Has anyone learned to swim as a (v nervous) adult...

[Atlantic252]

...and if so, please tell me the feeling of terror goes away?

I had my second lesson this morning and I think I'm getting more nervous instead of less. I wasn't nervous before the first lesson - I was excited - but today really got to me. I'm getting 1:1 lessons and the instructor is good but tough, so today she got me to start using floats away from the edge. I panicked at one stage and gave myself a fright and it's really playing on my mind now.

By the end I was able to use the floats while she was there, but as soon as she walked away I just couldn't convince my brain to lift my legs up.

My next lesson is in 2 weeks so I'm going to go for 2-3 practice sessions before then (with DH watching) but I just feel a bit drained and wondering why I'm putting myself through this. I will keep trying for a bit longer, but for a split-second today I wanted to hop out of the water and run away😢.

If you were like this or found it hard, did it click eventually (and how long did it take) 🙏?

I think that’s a normal response to something you’re very nervous about but it’s good that you’ve recognised that and are planning to go back and practice. It’s an amazing step to take so keep pushing your boundaries and you’ll be great!

I have not learned swimming as an adult but ice skating. I have a fear of falling and then breaking an arm or a leg (and I still have). What are you scared of? Is it drowning? What I found helped was to go to public sessions after my group lessons to build up confidence. You are already planning the practice sessions so that's very good. Look at just leaving the side and float a little? Can your DH go in with you in case you floated to far away and he can help you back to the edge? Why do you want to learn? Keep reminding yourself about it.

For me, I wanted to learn because my DC are taking lessons and I don't want to sit at the side of the rink everytime we go. I have gone from moving around very stiffly to now very confident on ice.

Thank you both so much. @SpringBunnies well done on learning to skate. I would be scared of that too I can't skate either 🤦‍♀️

Yes honestly I'm afraid of drowning - even though there is no deep end where I'm learning . I had a split second today where I lost control and my legs went everywhere and it freaked me out.

DH is going to come in with me but i just hate feeling so tense and apprehensive about it already.

@Atlantic252

Don't give up now you've started. I never learnt to swim until I was in my fifties! My wife could swim but I missed so much when taking our girls to the beach or pool. Best thing I have done for a long time. Even though I don't swim much I am more relaxed knowing I can. Nervous as hell to begin with yet in a few months I was leaping off of a high board. Now that as a scary first!

Good luck and keep on swimming

@billyt thank you and well done for getting there! That is v inspirational. Can I ask if you remember the point when you stopped feeling nervous?

I'm feeling much more rational after a night's sleep- but I think we went too fast yesterday with next steps. I'm going to ask the instructor if we can slow the pace and if not I'll have to look around for other lessons...sigh. I guess every lesson will be a bit terrifying at first 😬

@Atlantic252

It was quite a few lessons as old habits are hard to break. Once you realise you're not going to struggle with your feet off of the bottom it's much easier. I remember the joy of swimming along underwater and how peaceful it was.

Don't forget to come back an update on your progress. I expect, based on the numbers in my lessons, that there are many others in the same boat.

Relax and enjoy

Same for me, it’s when I know I’m in control and I am not going to fall. It takes time to improve your skills enough to know you won’t be in trouble. Keep at it, try to go as much as possible outside of lessons.

I learned in my 20s. As a child I had such a huge fear that even the smell of chlorine and the echoing changing rooms would cause me to turn tail and run away!

I did have a couple of sympathetic friends who taught me in a private pool which was so shallow I could reach down and touch the bottom with fingertips. I had a child's rubber ring, which developed a slow puncture after a while and I suddenly realised I was swimming with no air in it! Once I had the confidence to take my hands off the bottom, I joined an adult learners class, then progressed to adult improvers and then swim for fitness group.

Since then I have taught many of my scared friends.

Yes, in my twenties. I was never allowed to go with the school as a primary aged child (very caring but massively overprotective mother) and when we had swimming lessons at secondary I was one of only two in the class who couldn’t swim. They had very little patience with me and I was terrified. My whole teen years I felt I missed out and every time I went to the pool with friends I ended up panicking and even screaming. A boyfriend even dumped me partly because of it!

in my twenties I trained to be a primary school teacher and it was made clear we would have to teach swimming. We had a free pass to the local pool for that term because they wanted everyone who couldn’t swim to learn.

