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Original poster

Can you opt out of adult life?

82 replies

Giveuprobot · 27/04/2023 15:50

For some background - I'm mid-30s, getting divorced, selling my home and getting made redundant. None of these things are particularly sad - I'm fairly contented on the divorce and restructuring is fairly common and considered one of those things in my industry. I have a nearly 3 year old daughter. My somewhat D-H works out of the country around 6-9 months per year. I'll get around 90k from the house sale and 20k redundancy.

My question is - do I have to buy a new house and get a new job? Could I just...not? Could I just take my DD on an adventure instead? I have no illusions that she'll remember it, but...it is still nice to be happy day-to-day. I also have an extremely loving and close family who would be perfectly happy for us to use a bedroom for periods of time.

I'm not talking forever, just 6-12 months. I suppose I'm thinking we'll never be able to do it again. Next time I get made redundant, she'll likely be school-aged...

Am I having a breakdown? Or is this a thing people do?

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 29/04/2023 00:40

There's plenty to do travelling round the UK if it came to that. (After running out of time in Europe) fit it round the seasons and cost.

Have fun!

Moosefish81 · 29/04/2023 08:24

This sounds amazing and I would absolutely go for it. There are people that travel full time with kids of all ages. If you’re on Facebook, search ‘worldschoolers’ and join the group. People on there will have lots of advice for you. Good luck OP!

Mumto2kids86 · 29/04/2023 08:30

I think a nice holiday would probably sufficient with a 3 year old. If she’s a summer baby she goes to school next year??? She should really be going to nursery or she will find school a huge shock! I think this changes has probably affected you more than you think but don’t make rash decisions that could impact you long term. You need a house and a job!!!

Ap42 · 29/04/2023 08:59

Absolutely do it! It's an amazing opportunity for both of you and one you maybe unlikely to get again.

defineme · 29/04/2023 09:01

My twins were fab travellers at that age, I took them (on my own) on long train journeys and flights and they loved it. It made me feel so free and I enjoyed doing a lot of the same things as them..beaches/interactive museums/eating out/early nights. I didn't have the opportunity for longer adventures, but would have loved it. Search out people on Instagram etc That time is so precious..my twins are 18 now and have other people to go on adventures with.

Gettingbysomehow · 29/04/2023 09:06

I wish I could opt out of adult life for sure. I'm sick to death of slogging my guts out and don't have time to do anything I want to do.
On the other side my mother and stepfather were perpetual globe trotters and I loathed it as a child. All I wanted was a home, a regular school, regular friends and stability. I don't think I've ever really recovered from the upheaval.
But its your choice.

wrinkleintime · 29/04/2023 09:10

What does "adult life" even mean? You're an adult and have a life. You're living an adult life. I dislike phrases like "adulting", I think it's actually quite a damaging way to see life because we're all adults living life in different ways.

Life is long and we all go through different phases.

If you need to have a bit of a break and take your daughter off travelling, and have the money and resources to do so, then why wouldn't you?

Why does that make you less an "adult"?

(tl;dr - yes of course you should do it!)

Kinsters · 29/04/2023 09:11

Don't discount Asia just because it's far away - yes the flight to get here is longer and more expensive but once you're here everything is very cheap. For example we just got back from a trip away and the hotel (with pool) was £40 per night and that was an expensive room, we went to the zoo for less than £3 per person, rented a pedal boat for £2, played in the park for free, dinner was expensive as we went to a western restaurant but still only £15 or so for a family of 4.

I follow "Good for Gaia" on YouTube, a couple travelling with their 2yo daughter. They ended up travelling for about 6 months I think through various SE Asian countries.

Original poster
Giveuprobot · 29/04/2023 10:46

Gettingbysomehow · 29/04/2023 09:06

I wish I could opt out of adult life for sure. I'm sick to death of slogging my guts out and don't have time to do anything I want to do.
On the other side my mother and stepfather were perpetual globe trotters and I loathed it as a child. All I wanted was a home, a regular school, regular friends and stability. I don't think I've ever really recovered from the upheaval.
But its your choice.

@Gettingbysomehow No, definitely. This wouldn't be a long term decision. I'd return to normal life in time for school etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giveuprobot · 29/04/2023 10:48

@Kinsters it's not the distance, more that I've never been so it feels like a Big Deal. But I suppose that's the point of an adventure!

OP posts:
Original poster
Giveuprobot · 29/04/2023 10:50

Mumto2kids86 · 29/04/2023 08:30

I think a nice holiday would probably sufficient with a 3 year old. If she’s a summer baby she goes to school next year??? She should really be going to nursery or she will find school a huge shock! I think this changes has probably affected you more than you think but don’t make rash decisions that could impact you long term. You need a house and a job!!!

