Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What does feeling broody or wanting a child feel like?

102 replies

FisherthemsFriend · 28/04/2023 15:57

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this and would be curious to know. Have you always known you wanted children or did it arrive later, eg in your 30s or towards 40s?

OP posts:
Wishona · 29/04/2023 20:52

Malarandras · 29/04/2023 20:49

For me it was overwhelming, all consuming urge that would not dissipate regardless of what I did. It took up every waking moment and I could not think about anything else in any meaningful way. The only thing that would deal with it was having a baby. Then after my first I had that feeling again. After my second it never came back.

So I had 3 and the feeling didn’t go. I think others can see it in me, when I’m holding babies at work I get comments like ‘you’d keep having them wouldn’t you?’ and ‘don’t have any more!’
I won’t have any more, as it would be a ridiculous things to do. However, I do wonder if I’m someone who just will never get a ‘done’ feeling.

Snowjokes · 29/04/2023 21:09

What is it that makes some women want a baby so much that it overtakes everything esle in life? What is missing from their lives that only a baby can fill it?

I got a bit offended at first, but actually the answer is simple (if trite): when you feel like that, what’s missing is a baby.

I always knew I wanted a child, I always thought I’d adopt. In my late 20s I didn’t think a relationship would happen, so I started planning towards adopting on my own. Then I met now-DH. And at some point a switch flicked and I wanted to get pregnant and have a baby. We struggled to get pregnant and it felt like my life was over. I can’t explain it.

And then, after baby two, the switch was firmly flicked off. Two is plenty! Interesting to hear other people have felt that too!

Thecat19342 · 29/04/2023 21:11

I always wanted children and babies. I loved them from being a kid there's a photo of me aged 5 pushing my cousin in her pram big beaming smile on my face. Travelling the world, big exciting careers never grabbed my attention as much as being a mother did. I fell pregnant after marrying my dh at 24.

All I can describe it as Is a yearning, it's never gone after nine pregnancies (and three living kids). I do wish I could get rid of the longing though it's hard to focus on anything else- I'm hoping menopause will put an end to it!!

Secondwindplease · 29/04/2023 21:11

I was way too involved my caring for my siblings as a teen when my mum left, and that pretty much cured me of any desire to have children.

I am mid-thirties now and if I hear babies or children I still feel an intense panic that my whole life is going to unravel again. But now it’s mixed with curiosity about having a child - what kind of parents would my husband and I be? I am terrified that I would have a meltdown with a young child, but I think I would enjoy guiding a teenager and watching them fledge.

Would having a child be healing for me, or retraumatising? It all feels such a gamble and I am fast running out of time to decide.

So I guess my long answer is that I have never felt broody in the traditional way, but the matter of whether or not to have children is constantly on my mind.

Beachhutnut · 29/04/2023 21:27

An obsession. It was all I thought about. Literally a switch flipped and it was an urge, I knew it was something I need to do.

Original poster
FisherthemsFriend · 29/04/2023 21:30

@RampantIvy I have bad PMS and have had hormonal acne so there are definitely raging hormones for me!

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 29/04/2023 21:35

I never had that feeling despite having a now 10yr old. I had a baby because we felt we were at that stage where we should have a child (married, house, good jobs, friend's having babies, age) I never wanted more after 1. Being a parent is something I struggle with but we make it work

Thesearmsofmine · 29/04/2023 21:48

I always knew I wanted children. I’ve always loved being around them, even when I was in junior school i used to go to the infant school at lunch time to read to the little ones and I was babysitting from the age of 12. I have 3 dc now but still get the ache and longing, we would have had another if I wasn’t advised against it medically. I have also always wanted to foster, it’s been in my mind since I worked with foster children/carers 20 years ago and is something I hope to do when my own dc are older.

VikingLady · 29/04/2023 21:48

You know when you get a craving and it's almost all-consuming? Like hunger, or I get sugar cravings. Like that, but for having a baby. A form of hunger. You'd definitely know.

Alconleigh · 29/04/2023 21:56

This is such an interesting read. I'm 46 and don't have children; have never felt even a flicker of what people are describing here. I had an abortion at 23 and felt perhaps a shadow of maternal feeling towards that foetus but I was never going to make anything other than the sensible choice (wasn't in a stable relationship and was pretty chaotic generally at the time). I know some people have the baby in that circumstance and it's the making of them but that was never on the cards.

It's really interesting to read how people describe their longing cos it largely confirms that I just don't have that. To me, child rearing looks like 95% drudgery interspersed with just enough cute moments that you don't leave them on a hillside. That's probably the opposite of broodiness!

RampantIvy · 29/04/2023 22:01

To me, child rearing looks like 95% drudgery interspersed with just enough cute moments that you don't leave them on a hillside

I love DD to bits, but TBH parenthood did feel like that to me at times. I am totally baffled by women who want to go through this 6 or 7 times. The sheer drudgery and boredom of constant washing, cooking, cleaning, school runs etc, etc makes me want to lie down in a darkened room. I need me time and would hate the chaos of living in a large household.

bookworm14 · 29/04/2023 22:02

For me it felt like a desperate longing for something missing. It’s hard to describe unless you’ve felt it yourself. Mine got even worse after I had two early miscarriages, to the point that I found it very hard to be around pregnant women or babies due to jealousy.

