Is 50 the worst birthday of all?

[MerryMarigold]

Mine is in 4 weeks and...I just can't be bothered. I'm not upset about ageing. I don't think I'd be bothered if it was 49 or 48 either but it feels like I'm supposed to do 'something'. People have asked and I just want to say "I can't be arsed."

I threw a big party for my 40th and it was great. Lots of friends from different parts of my life got to meet each other. They, and I, had a great time. But this time round I'm not bothered. Is it peri-menopause combined with 3 teenagers? Does the 'can't be arsed' get better? I just hope by the time I'm 60 I'll feel more motivated to celebrate. Is that unlikely?

Sorry - I agree actually. My mother died aged 21, I see every birthday as a blessing, It's just that feeling that I only left school yesterday and where did the bloody time go?

The worst birthday is the last!

I hated being 40, didn't put my cards on show, didn't go out or do anything, by choice.
50 was fine, went out with family
60 was fine, celebrated with family at home.
Now, I've just turned 64 and am just glad to have survived - being on a ventilator for 2 weeks with Covid, a huge stroke that left me in hospital for a further 4 weeks (happened when I was on the ventilator), having Vasculitis of the legs, being unable to work any more.

It's a privilege to get old - one that's denied to many.

I turned 50y this year, as does dh. Neither of us want parties or anything like that and we didn't really 'need' anything gift wise.

My 'gift' was a city break in London with dh and dd where we went for a 'posh' meal and a show, and then we flew to a European city for a couple of nights to see a concert I really wanted. It was all booked by dh and dd. As I'm the one who normally books all our holidays and trips it was a 'surprise' having it all done for me.

We've not planned dh's yet but I think me and him will go away for the weekend (dd will be working abroad when it's his bday) - not sure where yet, maybe a short city break abroad or a weekend away in the uk. It's our 25th wedding anniversary the weekend after so may well combine both events in one,

We've also had DD's 21st in the same year - same issue, nothing she actually wants and she didn't want a party - think the cancellation of everything for her 18th has out her off organising one for good! We went away on holiday fir DD's birthday to a location if her choice and she had a concert to look forward too.

We didn't do parties or anything for 30th or 40th birthdays either - just not our thing to make a big event of birthdays.

60 is worse than 50. At 50 I still had a lot of energy. At 60 I'm so tired all the time. I often feel I can't be bothered to do something.

Oh I LOVED my 50th! I had two gorgeous meals out. My kids and I went to Benihana and that was a lot of fun. And then I had a lovely posh lunch next day at The Ivy. I was several months into my divorce from an extremely abusive husband (who is now in prison), so I went a little nutso with the self-indulgence!

This year was 51 and that was a whole different kettle of fish. I just found it a lot harder. It's not so much being '51'. I just feel very stuck in life and a bit afraid of growing older, plus dealing with so much loss and stress these past couple of years has not helped. It all kind of bitchslapped me this birthday. Roll on 52!

I am not one for birthday parties for myself but I did not worry about being fifty. In many ways it was quite a relief. My children were grown up and making their own way in the world, my periods were a thing of the past thanks to the endometrial ablation the previous year and we had a holiday of a lifetime in `Australia to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary. I find l am far more accepting of things as I get older and will be sixty in a couple of years’ time. It once seemed terribly old and I suppose it is but I feel very blessed to be alive and in reasonable health. Not everyone can say this.

This was me, too.

At 40, I had little dc, had to constantly be looking after them. Not resenting it at all, but it was certainly exhausting.
50 was much more relaxed. I did loads of things for my 50th, same as @otherwayup

Nope, I went to the Caribbean with my bestie. We are now both in our 50s and life is great for each of us. She's a successful businesswoman and I'm very happily single after a long, abusive marriage to a narc.

the thought of even standing receiving flowers and a whip-around-collection-gift card at work fills me with more dread than the actual number

YES! Mine is fast approaching and I’m cringing already at the thought. It would be great if just one manager came up to me and said ‘here you go, happy birthday’ and left me to it. I don’t want to be centre of attention for it.
I don’t want a party, a few cards and a couple of nice presents, a family meal and I will be happy.

