Do you have a random kind of niche joke that you share only with you partner/best friend and then one day it is accidentally triggered into action with other people and you end up looking like a massively weird twat?

[ChypreNovice]

Oh god.
please PLEASE can like 300 posters come and say that they’ve done this and it’s completely fine and no one even noticed or will even remember and I don’t have to immediately resign and change my name and move to New Zealand to start a new life with a new family.

I am a senior serious person and today I agreed to be filmed for the Trust’s website using a hoist and there was a big group of my colleagues watching and then after filming started someone said “look normal” and oh god I then proceeded to make a series of incredibly weird poses with my body WITH A HOIST.

I completely lost control, and all because of that sketch. Occasionally my husband or I will say “look normal” to the other and then we do some sort of weird awkward weird pose. That’s the background but little did I know he’d been training my like some sort of hypnotic spy auto-reflex response shit.

shit

And today it was NOT my husband who said it and people were watching and it was being filmed and oh god.

Oh god

The look on their faces.

shit

Oh, and when anyone mentions chips, I can rarely resist adding "no, not the ones you have for yer tea every single night!"

I was in a team meeting of about 30 people, all sitting around a conference table. The chair person, for some reason, said, " I believe in a thing called love."
To which I sang out loudly, in falsetto in the style of The Darkness,
"Just listen to the rhythm of my heart".
Complete silence followed.
I tried to explain the song, but I don't think I convinced them that I wasn't mad.

When we first got a home phone my mum used to ring me from work as it was such a novelty. At the time there was an advert for BT. The punch line was “It’s Esmeralda, she loves me.” Said by The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Well our in joke was for mum to ring and me to answer the phone saying this punchline in the voice of the hunchback if Notre Dame. Except one day I did it to be met by total silence from the caller at the other end……
Embarrassed is not the word. Neither did they get the joke.

Yes, said with a straight face in the FE safeguarding office when a social worker was in for a TAF meeting

" I didn't sleep a wink last night, thanks to the crack fox" Which was an in joke between Hubby and I and from the Mighty Boosh

It's "Coffee, tea or me?" (otherwise it doesn't rhyme!) and he got it from Working Girl- Joan Cusack's character says it in the posh corporate office that she scams her way into as a temp in order to play wing-woman to Tess.

When my son was little (he's 18 now) he had a baby doll and would try and feed her dinner and get cross when she didn't actually eat it. Once he shouted angrily "Eat it Baby!" Ever since then we say it to each other when delivering a plate of food. Sometimes we've accidentally said it to guests who are shocked because it sounds quite filthy!

Another one (this is a quote from Ben Kingsleys character in Sexy Beast) when it's hot sticky weather we'll say "I'm sweating like a cunt". Have to be careful no-one overheard that either.

When the kids are being rowdy we will say "why do we have to have all these kids?" ( It's a Wonderful Life). They eventually watched it with us one year and were "oh that's where it's from". We only have two kids and they admitted they'd been baffled that we referred to them as "all".

We also say loads of Hot Fuzz lines too (loooove that film!)...... the most common being every time we pass the new build gated development with massive houses with pillars out the front that's on the edge of our village we say "It's hardly in keeping with the village's rustic aesthetic".

We also say "I'm not made of eyes" a lot!

I used to live in a first floor flat and had a sofa delivered from DFS.

I couldn’t resist peering over the bannister and calling out “Pivot! PIVOT!”

Met with absolute deadpan expressions from the two delivery guys. One of them looked like he was dying to tell me to fuck off.

Mostly I contain my quotes to either my husband or my sister. I once said to my husband “Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors” in public by mistake and he was embarrassed.

Husband and I also been together for 15 years and love peep show - we do this too and have to remember not to do it in front of anyone 😂
“That’s my bit of lager”

husband also loves Alan partridge and often walks in front of people at doors saying “probably me first”. As a joke I hasten to add. Thankfully, thus far everyone has gotten the reference or found it funny as he is very polite and chivalrous normally - it’s like this particular scene just takes him over from time to time 😂

We do this with still game when we need a lift “clansman driver!” 😂

😂😂😂 dead

I also had Boris Johnson style visions of someone hanging out of a hoist. "Jamelia made me do it" is from Plus One, which is also why Duncan James is only ever called Duncan Fromblue in my house.

