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Original poster

I hate Eid

58 replies

PicnicBunny · 21/04/2023 13:37

Had nowhere else to say it. I hate it. I’ve been deep frying samosas all morning. Kids and DH visited my mum and other relatives. My sisters avoid it. Our family doesn’t do it like everyone else. People seem to have massive get togethers. And even though I could arrange that, and have done in the past, I feel like I’d be too exhausted to enjoy it all. The thought of it just gives me massive anxiety. It’s like Xmas but on crack. Extreme familying is not for everyone.

I’ve had no one visiting. Not even out of my cosy clothes I got into after shower.

OP posts:
Magnoliainbloom · 21/04/2023 20:17

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 21/04/2023 16:31

People have to remember that feelings of loneliness can be magnified over traditional celebration periods. Most families aren't really like the huge TV party families.

Very true.

fedupathome · 22/04/2023 07:02

I understand how you feel because I have no extended family to go to on my side, its just the inlaws and I refuse to visit them due to not being made to feel welcome.

I only have my husband and kids but he goes to see them with the kids leaving me alone every eid.

Princessfuckingpeach · 22/04/2023 07:43

Ah shucks OP!
Hugs and stuff to you!

🌻🌻🌻

Interested in this thread?

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Events & celebrations
LlynTegid · 22/04/2023 07:56

You could choose to not celebrate with food, and indeed do the same with other festivals.

Deathraystare · 22/04/2023 08:03

Just shows we are (almost) the same in many ways! Christmas is very built up and the same people have to do the present buying and cooking etc etc . For some reason it is mostly women, strange that innit? Guess it is the same for Eid and the Jewish festivals etc etc. In our heads it is great. Family get togethers and so on. However, there are always selfish trouble making family members who do nothing and make life harder for those doing the work etc etc.

FriendsDrinkBook · 22/04/2023 08:05

I understand op. I feel the same about Christmas. I've now given up making a huge spread and beautifully wrapping presents for the kids. This year I bought gift bags instead and we had a takeaway. We refused company too until boxing day. It was a lovely day.

I hope you manage to enjoy these celebrations op. Try to scale back next time if you can.

ForPeaceSake · 22/04/2023 10:37

Forfrigz · 21/04/2023 18:14

Women get screwed over during all major celebrations but especially so in extra misogynistic cultures

Why can't we have just one thread about a Muslim topic without Islamophobic digs? 🙄

I'm a lone parent. Not a victim of misogyny, just boring friends stuck at family gatherings they'd rather not be at either.

OP, check out some of the free public Eid events scheduled for next week. If you're in or near a major city there will be funfairs, bazaars, entertainment. Somewhere to actually dress up for, and food cooked by other people 💐😄

SpeckledlyHen · 22/04/2023 10:42

moonspiral · 21/04/2023 17:35

Who are all the samosas for?

Erm… I’m guessing but could be wrong here, that they’re to eat? 🤷‍♀️🙄

Original poster
PicnicBunny · 22/04/2023 10:53

Thank you! I will.

OP posts:
Original poster
PicnicBunny · 22/04/2023 10:55

That was for ForPeaceSake. Sorry I thought I pressed reply

OP posts:
Original poster
PicnicBunny · 22/04/2023 10:59

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/04/2023 14:08

Do you want to celebrate with people? It’s not entirely clear from your post. You say you’d be too anxious but also seem to wish you’d had some visitors and are dreading other people’s photos. Are you more sad / wistful that your family don’t do it like others?

If so, do you have any neighbours you like who could come over for a bit? Less pressure, less stress, they wouldn’t stay for ages? I’m going to an Eid supper tonight with people who aren’t even my neighbours - they’re the neighbours of a friend who firmly told him that we were all invited to theirs when they invited him and he said he couldn’t join them tonight because he was having some friends over.

Its also totally fine to hate it and be glad when it’s over. Not unusual for large celebrations which are forced upon you.

Yes. And thank you for your reply. I think I do WANT to celebrate with people, but wish I had the energy and organisational skills (and family!) to do it all with. Because you still do Eid, even when you don’t do Eid. If that makes sense. Except it’s more like a scaled down version and with none of the positives. Well not for me anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
PicnicBunny · 22/04/2023 11:14

Up until a few years ago I was actually doing Eid really quite lavishly. The whole ‘go out and buy matching sparkly outfits’ and gift nieces and nephews with clothes and money and making a big deal. Tbh I don’t know if I enjoyed it because I remember being exhausted and broke out in adult acne mostly (from the sudden sweet fried foods) but it was also kind of fun. Unlike Christmas you are forced to visit cousins and aunties and in-laws and your own family’s quirks get all ironed out by very understanding extended families. It’s like you also have to move on and see as many people as you can so annoying relatives, just 5 minutes and some chai. And then the main lunch or dinner somewhere or it was round mine. I mean it is Extreme Familying. Visit as many people as you can and hug and chat. Cost a fortune. But we’d make the trip into the city to visit DH’s family and they felt special we’re making the effort and we’d come back happy. And I’d also feel pretty beautiful all dressed up (Not that regularly since both DS though) just has been so busy and I say No now every time we get invited. DH actually doesn’t take the time off which has made a massive difference - so we do stuff with family close by. But it’s his family that celebrate it big. And he hates it but I actually love that.

I come from a family that didn’t celebrate it very well. My mum dragged out the whole preparation thing for weeks. I get the earful from her still now when she hears I’m going to try and buy samosas from Sainsbury's frozen section. I did make the coconut ones myself yesterday but bought the ready made meat ones from supermarket. At home I used to hate Eid. We’d get some awful outfit not of our choice either. And I fear I am falling back into the can’t be arsed to get dressed up and deep fry like some moody teenager on Eid morning.

