What does feeling broody or wanting a child feel like?

[FisherthemsFriend]

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this and would be curious to know. Have you always known you wanted children or did it arrive later, eg in your 30s or towards 40s?

Now I'm the opposite and I shudder in horror when I see a baby. Not because my baby wasn't and isn't wonderful, but because I couldn't go through the physical pain and exhaustion again!

It's definitely a switch-type feeling.

Always wanted a family, met DH at 19, in my head I reckoned we'd have a baby at 25/26 after marriage etc etc. but family history had a pretty firm pattern of fertility struggles so I always wondered if I ever could..

My first was an accident when I fell pregnant at 23, but as soon as I saw the lines on that test I desperately wanted this baby to here in my arms! When she was 18mo and we were in the midst of wedding planning, I felt the urge massively to have another!

I have a 4yo and 2yo now and for the last two years pretty much the switch has felt like it's firmly off. But the past month or so that 'incomplete' feeling has been around, not necessarily the longing I felt for by my second but certainly something has switched back on!

I'd always wanted children since I was about 18. But what really kicked my broodiness into overdrive was when my friend became pregnant in 2020. All of a sudden it became priority number 1 and it felt like a physical ache in my chest. Took a year to conceive DS. He's 9 months now and at first I was like nope one and done but now I kinda want another but it will never be as intense as when I was child free. I will be eternally grateful for the child I am blessed with

I just always knew I would have children. Even when we struggled and went through IVF I knew I would explore other options such as adoption rather than not have any.

There's nothing wrong wth you 🙂. I've never had that feeling either. Heading into menopause now.

I have absolutely no regrets that I didn't have children.

I’m 51 with a 20yo who I conceived through contraceptive failure. Love him completely but if that hadn’t happened I’d never have had kids. Never been broody, the thought of being a parent never crossed my mind.

I didn’t know I wanted children and was on the fence until my mid 20’s when I started to think I was more on the side of having kids than not. I wasn’t really until I met my DH (who I thought would be a good dad) that I really made my mind up. With exes I knew it was a bad idea and so just didn’t want them yet.

i found it all encompassing- my ovaries hurt!

I never had this feeling at all. I never felt maternal, never really bonded with any children and was quite happy being childless. Got pregnant by accident (came off pill, used an app to not get pregnant, husband fine with risk and actually he wanted kids. App worked but human error) anyway it wasn't until after my baby was born I felt this intense love and best thing to ever happen to me. Now pregnant with my second (planned). I also think motherhood was easier for me that people who desperately crave it because I knew all the negatives already and actually they weren't as bad as I thought but I didn't anticipate the amount of love I'd feel.

In my teens I always thought I never wanted children. In my late 20s I became more open to the idea and in my 30s I made the conscious decision to start a family. However, it was very much a rational decision rather than a deep, longing. I've never felt that innate pull. I now have 2 DC, love them with all my heart and glad I chose to become a mum but that's just it, it was a choice.

In my twenties, I wasn’t sure I wanted kids. It wasn’t the case that I didn’t - I was just focused on my career. As I approached my thirties, I’m not sure what kicked in as I became certain I did, from out of nowhere really.

But I didn’t really feel broody until I met someone and knew he was the one - and the heart-tugging kind of physical broodiness didn’t really ramp up until we were about to be married. I think before that I just imagined our married life together, with just us initially.

When it really hit me, I went from just imagining our married life with just us (I was now living it) to thinking about what it’d be like to have a baby too. It was totally blue skies thinking (despite me not really being much of a dreamer generally!) and nothing like the reality of having a newborn! 😂 I became obsessed with TTC when we decided to start.

It’s a nice feeling initially but TTC is hard, especially when there are challenges and heartache along the way. My heart goes out to everyone currently having that fight. ❤️

Those of you who have felt broody since being a teenager - were you ever tempted to throw caution to the wind, or did your head rule your heart and make you realise that it was impractical to start a family so young?

Even from an evolutionary perspective it makes sense to become broody when the conditions are right - a good mate, a decent job and big enough home.

