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Original poster

F*cked up massively - work related. Perspective needed

628 replies

Stupidworkgirl · 01/05/2023 22:16

I have an important business trip abroad tomorrow which myself and several other colleagues are going on. It is a major event in our industry and we have been planning it for a while. I have done the majority of the planning and have enjoyed it and was excited to attend. Our company director is going along with my boss and several coworkers, one of which reports to me.

I have lost my passport. I only realised this at 4pm today when packing. I am meant to fly out on an early morning flight. We have a very tidy minimalist home and have searched everywhere, it is definitely not here. I last travelled a few months ago and can only think I dropped it somewhere between security and my car.

I have called my boss who has told the MD. My boss was understanding and kind about it, I don’t know what the MDs reaction was. I’m absolutely gutted. Missing out on the event is a horrible feeling but is actually the least of it, that will wear off once it is over at the end of this week. It is more the damage to my reputation and how people might think of me going forward. I’m honestly considering leaving and finding a new job, as I don’t know how I will mentally bounce back from it.

Looking for reassurance or perhaps any similar tales or fucking up at work.

OP posts:
AngelaChasesBestLife · 02/05/2023 08:50

Bamboozleme · 02/05/2023 08:41

You're right to suggest I'm a perfectionist but to a flaw

I don’t think you come across as a perfectionist OP. You wouldn’t be in the position if you were

What an unnecessary and horrible thing to say.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/05/2023 08:51

Why? Is being an extreme perfectionist something to aspire to?

That's not what you said though is it?

You said she wasn't a perfectionist because she lost her passport which was judgy and sneery towards someone having a tough time.

Outdamnspot23 · 02/05/2023 08:52

I think a PP has confused perfectionist with perfect. Probably needs to quickly look it up to save further embarrassment.

Tarantella6 · 02/05/2023 08:53

One of my colleagues left her work laptop at security once, rushing for a flight if that makes you feel any better. And many years ago when I was an auditor one of my colleagues forgot to put their laptop in the boot of the car and promptly ran over it!

At least your passport is your property rather than company equipment 😉

k1233 · 02/05/2023 08:56

I have this nightmare on a semi regular basis OP. Never IRL but my brain likes to torture me with it while I sleep.

I lost something for a couple of years. Swore I'd searched everything I'd taken with me on the trip. Eventually found it by accident in a little handbag I'd taken. So obviously I hadn't searched everything.

Currently I've managed to lose an F cup tshirt bra when I last visited my mum. Those babies stand up by themselves and at an F cup are pretty obvious. Still searching it months later.

So I'm really no help apart from commiserations.

TheaBrandt · 02/05/2023 08:58

I so often got into scrapes when travelling with work - all sorts! My poor secretary just helped me sort it out remotely. Didn’t occur to me to wear a hair shirt and a think less of myself!

PumpkinSoup21 · 02/05/2023 09:02

I’ve got a good one to make you feel better. Colleague of mine didn’t do the process you have to do to ensure corporate travel insurance covers your trip. Was in an accident (poor guy) and the company had to pay £thousands for his treatment overseas. Everyone was given a very serious talk about the insurance process after that but no one blamed him or was cross with him. He’s continued to be very successful and well thought of.

BishyBarnyBee · 02/05/2023 09:02

I don't think you are over reacting here, but I do think it's really healthy that you posted to try and find an alternative perspective.

Some people are very relaxed about making mistakes and getting things wrong. For some of them, that means they are flaky and unreliable, and get a reputation for being slapdash at work.

People who are conscientious and generally get things right can be very successful at work, and can be a real asset to their employer. But if you have that personality, you may not actually have experiences screwing up/publicly failing very often, if at all.

In fact, your first big, public failure is a real milestone, as it is hugely helpful to know you can screw up, people can know about it, and it doesn't kill you!

Yes, there are some male dominated environments where it would be really hard to be one of the few women and to publicly screw up. There might even be firms where it would be impossible to come back from that. But many successful men have big failures in their past - much bigger than your passport issue.

This is where you consciously and deliberately build your resilience. You find a self talk that you can live with "Yes, I made a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Learning to live with that will make me stronger and more resilient." And you stop yourself every time you go into beating yourself up and remind yourself of that self talk. And gradually it stops hurting so much.

