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Original poster

Work coach pushing caring jobs - how do you decline

98 replies

Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:24

I’ve seen this a lot and I was wondering can they remove certain types of jobs and not force you to apply for certain roles if you can’t.

Caring is one job I absolutely would never be able to do. Can I specify that? Do I have to explain all the reasons why I can’t do it and do they accept that?

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 01/05/2023 08:25

depends why you cant do it. Is it for medical or physical reasons? or would you fail the DBS check?

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:27

Nimbostratus100 · 01/05/2023 08:25

depends why you cant do it. Is it for medical or physical reasons? or would you fail the DBS check?

I have autism and severe sensory issues around people , I can’t be too near people, caring would be hell for me. I wouldn’t be doing a good service to anyone I had to care for as I wouldn’t be able to help them at all. I struggle daily. The thing is this isn’t in detail in my diagnosis report they’d have to take my word for it. I literally wouldn’t be able to do it or work in the vicinity of others doing it

OP posts:
Chowtime · 01/05/2023 08:28

What work did you do previously?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:29

Also childcare but that doesn’t seem to be pushed as much (maybe as I think you need a childcare qualification for that?)

It’s just the one thing I can’t do

OP posts:
sylvandweller · 01/05/2023 08:31

Do you have a formal diagnosis?

If so, show them proof and they may agree

EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/05/2023 08:31

Being a care worker takes specific skills and attitude, but there's no reasomn why you can't work to develop these.

Is there a particular reason you can't do care work? Eg childcare? If you are receiving. JSA then I don't think you can just decide you don't fancy certain jobs.

There is a brilliant French film, Untouchable, based on a true story, where a man is forced to go for interviews for care work to receive his benefits, and deliberately messes up the interview. He still gets the job. You should watch it.

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:31

Chowtime · 01/05/2023 08:28

What work did you do previously?

I’ve never worked , I have no job experience. I do have a lot of qualifications (GCSES, a levels) but in a way they are useless as I can’t seem to apply anything to daily life if that makes sense so on paper I could do loads of things in reality I’m stuck and would have to find something but there’s pressure to not take that time finding the right job but to get a job right now instead regardless of what it is and that pressure isn’t helping

OP posts:
piscesangel · 01/05/2023 08:32

Have you shared your diagnosis with your work coach? If so, and it hasn't been taken into account so far, can you get a doctors letter explaining how your diagnosis makes you unsuitable for these types of roles? My understanding is that the work coach takes an evidence based approach so it will help to have the right pieces of paper with them

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:33

sylvandweller · 01/05/2023 08:31

Do you have a formal diagnosis?

If so, show them proof and they may agree

Yes but it doesn’t mention this specific difficulty. I didn’t say as I was really worried it would put doubts over me parenting my children (I’m fine with them but I can’t do childcare or care for others) in a similar way i couldn’t do pet care. I uncontrollably vomit it’s humiliating but once I’m triggered off in certain sensory areas I am really sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:36

I do want to work I just need time to work out what I can do and try something. It’s just the pressure how can you spend hours each week looking when you aren’t sure what to do? But I don’t have that luxury

If I’m sanctioned do they do it for a set time ? Or if I accept a sanction will they just keep increasing it till I have UC taken away totally?
My dad has said that if I need more time to find the right job to tell them that I can’t do what they request and to accept a sanction and he will just make up that difference for me so I can take more time to find the right work. Are sanctikns capped or can they take the whole award

OP posts:
BeerBot · 01/05/2023 08:38

Agree with @piscesangel advice.
There's no benefit in just giving the Work coach a diagnosis as everyone is affected differently.
You will get on much better if you provide written reports from HCPs detailing how you are affected and what things you struggle with/cannot do. That way you can get the right support to get you into the right job.

What sort of job do you see yourself doing? Can you take a more proactive approach with the job coach to get her help to get into office work/retail or whatever you feel you could manage?

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:39

I can’t do retail or hospitality work either but that’s less of an issue . I have selective mutism as well.

Im trying to think what I could do rather than what I can’t do :

-work from home (proof reading or some kind of admin ?)
-office cleaning (early or late hours when the offices are empty)
-self employed (I’m really good at baking but I don’t think this would bring in enough)

OP posts:
Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:42

I’m tempted just to take a sanction to give myself time and try to get a drs letter. My worry has always been that my difficulty will be translated wrongly eg ‘can’t cope around people / caring duties’ will then cause a worry about how I care for my children? But I can care for them it’s very different or will that be seen as being selective when it’s not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:44

I’m upset as have such good qualifications and it’s as if they are locked away. At the time I was able to sit alone for weeks or felt like and study and revise. Exams were amazing a silent hall on single desks and I had such anticipation that getting good results would help me but they mean nothing as I can’t use them they are worthless bits of paper now in a sticky old National record of achievement and seem worthless to me

OP posts:
Ebananascroogey · 01/05/2023 08:45

You could ask your work coach for a referral to the work & health programme, which could be just whar you need.
It might mean a couple of extra appointments per fortnight but it is set up specifically to help people with additional challenges find work that they would be able to sustain.
You'd get an advisor you could explain all this to & they would then work with you to find the right type of roles. Being on the provision would also mean less pressure from your work coach.
I don't know if that's something that you would consider?

BessieSurtees · 01/05/2023 08:45

You need to ask your work coach to tailor your work commitment agreement around your disability.

As an aside, and I’m not meaning you OP, but it really pisses me off this attitude that anyone can do a care role job.

Hands up, who would want their vulnerable family members personal care looked after, often in their own home, by someone who is told they have to do it or be sanctioned but has absolutely no interest / empathy / integrity?