She's 2, thinking of her whole life in terms of being ready for school is quite depressing. She goes to nursery currently but presumably other children don't and survive.

OP posts:
bekkistanyer · 29/04/2023 11:52

If it was me I would ring fence a certain amount and put the rest in a savings account while you took a break and had an adventure maybe 3/6 months I do expect that it won't be as free and easy as you would dream especially solo with a little one as that sounds hard going but you could have a wonderful time doing something. I did about 3 months in Asia on about £2.5k many 10 years ago and the was not being frugal. If it was me I would go have a bit of fun spend maybe £10/15k and then come back get something sorted and settled for when starting school. I would say lovely to stay with family and as long as you can and are happy keep the money in the bank so you have options as it's annoying to be stuck somewhere when you have no other options. So I would do it but not be too reckless with all my money but if you spent your redundancy on a good time I don't think it would be the end of the world if you don't blow it all. Then you can have the best of both world! My other thought would be invest in a motor home or something that you could use for your travels. Enjoy a few new places then sell it if you got to the point of buying a house! Whatever you do enjoy a bit of time with your daughter! X

SleepingStandingUp · 29/04/2023 12:17

Mumto2kids86 · 29/04/2023 08:30

I think a nice holiday would probably sufficient with a 3 year old. If she’s a summer baby she goes to school next year??? She should really be going to nursery or she will find school a huge shock! I think this changes has probably affected you more than you think but don’t make rash decisions that could impact you long term. You need a house and a job!!!

Well a week in Wales paddling in the sea is sufficient for a 3 yo, but a. that's not the point b. Op is allowed to have fun too c. Being school ready isn't just about sitting silently and still in a classroom whilst you're talked at. It's about confidence, independence, being able to interact with other people etc. All of which she can learn globe trotting with her Mom

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 29/04/2023 12:20

Do it. Have a plan for when you’re back, but do it

CharlotteStreetW1 · 29/04/2023 12:30

Do it!

I'd blow the redundancy on it (and if the ex contributes too, all the better) and invest the rest in a one year bond - you can get some good rates now. Then pick up where you left off with a lifetime of memories.

tonyhawks23 · 29/04/2023 12:37

Do it!we did this in South Africa before school it's the perfect time for adventure!!

HappiDaze · 29/04/2023 12:46

When I travelled I had bought my flat already and rented it out so I had a financial cushion on my return and money in the bank

I suggest you do this if you can then you also have somewhere to return to

Also by the time I returned after 2 years my flat had doubled in value

matchalattewithsoy · 29/04/2023 13:18

Absolutely do this. I took my DC out of her class for two days this week for a mini Mummy/Daughter adventure. Not on the scale you're suggesting and she's only in Year R, so I am quite certain I've not ruined her future prospects.

Sometimes you have to tear the rule book up a little bit because, otherwise, what's the point?

thaegumathteth · 29/04/2023 13:26

My kids are older now (teens) but 100% would do it in your position. We were young and skint when we had kids but it'd absolutely be the easiest time to travel with kids - no school, no sports commitments or friendships to uphold etc etc. Have a great time!

Puravida23 · 29/04/2023 13:33

Live your life how you want to live it. Your DD will have a blast spending lots of quality time with her mummy . There is a long 14 years of schooling ahead from age 4 to 18 take this opportunity now while you have it, . You can still keep on top of her learning while away. Teaching is not confined to a school/nursery setting only

supersonicspeed · 29/04/2023 13:42

Do it! If you have means, don't hesitate. I once read that looking back at your life you won't regret things you did but things you didn't do and that really stuck with me.
I'm sure your daughter will remember some of it and train travel across Europe sounds amazing and low risk. You can always jump on the plane and be back in the UK in no time.
Good luck and enjoy! 😊

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 29/04/2023 13:57

Sounds a fab idea op go do it and take thousands of pics.

LouLou198 · 29/04/2023 14:06

What an opportunity!
Do it!
My dd would have loved doing this when she was 3. Yes she might not remember it, but she will enjoy it in the moment and you will have some wonderful memories.
Like a previous poster has said I would set a maximum budget of 10k then plenty left for a house deposit in a few months time.

Stitchesremoved22 · 29/04/2023 14:08

Hmm it all sounds nice in theory. Try a long ish holiday first and see how you get on?

Croissantsandpistachio · 29/04/2023 14:30

Yes yes do it! We've travelled a lot with ours (and currently live overseas). I'd do south east Asia at that age- cheap, loads of beaches and jungles and you'd definitely meet lots of others doing the same. What a perfect time.