You will be fine!

bomanicious · 02/05/2023 09:03

@Stupidworkgirl you're judging yourself far more harshly than anyone else will, probably because you know it's totally out of character. That can you leave you reeling.

I recently forgot a good friends birthday. I cannot tell you how unlike me that is. Unheard of. The sickness I felt in that moment of realisation a day or two was AWFUL. My friend was just the loveliest about it (she knew I'd had a lot going on) but even now, I keep going hot and cold thinking about it 😂 and wondering in the middle of the night if I'm starting with bloody dementia!

Spudlet · 02/05/2023 09:07

Oh I’ve just thought of another one too! Another colleague got chatting in the car park, then jumped into the car to come home and reversed out of his space… right over his brand new work laptop, which he had put down while chatting and not then transferred into the boot. As the head of IT watched in horror 😵‍💫😳

He was the deputy chief executive and remains so to this day - just gets teased about it still. 😂

I think you’ll be surprised at how many people have similar tales, and if you say (if anyone mentions it) that you feel like a bit of an idiot for losing it with a rueful smile, they’ll all start to come out of the woodwork. This could actually be a great way to bond with your colleagues, everyone likes to know that the people around them are human too.

NeedToChangeName · 02/05/2023 09:08

FinallyHere · 01/05/2023 23:16

All humans sometimes make mistakes. It's what happens.

What defines you is not making the mistake, but how you deal with it.

You have done the right thing in accepting responsibility and letting the right people know. Good, you are ahead of the game.

Now, if you now resign, it will look like running away. Don't do that.

Accept that there might be some teasing. Practice looking rueful gracefully. And be ready to tell anyone what you have learned from this.

You may actually find a pleasant side effect will be that you discover how kind people are and how you are valued, that your mistake is brushed off because you are valued and you are human.

All the best.

@FinallyHere That's great advice

OP, if you let people know you feel like an idiot, I think people will be sympathetic. Don't be tempted to try to laugh it off as "silly me, how ditzy" as that could give an impression you're not taking it seriously

But I agree with PP, you are catastrophising. This really isn't the end of the world. Think, in 12 months time, will this really matter? Or will it just result in a bit of gentle teasing before your next trip? (Hint - it'll be the latter)

Can you join the event remotely, so you don't miss out completely?

WildFlowerBees · 02/05/2023 09:09

Your colleagues won't be thinking of you as harshly as you are about yourself. This is a blip, they'll return from their trip and it'll all blow over. Apply for a new passport and be kinder to yourself. None of us are perfect, things happen, life happens. You've accepted responsibility now try and move past it in a positive way. This won't happen to you again. You haven't failed you've made a mistake. They happen.

Rosecoffeecup · 02/05/2023 09:12

I totally understand how you are feeling OP, but you will get sone perspective in the next couple of days....right now it's just magnified

Can I suggest you don't keep bringing it up to your boss/team - as others have said they will be far more worried about your reaction. Keep all your comms clear and to the point, you don't need to keep bringing it up or apologising - just let them all know you won't be attending and offer them your assistance from the ground.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 02/05/2023 09:14

@Stupidworkgirl honestly, I'd probably work myself into a right state if I did the same as you...but equally know that if a colleague did the same I'd barely give it a second thought because I know rationally this isn't a big deal for the company or colleagues.

This week and next, will be an excellent opportunity for you to work on how you handle these feelings in a work setting. Your colleagues won't care half as much about you missing the trip as they would if you spend too much energy and time on the fact that you missed the trip.

There'll be other trips with opportunities to network and shine, and I'm sure next time you'll be checking your passport is safely where you expect it to be at the time of booking the travel.

Above all, please don't resign. A man wouldn't, why should you?

WisherWood · 02/05/2023 09:14

Any chance you could join any of the conference remotely?

If a colleague of mine did this I'd just think 'oh thank goodness they're human'. I also have an odd sense of humour and I'd find it a bit funny. I wouldn't tell them that if they were stressed about it, but I would put it in the 'meh, nobody died' category.