CoozudBoyuPuak · 01/05/2023 08:46

Autism is recognised as a disability in this kind of context. And in the same way that someone blind wouldn't be expected to apply for driving jobs, and someone with fewer than 4 limbs wouldn't be expected to apply for jobs that need 4 limbs, you shouldn't be expected to do jobs that are incompatible with your autism. Your Autism isn't just a disability though - you will also have some powerful strengths and skills, that will make you brilliant at the right kind of job.

You will need to self-advocate at first. Just saying "I can't do that kind of work, it is incompatible with my autism because that level of personal interaction and the sensory overload involved would make me over-stressed to the point of serious illness very quickly" - that ought to be accepted. If they don't accept your word for it the onus is on them to tell you what kind of proof they would accept.

But try to identify more about what your strengths are. Go to the biggest public library you can get to and find their autism section. There are lots of books about finding your confidence as an autistic person and this will help you identify other jobs where you will thrive and be appreciated.

NotmykingEatCake · 01/05/2023 08:47

Have you thought about a technical apprenticeship OP? Perfect for you!

NotmykingEatCake · 01/05/2023 08:47

Uses your education plus the work could be from home and relatively low people

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:49

CoozudBoyuPuak · 01/05/2023 08:46

Autism is recognised as a disability in this kind of context. And in the same way that someone blind wouldn't be expected to apply for driving jobs, and someone with fewer than 4 limbs wouldn't be expected to apply for jobs that need 4 limbs, you shouldn't be expected to do jobs that are incompatible with your autism. Your Autism isn't just a disability though - you will also have some powerful strengths and skills, that will make you brilliant at the right kind of job.

You will need to self-advocate at first. Just saying "I can't do that kind of work, it is incompatible with my autism because that level of personal interaction and the sensory overload involved would make me over-stressed to the point of serious illness very quickly" - that ought to be accepted. If they don't accept your word for it the onus is on them to tell you what kind of proof they would accept.

But try to identify more about what your strengths are. Go to the biggest public library you can get to and find their autism section. There are lots of books about finding your confidence as an autistic person and this will help you identify other jobs where you will thrive and be appreciated.

I feel like i do have skills and the results to show that but I don’t know how to unlock it. I feel so so stupid when for example there could be a conversation about something and I know all about the subject, studied it at a level and am intelligent, can I get a word out - no. Can’t talk, then stress and sensory overload sets in then that’s it and nobody knows that actually I am clever. They just see the person who can’t say a word, who is sweating and bright red, shaking and hyperventilating and I’m sick of it . I feel like all my potential and intelligence is locked away from me

OP posts:
BeerBot · 01/05/2023 08:51

Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:39

I can’t do retail or hospitality work either but that’s less of an issue . I have selective mutism as well.

Im trying to think what I could do rather than what I can’t do :

-work from home (proof reading or some kind of admin ?)
-office cleaning (early or late hours when the offices are empty)
-self employed (I’m really good at baking but I don’t think this would bring in enough)

What about telling her you'd like to apply for office cleaning roles then and get her help finding the jobs?
Or what about setting yourself up as self employed cleaner? Advertise house cleaning in your local Facebook? There a real shortage at moment, you could set your own hours. Or an ironing service you could do at home?
There are some admin posts that are completely working from home but many will be hybrid. Ask her to help you source those.

Not saying any of these are your forever job but they would get you into a job you are able to do in the meantime until you work out the long term.

GoldenGumballs · 01/05/2023 08:52

BessieSurtees
spot on!

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:54

BeerBot · 01/05/2023 08:51

What about telling her you'd like to apply for office cleaning roles then and get her help finding the jobs?
Or what about setting yourself up as self employed cleaner? Advertise house cleaning in your local Facebook? There a real shortage at moment, you could set your own hours. Or an ironing service you could do at home?
There are some admin posts that are completely working from home but many will be hybrid. Ask her to help you source those.

Not saying any of these are your forever job but they would get you into a job you are able to do in the meantime until you work out the long term.

Show quote history

Cleaning I could do but I worry that I’d be seen as fussy for only picking certain clients (eg ones where they don’t have a pet and it’s not really dirty etc if that makes sense as I can’t cope with absolute filth. Hoovering dusting and a ‘Normal’ level of cleaning would be fine ) Id then worry if I had a client for example was always home and very chatty that I wouldn’t cope then I’d get bad reviews if I let people go . Maybe im overthinking

OP posts:
Mochinated · 01/05/2023 08:55

Tech? Plenty of free coding bootcamps online. Maybe tech apprenticeships too. It's not unusual in tech circles to have difficulties in social interaction (diagnosed or otherwise). It could be the start of you feeling ok to be yourself.

So far as the work coach, nod smile do as they say and take the money. You probably find it more stressful and distracting trying to "fight" them than it's worth. Don't forget your long term focus here is getting yourself into a career you can enjoy and earn good money at, the rest is irrelevant.

Good luck!

Original poster
Makingthebest · 01/05/2023 08:56

Mochinated · 01/05/2023 08:55

Tech? Plenty of free coding bootcamps online. Maybe tech apprenticeships too. It's not unusual in tech circles to have difficulties in social interaction (diagnosed or otherwise). It could be the start of you feeling ok to be yourself.

So far as the work coach, nod smile do as they say and take the money. You probably find it more stressful and distracting trying to "fight" them than it's worth. Don't forget your long term focus here is getting yourself into a career you can enjoy and earn good money at, the rest is irrelevant.

Good luck!

Tech is an area I struggle in. I’ll be honest I have a phone but the last time I used a computer was probably 2000 in college . For some reason I couldn’t get on with it and decided it was too stressful and I didn’t need to use one 🤦‍♀️ it’s quiet embarrassing

OP posts: