I hate Eid

[PicnicBunny]

Had nowhere else to say it. I hate it. I’ve been deep frying samosas all morning. Kids and DH visited my mum and other relatives. My sisters avoid it. Our family doesn’t do it like everyone else. People seem to have massive get togethers. And even though I could arrange that, and have done in the past, I feel like I’d be too exhausted to enjoy it all. The thought of it just gives me massive anxiety. It’s like Xmas but on crack. Extreme familying is not for everyone.

I’ve had no one visiting. Not even out of my cosy clothes I got into after shower.

Had our Eid dinner today. Makes me desperately sad that all the (highly educated) women were in the kitchen serving and washing dishes. Not a single man (most of whom are highly educated/accomplished) lifted a finger nor offered to help apart from my 12 yo son. It’s an exercise in feeding men. I’ll make my excuses next Eid and not show up.

I read your posts but I don't really understand what you mean.
To be honest, Eid, like other occasions, has been misunderstood by many.
Really it is a day of worship and thankfulness rather than it being a day of wasting time and being miserable.
Growing up, my mum used to be that person always cleaning and doing the leg work. I never got to spent time with my actually family members. Had all the extended family around and I didn't enjoy the time but I never hated Eid as it is a gift to the Ummah.
Even when I got married, very large family. I was quite alone even in that. I really disliked the socialising.
Now, after all these years I've understood what Eid really is about. For us, it is like Ramadhan but we eat during the day and wear our best clothes. Instead of wasting time with lots of random people, we pray, eat, pray some more. It feels very wholesome. We read the hadith about the angels standing at the entrance of every road on Eid say and really it put the true perspective of Eid into my heart.
Some people love frying samosas and all and some hate it. I didn't have any samosas in Ramadhan or Eid. I just don't like the fried stuff anymore. We eat quite natural food, even with deserts we try to make them healthier but still tasty and yummy. This way we don't feel gross. It is what you make of it but admittedly it's something we've come to after several years.
I love Eid. When I learnt what Eid is really about (not socialising excessively), I got true peace from the day. Now, if 50 people came and I had to fry samosas, I wouldn't mind it so much as it would be on my terms. But we don't really get visitors.

You don't have to celebrate like everybody else. Do it how you want.

First few years I felt like ohh my house should be spotless, food cooked and dressed in new clothes by morning and go visit relatives. But no not this year. Took it easy. Told relatives I'll only come if I can as it's hard with kids. Didn't have all the traditional food. Bought cakes, chocolate popcorn and cookies. Made biryani (quick and easy way). Asked partner to help bake biscuits. And honestly just relaxed. It doesn't have to be this big gathering. Do it with those you love. For me that means my partner and kids.

How would it be received if you took the boys alone to your husband's family? You could say he needed to work but you wanted to balance it a little as your dc always get to spend it with your family. Is it possible to go by train or something to them? It does sound as if they have a bit more fun. Or persuade dh to go to his parents at least 1 in 2 times.

@headstone tell him to get his own present next time or an extra present. What a twit.

@PicnicBunny for the next one do it how u want. I'm even tempted to leave the decorations up to make life easier 😂

@PicnicBunny

Hi OP, I'm sorry I've only just found this thread. Have you heard of a website called Nextdoor? It's a national thing but divided up into small (2 or 3 council wards size) geographical areas.

I live in an area with a high Muslim population and before either of the two Eids there are always people, usually women, trying to make a bit of extra money by selling homemade curries, samosas, bhaji, breads, sweets etc.

Buying ready made is an approach I've taken for Christmas for a few years now, though I tend to outsource to M&S. There are still a few things I like to do myself, especially mince pies, but I do them a couple of days ahead. It makes the actual day so much more relaxed.

Have a look for your local group and see if you can find people to do your cooking for you.

https://nextdoor.co.uk/