Has anyone learned to swim as a (v nervous) adult...

[Atlantic252]

...and if so, please tell me the feeling of terror goes away?

I had my second lesson this morning and I think I'm getting more nervous instead of less. I wasn't nervous before the first lesson - I was excited - but today really got to me. I'm getting 1:1 lessons and the instructor is good but tough, so today she got me to start using floats away from the edge. I panicked at one stage and gave myself a fright and it's really playing on my mind now.

By the end I was able to use the floats while she was there, but as soon as she walked away I just couldn't convince my brain to lift my legs up.

My next lesson is in 2 weeks so I'm going to go for 2-3 practice sessions before then (with DH watching) but I just feel a bit drained and wondering why I'm putting myself through this. I will keep trying for a bit longer, but for a split-second today I wanted to hop out of the water and run away😢.

If you were like this or found it hard, did it click eventually (and how long did it take) 🙏?

@Atlantic252 can you recognise what your fear of it is? I learnt a few years ago and it made a huge differnt to break the fear down and learn how to manage that. For example I was frightened to lie on my back in the water because I didn’t know how to “right” myself and I was worried I would drift into the deep end still on my back, or worried someone would splash my face. So I spent ages with DH practicing how to put my feet down whilst floating on my back (with floats) so I knew how to do it if it ever happened. Once I knew I could do it, fhe fear went.

My PT actually taught me. Not to do it with any grace, mind but to be a functional swimmer and not drown. I was seeing him to lose weight and for a cervical spine problem and he suggested swimming as low impact exercise but I didn't know how.

What helped me was when I was out of my depth in the middle he would swim for a few strokes underneath me so that I wouldn't go right under if I panicked. I could just sort of touch down onto his back and resurface.

In the shallow areas he just held out one arm in grabbing range but once I stopped panicking and realised I wasn't going to drown with him right next to me I was actually fine. He was over 6 ft tall so even out of my own depth I was well within his.

I posted in a bit of a rush yesterday and there are loads of posts I wanted to reply on. I will definitely speak up if I feel overwhelmed tomorrow - worst case she doesn't slow down which means I'll have to look for another teacher...

@WashAsDelicates it's so lovely that you went in the water with your mum - it must have made such a difference for her. She sounds amazing.
@ilovesooty 😮come back and tell us what it's like for you after 6 lessons - what do I have to dread next 😆
@DuckyDaffodil could you find that teacher again? I think if it was a kind teacher at a slower pace it would make the world of difference.

Thank you again for all the support and your stories.

I went for another practice this morning - much, much better. My (scary) teacher had another victim student but she came over before she started and gave me some tips (and instructions). She also gave me very, very small floats which freaked me out a bit. But to make a long story short, by the end I was floating/kicking across about 15ft of water (only 3ft deep mind) with only a few stops. Woohoo. Apparently my teacher was telling her student to watch the way I had my face in the water (preens 😏) but DH might have been making that up....

I'm dreading the lesson tomorrow alright but I'm hoping we'll concentrate on my kicking/breathing. If she suggests anything around reducing/removing the floats I'll have a conniption. It's very hard to pinpoint what exactly I'm afraid of - but it's something around that I'll lose concentration and breathe in underwater - or that something unexpected will happen and I'll panic and won't remember how to stand up. Also I know she's going to make me use the 4ft 6 end so I have to keep telling myself it doesn't matter - I can still stand up and it's the same movement to get myself horizontal. Wish me luck 🙏I will bore you all with how it goes.

Thanks for posting this I'm going to show my DH who really needs to learn

I think I’d then be thinking “okay, I’m afraid I’ll breathe in water” and then thinking Well, what happens when someone does that. Ask around etc, has anyone breathed in water when swimming, what happened. The same as fearing you might panic and forget how to stand up etc. Okay, so if that happens to me, what next? No one is still in a pool months later still panicked that they forgot to stand up, and I know I’m not in the middle of the deep end so maybe I could tell myself three options - reach for the side, feet down, shout for help etc. Remind yourself it’s unlikely you’d forget all the options and it’s unlikely someone would see it happening and you be in distress (and unable to reach the bottom) and not help - especially given the height of the pool. Does they help? It’s what helped me when learning - think through the fear.

Wow I knew it was a while since I'd posted but I didn't realise it was that long 😬. Gosh this is a bit depressing because I'm still trying but I haven't really made much progress since I last posted.

PandaOrLion thank you for your post - I never acknowledged it but I did read it and it did help hugely at the time.

I almost can't remember how lesson 3 went, but I remember I was still scared about being horizontal and very tense, so we spent a lot of the lesson talking. Before the next lesson two weeks later I was going up and down the main pool on 2 floats - not horizontal but kicking quite well and covering about 2-3 metres before needing to stop.

However, that next lesson at the end of May was bad - I got a bad fright and it set me back weeks. It started with her asking me to show her what I could do and her issue was that I still wasn't horizontal - I've basically been kicking with my legs at a 30/40 degree angle. So she tried to move me onto 1 float, but also to get me completely horizontal in the water at the same time. I couldn't do it so she called DH over (who was swimming at the same time) and even got him to try holding his arms under me.

But I completely panicked - effectively wanting to 'get down' from the floating position. I lost my balance trying to stand back up because I pulled one leg in first, lost my footing on my other leg and my foot slipped so I 'fell' down into the water. I got myself up in probably a second or two but it felt like ages and really scared me.

