Another ADHD one

[productiveprocrastinator]

Following on from another thread, and at the risk of getting slated...

Would love some thoughts from either professionals or people diagnosed with ADHD as adults. As the title suggests, I think I possibly have ADHD, for the below reasons. I work full time by the way, but the below issues do have a huge impact on my life, mental health etc. and have been present since early childhood.

The obvious one- terrible focus on things I find dull but periods of hyper focus when I get the idea in my head. E.g., try really hard to listen in meetings but inevitably realise suddenly that I have been daydreaming for 15 mins and have no idea what was said, find it really hard to start tasks even though I really want to be productive and get them done, make a lot of "5 more mins" deals with myself, the usual, probably quite normal stuff. This has been an issue since I was a child- I never once had a parents evening in my entire school career where the teacher didn't say "lovely student but never stops chatting in lessons".

Am really untidy, but hate mess and it really stresses me, and will then have periods where I suddenly decide to tidy and be up until 3am ripping a room apart to organise every inch (which then lasts about a week!!) Have been this way since I was a child.

Work in a job that has short deadlines, lots of last minute changes and huge variety in the day today and this suits me down to the ground luckily, so it hasn't stopped my career progression, but does cause me extra stress as I either do things the second they land on my plate (usually if they are quick tasks) or else forget about them completely and leave them until the minute after the last minute. I do always manage to get things done (99% anyway) and I actually think my colleagues would describe me as very organised and efficient, but it has taken years of honing those skills and I do feel that all of those skills go into work and therefore home is a shit show!

Have frequent periods of days or weeks of fatigue, anxiety and inability to force myself do basic tasks, followed by periods where I am relatively on it, make lists, set alarms, make myself do things like 20 mins of quick tidying and actually find it really effective so promise myself this is the new me, but it always starts to slip and the cycle continues.

Often zone out and stare into space, mid activity, mid conversation, mid sentence can forget words or what I was saying.

Struggle to do simple things, e.g. recently bought some supplements to try and help with brain fog, frequently see them on the counter and think "I must take those" and another, stronger part of my brain goes "I'll do it later" even though it would take literally 2 seconds and they are right there and I end up not taking them.

Am frequently late despite trying really hard to be on time, have always been bad for losing everything and forgetting things since I was in primary school.

I have developed a lot of strategies that help me hugely, like doing things in short bursts, lists, etc but it is so exhausting.

My question is- could it be ADHD? And if it is, is it even worth pursuing a diagnosis?

Apart from the chattiness in school, I could’ve written every single word of that. I’m scheduled a doctors visit in a few days because I too believe that I have ADHD. Sorry I can’t give you the outcome of my doctor’s visit but I feel quite certain that I have it. Maybe schedule your own doctor’s appointment and see what they say?

Sounds like it to me. Welcome to the shite club.

I suppose the next question is is a diagnosis worth it? Are there downsides to medicating?

For me, I want to double check with a doctor incase they say oh no it’s xyz instead.
I personally don’t want to start medication as I’ve heard that most women have to come off meds when they’re pregnant or trying so I don’t want to start and then have to come off. My goal is to get therapy for it.

I am just like this (apart from chattiness) but honestly I don't know what good a diagnosis would do. I think lots of people are very similar.

Diagnosed , explains a lot.
Could have written your post.
Not medicated ( medical advice )
Hate it.

I have inattentive adhd and was diagnosed last year at 32. Your post was relatable.

Deciding to take medication was the best decision I made. It's helped both the adhd symptoms and my emotion regulation. I did coaching too but the coaching wouldn't have been as helpful without meds.

Diagnosed, medicated.

Diagnosis in and of itself has given me some certainty - I'm not lazy or stupid, my brain genuinely makes my life harder. It also helps me understand certain behaviours etc, and improve on my coping strategies.

The worst downside to the medication was realising how difficult it has been over the years. I'm only in my thirties with a recent diagnosis, and I have comparatively done well, but I see so many wasted opportunities and failed exams in my education and early career, that wouldn't have happened if medicated. And I feel that if I'd been diagnosed earlier I wouldn't have burned out quite so spectacularly during 2020. So my only medication regret is that I didn't get it earlier.

I will say that midway through your post, I had to scroll back up to see if it was an old post that I'd made that I'd forgotten about, your experiences were that familiar.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

@Notlostjustexploring can I ask what does being medicated feel like? The idea of it really worries me for some reason. I've been thinking about it more and more recently though as I think it is likely that I will be promoted in the next year or two, and my biggest fear is that I'll go from being really highly regarded to completely falling apart.

