Can you opt out of adult life?

[Giveuprobot]

For some background - I'm mid-30s, getting divorced, selling my home and getting made redundant. None of these things are particularly sad - I'm fairly contented on the divorce and restructuring is fairly common and considered one of those things in my industry. I have a nearly 3 year old daughter. My somewhat D-H works out of the country around 6-9 months per year. I'll get around 90k from the house sale and 20k redundancy.

My question is - do I have to buy a new house and get a new job? Could I just...not? Could I just take my DD on an adventure instead? I have no illusions that she'll remember it, but...it is still nice to be happy day-to-day. I also have an extremely loving and close family who would be perfectly happy for us to use a bedroom for periods of time.

I'm not talking forever, just 6-12 months. I suppose I'm thinking we'll never be able to do it again. Next time I get made redundant, she'll likely be school-aged...

Am I having a breakdown? Or is this a thing people do?

There are lots of families who travel or live on narrowboats. #vanlife I wish I had done it when my daughter was younger.

Sounds wonderful! Just be sure to get a consent to travel letter from your ex for each country you visit. You can be refused entry if you're travelling with a minor, without one.

Absolutely brilliant idea op! If Europe I'd go italy/Austria/Germany - very safe and child orientated! And Budapest is a fabulous city to explore with little ones as there are playgrounds and fountains everywhere you go!

I also think South East Asia could work and your money would go way further...

Do it!!

@Morewineplease10 Good point - have been on lots of trips without him with no problems but sod's law!

You could do it, but a sub-three year old won't remember much of it.

Wait, sorry, just reread that you know she won't remember. As you were!

Do it!! Your daughter is young enough for you not to worry about school. I dream of adventure - about to get a lump sum from ex to buy a property. All o want to do is leave the country and travel. Just looked at the Workaway link for Japan opportunities - what a dream!! My DC is in senior school and so can’t easily pull them out of school.

Could you do some sort of house sitting. There are websites where you can match up with houses needing sitters all over the world. Some very long sits available. That way you can have a break, see other places, stay free of charge and have a proper (often ruddy lovely) home over your heads in exchange for keeping the place warm, safe and feeding the cat.

@Qbish Haha, no, very realistic expectations of her ability to recount her amazing adventures in Reception

@BungalowLil Great idea - thank you!

I opted out in my mid 40s. Haven't gone back to proper grown up employment or a 'forever home' in the last 12 years. There are lots of interesting ways to work for yourself, live cheaply but interestingly and see more of life at home or abroad. Go for it and have a blast.

If you don't do it will you spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?"

Can you write? You could maybe get a book deal documenting your adventures. Depends if you're doing something exciting or challenging enough that people would read about it, I suppose.

Absolutely go for it ! Life's too short to pass up on an opportunity like this , imagine the memories you will make together! She will remember plenty and you'll take pictures and yous will alaays have those special memories of an adventure together . I'd love to have means to do this

Don’t you think her dad will have something to say about her disappearing for six months? And don’t you think it would be bad for her emotionally too if she is already going through upheaval?

This sounds like a golden opportunity to me, and an amazing chance to bond with your child before she starts school. I was going to suggest trains through Europe but you are already thinking like this. Go go go! Have a blast! Don't look back!

She may not remember it but if you get plenty of photos and tell her about it as she gets older she will have the memory of you telling her about it with the pictures to match, which is the next best thing

@AbsoIutelyLovely with the best will in the world, this is addressed in the OP and later posts.

@AbsoIutelyLovely with the best will in the world, this is addressed in the OP and later posts. He won't be able to see her anyway, and the thing he will have to say is 'have an amazing time, do you need some money for it?'.

Sounds amazing. Do it! You may regret it forever if you don’t, and I don’t think you will if you do?!

What precisely could the man who chooses to work out of the country for 6-9 months a year say about OP taking their child away?

Oh gosh no, expect you stuck at home pinning for my return?

How dare my daughter have an amazing experience whilst I'm not even around to see her anyway?

Wow that's such a great opportunity for our child, I know we've agreed CMS but I'll try and give you some extra money for her?

Do it
Go for it

I think so important to have a break after a divorce and redundancy! Absolutely. But not at the expense of your future and your daughters future and financial security. So follow PPs advice re: renting out a flat and living off rental income, or some other method that means your travel doesn’t reduce your capital - maybe by setting aside a fixed amount and putting majority of funds into high interest savings account and travelling so incredibly cheaply that you’re not making a dent. But the rental property probably better long term choice.

Not read the full thread but 100% do it!
Once she’s at school you’re basically buggered 😂
Whether she remembers it or not, it would be an awesome experience for you both. And I think she would remember it - maybe not so much the detail of where you’ve been, etc. but definitely the ‘emotional/bonding’ (not quite sure of the right word) side of it.
What’s the alternative? Put her in nursery while you work? You’ve got nearly 40 years left to do that (obviously not the nursery bit!)
It’s definitely not opting out of adult life, just making a good decision that is slightly out of the norm and your circumstances make it a perfectly reasonable/doable.
A bit jealous 😂, I’d love to do it if I could!
I hope you do and good luck whatever you choose x

You can only spend 90 days in the EU , but that's probably still long enough to have a good break!

When I was in my 20s and travelling alone in Central America I met a German woman with a child, 3 or 4 I think, doing just that. She was ace at Spanish and the place we met in (Costa Rica) is pretty safe and incredibly beautiful. I remember her saying something about other people's judgement of her... meanwhile, her child was swinging on a tree swing in the jungle, laughing. Pick your location carefully and have an amazing time. Once your daughter goes into school you won't have another chance...

What an amazing opportunity! I hope you go for it.