And that’s how I learnt. We had weekly lessons but they were on how to teach children, not to teach us ourselves. I went every single day, sometimes with friends but mostly alone, and I’d say the going daily was the key. To start with I couldn’t even let go of the edge in the shallow end with my feet on the floor, I was that terrified. But gradually I pushed myself, tiny bit by tiny bit. Once I let go of the edge I started holding onto probably 4 floats, so thick I could barely grasp it. As I got more confident I cut the float sandwich down until I had one. Then I tried letting go with one hand.

It was probably a rubbish way to learn, and took 2-3 months, but the day I first swum a tiny bit was incredible. I still count it as pretty much my greatest achievement because I had to work so hard for it. The nice thing was, because I was there every day I got to know all the regulars and all these lovely older ladies were cheering me on and encouraging me. It was such a great atmosphere in the end.

I’ll never be an Olympic swimmer. I can do a bad breast stroke and a tiny bit of front crawl, just by watching others. I can float around on my back and tread water. I can swim a small distance underwater. I can do a couple of lengths of the swimming pool without stopping or holding on to anything. I can swim down the deep end. I wouldn’t want to get embroiled in the fast lane but I can plod along doing lengths in the slow lane. And when I did have to teach swimming at school we had to be able to rescue a dummy from the bottom of the deep end to prove we were fit to be in charge of children in the water and I did it! I’m not sure how brilliant I’d be in an actual ocean but I do at least know how to swim. And it’s like riding a bike, once you can do it, you can do it forever.

Really good luck with it. You can do it, if you persevere. I was terrified too. Exposure is key and I’d say don’t let anyone push you out of your comfort zone too fast, but push yourself just a tiny bit each time. Go to the pool as often as you possibly can. And believe you will swim, because if I can, you can too.

Dh did. He learned after a holiday where the pool insisted on one adult per child which meant that the kids had to take it in turns coming in the pool with me. He was too nervous to even stand in the shallow end. He realised that not being able to swim was affecting the kids as well as him. He signed up for adult lessons. He was very nervous at first but it suddenly ‘clicked’ and now he can swim a length of the pool and was even happy to go on the slides at a water park!

Keep going OP, you won’t regret it.

I've been thinking about learning too. Hope you don't mind us I piggy back in here op.

I could swim a little with the float as a kid but after a bit, no matter how much I kicked my legs, I just couldn't move. I stayed afloat but couldn't move. What's that all about?

Also I couldn't imagine ever getting to a point where I'd just be like, sod it, I'm gonna jump face first in and go for it without any floats. Like, I don't think I'd stay up.

Maybe it's different as adults as we have...a bit more padding lol.

*mind me

This is interesting. Despite lessons as a kid and going to the baths regularly with my friends as a teen and multiple visits in my life, I really struggle to swim. I lose coordination really quickly. I'm also rubbish at riding a bike.

I learnt last year at 43! I had lessons as a child and failed the novice certificate twice. Had school lessons and still couldn’t swim. I decided it was time to learn and my dds taught me! They were 11 and 13 and they realised that my problem was not wanting to get my head or ears wet. It meant I wasn’t able to keep level so sank like a stone. That sorted the whole thing out. Once I accepted that I had to get over that then everything else fell into place.

I still get v nervous when I’m out of my depth and have to keep next to the pool side but I can swim lengths (slowly!) front crawl and back stroke.

My Mum did, and her attitude positively rubbed off on us as children. She told us so often how horrible it was to have never learnt as a child and made sure we did. I didn't stick at it as a child, but relearnt as an adult and it has been a fantastic life skill (helping with pregnancies, injuries), and my children have a positive attitude to learning too (not always of course, but overall good). It really shows those children of parents who swim/learn to swim and those of parents who are too scared (or don't want to) put their face in the water.

Years to come, you will reap the benefits of learning now, as you age it is so kind on your joints.

I so admire you, OP. Please don't give up.

I can't swim. I've been afraid of water for as long as I can remember. I almost learned to swim when I was 11, as we had a pool at my primary school and I clicked with this one teacher who seemed to "get" my fears and was really helping me. But then I moved to secondary school where swimming wasn't on the curriculum.

I've toyed with the idea of learning as an adult. I sometimes research lessons and pools. I once almost booked a residential course. But I didn't.

Don't be like me, OP! I'm 65, I can't swim and I don't suppose I ever will find the courage to learn. You have found that courage. Don't let it go! Be proud of yourself for taking the plunge and don't give up on yourself!