We do the “linn im not driving a mini metro” too😉

@WorstBJever ah yeah, also Duncan Fromblue here but had no idea that was why

@Isthatascratchonmygrandmother We call an antipasti a Riiiiiicky, wait for the tenuous link, because it contains Parma ham and Patsty Palmer plays Bianca Jackson. We are hilarious

@WeAreBorg we always do the a boy without a winkle for anyone having a girl, if they are not in ear shot we add the" and everyone was really disappointed" because we have two sons and people used to ask if I was sad I didn't have a girl.

We have loads of these, ones from my own childhood that my sister and I voice note to each other, ones from just me and Dh and then ones with the children who are late teens. I quote Monica from friends "Do you want to see me cry" if something is going wrong, we also do PIVOT like a million other people but usually have to add, to me, to you, to me, to you Chuckle Brothers style. If I get offered a drink I always say, "I'll have a tea please Bob" sometimes accompanied by the Blockbuster music. We do the Countdown timer complete with arm action of the clock if wanting an answer to something quickly. If we are amazed at something online we do IT Crowd, this Jen, is the internet.

@WishingMyLifeAway If someone on TV looks really young we do the Hot Fuzz "When's your birthday?" then a high pitched "Errrrr" "OUT!"

Fortunately for me I have worked in several places where people join in with this sort of tomfoolery.

I absolutely love the IT Crowd. I got my DD into it and in turn she watches it now with her friends. We all find it hilarious 🤣

Oh god. I’ve just remembered the time that a friends kid interrupted me and I responded “I didn’t arks you, I arksed him” from the countdown episode of IT Crowd 🤣. Standard response chez mint, very rude otherwise!

I have a few, mainly from Hot Fuzz and also Ferris - if anyone, anywhere, says nine times I HAVE to say ‘NINE times???’ back. No one has ever got it.

we schooled our kids on Monty Python. When they were little they would be playing in the street wit their mates (cul de sac) and suddenly launch into the Jehovah scene. They were brilliant at it. None of the others ever got it; their faces were a picture 😅

Add to that doing the fish dance in sainsburys. With a fish from the deli.

@Errolwasahero I would totally get “NINE TIMES” if you say it in that very enunciated specific way that Principal Rooney does 😂
Very weirdly my sister and I share an in joke of shouting “GRACE!” at each other, apropos of nothing, which Rooney says straight after his nine times speech.
That film is riddled with classic and utterly repeatable one liners.

I love this and would have immediately asked you to be my best friend. 💜

I still use, "I bet you're sweating like a pig in that polyester," from an old Trinny & Susannah makeover programme.

If anyone loses a competition DH & I say, "Oh, hard cheese, Portia!". It's from a wonderful ad for ?Elmlea, in which Portia the cat loses the prize of a jewelled collar because she can't tell cream from Elmlea. The ad used to be preserved on YouTube -- I hope it still is. The other day someone on a cookery prog mentioned hard cheese & we both immediately said, "Hard cheese, Portia!".

I’m glad someone else remembers “I’m sorry, I’ve got no head.” We say, “In your imagin-aaay-shon” rather too often.

We also say, “tripped or fell in an accident that wasn’t your fault? Call Witchfinders Direct”, whenever we see any ambulance chasing lawyer ads. Thanks, Horrible Histories. Not to mention singing the Viking Song when the word ‘literally’ is used.

I once came across a Viz list of eupemisms for farting, & some of them are still regularly used:

• Another clear round there, for David Broom
• Don't rip it, I'll take the whole piece
• Give it another go, sir, she almost started that time

Of course, these can be used at any time, not just when someone farts. That we laugh like drains if someone says, on seeing a horse, "Another clear round there, for David Broom," is incomprehensible to anyone who doesn't know where the phrase came from.

Ah, the English & their toilet humour.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

An empty property is better than a bad tenant.