Yesterday morning I made coconut samosas for DH and the DS. Lol also had a few myself. It’s a tradition. Doesn’t feel like Eid until I’ve somehow scraped that together!

I’m at a crossroad. Do I practice and get better at it? Better organised. And does anyone have any tips on how to just plough through it all? Visit the moody sister who hates kids and put up with it all. Kids loved it yesterday seeing their cousins, aunties and my mum and just quick pop-ins. They love the whole prayer in the mosque early morning too, so are up and rearing to go. They didn’t seem to mind I wasn’t ready or dolled up. I made the little bit of food effort for them.

But I have scaled back so much that the fun bits have all gone and now I’m just going through the motions.

OP posts:
Original poster
PicnicBunny · 22/04/2023 11:15

Thank you to everyone who replied. It’s so amazing on mumsnet to get support when you really need it.

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 22/04/2023 11:21

I hate Christmas but I don't mind Eid.
We're a mixed family, me and DS are Christian and DH and DD are Muslim.
DH's family are all abroad so Eid is a quiet celebration with just a few balloons and a roast dinner.
Mine and DS's family are all in the uk so expectations are bigger for Christmas and I struggle with anxiety around Christmas and getting it right. I usually work Christmas day so I can use it as an excuse for a less fancy Christmas.

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 11:58

SpeckledlyHen · 22/04/2023 10:42

Erm… I’m guessing but could be wrong here, that they’re to eat? 🤷‍♀️🙄

Show quote history

Yeah but I was just wondering why OP had had to get up early to make them if there wasn't a big meal thing with family. Simply asking having never made a samosa before I wasn't sure how many are required.

Isseywith3witchycats · 22/04/2023 12:30

Coconut samosas sound lush ive never heard of them like everyone involved in a big celebration make the most of it and do it to suit you not everyone else happy Eid Op

Hbh17 · 22/04/2023 12:48

Sympathy, because I think Christmas is completely grim and I'd happily cancel it completely. It is tough when there is a major celebration or holiday that comes with certain expectations from our families or communities. It baffles me that thousands of us are all supposed to feel the same about the particular celebration.... er, newsflash.... people are all different, and we don't all enjoy the same things!
I hope the day improves for you, OP, or at least you can look forward to when it's over.

Original poster
PicnicBunny · 22/04/2023 13:14

Guys there is another one in two months. I have two months to get my shit together ! Watch this space. (If I can…!lol)

Happy Eid everyone. I’ve just fallen into a horrible rut and have started absolutely hating it. I don’t want to pass that onto the kids where they wake up and be miserable too because it’s the wrong vibe.

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 22/04/2023 13:27

There's another in 2 months?

I'm so tempted by coconut samosas, do me a year's supply and I'll organise the next one for you!

seriously, it's your day too, I hope you get some enjoyment from it. My late father used to love running around for xmas and couldn't understand I hate that bit of it.

what do you want to do? Eid Mubarak.

OnBoardTheHeartOfGold · 22/04/2023 14:07

We do Eid in a buffet style. Everyone brings a dish so it's not too much stress for one person.
My sister in law is fab at getting organised for Eid and she'll basically start getting organised next week for the next one.
Getting outfits, jewellery, gifts, food prep the lot.
I've been inspired by that so I've started prepping a bit earlier too. Lots of ideas online too.

headstone · 22/04/2023 14:27

We had a nice Eid yesterday but just with our little family as we do not have an extended Muslim family, however my husband spent most of this morning moaning about the present I bought my eldest child and that he would have done better. It’s made me a bit depressed today and I can’t shake the feeling. Like Boxing Day can be a bit depressing.

Okaaaay · 22/04/2023 14:37

YANBU - I asked my Jewish colleague how her Passover had been and she was forceful in her hatred of the constant cooking and entertaining. I feel similar about Christmas tbh.

Cherrysoup · 22/04/2023 15:40

From what I saw today, everyone is taking food to wherever they’re celebrating, loads of beautifully dressed people walking with loads of containers. What drives me mad is the traffic! There are lots of priority rights of way on very narrow roads near my street and there are loads of cars carelessly parked blocking and the owners merrily chatting on the pavement. I took the back road home to avoid the craziness!

FriendsDrinkBook · 22/04/2023 15:46

@headstone your husband is rude. Let him choose the gifts form now on.

AngelinaFibres · 22/04/2023 16:22

I hear you Op. I realised over the weird christmasses of covid that I love the weeks before Christmas; the light switch on,decorating my house, meeting friends when everywhere looks Christmassy. Love all that. Love Christmas eve. But actually I hate Christmas day. When we had tiny Christmas days with just me and my husband it was so lovely. No shopping for shed loads of food I don't really like.No cleaning and making up beds. No hating people drinking alcohol from 10 in the morning . This year covid struck again and my mum had been invited to my brother for Xmas lunch so it was just me and my husband again. We bought things we wanted to eat. No big meal. Watched lots of lovely things on the telly. Had a leisurely breakfast,sat by the fire. Lots of texts from family. Lots of photos back and forth. Lovely. Saw everyone in small groups over the next week. It was wonderful. I find as I get older ( now 57) that visiting as a guest or having people as guests has a 2 day limit on it. I am lucky that everyone lives close by. It makes my skin itch to think of hosting people for a 10 day stay because they have come from far away.

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