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Original poster

Can you opt out of adult life?

82 replies

Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 15:50

For some background - I'm mid-30s, getting divorced, selling my home and getting made redundant. None of these things are particularly sad - I'm fairly contented on the divorce and restructuring is fairly common and considered one of those things in my industry. I have a nearly 3 year old daughter. My somewhat D-H works out of the country around 6-9 months per year. I'll get around 90k from the house sale and 20k redundancy.

My question is - do I have to buy a new house and get a new job? Could I just...not? Could I just take my DD on an adventure instead? I have no illusions that she'll remember it, but...it is still nice to be happy day-to-day. I also have an extremely loving and close family who would be perfectly happy for us to use a bedroom for periods of time.

I'm not talking forever, just 6-12 months. I suppose I'm thinking we'll never be able to do it again. Next time I get made redundant, she'll likely be school-aged...

Am I having a breakdown? Or is this a thing people do?

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 27/04/2023 16:00

I think that sounds awesome, and she may remember some things about it but even if she doesn't, sounds like it'll be an enriching experience for her :) and you're right, there's rarely a good time to take off travelling when you work, I went at 26 (no child in tow though) for 8 months as I had a job I didn't mind losing and got another when I came back, I couldn't do that now at 35 as I love my career!

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 16:06

Not sure what sort of adventure you can have with a three year old in tow. All the fun things to do just wouldn't be possible with a young child.

Maybe take a break from work for a while, if your family would babysit, perhaps you could take a few weekends to yourself and do some stuff just for you. Doesn't have to be anything life affirming, cathartic or any of that bollocks, maybe a roadtrip, a few invigorating shags, or a go abroad for a few days. Whatever takes you out of this funk your in.

Set a specific time limit though, or you'll never get back on the horse. Give yourself six months to tune out and drop off the radar.

Maraudingmarauders · 27/04/2023 16:11

Plenty of people travel the world with young children in tow! I'd spend some time looking up YouTube travel vlogs etc of people who choose to travel with young children. It doesn't have to be New Lives in the Wild extreme but it's perfectly feasible to travel around whilst your child isn't in school etc especially if your DH is abroad anyway and won't challenge you. Don't underestimate the challenge that might come from botnhaving a fixed home address, however. If you can use a parents address that might make things easier. Obviously Brexit can make things more challenging regarding the 90/180 EU rule but it's still possible if you look further afield and get your head around visas etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2023 16:16

All the fun things to do just wouldn't be possible with a young child.
No, you're confusing fun with hedonistic. There's plenty of fun to be had from travelling thr world, meeting new people, experiencing new cultures, trying new authentic food, swimming in every ocean, collecting sand from every beach in all their colours, etc.

It's quite sad you think it's impossible to have fun with a young child.

Do it @Giveuprobot , do some research on the logistics, get the money into the safest option, get every jab you need and go out to explore the world.
She might not remember, but you can take a million selfies of you and her

NoSquirrels · 27/04/2023 16:17

Do it! What an opportunity.

Just plan carefully around coming back & school choices etc if you’re concerned about that.

LexieLoos · 27/04/2023 16:19

This sounds like an amazing opportunity!

Original poster
Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 16:28

@onefinemess she's pretty chill, she's a solid adventure buddy already. But I was thinking more train travel through Europe than full moon party in Thailand kinda adventures 😂

@Maraudingmarauders this is the kind of sensible thinking I need. Hadn't thought of addresses but parents would definitely let me use theirs and her dad has an address we could use too.

@NoSquirrels not too worried about schools, she's a summer baby so we're quite a long way from the kind of final jump off point. But I'm really only thinking of a year. I don't have it in me to go full wilderness explorer!

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 27/04/2023 16:33

Just a warning on the schools - if she’s a summer baby and going to turn three this summer, that means she’s going to turn 4 next summer and if you’re in England/Wales, she’d be starting school the September just after she turns 4. You’d need to be applying for schools from this September onwards, with an address. It’s ok if you move, but got to make sure if you use your parents address for the application that you’d be ok living near wherever that school is when you get a house again. Sorry to be boring, but having a summer born makes it harder as school starts when they’re still quite young.