@Atlantic252 firstly well done for even just getting into the pool. My Mum learned to swim properly when she was in her 50s. She wasn't confident in water at all and never "swam" out of her depth. She decided it wasn't going to stop her. She learned in an adult only swim class in an adult only time slot so no children in the pool and they all learned in the shallow end so that whilst they were all still terrified they could put their feet down and stand up.

"start using floats away from the edge" are you in a pool where you can put your feet down where you are learning to swim? Have you done any water confidence things like putting your face in the water? How do you feel about that? The instructor moves at the pace you want, not theirs, that is why you are paying them.

I think today there is a very hands off approach to learning to swim so instructors don't put their hands under your body in case of exactly what happened to you where you flailed and there was no one there to catch you and tell you that you are okay. Neither of my children had weekly swimming lessons but we did go swimming every week so I have held their bodies in the right position with their heads at the correct angle. Hopefully with your Dh you can nail this. You can do it. Talk yourself into it, not out of it.

Please don’t give up OP. You’ll get there!
could I make a suggestion?

get some swimming goggles (if you haven’t already) and wear them. Then practise crouching underwater whilst holding your breath. It will help you to orientate yourself underwater and reduce the fear you have of going under and not being able to orientate yourself. I think gentle controlled exposure to being underwater is the key to removing fear when swimming

I didn't learn as an adult, but I used to teach adults to swim. Most were grandparents who wanted to be able to swim with their grandchildren.

When it clicks it often does so quite suddenly, so don't be put off if the nerves aren't diminishing in the first few sessions. But if they are increasing it may be a sign that the instructor isn't a good fit for you.

I'd recommend trying group lessons rather than individual, if you can find some near you. And ideally in an all-adult session just for learners, so you don't have random people splashing around you. I found group sessions went better than individual ones because people encouraged each other and shared tips on what worked for them. And because the group had a dedicated pool space.

On the specifics, floats are hard to manage. Personally I'd be working on water confidence at the side and holding onto the rail for the first few sessions, until the person was happy with putting their face in the water and had plenty of pracrice kicking and then getting their legs down to stand. Then doing the same not holding on but right next to the rail. And trying to sit on the bottom of the pool (it's really hard to get down and stay there, so it gives people confidence that they do actually float even when trying not to). Floats or other buoyancy aids come after confidence.

Very well done to you for starting swimming lessons even though you are nervous!

I learnt to swim as an adult, though I must admit that I wasn't particularly nervous. One of the things that helped to give me confidence, was that in the first lesson the teacher showed us how to stand up in the pool when the water is about chest high. It's an action of sweeping both arms forward and bending your legs.

Once you realise that you can always stand up if you get panicked, of course you don't seem to panic so often. So perhaps ask your teacher about how to do that if it hasn't been mentioned yet?

I hope you persevere with your lessons, as swimming is a wonderful skill to have for so many reasons!

Didn’t learn to swim as an adult, but could only swim a few metres and was scared to go out of my depth. About five years ago I started upping my distance a tiny bit at a time, and made myself swim further and further out of my depth. I can now, very slowly, swim for 2km in open deep sea.
I know this is a very different situation to starting from scratch as an adult, but I am amazed at how I progressed and how I was able overcome my fear of the deep water.
It’s such a great feeling. Stick with it

Great job, OP! I'm rooting for you. Don't give up!

Yes, ask the teacher to slow down the pace! The lessons should be for the students.

My mother took a "learn to swim/water confidence-class" when she was 65 years old. She knew how to swim, but she lacked confidence in the water, and she wanted to learn to be comfortable with putting her head under the water. She was so happy that she took the class.

Good luck, OP!

I learnt as an adult. I had lessons for about a term and DH and I went swimming together a few times a week too. I had a goal as we were going on holiday and knew I wanted to swim by then. I don’t know when I became less nervous but I could happily do a length after about 3 months.

I had lessons as an adult and got confident enough to go underwater and do inelegant and slow lengths without panicking or dying.

Unfortunately I then didn’t continue going regularly so was pretty much back to useless when I next got in a pool. My own fault.

I vowed that this year (just turned 50) would be the year I learn to swim. I nearly drowned in the sea as a child and I’ve been terrified ever since. I made sure my dd learnt when she was young as I know how much I have missed out on. I hate water going over my head/face/nose/ears so that’s the biggest issue.
please keep us updated. I think it’s amazing that you are trying to overcome your fear.