I hate Eid

[PicnicBunny]

Had nowhere else to say it. I hate it. I’ve been deep frying samosas all morning. Kids and DH visited my mum and other relatives. My sisters avoid it. Our family doesn’t do it like everyone else. People seem to have massive get togethers. And even though I could arrange that, and have done in the past, I feel like I’d be too exhausted to enjoy it all. The thought of it just gives me massive anxiety. It’s like Xmas but on crack. Extreme familying is not for everyone.

I’ve had no one visiting. Not even out of my cosy clothes I got into after shower.

YANBU many people feel the same about big celebrations!

And now here come the massive family get together pics of everyone having a nicely laid table full of diabetic coma inducing foods.

Do you want to celebrate with people? It’s not entirely clear from your post. You say you’d be too anxious but also seem to wish you’d had some visitors and are dreading other people’s photos. Are you more sad / wistful that your family don’t do it like others?

If so, do you have any neighbours you like who could come over for a bit? Less pressure, less stress, they wouldn’t stay for ages? I’m going to an Eid supper tonight with people who aren’t even my neighbours - they’re the neighbours of a friend who firmly told him that we were all invited to theirs when they invited him and he said he couldn’t join them tonight because he was having some friends over.

Its also totally fine to hate it and be glad when it’s over. Not unusual for large celebrations which are forced upon you.

(((hugs))) probably no consolation, but I suspect a lot of people feel the same way about Christmas. Everyone else has traditions and get togethers and they're left on their own doing all the work.

Is it the sort of thing you could invite friends round in the evening? I'd love to get an invite from someone for Eid.

I'm the same with Christmas tbf. Keeping it small with immediate family is fine but not with everything and everyone else. Maybe if the other adults helped I might feel differently.

Solidarity OP.

I dread it too, being a single mother. I’ve avoided it altogether for 5 years as it caused me a lot of anxiety and sadness. It reminds me more than any other celebration that I’m divorced. Currently charging my car at a service station as I head home on a long journey to family for my first Eid gathering in ages. You have my sympathies! I’m on strict orders by my child to dress up like everyone and not rock up in my Primark hoodie.

I love the idea of extreme familying, but you are right, this sort of thing can be stressful.

Yep hate it too. I just want to see my parents and spend the day with them but nope they love doing the extended family thing so we end up with 50 people all cramped together. Kids running around crazy and no chance to actually eat. It’s so frustrating. It’s the same for my husband’s family - and with 4 siblings the house again is too busy. The alternative is to have eid with just the 4 of us which I guess we could do in the future…

All these celebrations are the same, the people who look forward to them aren't the ones doing all the hard work.

Holiday!? I don't think so.

People have to remember that feelings of loneliness can be magnified over traditional celebration periods. Most families aren't really like the huge TV party families.

I hate Christmas for similar reasons, so you have my sympathy

@PicnicBunny

you have ALL my sympathy!

it always LOOKS like so much fun, loving, family & from a culture of brilliant cooks who know how to put on a great spread. Everyone looks so beautifully turned out & it really just LOOKS amazing.

but then Christmas looks amazing in adverts, tv programs, films.

and the reality is often SO different.

could DH not share the workload so then you can all go visiting?

can you write down what YOU'd really like the day to look like and aim for that next year??

It sounds like you are experiencing the same thing many women all over the worlddo when it comes to large celebrations. All the work falls to you. I suspect you'd love to just be invited once to massive celebration organised by someone else in your family rather than slaving away making samosas all morning and feeling a bit flat. No helpful advice, just wanted to send some solidarity your way.

You have my sympathy, during big celebrations I am absolutely frazzled.

Yep. I'm with you, OP.

Christmas Day has been a pyjama day for over 20 years in my house. I don't see anyone other than my children. Don't go overboard with food and the lack of people means I don't spend the equivalent of a morning in the kitchen deep frying samosas! I also could invite people over but, tbh, I just don't want to.

Next Eid, spend it the way you want to.

Who are all the samosas for?

I like your expression ‘extreme familying’! You have my sympathy as this is how I feel about big occasions/so called celebrations!!

Solidarity OP. I don't always mind cooking a lot of food for family, but it's shit when it's obligatory. And especially when you're alone with the work.

I hate it too. single parent just me and my kids year after year no family. well have relations but they are incredibly toxic and very abusive so safer for us to be away from them. but no one to invite us for food or anything no point buying nice clothes as nowhere to wear them. highlights how alone we are and that we have no one to care. i wish someone just once would invite us for food or just coffee.

I totally understand OP, I love Christmas but no matter what I find it exhausting. Planning a nice day just for our family unit is exhausting, yet visiting relatives is even more so!

One day I'm going to let someone else do the heavy lifting or order a massive takeaway instead of slaving for hours over traditional food!

Women get screwed over during all major celebrations but especially so in extra misogynistic cultures

This with bells on!

Our family decreased from 4 to 3 last year. Today we’ve worn our Eid clothes, gone to the mosque, dropped DC somewhere (in my Eid clothes), come home cooked a one pot pilau, changed back into my Eid clothes to pick up DC then visited DC’s muslim class mate. Come home eaten with DH and DC. That’s our Eid, no one will visit us. I’ve deliberately made things that are easy. It’s what you make of it. Our extended family is extremely small and we don’t live near them so seeing wider family is out but we do things to enjoy the day. If you don’t enjoy frying samosas don’t! Oh and I assembled desserts. Try a fresh new approach to Eid-al-adha when that comes.

'People have to remember that feelings of loneliness can be magnified over traditional celebration periods. Most families aren't really like the huge TV party families.'

Very well said. I hear you OP, I feel exactly the same about Christmas. Love the phrase 'extreme familying' ☺️ just hideous

Eid Mubarak OP.

As a child we always had huge family gatherings (Christmas, Easter etc), I feel bad that I cannot give the same to my child.

Im not Muslim but even I was secretly hoping someone would invite me round 😒