I do sometimes think back and have regrets about my accomplishments. I was bright in school and was flagged as "gifted" in primary, and my distractedness was always put down to being bored. I coasted fairly easily through school and still got decent grades (although definitely not as good as I could have if I had actually done decent revision) and again, scraped a 2.1 at Uni even though I was definitely academically capable of a first, and was always beating myself up about not just getting my shit together and doing a bit of work but literally couldn't force myself to do it. I remember lying in bed hyperventilating the night my degree results were posted online, too scared to check how I'd done and repeatedly telling myself what a stupid idiot I was for not doing things properly.

I feel like half my life is basically full of stress that I know I have caused myself and it makes me feel really rubbish, but I still can't seem to make myself do the things that would reduce the stress, it is so frustrating.

Not even mentioning the fact that my house is full of yarn, paints, clay, a sewing machine, jigsaw puzzles, knitting needles, etc etc from all of the projects I start, do for a week and then never touch again.

OP this is uncanny, I was gearing myself up to start a thread that could have been almost word for word the same as yours.
It's not something that was on my radar until I started reading up on it due to another family member who has autism and has a sibling waiting for ADHD assessment.
I am going to contact my GP for a referral but feel very torn about it. I can't imagine the rollercoaster of emotion I am going to feel if I find out that my lifetime of forgetfulness, daydreaming, losing things, under-achieving, coming up with endless ideas but never finishing anything and essentially beating myself up for half a century as if I could do it all better if I just concentrated, turned out not to be my fault.

For those on medication, this might sound stupid but what does the medication do? Is it to alter your brainwaves to change how you work/focus? To make you able to concentrate for longer periods? To make you less forgetful?

R41NBOWS, what do you expect to get from therapy? It makes it sound as if you believe ADHD is a mental health problem, as opposed to neurodivergence.
My DD was referred for assessment at the end of primary school (still waiting, two years later), so I'm watching with interest, wrt medication.
I put my own traits down to a decade + of sleep deprivation, intense parenthood and the onset of perimenopause...

Christ this could be me too. Really smart kid but when it came to studying and exams and homework just couldn't seem to sit down and do it. I scraped through uni and then professional retraining because I simply could not sit down to write essays. Obviously I could but something blocks me. It has gotten much much worse since the prevalence of mobiles. It was vaguely copeable when I lived alone but is a nightmare with children. I will spend a weekend blasting my housework but then it's like I completely run out of batteries and physically can't do anything for a week. Another one very interested in how the medication works.

I am the exact same as you op, apart from the chatty bit, but actually now that I think of it I talk an awful lot sometimes....

I told my GP about my concerns, it had taken me about eighteen months of researching ADHD to pluck up the courage to see the Dr. Right at the time when all the stuff was coming out on tik tok so I felt like a real ninny.

I met so many of the criteria so she referred me for assessment but services are paused in my area for review at the moment. It's so frustrating, as I had asked about shared care and they don't do it in my area.

I basically feel my life has been a waste of potential. I was super bright as a kid, coasted through school and then got to a level and couldn't cope with the deadlines and kept feeling bored by different subjects. I too managed a 2:1 at uni but was told it should have been a first. I was so annoyingly close. I kept thinking if I had started stuff earlier instead of leaving it always to the last minute then I could have managed it.

I basically can't do anything boring until it's due. I watched some "how to ADHD" videos on Facebook / YouTube and the presenter describes something called the wall of awful - the big stumbling block to getting stuff done.

Yup, this is me. I hold a.lot of regret, I could never understand how I could absolutely smash an interview for example but find it really hard to actually do the job.

I've been diagnosed but am waiting for a follow up to discuss medication. I'm keen because i do struggle day to day, even with things like personal care, will power, discipline etc. I would like to be a better grown up.

Even DH spots it in me now.

On the other hand, I'm pleased to know I'm not just a lazy fuck up, my brain sabotages me.

I too managed a 2:1 at uni but was told it should have been a first. I was so annoyingly close. I kept thinking if I had started stuff earlier instead of leaving it always to the last minute then I could have managed it.

Me too. My closest shave was running down the corridor to hand my dissertation in 3 minutes before the deadline...18 months in the making and I almost missed having it accepted.

