DS has painted his fingernails black

[Pinkydamage]

My god I feel so out of touch and old to be even asking this.

It looks good, he's done a decent job, whereas I always use light colours to make my mistakes look less obvious!

However, there are a number of things that make me very worried about his mental health recently and I'm interested to know if this is an indicator that he's "involved" in something or actually a good sign that he's taking an interest in his appearance.

He hasn't had a haircut in a long time so his hair is long and tied back, but usually clean and his natural fair colour. Clothes are baggy trousers and dark tshirts, with trainers, chosen for comfort.

Thank you. Yes, I keep coming back because you do get good help and support from some and I like to think I have that to offer too, but it's definitely not the community it was when DC were young.

You think painting his nails- which is something that men have done for at least 4-5 decades now- could be a sign he is in a cult?

I understand you're worried about him, but I actually don't think these extreme over reactions will be helpful...

Also, why is/was "emo" harmful?

In fact, OP, perhaps you'd get more useful advice if you said what it was you're actually worried about?

Are you worried he is trans/going down that route? Is that what this is about?

Regardless, I do think making a big deal out of this will be harmful.

No I didn't say it is, I said it could be a symbol of something I don't know about. I don't know, that's why I asked .

EMO was implicated in some child suicides when I was young and there's been subsequent research that shows there is a higher incidence of self harm and suicide in those groups. Not necessarily cause, but a link.

I did say and I also said the nails themselves are not a big deal. I'm just asking if they could be an indicator of something else. If they're not, that's good.

@Postapocalypticcowgirl Emo was linked to higher rates of self-harm/suicide and was attractive to people who had experienced developmental trauma.

@Pinkydamage I completely understand your worries. I would ask MN to withdraw this post and then re-post in Relationships, putting your son’s age in the OP.

@7worfs @LovelyJublee

Thank you.

Lucikly dd has not mentioned or shown interest in the cos play or conventions at all.

But... Ages ago we met up with an old friend of mine and her son and went were talking shoot gaming, my dd was really embarrassed when I said my dd likes anime etc. She blushed?

I have spoken to her about people using interests children have to get to them with their ideologies and she's quite a switched on girl but it's nice to know exactly what we are fighting!

I've got one that did the eyeliner, black nail varnish, long hair until he went bald and an electric guitar covered in stickers along with anything else in the house that belongs to him as well.

DP's 46 this year and made a rather good living as a professional musician until Covid.

I'll just leave this black nailed legend here.....

My son was very much into manga and anime. He had gay and trans friends at school. He has absolutely no interest in becoming a girl. He describes himself as boringly straight. I don't think that starting with black nail varnish is the beginning of an inexorable route to female hormone treatment.

God this thread is hilarious, the absolute hysteria over emo, painting nails black, reddit and anime is amazing. There are many many adults that enjoy all these things with no ulterior motive. Nearly all anime will have skimpily dressed women it's called fan service and is used to lure in more readers. Sometimes it's just one page of a female character in lingerie and nothing more.
This is like being in the dark ages again.

It must be wonderful to live in a world where a mother's concerns about her son's MH struggles are "hilarious". No one is hysterical, just asking a few questions.

No and that wasn't my concern. PP suggested that.

@40thmonarch no worries, I think more parents need to take keen interest in their children’s hobbies. Especially the online variety.

Your DD probably got a bit embarrassed at the mentioning of her hobby because it’s a bit of a nerdy sub-culture, and also there’s the trope of white people embracing anything Japanese to the point they look ridiculous (the derogatory term is weeaboo).

Have you been to DSs uni to see how some of the other students dress? I ask because I see a lot of the male students at my nearby one are dressing as you described your DS, longish hair, painted nails, baggy clothes. You said your DS also doesn't like to stand out, this new style may be to blend in with other students.
I understand why you've asked, I was young when the emo fashion really started to begin and i remember when it went from rara skirts and black nails to uploading videos of self harm. I had a lot of friends style themselves like that but it never went that way (thankfully) and they grew out of it. Shame really because fashion wise, it looks great but there is a stigma.
I dont think his fashion sense is a reason to worry. You're doing everything right so far by contacting his uni and making sure he's looked after. Just keep yourself open as someone who he can turns to when he needs.

He could do worse!!!

tbh I was very disappointed in my daughters who refused to let me paint their bedrooms black … I am an original early 1980s goth and I have never forgiven them ( they are in 30s now) I had to put up with Take That etc on their walls… terrible children

my husband has long hair and paints his nails black - even been known to wear eyeliner.

100% man though - sexy as ever even at 60 yrs old

@Pinkydamage.. This is a site for mums /parents predominantly and to help each other.
Most of us totally get where you're coming from, of course it could be a symbol of something else and we dint know until we ask and explore.

Thanks 7 worfs I think she did say it was a bit nerdy. I did casually look into a while ago esp when all trans thing was going on but it's not easy to access.

One of mine started painting his nails black around the age of 17, grew his hair as well and loves anime and manga

On his zoom interview for the civil service they actually mentioned that the black nails looked nice 🤣

he still works for them now at 20 and is away at uni in his first year. Still paints his nails but has shorter hair now. Had some anxiety , I think down to covid so put off going away to uni for a year. Other than that no worries about his mh so it could just be that your son likes the look

Obviously as he's been struggling with his mh you are going to worry about everything. It sounds like he's taking an interest in his appearance which is a good thing though

Oh, ds2 also went through a stage of wearing eye liner as well as the black nails

He might just be expressing how he feels which is surely better than bottling it up?

Emo didn’t cause suicides, but the type of music is going to attract people who are struggling more than a happy pop song will. It’s also helped a lot of people feeling sad and lonely.

Talk to your son OP, no one here will know why he’s painted his nails. He could be into metal music or it could be a cry for help. He might just like the look. Only he can tell you

As a way of expression, it is temporary .

Hair dye , piercings , tattoos all expressions but with varying degrees of commitment .

Hopefully he'll take it off properly !
My DD wears dark red , I adviced her : base coat , and when she removes it , press the soaked cotton pad onto the nail a good few seconds and wipe away from the cuticle so you don't get staining .

Actually, I did ask him if we needed to buy remover while we were out, so he can take it off properly when it's chipped. He said it comes off easily in the shower

My nails are often black. I am not a satanist.

I'm sure I didn't ask if everyone who wears black polish is satanist

DS is at college. He's started painting his nails, growing & dying his hair etc. He's always been into manga & anime. He has lots of trans / non-binary friends and dresses like a Victorian poet. BUT I still check on his MH because I know he's had some struggles - still does. Try & keep an open dialogue with your son, let him know you've always got his back and he can talk to you anytime about anything with no judgement.

Goth, mosha? Not sure if its spelt right? People at school college used to do this. They usually hang out together too all look similar . Black clothing long hair etc.