it because your DH was.

Idorecruiting · 13/05/2023 00:02

This is a common tactic and speaks volumes about your DH's company. Your DH's firm clearly feel he is capable of the next level up but don't want to pay him a fair market rate for his skills. That does not change if he accepts more money and stays where he is. In 12 month's time it will be the same issue, with the same excuses as to why he has to wait for a pay rise. Advise your DH to hold his nerve. If he moves, in 12 months he will have 12 months more experience, with a job title which formally recognises his seniority. He will also be a step closer to his next promotion and is less likely to involved in protracted pay negotiations.

k1233 · 13/05/2023 05:56

Being in your DHs position, move. Vague promises are just that. Irrespective of what his current director thinks, the word director on his CV moves him up and will give him more opportunities even if the role doesn't work out.

His current employer is taking the mickey. If he's too good at what he does he'll be unpromotable where he is as they won't get the same level of person.

Always take the role that exists and you've been offered and don't stay for the vague promise of a role that's coming up in the future. From what I've seen, the future never arrives.

Cooperpops · 13/05/2023 08:16

It’s Job A without a doubt. They’re no guarantee they’ll raise his salary (talks, HR, sign off etc) all takes time and his job offer could expire before getting anything solid and he’s left in a worse position. I work in senior management, I see it all the time. He’s not appreciated, if he was he wouldn’t of been strung along. Job A will provide a new lease of life and will be a breath of fresh air with genuine opportunity to progress both in development and financially. It’s a good opportunity and one he won’t regret.

Staceyp788 · 13/05/2023 09:17

Personally, of the other guy he works with is trying to convince him to stay but not offering enough salary wise then I would leave. I would say to the guy that's trying to convince him by saying this other job is a dud "Well it's not an issue is it? I've got transferable skills and I know my worth. If it doesn't work out I'll go somewhere else. It's not like I'm going to be out of a job! If you valued me as a member of your team and you value me as much as you're saying you do then you would have given me the promotion when you mentioned it, instead of dangling it over my head for the last year. I got bored of waiting and was head hunted so...I think that in itself speaks volumes. If you want to keep me give me the promotion and make it 70k, otherwise I'll see you on the other side" by showing his current employers they've scared him and they've planted doubts in his mind, they will be less inclined to offer him his worth, they'll just be worried about have to go through the recruitment process to replace him as its a costly thing to have to do.

Dad1234567 · 13/05/2023 17:42

I've been in this position. Here are a few things to consider. The change of role will help him broaden his skill set and his network so it's worth the move but two things to bear in mind....

  1. There is risk. He won't have much employment protection for the first two years and will have a steeper learning curve with more time spent working. So it could go south if they misrepresented their firm or people or struggle financially. Also if he has to work 24/7 to make it work and you don't see him much is that tolerable for the cash. So if you and him are about to have a baby or other major life event think carefully.
  1. With the counteroffer he should go back to new company and tell them and ask if they would like to make him a final offer, to get the best salary they are prepared to offer. He is running a risk by moving and they want to tempt him so test how far they will go. If they don't move nothing lost. If they do great. Don't undervalue your time and get compensation for risk.
ILoveEYFS · 13/05/2023 18:08

Personally I'd take Job A. Job B had their chance and they blew it 🤷‍♀️

puddleduckmummy · 13/05/2023 18:55

Absolutely Job A, plus the latest update about his current boss should have him running even faster out the door! What a pillock move, I really hope your husband realises his worth and leaves his old job behind

oosha · 13/05/2023 19:09

Take the new job.

oosha · 13/05/2023 19:10

If I business is going to promote you, they do it. They don’t string you on for years. Plus now they know he is looking, he will be first one out of cuts are needed and they won’t trust him. Time to move on!

Pupinski · 13/05/2023 19:37

Impossible to answer what he should do as it depends entirely on his plans, values, priorities, etc.

I can say what I'd do - stick with Plan B. He enjoys his job, is on a perfectly decent salary and they want him. I'd be happy with that, but then I'm not a particularly ambitious person career-wise, not motivated by money or status and would value comfort and stability more highly. We're all different... 😊

Ellie56 · 13/05/2023 19:43

Job A. Current employer are taking the piss and have been for some time.

Pupinski · 13/05/2023 19:47

NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 11/05/2023 16:38

I dunno- he’s too loyal! He likes his company and since he’s had this offer they’ve fallen over themselves to say how much he’s valued but it’s just words isn’t it.

Show quote history

I can't help but feel you're imposing your own values on him. I'm wondering why it is that you want to persuade him to move as he seems reluctant to leave his current job and is happy where he is. Are you living your professional life vicariously through him? Be careful - if he moves because you're successful in persuading him to leave a job he's happy with and it goes belly up, might he end up resenting you for, essentially, making the decision for him?

SnozPoz · 13/05/2023 21:07

Why is this even a question? Obviously Job A!!!
What is job B offering? Lower money and lower status? And clearly he wasn't 100% happy there or he wouldn't have been looking around for something else? Leave. Move on. Move up.

LovelyIssues · 13/05/2023 22:36

Obviously job A

OhwhyOY · 13/05/2023 23:17

My BIL had a very similar situation. Ended up staying with the current company who matched his new salary but treated him badly and never gave him the proper step up he'd earned. Less than six months later he took another offer because he'd had it with them. They then proceeded to 'ignore' his resignation as they felt he was just trying to push for a better offer again - left them in a difficult spot once they realised he was actually going and they hadn't started hiring... similar rude things said about new employer/offer as with your DH. Surely if it was a dud company/job your DH would know? I'd ignore the comments and move, and if it does turn out not to be the best spot then he can always move again. But I strongly suspect based on what you've said he will be happier there.

Riv · 13/05/2023 23:49

For anonymity I will say my “friend Sam was in this very position and chose to stay. They’d had quite a few positive interviews and just missed out or withdrew because the role wasn’t quite right. They thought it would be easy to pick up and move on if things didn’t work out with their old firm.
Promised promotion turned into specially invented (and quite boring) role with a slight salary increase and only a very little extra responsibility. The dream job was promised “asap, certainly after your next appraisal- which we expect to be positive”.

That was pre-Covid and that job has not materialised. “Sam” feels they have been neatly sidelined and forgotten. (and is now not even getting interviews - maybe because of the new role and the extra few years in the same place).