F*cked up massively - work related. Perspective needed

[Stupidworkgirl]

I have an important business trip abroad tomorrow which myself and several other colleagues are going on. It is a major event in our industry and we have been planning it for a while. I have done the majority of the planning and have enjoyed it and was excited to attend. Our company director is going along with my boss and several coworkers, one of which reports to me.

I have lost my passport. I only realised this at 4pm today when packing. I am meant to fly out on an early morning flight. We have a very tidy minimalist home and have searched everywhere, it is definitely not here. I last travelled a few months ago and can only think I dropped it somewhere between security and my car.

I have called my boss who has told the MD. My boss was understanding and kind about it, I don’t know what the MDs reaction was. I’m absolutely gutted. Missing out on the event is a horrible feeling but is actually the least of it, that will wear off once it is over at the end of this week. It is more the damage to my reputation and how people might think of me going forward. I’m honestly considering leaving and finding a new job, as I don’t know how I will mentally bounce back from it.

Looking for reassurance or perhaps any similar tales or fucking up at work.

Worse case is that people may think you are flaky but there is no way anyone who knows you (even a little) will think that, I know that purely from this thread. People who don'tkl know you at all are unlikely to find out and generally any kind person will sympathise.

Try to give yourself a break and move past it.

Oh OP it really really is not a big deal! I would not dream of resigning over this!! It doesn't even much matter - everyone forgets/loses things sometimes - really not a big deal.
You can't be perfect. I know that you probably want to do everything perfectly (and I do know what it is like to be a woman in a male dominated world, and feel like you need to never mess anything up), but really and truly perfection is not the thing to aim for. Aim to be good at your job - you know, good enough for what is needed. And it sounds like you've totally achieved that, and the trip will go well (even if you can't be on it).
I would try to give yourself some kind of treat to try to make it up to yourself for missing out on the trip. What were you looking forward to? The adventure of going somewhere new? If so, then maybe plan a small trip for yourself/you plus a relation/friend so you can get a fix of adventure? You deserve it!
And don't even think of resigning! I'm guessing you've already apologised for not being able to join the trip as planned - and that's all you need to do. You can get some work done back at the office, and be at base to support if the team who are away need anything. Stop being so hard on yourself!!

Honestly I mean this kindly- your colleagues won't care as much as you think, it at all. As you have said the trip can go on as was without you, losing your passport isn't anything humiliating or overly unusual and certainly not unprofessional; it's you who is missing out on a trip you say would have been useful to you and not them. I have anxiety so I recognise the world ending feeling but I promise no one is that bothered. Certainly wouldn't consider leaving over it, its not a work error as such for a start, and no one is losing out because of it except for you.

If it was potentially lost at Heathrow you can search on line.
Google the ‘airport and lost property’ you last travelled to and see what their lost property procedure is.
It might just be there.

Double check for holes in linings of bags and cases that it could have slipped into.

Dont resign, it’s not that bigger deal in the scheme of things. It’ll fade in time.

Did you physically take each drawer out?

You dont have to bounce back - stopping telling yourself that.
You do need to learn to live with the discomfort of a mistake. That is all it is - a mistake.
You are not infallible and you dont need to be.

Dont let your desire to be the perfect employee/mother/wife hold you back. You can't change jobs everytime you think you've made a mistake.

There isnt an employee or employer in the land that hasn't made mistakes along the way. It is part of life. It's just a bit unpleasant and messy.
But it passes.

Oh for goodness sake, you need to stop it. It's a lost passport, your boss and his boss won't be giving it a second thought noe honestly.

Sorry to sound harsh but you're massively massively overreacting. Your colleagues don't care. And all this nonsense about letting your daughter down...I presume you checked the safe again that it's not splatted itself against the side.

On your desire to resign... I'm sure that you must know deep down that it is an over-reaction. But I think that sometimes when people make a mistake they sort of like to get in there and punish themselves excessively so that no-one else will punish them at all. I think my DH does this. E.g. if he breaks a mug that I like, then I'll hear him cursing himself really harshly so of course what can I do but come in and reassure him that it doesn't matter - so he doesn't even get any negative reaction from me at all!
I wonder if you are doing this? But you've already apologised, your boss has been kind, your MD probably won't give it that much thought, and so really the 'punishment' in terms of other peoples' opinions is very manageable. I'd recommend just trying to emotionally manage that (small!) fall out - rather than trying to impose your own massive punishment on yourself!

I once broke a backup tape drive worth £hundreds. Didn't quit.

If you can walk away from a landing, it's a good landing. If you can use the airplane the next day, it's an outstanding landing.

No one has been killed or injured. I wish that was the case for Peachblossomtime.

DH did this before our honeymoon. Unusual as it is mainly me who loses things. Calm. Retracing steps. Found it in the pocket of the jacket he had been wearing.

In the kindest way OP you are way overreacting

You're full of shock and cortisol right now, it will all settle down - in a couple of days you'll be fine. You did your job - the conference is set up. Everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes - in this case it had no major repercussions, it's just a bit embarrassing, so it's not a big one.

