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Original poster

How to get kids to ignore neighbours in garden

92 replies

Shadycurtain · 08/05/2023 22:32

Hello,

Now that the weather is improving a bit we are out in the garden more. Next door neighbours 4 year old is driving me crazy as as soon as I open the back door he comes over to the hedge and shouts hello at us. My kids (6 and 3) reply every time 🙈 I don’t know how to get them to ignore him!! Inevitably they ask to play together but I don’t always have the time/energy to deal with an extra child, plus this child doesn’t play very well with my kids as he is too young to play what my eldest wants to play but a bit too old to play with my youngest for long, they all get frustrated with each other and it’s just a lot of effort to supervise.

I don’t mind him coming over occasionally, but having another kid over most days is doing my head in 🙈🙈 we are both home after school and it’s a daily issue.

Any tips on how to explain to my kids that we don’t talk to the neighbours when they are in their garden? Or how to get them to just say hello and not engage further? I find myself giving excuses eg “sorry, he can’t come over today as we are about to go to the shop” etc then I need to bundle the kids in the car and go to Asda for no real reason 🤣🙈 but I think this is confusing my kids as they just ask again the next day, and I’m just constantly giving them excuses.

OP posts:
ZoraMipha · 09/05/2023 06:08

You can just say no to kids that age, you don't have to give a reason.

Just say 'no, he can't come over today' but leave them talking through the fence.

You don't have to tell them to not be friendly with him at all.

ImAvingOops · 09/05/2023 06:14

Of course you have to supervise someone else's 4 year old, if you agree they can come over to play. People saying you don't have to, have no idea how that child will behave or the potential dangers in the garden (and a stranger's kid will always find stuff that your own kids have ignored)!

Agree that you should just let them talk. Maybe say before they go out, not to ask if X can come over. Or just learn to say not today.

LakeTiticaca · 09/05/2023 06:57

What a shame, poor kids.
This is how I met My lifelong friend, 60 years ago the moved next door. We were 3 and both had a brother a couple of years older. We used to pile into the garden and play, dig holes, make a tent etc.
We didn't have many toys and didn't need micro managing from parents every minute of the day.
I feel sorry for today's generation of kids!!

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4 year olds Families
ThePoshUns · 09/05/2023 07:12

How mean.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/05/2023 07:14

BloodyInternetWeirdos · 08/05/2023 23:49

I would just let them talk to each other through the hedge and leave it at that. If he asks to come over just say ‘not today, John and Jane are just playing together today’ and leave it at that. Repeat as necessary.
Hopefully the parents will realise you aren’t thrilled at being a free childminder and will start playing with him.

This. It seems fairly simple. It would be cruel to ignore him completely.

Lcb123 · 09/05/2023 07:22

What a weird / rude way to act. Just let them play together- you don’t need to supervise at that are

Lcb123 · 09/05/2023 07:24

LakeTiticaca · 09/05/2023 06:57

What a shame, poor kids.
This is how I met My lifelong friend, 60 years ago the moved next door. We were 3 and both had a brother a couple of years older. We used to pile into the garden and play, dig holes, make a tent etc.
We didn't have many toys and didn't need micro managing from parents every minute of the day.
I feel sorry for today's generation of kids!!

This! I spent my 90s childhood playing on the street in London with all the neighbours kids. None of this ridiculous politics

Betterbear · 09/05/2023 07:26

This seems to be a common theme on here. How to teach my kids to be rude and cruel to another child? I can see why there are so many bullies. I just can't get my head around it!

Felucia · 09/05/2023 07:31

You don't need to give a reason, just say No we're busy.

OnMyWayToSenility · 09/05/2023 07:35

Why haven't you spoken to the parents?
I mean surely they know it's a bit annoying to have another kid over constantly?

Just talk to them

Ihaveshitfriends · 09/05/2023 07:57

Catch the parents and tell them it’s their turn to have your kids over. Simple really!!

Gtsr443 · 09/05/2023 08:05

Your poor kids.
The world really is going to shit.
So glad I grew up at a time when children could just play together without parents being weird.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/05/2023 08:07

Gtsr443 · 09/05/2023 08:05

Your poor kids.
The world really is going to shit.
So glad I grew up at a time when children could just play together without parents being weird.

Exactly this!

Fucking depressing.

Geneticsbunny · 09/05/2023 08:15

They will all learn so much by playing with another kid who is a different age. You will be massively helping all three of the kids development by letting them play together.

Meeting · 09/05/2023 08:17

Don't teach them to be cruel and nasty.

"Not today sweetheart".

HerMammy · 09/05/2023 08:21

Any tips on how to explain to my kids that we don’t talk to the neighbours when they are in their garden?
Ignore your 4 yr old neighbour? You sound a delight, a 4 yr old can easily play with a 3&6 yr old, they don't need supervised every minute, as long as garden is secure let them play.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 09/05/2023 10:13

This would do my head in. I am with you on this one. There is NO way I would want next door's kid in my garden every time I let my kids out especially of they don't play well together. Do they ever invite your 2 kids over?

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 09/05/2023 10:19

You're very weird OP.

Coyoacan · 09/05/2023 14:57

ImAvingOops · 09/05/2023 06:14

Of course you have to supervise someone else's 4 year old, if you agree they can come over to play. People saying you don't have to, have no idea how that child will behave or the potential dangers in the garden (and a stranger's kid will always find stuff that your own kids have ignored)!

Agree that you should just let them talk. Maybe say before they go out, not to ask if X can come over. Or just learn to say not today.

My house used to be full of the neighbours' four anf five years. Nobody supervised and no accidents or disasters happened

ReadersD1gest · 09/05/2023 14:59

Betterbear · 09/05/2023 07:26

This seems to be a common theme on here. How to teach my kids to be rude and cruel to another child? I can see why there are so many bullies. I just can't get my head around it!

Agree Confused

ImAvingOops · 09/05/2023 15:04

Then you were lucky @Coyoacan

ReadersD1gest · 09/05/2023 15:06

Coyoacan · 09/05/2023 14:57

My house used to be full of the neighbours' four anf five years. Nobody supervised and no accidents or disasters happened

Show quote history

Did the parents know you weren't actually supervising their 4 and 5 year old's?!

Coyoacan · 09/05/2023 15:15

The kids came round and knocked on the door. This was back in the 1980s. I didn't know the parents of most of them.

But my point is that there was no need for supervision.

Napoleonsjosephine · 09/05/2023 15:18

This is horribly unreasonable. You cannot seriously think the answer is getting your kids to ignore a 4 year old what’s wrong with you.

the answer is if they ask you tell your kids they always have fo ask you and you then be the adult and say not today it’s not suitable, I’ve too much to do etc, but you need to deal with it if you’re the one with the issue with it. Not teach your kids to ignore a 4 year old

FlowersareEverything · 09/05/2023 15:32

Why on earth would you do that?! I grew up in a village. Between our house and the nearest 4 houses to us there were 27 children of all ages. Parents would never have allowed their child to actively exclude a child, never mind encourage it. I just can’t fathom why anyone would do this.