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Original poster

How to get kids to ignore neighbours in garden

92 replies

Shadycurtain · 08/05/2023 22:32

Hello,

Now that the weather is improving a bit we are out in the garden more. Next door neighbours 4 year old is driving me crazy as as soon as I open the back door he comes over to the hedge and shouts hello at us. My kids (6 and 3) reply every time 🙈 I don’t know how to get them to ignore him!! Inevitably they ask to play together but I don’t always have the time/energy to deal with an extra child, plus this child doesn’t play very well with my kids as he is too young to play what my eldest wants to play but a bit too old to play with my youngest for long, they all get frustrated with each other and it’s just a lot of effort to supervise.

I don’t mind him coming over occasionally, but having another kid over most days is doing my head in 🙈🙈 we are both home after school and it’s a daily issue.

Any tips on how to explain to my kids that we don’t talk to the neighbours when they are in their garden? Or how to get them to just say hello and not engage further? I find myself giving excuses eg “sorry, he can’t come over today as we are about to go to the shop” etc then I need to bundle the kids in the car and go to Asda for no real reason 🤣🙈 but I think this is confusing my kids as they just ask again the next day, and I’m just constantly giving them excuses.

OP posts:

BloodyInternetWeirdos · 08/05/2023 23:49

I would just let them talk to each other through the hedge and leave it at that. If he asks to come over just say ‘not today, John and Jane are just playing together today’ and leave it at that. Repeat as necessary.
Hopefully the parents will realise you aren’t thrilled at being a free childminder and will start playing with him.

HowToLearnToLoveMyself · 08/05/2023 23:52

Ignoring a 4yo is cruel.
Just let them talk.
If they ask to play ' sorry not today maybe next week' or similar.

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 23:52

Why do they have to ignore him?!

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HowToLearnToLoveMyself · 08/05/2023 23:54

Or mine do with our ndn. Play catch over fence. Both jump on trampolines and show each other their moves.
Although its a 6ft fence they find ways to play.

NuffSaidSam · 08/05/2023 23:55

They don't need to ignore him.

If they ask for him to come over say 'no, we can't have people over every day after school, he can come on e.g. Wednesday'.

Gustavo1 · 09/05/2023 00:04

My neighbour is exactly the same. She’s an only child and always wants to come and join in with my kids. I don’t want to have to supervise another child. I always feel I have to be more “on” with kids that aren’t my own as well so just say a cheery “not today sweetheart” and carry on my business. My kids then just shout hello and chat a bit through the fence. They usually just announce that they’re “going to keep playing now” after a while. Once kids are old enough to play unsupervised it’s different but while they’re little, I’m pre arranged playdates only.

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 09/05/2023 00:20

I use a different voice for this scenario and it's a 'teaching assistant' kind of voice.

Pleasant enough but authoritative and firm.

As PP have said

YOU loudly say 'Hello 'Timmy', Ava and Charlie are playing their own game today, you can come in the garden another day but not today' then look at your children and say 'Ok, kids, I'll be in the house, you two stay out here and play a while'

Then leave and re-iterate in 5 mins if needed but you shouldn't tell them to blank the child and not talk to him

SMabbutt · 09/05/2023 02:14

I wouldn't teach them to completely ignore or be rude to the 4 year old. Just let them talk through the hedge and if yout dc ask if he can come over just say not today. If he's an only child or has no sibligs of a similar age it isn't surprising he's looking for someone to play with. If he asks to come round to play with your kids and you don't want him to just tell him sorry I can't look after you today so you can't come over. Maybe suggest him asking his parents if your dc go to his house for a while, unless you don't trust his parents to have yours for an hour. Either you get a break and you can come to a better agreement with his mum/dad, or they might be keen to regulate him asking to play together so much if they are expected to reciprocate.

Coyoacan · 09/05/2023 02:21

Why do have to supervise them when they are playing together?