No one is going to be thinking about this for more than 5 minutes, everyone has better things to do.

I think it's genuinely worth exploring a couple of sessions with a coach - you've got a serious case of perfectionism, and it's not helpful as it reduces your resilience and focus.

Do you think a bloke would consider resigning and imagine his career was over because of this? would he fuck. And most women wouldn't either. Work on increasing your resilience and reducing your perfectionism. You aren't at school anymore and life will chuck you curveballs, you have to be able to deal with them.

Don't resign. Your bosses will know that this is very unusual for you (I know this just from reading your posts).

It will all blow over. Be apologetic but don't be that person who gets themselves in a state about it. If I was your boss- this would annoy me more than the lost passport.

Might be worth checking with local police station in case it was found and handed in.

Go easy on yourself - it can happen to anyone.

Have you pulled every drawer right out of the unit, sometimes things fall out the back of the drawer into the carcass of the unit.

OP, I am coming at this from the perspective of someone who is chaotic and disorganised and for whom lost passports are a regular inconvenience, but in the grand scheme of work fuck-ups, this is a 1 out of 10. Nobody will be bothered apart from you. It's mildly embarrassing at worst.

Given your extreme reaction, though, it might be worth trying to work out what it actually is that's bothering you so much. You're clearly good at your job, or they wouldn't have given it to you. What's more, you need to find a way past this or else your DD will also grow up with the idea that anything less than perfect isn't good enough. What would you say to her if she were 25 rather than 5 and had lost her passport? You'd most likely say "nobody died - don't worry about it". Could you try applying that to yourself?

OP you are being very hard on yourself.

I get that you've worked very hard and you sound like a very high achiever, that's wonderful. You're still human. We stuff up from time to time. All of us. But losing your passport has no bearing whatsoever on you as a mother/wife/daughter ... any other of your many roles.

You lost a document. An important one, to be sure, but just a document and you say the loss of it won't impact on the purpose of the trip, no lost business etc.

This will get lost in the mists of time.

Also (just one more thing...) if you are a perfectionist/trying-to-do-everything-the-best-you-can kind of person, then I think there is a trick you can use to help you here. I learnt about it when playing scrabble... when losing, you can turn your attempt to do well at the game into an attempt to lose really well - e.g. be a good sport etc.
Similarly here - if you can bring yourself to see that everybody makes mistakes like this - then you can see that succeeding is really about responding well to mistakes. And in this case, I'd say responding well involves: apologising and being direct and honest about the mistake (tick - you've already done this); giving yourself some time and space to process it (you're doing that - you've written this thread); finding the right way to respond/learn/change for the future - and here I think it's important not to over-react. A good response might be to offer help 'from the ground' to the team, being kind to yourself to make up for missing the trip, ordering a new passport for yourself, and trying to stay calm and grounded so you can keep doing your job/looking after your family etc.
Responding well to mistakes is really what makes you successful!

Do your work have an EAP or can you otherwise access some sort of counselling/support? I mean this in the kindest way because it might not come across like that. But you need to try and resolve why you have reacted like this to something which is pretty much a non event. If a blip like this is enough to have you contemplate resigning over, how will you deal with it if/when you make a much bigger error? Which, no matter how in control or good at your job you are, can happen because you are human and humans make mistakes

Grow up, seriously.

You need to work on your resilience if you want to make it at all on the career ladder.

This is more about your disappointment at not being able to attend than anything else.

Have you been preening around the office at being chosen to go to this event and that's why your embarrassed that you will have to explain to others?

Otherwise what's the big deal? You've let your manager know, you've apologized, they've been understanding and non-judgemental. What more do you want?

Did you use it as Id for something else ? We had to use ours for some silly council card then I freaked when they weren’t there but were in the bag I used on the day we got the silly card.

Also I have had 2 passports stolen when I travelled for work so quite possibly not your fault at all.

Op I feel really bad for you but I think you need to try to be rational, here. I'll tell you what I tell my anxious friend when she worries about things like this - you are the centre of your own universe, but you aren't the centre of the universe. No one else will be as interested in this as you because they have their own lives and troubles.

You are spiralling. It's OK to be disappointed and I understand why you feel embarrassed in front of your colleagues but I guarantee that they won't give a shit. They will feel bad for you because they will imaginebeing in your position, and then they will think no more about it.

Your reaction is quite odd sorry do you have mental health issues? You can only succeed in your job if you roll with the punches. This weird ott reaction to one of life’s travails would concern me if I was your boss.

OP
Totally understand your disappointment.
Some posters on MN are very harsh.
Take care of yourself. This will pass.

I realise it’s too late now, but who did you travel with last time. Could you have given it to them to hold and they forgot to give it back?

I really do appreciate all of the replies. I do recognise my reaction isn't normal. You're right to suggest I'm a perfectionist but to a flaw, it is something I need to work on. I also have an issue with control, and needing to be in control of everything including other peoples opinions of me.

I think this has triggered that feeling of being out of control, and it is a feeling that I struggle with so I'm in a state of panic right now.