Anyway after that lesson she said we won't book any more lessons until I feel more confident. I've had 4 practice sessions since then but I'm really only getting back to where I was in mid-May. For one of those sessions I spent the whole time just practicing bringing my knees in. But I almost gave up last week - I was in the main pool and basically walked up and down for an hour - I kept trying but was so afraid to lift my feet. But this morning I went again and felt better - I'm back in the 'kiddie' 3ft pool but I don't care at this stage - I will try anything. I've got a single kick board and I was able to push off using that and kick a little bit, so I'm going to stay there for as long as it takes until I feel comfortable. I still just get a feeling of panic when I'm fully horizontal so I have to just keep trying and hope that my body will eventually realise nothing bad will happen.

Anyway, I know this isn't a very good update but thank you all again for being so supportive. I am not convinced yet that I am ever going to learn. Or if I do, maybe I will get a world record for being the slowest learner ever 🙄.

Thank You for the update!
That sounds really scary with the fright you had at the lesson at the end of May! But it's completely normal to have some setbacks when learning something difficult. It's so awesome and brave that you keep trying, and there's nothing wrong with taking things slow!
Good Luck!

It will take as long as it takes and your current strategies are good. When you are comfortable with the float, it may be useful to hold on to the guttering if there is any and try kicking with your face in the water, breathing out. It's easier to be horizontal like that. But make sure you are in the 3 ft bit and have someone with you, and don't do more than a few seconds to start.

Well done for keeping trying.

It's quite difficult to get fully horizontal while holding on to a float, so if you're finding it tricky that's not on you.

Personally I'd separate the issues and do 1 thing at a time.

Practice horizontal body position while holding onto the side (face the side, hold the rail with both hands) - not even kicking to start with, just stretch out as horizontal as you can, then immediately put your feet down again and stand up.

Once you are confident with that try to get closer to horizontal each time. You'll need to put your face in the water for this.

When you are getting properly horizontal, try adding a couple of kicks. Then extend the kicking time.

Only when you are happy with that and managing at least 30 kicks, try with the float so you are moving rather than stationary. But again don't leap into trying to do it all at once - go back to step 1, just stretch then immediately stand, but with the float instead of the rail.

There's no rush - take things at your own pace.

Thank you all for your support and BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn thank you for that guidance. It was v helpful - I went on Thursday and I'm fairly good at floating horizontal while holding on - so I did that and got up to lots of kicks. But I was still very hesitant about letting go.

Anyway between then and Sunday I gave myself a good talking to and I had my nicest ever practice on Sunday. The pool was v quiet - me and DH had it to ourselves at one stage - and I finally managed to get fully horizontal just using the float without panicking - woohoo. I was only able to manage 4/5 kicks but I will practice more this week.

Maybe I'm stating the obvious but it's not the technique that's challenging me as much as the mental side of it. I am now practicing telling myself that I can do it and relax in the water (as opposed to believing I can't do it and will panic).

My instinct is still to be afraid and I don't feel fully safe in the water yet, but I could feel my confidence growing on Sunday so I just want to try to build on that this week.

That's actually huge progress, well done!

That's brilliant, @Atlantic252 - well done! I'm so pleased you're sticking with it.

Are you doing all this on your front, or have you done some back floating as well? Obviously harder to hold a rail for that, but you can hold the float hugged to your chest. The standing-up technique is different, so do make sure you try it with assistance to start with. It is easier to get properly horizontal that way, and get used to the feeling of being supported by the water - without having to worry about how to breathe at the same time.

Well done!

Yes. I would just stay in the same place and sink - no idea why, must have been something to do with anxiety and panic.

This is going to sound complete bollocks but I found a pool where I knew I could put my feet down if I needed to then I literally imagined and pretended that I could swim. Sort of imagined that I was in a desert island and just did it. I knew all the theory (having had a few lessons where they just said ‘yeah, we’ve got no idea why you’re not moving and sinking and gave up) I just needed to relax into it.

Oh sorry! Just seen it’s an older thread

No worries ShiteRider 😂and you've hit the nail on the head about relaxing being the key. Binturongs no I haven't tried on my back at all and I don't know how I'd react to it - I might try after another few practices. The problem with my pool is that there is no rail - only a grippy edge IYKWIM. I guess I could try near the steps and hold onto them - and DH would help me too. I'm not sure why the teacher has started me face down because I do find looking down at the floor a bit unnerving, especially as I get near the deeper (4ft 6) end.

I'm hoping to go for another practice this evening so fingers crossed I can stay relaxed this time.

If you've not tried getting onto and off your back before, definitely get your DH to steady you the first few times. The movements are quite different from your front.

To get there, stand next to the side with 1 hand and arm on the gripey bit (arm pit ahead of you) and the other arm hugging the float to.your chest. Squat down so your shoulders are level with the water, then lean back and let your feet slide forwards and stretch away as your DH supports and lifts your middle.

To stand up again, 'push your bum down towards the bottom of the pool, then let go of the float and bend both kneews at the same time into 'sitting in a chair' position. Your feet should naturally sink at this stage but your DH might need to help with getting vertical the first few times (once you are happy doing it without the float you can use your arms to give your the neccessary push, and it gets a lot easier).

I haven't but now DH did. He took well over 6 months of adult lessons at a pool local to him where it was relatively slow paced to encourage people to enjoy it, not push too hard and scare them off entirely.

He is still not the water baby I am but he does enjoy swimming and has gone on to be a fully qualified scuba diver, went out with a local club for a few seasons diving local wrecks before family life chaos was too much. (Which is more than I will ever do as I have exercise induced asthma so not allowed go beyond a snorkel so no tanks for me 😭).

DH was learning in the evenings after work. I wasn't yet in this city (we were long distance at the time) but some weekends we'd go to a pool near me. But I was really not terribly involved - he did it in relative privacy. (As in lots of people at the pool but no one he knew).

I know this thread is old but I came across it as I too think about overcoming my fear of water. I can swim a bit but can’t put my feet down. Have an absolute phobia and always do it the wrong way round and go under..