I was once the subject of malicious whistle blowing at work. I launched a written grievance in response, which was upheld. In the meantime I was signed off for 3 months with depression and work related stress. I then left, with no job to go to, and had a complete career change as a result. It wasn't my fuck up, it's true. But it does now mean that my response to things like losing a passport is 'oh well'.

Sometimes being a bit disorganised has its advantages. I know I have a tendency to put my passport in odd places so I do check a good week before going anywhere. Also, any chance you got it ready as ID for local elections and put it somewhere different? Long shot, but thought I'd mention it.

1AngelicFruitCake · 02/05/2023 09:15

Bamboozleme · 02/05/2023 08:41

You're right to suggest I'm a perfectionist but to a flaw

I don’t think you come across as a perfectionist OP. You wouldn’t be in the position if you were

Has that made you feel better?!

OP hope today goes well x

maltravers · 02/05/2023 09:17

Be kind to yourself OP and remember that absolutely everyone messes up now and again.

TorviShieldMaiden · 02/05/2023 09:18

If it helps, I love it when my line manager makes mistakes like this as it makes me feel better about myself not being a completely useless human!

But I always find the key to finding anything is looking everywhere, especially the places that it definitely can’t be. It’s never where it should or might be and always in a completely unexplainable place.

willWillSmithsmith · 02/05/2023 09:18

AMuser · 01/05/2023 22:22

Pray to St Anthony. Even if you’re not Catholic.

I’m an athiest and I pray to St Anthony. 😁

Bamboozleme · 02/05/2023 09:18

Stupidworkgirl · 02/05/2023 08:49

You've misunderstood, a perfectionist is someone who strives for perfection and struggles to accept anything less. An actual perfect person doesn't exist as far as I know.

Show quote history

Yes I know

you said you were a perfectionist to a flaw
ie something negative

and I was saying - I don’t think you are

ie something negative, being a perfectionist to such an extent it is a “flaw”, doesn’t apply to you

Original poster
Stupidworkgirl · 02/05/2023 09:22

Bamboozleme · 02/05/2023 09:18

Yes I know

you said you were a perfectionist to a flaw
ie something negative

and I was saying - I don’t think you are

ie something negative, being a perfectionist to such an extent it is a “flaw”, doesn’t apply to you

Show quote history

@Bamboozleme Ah I understand now. I thought you were saying "well you're not that great clearly". I know what you mean, I did used to think being a perfectionist was a good thing but this makes me realise it's not as I could have moved on from this quickly, but instead I'm letting it get out of control.

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 02/05/2023 09:24

Best piece of career advice I ever got was that people will remember your reaction to a disappointment or “failure” much more than the failure itself

Meaning your reaction today will be remembered long after people have forgotten that you never went on the trip. Your reaction is within your control so be calm, and let it be one of those things. Look to see what you can do to support your colleagues that are at the event from the UK

Original poster
Stupidworkgirl · 02/05/2023 09:27

Womencanlift · 02/05/2023 09:24

Best piece of career advice I ever got was that people will remember your reaction to a disappointment or “failure” much more than the failure itself

Meaning your reaction today will be remembered long after people have forgotten that you never went on the trip. Your reaction is within your control so be calm, and let it be one of those things. Look to see what you can do to support your colleagues that are at the event from the UK

This is really helpful, thank you.

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 02/05/2023 09:28

Bamboozleme · 02/05/2023 08:41

You're right to suggest I'm a perfectionist but to a flaw

I don’t think you come across as a perfectionist OP. You wouldn’t be in the position if you were

Did typing that response make you feel better about yourself?

Has your vulnerable little ego been boosted by being so catty?

TallulahBetty · 02/05/2023 09:32

Went on a work trip once, we hired a minibus to get us to the airport and left it there. On arriving back at in the UK, my colleague realised he'd lost the only key. We frantically rang the hotel and. through a language barrier, we discovered it had been dropped and handed in only minutes after we'd checked out and left for the flight.

We were there HOURS while the we sourced another route home and he waited for the minibus company to come down with a spare key (we are midlands; airport was Stansted).

Yes, we still talk about it now - but we laugh.