Interestingly, as soon as I had my DD (now 7) the feeling abated and has never returned. There don’t seem to be many people like me who stopped feeling broody after one child, but I took it as a sign that I was only supposed to have one!

WhisperingAutistic · 29/04/2023 22:03

I wanted children from being a teen. I would go into Mothercare and look at all the tiny clothes, I'd babysit friends and family and I'd literally dream about being pregnant and be so upset when I woke up and didn't have a baby. Its like a longing, deep in your stomach. All consuming.

I have 3 children now and am still broody but cannot have more for medical reasons. I adore everything about babies and newborn was my absolute favourite stage.

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 29/04/2023 22:14

I knew I wanted children from a very young age and decided to have our first in my early 30s once we'd settled down. Prior to having my first child I didn't actually feel broody as such if anything I felt awkward around babies, it was more I know I wanted kids and now was the right time. After the first though I did feel broody and I do remember when my oldest was about 3 months old we were in ikea and there was a teeny newborn in a pram and I said to my husband omg look going all mushy, to which he replied to me pointing into our pram, we have one right there 🤣. So yes we had 2 more. I do still go mushy for a teeny baby but no more babies, 3 is quite enough!

NBLarsen · 29/04/2023 22:16

I've always wanted children but am not able to have them and fertility treatment was not successful. To me, it feels like grieving a bereavement. Desperately missing someone and wanting more than anything to be with them, except in my case the person hasn't died, they were never there.

2bazookas · 29/04/2023 22:48

No, I'd never wanted children so took great trouble not to get pregnant (because women in my family are very very fertile).
Then out of the blue when I was 26, my BP shot up and my GP recommended I stop taking the Pill right away. I can only imagine the sudden hormone shift was what triggered me into broody; an irresistible tsunami of lust and baby- longing. Within a month I was pregnant.

ohfook · 29/04/2023 22:54

It's the most bizarre feeling. I don't know if it's like this for everyone but it's like your head and heart belong to two different people.

Like your head will be thinking right you have two children who are at school, sleep all night and don't require nappies. Your finances are back on track, you have time for dates with your dh and to have some sort of social life. You've found yourself again after years in the newborn bubble - life is good!

Your heart meanwhile can't stop thinking about tiny babies cuddling in, newborn snuggling, toddlers who come running to their mums and is certain that just one more baby than you already have is the ideal number to make your family perfect. Your heart doesn't give a shit about morning sickness, shitty maternity pay or lack of space in your house!

ohfook · 29/04/2023 22:55

I should add I was never broody until I met dh. I went from not really seeing it in my future to crying at the thought of never becoming a mum.

WeightoftheWorld · 29/04/2023 22:58

No, as a child/teen I had very limited contact with babies etc but I did like them, I have a few cousins who are much younger than me and enjoyed pushing them in the pram and playing with them but they lived far away so didnt see them much. However always said I didn't want any of my own. Abruptly suddenly changed my mind at the age of about 21, no idea why, and suddenly really wanted kids of my own! DH was on board but the timing wasn't so good then so we delayed it a couple of years, I was pregnant at 23 and had DC1 at 24. We always said we would like at least 2 and we have 2 now. I'm undecided about a third not because I don't want one but because I'm wary of making it all work for the kids mostly in terms of finances but also in time for them all etc. DH wants a third. But then the impact on him will be far less than on me especially as I think I'd have to quit work entirely to have a third due to childcare costs as I'm a low earner.

garlicandsapphires · 29/04/2023 23:01

RampantIvy · 29/04/2023 18:57

It is a feeling I never felt.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

Show quote history

Me neither. Despite trying hard to conceive.
Rationally I think having a baby would be a good thing, but I don’t experience the physical longing that others describe.

iwantchinese · 29/04/2023 23:01

I thought i never wanted them as a teen but in my early twenties i fell pregnant and still wasn't sure during early pregnancy if i wanted children but after having the baby i couldn't imagine my life any other way. I have two now, 2 under 2 and still don't feel done with having babies.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 29/04/2023 23:07

You know when you're a young girl and really interested in the opposite sex, like you see good looking men everywhere.

It was a bit like that but every time I saw a little baby my eyes would kind of glaze over, I couldn't take my eyes off it, I would get these like hormonal broody feelings of wanting to cuddle the baby and smell it - a physical feeling like a warm feeling through my body. It was a bit crazy.

I was mentally distracted and couldn't think of much else!

It was after I turned 30.

Firebird83 · 29/04/2023 23:10

Like a physical ache, a longing to have a baby in your arms.

HypervigilenceSucks · 30/04/2023 00:06

Rationally I think having a baby would be a good thing, but I don’t experience the physical longing that others describe.

I get the intense, crazy making, physical longing - but rationally for me I think having a baby would not be a good thing.

I have health issues and could not offer to a baby the life I would want in an ideal world.

We are opposites!

Satsumastocking · 30/04/2023 00:11

DustyLee123 · 28/04/2023 16:35

I had an actual pain in my chest when thinking about it.

Me too. I knew from an early age that I wanted children and that I wanted them young enough to have energy and to have lots of grandchildren too. I hoped to have them by age 25 and was in such pain when I didn't that it was almost unbearable. My life was pretty much centred round starting a family. But it requires things (if you're being extra responsible, which I regret being) like a man willing to have them, so I didn't have one until I was 37.