AuraBora · 27/04/2023 16:33

I think you should go for it! You could have such a great adventure.
I wish we'd travelled more with our daughter before no2 came along. Now things cost so much more and its just not feasible with her at school etc etc..
I'm not an expert but I'd have thought now is not a great time to buy in any case?
Let us know where you end up planning to go :)

RosesofAmsterdam · 27/04/2023 16:39

The school application deadline for her will be January next year then, so you have tonnes of time to go off on a wonderful adventure together! Also, you can apply from abroad as long as you have an address you can use for the application (you could use your parents address). Do it, there's no way you would regret travelling with your lovely DD and enjoying this time together.

Original poster
Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 16:40

@Talipesmum Her dad has an address in the right area though so I assume it's fine to use that? We also live in the arse end of nowhere so I think you could pretty much turn up on the first day of school and they'd let you in 😂 Really good point though, thank you.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 27/04/2023 16:41

I would save the holiday money towards holidays when she can remember.

Maybe you are just not suited to being a UK adult and your home is more Mediterranean, a more relaxed way of living, perhaps you could go away after redundancy looking at places you could actually live. You will need to obviously check legalities.

You have nothing to keep you here, dad away, daughter not in school, no job as such, no mortgaged home. You could use the money to set up somewhere else perhaps?

Basically I wouldn't spend it all on travel but think about long term life investment but that might not be in another UK bricks and mortar place.

Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 16:42

How would you feel if your exDH took her away from you for ‘6 months to a year’?

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 27/04/2023 16:43

£110k could buy you a nice two bed flat or house in some places. Buy it outright, rent it out and go travel the world knowing you have something to come back to when you need it

SomePosters · 27/04/2023 16:44

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 16:06

Not sure what sort of adventure you can have with a three year old in tow. All the fun things to do just wouldn't be possible with a young child.

Maybe take a break from work for a while, if your family would babysit, perhaps you could take a few weekends to yourself and do some stuff just for you. Doesn't have to be anything life affirming, cathartic or any of that bollocks, maybe a roadtrip, a few invigorating shags, or a go abroad for a few days. Whatever takes you out of this funk your in.

Set a specific time limit though, or you'll never get back on the horse. Give yourself six months to tune out and drop off the radar.

Never understand why people have children if this is their attitude with them.

I took my 4yo travelling in a camper van for months and we had a blast.

Its wasn’t a relaxing holiday but it was a glorious adventure And I had a LOT less ready cash than you.

Go for it!

3luckystars · 27/04/2023 16:45

Maybe take 10k and have an amazing adventure and then come back to reality then.

greyhairnomore · 27/04/2023 16:47

Not sure if you have an EU passport ?
6-12 months would be tricky in Europe.

greyhairnomore · 27/04/2023 16:47

But a- further afield , go for it

Original poster
Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 16:49

Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 16:42

How would you feel if your exDH took her away from you for ‘6 months to a year’?

Well, not great but as he's seen her for 8 hours so far this year, it seems unlikely to happen! As mentioned in my OP, he'll be out of the country and not able to see her for the vast majority of the time anyway. I'd bring her back for the times he was here or coordinate for him to join us when he can. That's likely to be one or two two week periods.

I know he'd be incredibly supportive of this. That's not a concern at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 16:50

Should clarify, I don't intend to blow the house money. I'm aware we'll need a house on the other side!

OP posts:
Original poster
Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 16:50

3luckystars · 27/04/2023 16:45

Maybe take 10k and have an amazing adventure and then come back to reality then.

That sounds a sensible amount...

OP posts:
Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 16:50

Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 16:49

Well, not great but as he's seen her for 8 hours so far this year, it seems unlikely to happen! As mentioned in my OP, he'll be out of the country and not able to see her for the vast majority of the time anyway. I'd bring her back for the times he was here or coordinate for him to join us when he can. That's likely to be one or two two week periods.

I know he'd be incredibly supportive of this. That's not a concern at all.

Show quote history

In that case, go for it. Just make sure there’s enough to restart life at the end.

Needmorelego · 27/04/2023 16:54

Buy a house/flat and rent it out while you away (please for the tenants sake make it clear it's a short term rental).
Because then you have the security to come back to.

emmathedilemma · 27/04/2023 16:55

do it!!