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Original poster

How to get kids to ignore neighbours in garden

92 replies

Shadycurtain · 08/05/2023 22:32

Hello,

Now that the weather is improving a bit we are out in the garden more. Next door neighbours 4 year old is driving me crazy as as soon as I open the back door he comes over to the hedge and shouts hello at us. My kids (6 and 3) reply every time 🙈 I don’t know how to get them to ignore him!! Inevitably they ask to play together but I don’t always have the time/energy to deal with an extra child, plus this child doesn’t play very well with my kids as he is too young to play what my eldest wants to play but a bit too old to play with my youngest for long, they all get frustrated with each other and it’s just a lot of effort to supervise.

I don’t mind him coming over occasionally, but having another kid over most days is doing my head in 🙈🙈 we are both home after school and it’s a daily issue.

Any tips on how to explain to my kids that we don’t talk to the neighbours when they are in their garden? Or how to get them to just say hello and not engage further? I find myself giving excuses eg “sorry, he can’t come over today as we are about to go to the shop” etc then I need to bundle the kids in the car and go to Asda for no real reason 🤣🙈 but I think this is confusing my kids as they just ask again the next day, and I’m just constantly giving them excuses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shadycurtain · 10/05/2023 18:04

@Napoleonsjosephine when I say ignore
i suppose I mean don’t encourage further conversation, not literally point blank ignore. For example, if the kid says hello I’d expect my kids to say hello back once, but it’s so hard to explain to little kids that they don’t need to constantly reply, so this boy saying hello hello hello can I come over on repeat, it’s hard to explain to little kids that they aren’t obliged to reply every time.

OP posts:
Fourpeasinapodcast · 10/05/2023 18:31

Shadycurtain · 10/05/2023 18:04

@Napoleonsjosephine when I say ignore
i suppose I mean don’t encourage further conversation, not literally point blank ignore. For example, if the kid says hello I’d expect my kids to say hello back once, but it’s so hard to explain to little kids that they don’t need to constantly reply, so this boy saying hello hello hello can I come over on repeat, it’s hard to explain to little kids that they aren’t obliged to reply every time.

Exactly, if it relentless … ignore.

Original poster
Shadycurtain · 10/05/2023 19:10

@Fourpeasinapodcast thsnks yes it’s like the situation you described in your previous comment, it’s just so relentless and the parents actively encourage it so talking to them will be no use.

OP posts:

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4 year olds Families
Bunnycat101 · 10/05/2023 19:14

I think if you’d have said your later updates first you’d have got a different response. If you’re working, say no to play dates. It is also very different if he needs proper supervision. I think if you can contain it to something like 2 hours every weekend alternating houses then it would feel more manageable than a free for all.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 10/05/2023 19:22

Shadycurtain · 10/05/2023 19:10

@Fourpeasinapodcast thsnks yes it’s like the situation you described in your previous comment, it’s just so relentless and the parents actively encourage it so talking to them will be no use.

I understand it completely. It literally is relentless. Ignore all those calling you mean/nasty/unfair blah blah blah. Put them in the same situation and see how they would like it. Wiping arses and breaking up fights for a kid who doesn't even belong to you while you WTH? Fuck that! It is pure harassment in your own garden and ruining your quality of life in the summer and the parents do fuck all.

Lacoeur · 10/05/2023 19:36

Nah I’m with OP, nosey neighbours kids are bloody annoying. Just play in your own garden!

helpfulperson · 10/05/2023 19:39

I understand its annoying but it's doing this that results in so many mumsnetters complaining they have noone to look after the kids in an emergency. To have the village to raise a child and a support network you have to cultivate it.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 10/05/2023 19:41

helpfulperson · 10/05/2023 19:39

I understand its annoying but it's doing this that results in so many mumsnetters complaining they have noone to look after the kids in an emergency. To have the village to raise a child and a support network you have to cultivate it.

Ridiculous comment.

Original poster
Shadycurtain · 10/05/2023 19:46

@helpfulperson id happily have their son in an emergency, that wouldn’t be an issue. If they were stuck on occasion I’m happy for the parents to come and ask, and I’d always take him if they were in need.

this isn’t that tho!

OP posts:
Deadringer · 10/05/2023 20:11

I would let him in to play but once they start to get fed up with each other I would send him home. I would expect your neighbour to reciprocate sometimes too, and assuming your garden is safe he surely wouldn't need a massive amount of supervision, would he?

forrestgreen · 10/05/2023 21:10

I wouldn't do personal care for another child. Send him home if he needs the loo.

When he shouts 'can I come round'

Not today, we are busy.

'Why not'

We are busy.

Just repeat the same thing, grey rock him

Ffsmakeitstop · 28/05/2023 20:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Menomidge · 17/06/2023 22:27

Have a chat to the parents about taking out a fence panel for an hour so they have twice the space to run about in . Then you can drop the panel again when both sets have had enough.
Assumes you are both happy to do this and the space is secure in other areas so they can't go walkabout.
Could lead to a nice relationship/ plant advice/ vegetable offerings/ happy kids. It's an hour. It's two sets of eyes watching all of them. Summer doesn't last very long in this country. They are growing bones and teeth via fresh air and sunshine instead of supplements. They are developing social skills
( noisy it maybe😂) that set them up for later. Sharing germs to build immunity again ( so important after COVID )

LadyBird1973 · 18/06/2023 00:51

Hell no to taking the fence panel out. Are you mad? OP doesn't want the kid in her garden, she doesn't want to mind him and she doesn't want to encourage him to continually bug her kids until he gets to come over. She doesn't owe it to someone else's child to be accommodating!
What she does owe the child is a polite hello and then a polite answer that he can't come over to play. After that, it's his parents who ought to be stopping him from asking and should be entertaining/supervising their own child.

Sennelier1 · 18/06/2023 20:55

I think YABU, teaching young children to ignore another child is cruel! It will influence their social skills in a very bad way. Let them talk over the hedge if they want to. Doesn't mean you need to invite the neighbour's kid every day, make it something special. Also, I don't see how a 4 year old "doesn't play well" with a 3 and 6 year old? How do you think larger families live? Playgroups? BoyScouts?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 19/06/2023 18:52

Bigger fence

Haugh · 19/06/2023 23:06

It’s all to do with breeding. Some just don’t know how to be polite & thoughtful to neighbours. It was always the case that we were quiet in gardens. Playing nicely.
Some will argue here they can do as they like. No breeding!

It’s not cultural, I think it’s bad parenting.

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