I’d sooner sit at home and work on my tapestry than have a party. I probably did. It’s your birthday, do what makes you happy and forget other people’s expectations. They’re just making polite conversation.

My 50th is a week away with nothing planned. No big party for my 40th either as I had just found out I was pregnant (very much not wanted or planned but now with a fab DC) and I was devastated.

This year, since January, I’ve had 2 major but unrelated health issues with ops and chemo and my sibling has also just died. I feel numb to being 50. It’s another day I’m counting myself lucky to see and that’s it.

Was never dreading being 50 like some people do but now just don’t want to engage with it.

Don’t feel depressed - just “meh.”

Im 50 in June. Ive had to pre warn my family not to spring any surprises. Like parties. Im thinking of having a beauty treatment that ive never had before like a lash lift or a facial. Face wise im not doing badly thanks to not smoking drinking or sunbathing. On Mini Pill so have no idea whether my periods have stopped yet as the Pill stops them anyway. Back in Oct 21 when i started them though i had to wait for a period. A period that never arrived so just had to start taking them. i had a big family barbecue for my 30th and didnt do anything for my 40th I just dont want a party.

@Wishihadanalgorithm sorry for what you have been through and sorry for for loss

Thank you. It’s been a bit rubbish really, fancy a bit of a hibernation now TBH.

Not there quite yet, but I recently decided never to have a party for my birthday and to go away somewhere instead, so that’s what I plan to do for my 50th.

I had a party for my 30th and 40th but my 50th will just be a meal with family to comisserate. Fifty sounds old (yes, I know it's all relative and I'm lucky to reach the milestone, but fuck me, it's depressing).

Me neither, but you clicked on a thread about turning 50 so you knew it was going to come up.

There must of have been a lot of shagging in August/September 1972, as I am also 50 at the end of the month!

I am having a party. I didnt want one but now I am actually looking forward to it.

The reason I didnt want one is because my 40th was awful. On paper, great. Big party, everyone had a great time....except me. My horrible abusive ex was (is) very much a "look at me" person, so when I said I didnt want a party he totally ignored me as he couldnt imagine that anyone wouldnt want to be the centre of attention and organised one anyway. Of course I couldnt cancel as he went nuts and called me all the names under the sun, ungrateful, selfish, you name it. Of course, as expected he made it all about him......

But so many people wanted to meet me for a drink to celebrate that I thought that a party would get all of that done in one go (a reason I am sure that most people end up having parties!) but its not your standard booze/food/disco job. A very good friend who is very successful at this, is running a quiz/gameshow night for me, everyone can join in or not as they choose, and it will be different but suits me and what I like. All of the people I have invited have said that they are really looking forward to it as it is a bit different, they too are "of a certain age" and cant be arsed with discos etc!

As for being 50.....well that can fuck right off as I dont feel 50 and (not being an asshole) I dont look 50. But it is what it is! I might as well own this birthday as I didnt own the last one!

There must of have been a lot of shagging in August/September 1972, as I am also 50 at the end of the month!*
maybe it was the power cuts.

The last time I had a birthday party it was for my 21st. For my 40th we went to Amsterdam, for my 50th Paris. Looking to book a south American cruise for my 60th, or possibly a trip to Australia, a party definitely doesn'tappeal to me. I dread 60 tbh, 40 you are still young, 50 you still look and feel OK, at least I did, but at 60 you can't get away with calling yourself middle aged any more. Still better than the alternative though.

My kind of birthday.

A couple of years to go for me but I’m looking forward to it. I think 50 sounds a great age, properly in your prime. No longer fretting about feeling like an old young person.

Mine's a few years away. I turned 47 today and it's a bit rubbish. WFH so a normal day. Full of aches and pains, exhausted and a bit teary and homesick. So hopefully by 50 I'll be in a better place, or die trying 😁

It's my birthday today and I'm older than you. Can I be arsed? Not really!

Stopped giving a shite about birthdays sometime around 40. Who wants to celebrate getting another year older 😭

Maybe at some point I'll accept it and start throwing wild parties again!