Has anyone learned to swim as a (v nervous) adult...

[Atlantic252]

...and if so, please tell me the feeling of terror goes away?

I had my second lesson this morning and I think I'm getting more nervous instead of less. I wasn't nervous before the first lesson - I was excited - but today really got to me. I'm getting 1:1 lessons and the instructor is good but tough, so today she got me to start using floats away from the edge. I panicked at one stage and gave myself a fright and it's really playing on my mind now.

By the end I was able to use the floats while she was there, but as soon as she walked away I just couldn't convince my brain to lift my legs up.

My next lesson is in 2 weeks so I'm going to go for 2-3 practice sessions before then (with DH watching) but I just feel a bit drained and wondering why I'm putting myself through this. I will keep trying for a bit longer, but for a split-second today I wanted to hop out of the water and run away😢.

If you were like this or found it hard, did it click eventually (and how long did it take) 🙏?

Oh my goodness! I didn't realise there were so many replies (I am not a skilled MNer either...).

Thank you all so much - I am smiling reading all these replies and honestly feeling excited again. I wish I could namecheck everyone but I wish I had thought of using a child's rubber ring - what a fantastic way to learn😆. Do you think the instructor would mind if I wear a lifejacket 🤔😜. I like the idea of 4 floats though...

@80sMum I am going to namecheck you though and say please try if you would like to. You can't be worse than me and your age doesn't matter - you could have decades of swimming ahead of you. And even if you don't like it - it will be an achievement to try (at least that's what I'm telling myself). Do you have any friends or family who might help you?

To answer a few questions - where I'm learning doesn't have a 'deep' end - it goes from 3ft to only 4ft 6in (I am 5ft 5). So I am learning in the deeper end but I can always put my feet down. I must admit in the first lesson I was even afraid to walk in the water without letting go, but last day I just strolled down to the deep end with hardly a bother. So I am reminding myself that is progress. I do have goggles (instructor insisted) so I'm ok with keeping my eyes open and looking around under the surface. But I will try crouching and staying under a bit more.

Otherwise, so far what I'm ok with is: putting my head and face into the water - either holding my breath or blowing bubbles - and trying to sit down in the water and realising how hard it is. My only achievement so far really is figuring out how to float (while holding onto the edge) almost level. After the first lesson I honestly didn't think I could do it, but I finally got it in my second practice session.

So in the second lesson this week we quickly moved from holding onto the edge to holding onto floats. The instructor held the floats on the edge at first and then pushed them away gradually. Until in the end she let go and I think I panicked a bit..sigh... After that I did 'float' away from the edge but only for a few seconds at a time. My kicking is definitely not anywhere near good enough yet though so I will practice that more.

I am hoping to go on Sunday (with DH) and will update again after that. For context, I'm 47 and a PP mentioned how good it is for joints - that's the main reason I want to learn. My knees have been awful for years and I finally got diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both knees and my hip - with a likely double knee replacement in my future. So the only treatment for now is to lose weight (which I'm doing - although there is still plenty of flab to keep me buoyant 😆) and learn to swim, as every single other exercise I've tried hurts. So the motivation is there I just have to keep my nerves at bay and not quit yet 😬.

That sounds like good progress. Don't worry too much about kicking for now - that will come.

Tip for dodgy knees and learning breaststroke: say you want to learn wedge kick (the one that frogs do), not whip kick (the one competitive swimmers do). Whip is the modern kick and it's faster, but it's horrible on the knees.

I can't swim and have thought about learning for years and never had the courage.
I've always been scared of water and oddly when I researched my family tree I found lots of relatives that died or very nearly died through drowning 😧.

I panic very easily in water and find that if I try to put my feet back down I can't do it and tip forwards which scares me even more. Then I end up flapping around and swallowing water.

I have 2 small children now and really should learn for them. I'm also overweight and could do with the exercise.

Well done OP for having the guts to go ahead and do it, you're much braver than me!

Well done, OP! Keep at it. Thanks for the update!

I learnt in my thirties. Regular practice was key for me. Say, a weekly lesson then a separate practice on my own each week. I still feel a bit nervous if I haven't swam in a while but it comes back. Good luck!

You are amazing!

I never learnt to swim and my DS showed me the basics on holiday but really I just splash around. I'd love to be able to swim properly.

You can do it!

Stick with it, it gets easier. I love swimming now.

I taught dh to swim when he was early 30’s. It’s quite nice going in with a partner because you can have a bit of fun. Seeing as you’re having proper lessons, it would be good to go into the pool in between & just get used to being in the water without having to push yourself.
Ds1 learned to swim in a life jacket. We went on holiday to a villa with a pool. I was very anxious about supervising 3 young children by the pool so I bought them all life jackets! But it was the best thing because they messed around in the water and gained a lot of confidence that way.

Sorry if it’s been mentioned I don’t have time to read the whole thread- but what helped me psychologically was being able to float without panicking first.
Sounds silly but knowing I could just roll over and be buoyant instead of panicking and thrashing helped me.

Thank you again to all of you that posted - everything really helps and you're giving me ideas for how to keep going, even if this instructor/set of lessons doesn't work out.

I went for a practice this afternoon and I kept it basic but it went well. I stayed at the 3ft end and just practiced floating and kicking. I probably need to do a famous MN diagram, but the pool doesn't have a bar around the edge so there's just a grippy edge with a crevice that I can put my fingertips into and I'm face down facing the edge.

After today I can get up into a float now just by having my hands resting flat on the edge instead of gripping like crazy. I tried letting go for a few seconds and it was a bit unnerving but I did it. I thought I was going to drift away though 😊BUT I realised that if I relax my arms and hands, my float is even better and my feet actually popped up above the water behind me - which is amazing considering I didn't think I'd ever be able to float after the first lesson.