This! So me! It’s true though! Life is about experiencing the world, travelling, having me time too. Kids can sometimes hinder that esp if you have many (costs etc too)

I'm one of the ones who has wanted a baby ever since I was a teen, and no, I was very sensible about it and waited until everything was in place (good career, happy marriage, financial security, DH fully on board), which was when I was 30. I would definitely have gone for it a couple of years earlier if DH had wanted to.

I just had this longing for a baby, couldn't look at baby clothes in the shops as the feeling was overwhelming. Had an urge/aching when seeing a baby.

I have one now and I'm jealous of those with no urge. My life would be sooo much easier if I was childfree. Unfortunately I had the urge 🤣 and just wouldn't calm down until I got my baby.

It's v v hard work and takes a lot of your freedom.

"Feeling broody" is just a reaction to social pressure.
Biology wouldn't make women in their late 30s and early 40s - en masse - feel a deep yearning for a child. However, at that age, many people have ticked the marriage/partner/career/travel/home/stuff boxes and the next step that we're socially conditioned to take is 'have a baby' - before it's too late!
I'm not saying women who want kids dont know their own minds, but if "broodiness" was a thing, it would kick in for us all at about 15.

Nope, not for many of us.
My husband would be the most wonderful dad. In fact, my only regret at us not wanting kids is that I won't see him in that role.
We've been together for 20 years and are still head over heels in love.

@MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads what about the posters who said it kicked in for them in their teens?

Some women will desperately want babies at all sorts of different ages and life stages - including at 15 and at 45.

But the media's depiction of "broodiness" hitting us all like a bullet train at 35 is nonsense. That's just society's way of telling us "hurry up, woman, you're running out of time".

""Feeling broody" is just a reaction to social pressure.
Biology wouldn't make women in their late 30s and early 40s - en masse - feel a deep yearning for a child. However, at that age, many people have ticked the marriage/partner/career/travel/home/stuff boxes and the next step that we're socially conditioned to take is 'have a baby' - before it's too late!
I'm not saying women who want kids dont know their own minds, but if "broodiness" was a thing, it would kick in for us all at about 15."

I really disagree with this. We are all wired differently. I didn't have children because it was the 'done thing.' I had children because I felt an overwhelming deep emotional yearning for a baby; this was a feeling I had never experienced before. It had nothing to do with giving in to what society deems as 'the norm.' Some people do have it as teenagers or at 40!

It kicked in for me, really strongly, when I was about 20. Definitely not an appropriate time from a “social pressure” viewpoint.

Good for you.
It kicked in strongly for me that I wanted a dog in my 20s too. And a home of my own. And to go on a really nice holiday with my husband.
It's just called 'wanting something very much', and that's fine.
'Broodiness', as a concept that impacts all women, is nonsense because we're not livestock!

But you just suggested it doesn’t exist (the drive to reproduce, that is) because it’s affecting women in their 30’s and 40’s, as it would “kick in” earlier if it did. For a lot of women it does.

Just because you have never experienced something doesn’t mean that no other women have.

I actively disliked children, I would move seats in a restaurant if one sat nearby, would change aisles in a supermarket if one cried and the sound of a crying baby or screaming child would make me physically wince.

When I was 23 I asked my Dr if I could be sterilised because I was certain I didn't ever want children. He said no.

Then aged 34 my Mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour and I suddenly realised how important family was to me, I'd always be close to my parents but it was being faced with losing one that pushed me into thinking of a life with no immediate family.

I wasn't certain I was doing the right thing and still very apprehensive but the thought of not having a baby was now worse than the thought of having one.

It took 3 years to conceive and I was never disappointed when my period arrived and happy to let what will be will be. My first thought when I got my positive test was 'shit' and I never felt excited at all throughout my pregnancy, I did love her but was very calm and level headed, it all very very surreal and unbelievable I guess.

When she was born it was like meeting someone I knew, she was the first baby I'd ever held in my 38 years and it just felt right having her in my life.
She's now 10 and has an 8 year old sister and I completely adore them, they're everything to me.

No. I'm saying "broodiness" - ie, an affliction depicted by the media as impacting ALL women - typically in their 30s - doesn't exist.
But of course some women may still want children very much - in their 20s, and every other age too.
But it really is just "wanting something very much". It's not "broodiness".