Ha I could have written your post exactly, apart from the chattiness! I have an assessment booked in for June (private as even the waiting lists are closed round here) so let's see how that goes... I feel like there is so much I could have done and achieved with my life if I'd ever actually been able to stick at one thing or concentrate or finish anything. I also coasted through school, managed to pull myself together enough to get a 2:1 at uni (although most of my revision time was spent playing cards on the computer...) And my god, the amount of crafting clutter in my house! I'll be really obsessive about weaving/ukulele/bookbinding for a few weeks and then just stop, leaving a few half-finished projects and a lot of equipment gathering dust.

Inattentive type here, diagnosed last year. I'm taking the medication. For me it means the various conversations I used to constantly have in my head all at once cease. I'm amazed that NT must have silence in their heads! It's reduced my impulsivity, less dopamine chasing, better focus and means I procrastinate much less. I actually get tasks done now.

I really relate to all of this! Although to be honest, whilst I get the odd pang of regret, I really like my current career and am proud of how I've progressed, and I have a lovely family and am generally happy with my lot, I just want to be able to maintain it better. If I put loads of effort in to declutter and tidy and make sure everything has a place, I just want to be able to stick to the basic routines and maintain it instead of letting it all go to pot and feeling like a failure. I would like to be able to take a supplement every morning for more than a week, and keep on top of laundry, and basically stop creating unnecessary stress for myself by becoming paralysed by really simple tasks like making a dentist appointment that cause me weeks of anxiety but when I eventually do them they take 3 minutes and basically zero effort!!!

@Couperi I read something somewhere recently about that voice in the head thing and it made me start paying attention to my thoughts a bit and I was genuinely shocked by how many conversations I have going on in my head at all times! I was brushing my teeth the other day and realised that I was simultaneously berating myself for not making a dentist appointment (still not done) and having an imaginary argument with someone where I was predicting what they might say and how I would reply, whilst the theme tune to Bluey played on repeat in my head.

This sounds amazing! I really struggle to complete basic tasks sometimes and my house is always a mess, despite the fact the mess gives me anxiety.
Op, I could have written your post and have an appointment with the GP this week. Will be interesting to see what the waiting lists are like and how this usually works in my area.
My sister and I believe we are both likely ND in some way or form and joke about the medication being something like the pill from Limitless 😅. Although I'm sure it's not the case, anything has to be better than this! It's awful to have that constant feeling that you constantly aren't doing enough to hit your full potential.

All of this sounds exactly like me and I suspect I have ADD but wouldn’t pursue medication as already on lots.

Can anyone recommend any good books or materials for learning strategies to mitigate/manage it at home/work?

The post also resonates with me and I am, like you, wondering if I have undiagnosed Adhd. But unlike you @DuranNotSpandeau I actually managed to miss my thesis deadline due to a confusion with doing a joint degree and assuming the deadlines were the same. Luckily they gave me a short extension (once they rang me to ask where it was gulp). I think I had until 9am the next day and I had to work all night. Though actually I did get a 1st in and a prize so it can't have had too many typos. I had always being late but I can't seem to change.

Also, what is your job? I am looking for a new job and one with variety and short deadlines sounds ideal to me.

The best description for the medication seems to be "glasses for your brain". I think it's a fairly good, if not perfect, analogy.

Medication doesn't work for everyone, and it doesn't always work either as some days are just bad. But I feel it gives me a sporting chance. My understanding is that it either produces more, or inhibits the reuptake of, dopamine, so that your dopamine seeking behaviour is less of a driving factor and your "grown up brain" actually has half a chance.

As a hard example - day 1 on medication I spent my entire morning at work (desk based professional), on the same item of work, with just the one tab of my document I was working on open. That was a new experience.

It's not perfect though. But what it does is help you build the good diet, fresh air and exercise habits that also help.

You've just described me perfectly, I've always been like this, I've always left things until the very last moment but then will work 2 days solid to get it done and then seem to do fairly well. I've often thought I wonder how much better I'd do if I didn't leave things to the very last moment?! I have a PhD, even that I didn't sleep the night before and printed it an hour before the deadline, I had issues with printing and nearly had a mental breakdown in the middle of the uni library. Got it done though, handed in and passed. I have a good job now, yet I'm still the same, I put things off and will procrastinate, but then I'll work until 9pm because I wasted 4 hours during the day.

Personally I don't want a diagnosis, I do have my own methods to help me and no one at work has noticed how I am, I hide it well I guess.