LuluTaylor · 09/05/2023 02:41

Don't teach them to ignore him, first it's rude and second he's their friend! As they get older the age gap might not matter so much and they can socialise more successfully or the friendship might naturally fade as they get old enough to go out to be with other friends. Just say he can't come round today if he/yours asks. When you get the inevitable why, say you're busy - and don't tolerate any further questioning, you don't have to justify yourself. DC should respect their parents or a neighbour saying no without giving them a reason.

itsabigtree · 09/05/2023 03:24

I'd just let them round whenever. It's fun for the kids and good for them too. The parents aren't expecting full child care.

Riapia · 09/05/2023 04:19

Coyoacan · 09/05/2023 02:21

Why do have to supervise them when they are playing together?

Seems to be a rule peculiar to MN.
”All children to be kept under permanent supervision.”

user1492757084 · 09/05/2023 04:32

They can't hurt by sayinig hello. The kids can work it out, surely. Chatting through a hedge is harmless.

Your role is to say yes or no about playing together in each other's yards.

Is there one morning or afternoon per fortnight when it would be acceptable? The children might be happier to know of a schedule or plan.

Always give kind and polite excuses but stick to it.
No, not today, sorry - maybe next week.
Thank you, but no. Have fun at your house.

After a while the kids will be happy to chat through the fence.

Clementinesucks · 09/05/2023 04:48

What on earth have I just read? You don’t have to get them to ignore him! Let them chat through the fence.

If he asks to come over say no, not today, if you’ve got a lot on or just don’t want him there. No excuse necessary.

NameforMN · 09/05/2023 05:02

Just say 'not today'. I can't believe you take your children shopping when you don't need to, rather than just say no to a 4 year old.

BritInAus · 09/05/2023 05:03

This must be the most British and Mumsnetty post I've read on here. 'How can I teach my children to ignore the child next door'

100% with others - just let them chat / play in their respective gardens. If he asks to come over, say no if it doesn't suit you.

Isthisexpected · 09/05/2023 05:06

Poor kids. I can't believe you don't know you can just say not today. Instead you are suggesting teaching your kids to blank someone they're friends with so you don't have to fake shopping trips.

Marchitectmummy · 09/05/2023 05:13

Just say to the 4 year old do you want to check with your parents if x and y can come over to play.

You are assuming playing needs to be in your garden maybe it doesn't. And if the answer is no to yours going over to the 4 year old maybe you will feel less guilty.

Bunnycat101 · 09/05/2023 05:39

It is lovely having similar ages living next door. You might soon benefit a lot when your 3yo wants to play with the 4yo. You can however say no when it doesn’t work and expect your kids to be going next door and not just this one coming to yours. They can chat over the fence etc and don’t always need to be at each other’s houses. Don’t ignore the child.

LapinR0se · 09/05/2023 05:41

Throw your children over the fence to play with him in his house. Then put your feet up and have a lovely coffee in silence

ballsdeep · 09/05/2023 05:49

This is crazy! Op if you carry on like this you won’t have to worry because no one will actually want to talk to your kids! Ignoring a four year old?!
surely it wouldn’t hurt if you let him play for a bit?

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 09/05/2023 05:54

If they're talking to YOU, say hello and then get on with your day. No 4 year old wants to be your friend.
If they're talking to your kids, then let them decide if they want to be friends or not. That's how friendships happen.

Teaching your children to ignore the one who lives next door is a foul thing to do.

Fandabedodgy · 09/05/2023 05:56

HowToLearnToLoveMyself · 08/05/2023 23:52

Ignoring a 4yo is cruel.
Just let them talk.
If they ask to play ' sorry not today maybe next week' or similar.

This.

And can they not got to play in his garden some days.

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 05:58

Let the children play together and they might grow up with half decent social skills/awareness.

123rainbow · 09/05/2023 06:04

I wish my wee boy had someone to play with. Taking your kids shopping to avoid talking to a 4 year old is a bit mental. Can you not just tell your kids to go to his garden instead?

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