There was a little girl (3 at most) learning with her Dad and she was loving it and having such fun and her kicking was better than mine 😆. It was fab to see. But then a school group came in and a load of teenage boys started mucking about diving and splashing which threw me off a bit so I was glad I got as much practice as I did.

Sorry that's a bit of an essay but I am going to try to have 3 more practices before my next lesson which isn't until the week after next. I'd like to be able to use the floats again before then - I'll definitely try them in my next practice and see how it goes.

OP, if you keep at it and keep practicing you will get there. I used to run scuba taster sessions and one of my 1:1s was a lady in her fifties who had just learned to swim as a nervous adult. And she was really scared about this new challenge. We had 3 hours and at the end of it I had her at the bottom of the deep end in full scuba gear, in control of her breathing and loving it. And that was down to her, not me. You just need to follow your instructor's lead, communicate clearly when you are feeling overwhelmed so you can take a few steps back and try again and let it take as long as it takes.

Great update, OP!

I learned to swim at the grand age of 35. I was very determined and decided nothing would hold me back. I learned in a pool where I could not drown as there was no deep end. Took me a year of swimming to get to my target of 1km in a single session before I allowed myself in a pool with a deep end. I've kept swimming ever since - through pregnancy and postpartum. Honestly it has saved my mind and body. Last year I got a trainer who has now got me to aim higher and I achieved my first 100m non-stop...and now going at 400m non-stop. It's been 10 years and I can say it's been the best thing I've ever done for myself. I look forward to poolside and beach holidays now and swim in deep oceans when we visit Spain/Greece etc. Keep at it. You can do it.

I learnt to swim at 27 in a ladies only class. It was nerve wracking but we all encouraged each other and it was good

I haven’t read the whole thread but just wanted to say well done & keep going! My dad who had an irrational fear of water throughout my whole childhood took swimming lessons at 55 so that he could go on holiday with his grandchildren and go in the water with them. He did it in secret and surprised us all on our first trip to centre parks when the kids were small. I was so proud and the children had many years of holidays with their grandparents having fun in the pool and sea. Sadly he’s no longer with us but the memories will be treasured forever. He was never a natural but it brings a tear to my eye thinking of what he did 😍

Have learnt in my 30s, can swim lengths but don't like getting out of my depth even by the side off the pool. I don't need to touch te bottom but need to know I can at any time. My pool has shallow lanes. I don't like putting face in the water so mainly swim breaststroke or half crawl.

My mum learned to swim in her 60s. She was so terrified that I had to be in the water with her for the first few lessons. (She had private lessons and the teacher was lovely about it.) It took mum less than 6m to go from shaking with fear and holding on tightly to me at the shallow end, to jumping in at the deep end and swimming away.

The more you see that nothing bad happens to you in the water, and the more you see that when something does happen to you you are OK, the less grip the fear will have on you. It's just a matter of confidence. The fear will ease long before you are actually swimming.

Go for it! You have proven how brave you are by doing it.

Keep at it OP! I'm older than you and I've had my sixth lesson last week. I'm really enjoying it and I wish I'd done it before.

44 years old and still terrified. Had a scary experience on holiday as a child, something caught my foot in a river on holiday, and I went under. Tried to learn again several times as a child, but the teachers generally gave up on me. My last attempt as a child was in secondary school, evil PE teacher pushed me in and that was that until I was 30. I had to be hypnotised to be able to let my DS start swimming, but it caused massive anxiety. Then, in the 6 months before Covid I was having 1 on 1 lessons with a very patient teacher. But then lockdown happened, and I've not been back. I would love to swim, I can look at water and actually crave it. But then the panic sets in, clammy palms, I overheat and my head spins, and I think I'm dying. I wish I could be braver, but think that maybe that the time has passed.

Thank you all again for your support and experiences. I'm sorry I'm not thanking you individually but it's really inspiring and helping me to keep going to know that other people have faced this and got through it.

I've had 2 practice sessions since I last posted with mixed results. Last Tuesday I finally managed to get up to a horizontal position in the middle of the water (with 2 floats). I'm v lucky that DH is coming with me, because he broke it down into tiny steps for me and even though I could feel my heart thumping I did it. Even though I had done it during my last lesson it was like my mind finally caught up - I realised I could do it and nothing bad would happen. I even glided a bit and I stood up jumping around going I'm swimming 😆(even though I wasn't really - I'd probably not even moved 3 ft 😊). It felt like a bit of a milestone not holding onto the edge.

But then I wasn't able to go back to the pool again until yesterday morning and it took me 20 minutes before I built back up the confidence to try getting up on the floats again in the middle of the water. Sigh. I hadn't planned to have that long a break and I've learned my lesson that I need to keep going every 2-3 days to not lose my confidence.

I felt very disappointed with myself after yesterday - I felt like I'd gone backwards a bit. I'm going to go for another practice tomorrow and try again. I'd like to get up into a horizontal position quickly and then practice kicking more. My next lesson is on Wednesday morning 😨.

Well done!

You've done it now, so you know you can do it again - and you'll get more confident as you get more successes under your belt.

Well done for the first time managing to get away from the side last tuesday. Remember your success. It'll be slow but keep going at it and you can do it.

Well done, OP!
And great that you have your husbands support and help.

Do not be discouraged if it might feel like you are going backwards, you are still learning, and you are doing really well!

Stop beating yourself up! You had a little setback but you still overcame the fear and did what you set out to do. Your next lesson will build on that. Respect!

That should say "husband's support [...]"

Again, great job, OP!