F*cked up massively - work related. Perspective needed

[Stupidworkgirl]

I have an important business trip abroad tomorrow which myself and several other colleagues are going on. It is a major event in our industry and we have been planning it for a while. I have done the majority of the planning and have enjoyed it and was excited to attend. Our company director is going along with my boss and several coworkers, one of which reports to me.

I have lost my passport. I only realised this at 4pm today when packing. I am meant to fly out on an early morning flight. We have a very tidy minimalist home and have searched everywhere, it is definitely not here. I last travelled a few months ago and can only think I dropped it somewhere between security and my car.

I have called my boss who has told the MD. My boss was understanding and kind about it, I don’t know what the MDs reaction was. I’m absolutely gutted. Missing out on the event is a horrible feeling but is actually the least of it, that will wear off once it is over at the end of this week. It is more the damage to my reputation and how people might think of me going forward. I’m honestly considering leaving and finding a new job, as I don’t know how I will mentally bounce back from it.

Looking for reassurance or perhaps any similar tales or fucking up at work.

This too

This kind of reaction to a minor setback would concern me much more as a boss than the incident itself.

Op I would consider trying some counselling to help you rationalise unexpected events, talk about the imposter syndrome you’ve identified and your need for control and perfection. I suspect the only person setting such high standards for you is yourself. You are risking burn out if you don’t tackle the reasons why.

I work in a FTSE 100 engineering business. If a colleague did this, we would say 'oh, what a pain, happens to everyone', tell a story or two about lost passports to make them feel better and move on.

Don't worry, it is a bit embarrassing but it isn't a big cock up. No one died, no clients lost, no major money lost.

For perspective consider Katharine Gunn whose work cock up didn't just make headlines it was made into a movie starring Kiera Knightly!

www.theguardian.com/film/2019/jul/27/international-incident-work-mistake-official-secrets-film

Ah OP, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re disappointed, I get that, but you’re also human and flawed, as each of us is. I would see this as a great opportunity to reflect on why it is you’re being so tough on yourself. Does your company have an EAP where you can avail of some counselling? You might benefit. You sound wonderful so please don’t let this drag you down.

Lost mine twice but nothing work related.

First time was when I realised two days to go to Malta. I phoned my friend in an absolute panic (Minnie Mouse voice on helium down the phone) and she calmly suggested I look EVERYWHERE. I eventually found it in a magazine rack the night before!!!!

The second time I wasn't going anywhere, but nowadays you need to sign forms and give passport or driver's licence details for everything. Could not find the bloody thing anywhere but knew it was in my room. I eventually cancelled it then two weeks later found the wretched thing in a backpack in my wardrobe!

I realise that is absolutely no help to you but hopefully a small crumb of comfort that you are not the only one!!!

By the way, anyone got any good advice?

I do think that as a pp mentioned the oddest thing is that it's usually in the safe but you hadn't put it there since your last trip & hadn't noticed that you hadn't put it away as part of unpacking.

Hope it turns up Op!

Hmmm, off the subject I know but I don't see how you could check something three times and miss it - more likely your dh had your passport the whole time whether purposely or by accident! (although a pp mentioned her dh hid hers on purpose)

Haven't read all the thread but did you need it when booking this trip?

You've lost/mislaid your passport but if you carry on like this, you'll lose your mind next. You're being unnecessarily hard on yourself. These things happen and whilst not ideal, not the end of the world.
If you make a big thing out of it, your colleagues will likely follow suit. I'm not saying laugh it off but put it into perspective. Don't quit over something that will blow over shortly.

No it was booked by the company and passport details were on file from previous travel.

If it helps, a friend of mine did exactly the same thing but didn’t tell her boss. Turned up at the airport and met him. Then whilst in the check in queue, pretended to faint, knowing they wouldn’t let her on the flight. At least you’ve been honest. She tells it as a funny anecdote and I am sure you will too one day. Important to laugh at ourselves.

I think it might be worth you exploring why this feels like such a big deal to you. Your description of your house and your reaction to this make me wonder if you put too much pressure on yourself. May be a bit too much of a perfectionist? May be some OCD tendencies? Certainly you aren’t showing yourself much compassion. I can totally see why you are embarrassed and disappointed with yourself but it’s just one of those things. Passport lost or stolen and you didn’t notice. It’s easily done.

Hope you start to feel a bit more like yourself very soon.

Thanks to those who have mentioned the overreaction may be a concern to my boss/colleagues. I'll make sure I keep this quiet around them. I've not actually said much to anyone yet, just a call with my boss last night to say it is lost but I didn't let on that I'm spiraling with it.
I'll vent to friends/family while I wind down from this, and not any colleagues.

Please be kind to yourself. What would you say to a good friend in this situation? That’s what you need to be saying to yourself.

Honestly OP, when colleagues do stuff like this I secretly think 'I'm so pleased other people do daft things - it isn't just me'. I wouldn't ever say it out loud but it does make me feel a bit better.

You're right to suggest I'm a perfectionist but to a flaw

I don’t think you come across as a perfectionist OP. You wouldn’t be in the position if you were

Maybe u left it at work (unless WFH?)

That's a horrible post 😡 particularly given OP's upset.

Idiotic...

If this happened to a colleague I’d just think/say “oh you poor thing, that’s so annoying for you.” And mean it. Things like passports, car keys, bits of important paper are always disappearing when you most need them.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had treatment for anxiety before but you do sound anxious and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

btw one of the main lovely things about having a family is that they love you even when you make mistakes! Would you disown your own mum because she mislaid something?

Why? Is being an extreme perfectionist something to aspire to?

I know you can’t help how you feel, but you are truly overreacting. Everyone else will be sympathetic, they’ll have the trip and forget about it in no time. The trip will be fine without you, just as it would be if one of the team suddenly got sick and couldn’t go.

Put a brave face on it even if you don’t feel brave, and get on with doing your job well. Style it out, don’t talk yourself down in front of colleagues, do the “it’s very annoying but never mind, I have plenty of other things to do” routine. Don’t let them see you’re upset. Colleagues would find it very odd that you’ve reacted in such an extreme way, so hide it. Don’t even think about leaving your job. What will happen if you make a mistake in your next job - as we all do - and react badly like this all over again?

As for feeling that you’ve let down your DH and DD, I hope that on reflection you can see how just bizarre that sounds - I see you’re starting to recognise that already, but if these spiralling thoughts are uncontrollable when you lose a passport, you should perhaps think about therapy to explore this.

You've misunderstood, a perfectionist is someone who strives for perfection and struggles to accept anything less. An actual perfect person doesn't exist as far as I know.

Absolutely everyone has a lost / expired passport story. I bet the MD has.

@Stupidworkgirl

I can understand your disappointment & feeling upset with yourself - you'd everything organised, then something unforeseen & frustrating prevented your trip.

You didn't make a mistake tho - it's one of those maddening unexpected things that happens in life - like a flat tyre, a tip in the car, a household appliance breaking at the worst time!

I can understand your rumination about this too - I'd be similar. I think it is part of desperately wishing you could resolve this.

You are definitely placing an interpretation on this beyond what is reasonable. Your colleagues & manager will not judge you, you won't need to look for a new job, it hasn't made you some object of derision. I agree with PPs that an outside support like counselling, and checking via your EAP, is a good idea.

For today, find some non-challenging admin type tasks to get you through 💐