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Original poster

What antisocial things are you fantasising about?

86 replies

ClemFandango1 · 19/04/2023 19:09

My neighbours bloody wind chimes - I want to sneak into their garden whilst they're all out (it's impossible to tell as there seem to be a lot of them), and stick some kind of felt tape around the chimey bit so they look the same from a distance but make barely any noise.

I would also like to play klezmer music loudly next to the fence every time they start their obnoxious garden music.

OP posts:
TwoMonthsOff · 21/04/2023 18:58

stbrandonsboat · 19/04/2023 23:23

King Charles' crown falling off and rolling away at the coronation.

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂

TotallyKerplunked · 21/04/2023 19:13

I'd love to win/inherit enough money to buy another home and rent my current 1 out to the most antisocial ASBO family I can find that have dozens of manky cars and pay them to play loud music 24 hours a day 😝

TwoMonthsOff · 21/04/2023 19:22

StupidCars · 21/04/2023 14:15

Name changed for obvious reasons! NDN has an old car that they don't use and it's been parked on our road (limited parking space and no driveways) for years without moving. I have fantasies about pushing it down the hill or of it being towed away, never to return

Report it to DVLA - assuming it’s not taxed …

SantanaBinLorry · 21/04/2023 19:23

SinnerBoy · 21/04/2023 18:11

SantanaBinLorry · Today 16:58

Kicking over my neighbours motor bike when he leaves it to 'warm up' outside his garage door.

Ah. Sorry.

Bike engines are different to cars and need about five minutes of warming up, otherwise they stall and you fall off. Modern ones have injectors, so the revs are a lot lower and hence, quieter. Older ones, with carburettors tend to need to higher revs, but 3,000 rpm is enough.

If he's screaming the nuts off it, he's daft, as that's damaging the engine.

I.DON'T.CARE 😂

Wheel it onto the main street and stand with it for five minutes.
Not under my fucking window.

Next door but one has a screamer and he's also a cunt. But at least he's gone - like the speed of light.

StupidCars · 21/04/2023 20:28

TwoMonthsOff · 21/04/2023 19:27

It is taxed so has every right to be there, it just never moves and is just taking up space constantly

TwoMonthsOff · 21/04/2023 20:30

@StupidCars
oh drat !

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 21/04/2023 21:05

Every cat that comes into my garden to mysteriously disappear. Not to be hurt in any way but to be miles away.

Religion of any sort to be illegal (but I realise that is a bigger issue).

wheresmyshoe · 21/04/2023 21:41

I'm at a hen do this weekend, I love the bride she really is great. We have to form an empowerment circle and lavish praise and affirmation on her. She had no idea and will hate it. I hope the organiser gets d&v so we can just have a nice time without the stupid stuff.

ohdamnitjanet · 23/04/2023 06:34

We get this and it drives me beserk. Check online to see if it’s taxed and insured and report it if not.

Timeturnerplease · 23/04/2023 07:28

Anyone who hurts or neglects children or animals should be made to suffer the exact same over and again for the rest of their lives.

I’ve filled in a lot of safeguarding concerns at school this week, hence the anger.

Forfrigz · 23/04/2023 08:19

So many drivers where I live go way over the speed limit in residential areas. I'd love to throw a rock at their car/ windscreen as they do. It would be so easy, too. The only way I'd feel guilty if if they ended up in an accident that hurt someone innocent.
Ditto those who idle their engines needlessly, I suppose they're an easier target as they're not even moving. Boggles my mind how people wonder why there was so many children with neurological conditions when there are vehicles literally pumping neurotoxins out all around us. Most people are too thick to realise.

Shouldakeptmymaidenname · 23/04/2023 08:35

Installing a time lock on my neighbours doors so they can't let their kids play in the garden at 6:30/7am all the god damm time!

JustDanceAddict · 23/04/2023 08:43

Police to randomly call on the neighbours to find a weed farm in the attic room and arrest them. Then lovely new people will move in and become our besties (and so we don’t have to move in 3 years - which is realistically the soonest we can move).

AllIeveknewonlyou · 23/04/2023 08:47

Kicking this really arrogant prick doctor in the balls

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 23/04/2023 09:19

All, the antisocial little twats at my school who make my life a fucking misery being caught in act and given the hiding they so richly deserve. And their shit “my little angel wouldn't do that” parents given the cctv of how they behave and speak to people.

Beanfield2023 · 23/04/2023 09:37

Breaking wind in certain peoples faces .

fussychica · 23/04/2023 10:19

As a child I alwayscwanted to smash a big plate glass window. Never did, of course. No desire to do anything like that as an adult.

BooksAndHooks · 23/04/2023 10:23

I would like to knock down the make shift shelter they have made to house their industrial speaker that they blast music out morning noon and night.

MeinKraft · 23/04/2023 10:28

I quite fancy Rishi Sunak, sometimes I fantasise about becoming his mistress and him giving me a credit card with a 60 million pound credit limit. Turns out my objection to evil Tory policies only goes so far Blush

equuscaballus · 23/04/2023 10:38

@mnisannoyingAF

Very good!

RiaOverTheRainbow · 23/04/2023 10:40

A curfew where all children under 10 must be indoors or silent after 7pm (I know IABU).

I also want to move to a log cabin in a forest with magically restocking cupboards and bookshelves and never have to see anyone at all.

notprincehamlet · 23/04/2023 10:45

Living in a lighthouse. (Do Waitrose do helicopter deliveries?)

Ariela · 23/04/2023 10:54

There's a particular lane I have to drive down or do a big detour that's a hit with local walkers as it links to good walking areas. They're all strolling along with their extendable dog leaded dog in the middle of the road but they don't hear your car due to being on the phone/headphones. Then, when you get to them you have to follow for half a mile before they notice/hear you and then you have to wait 5 minutes while they struggle with the dog & extendable lead. Or if it's a group they split, half one side half the other. Not enough room for a car to safely pass so they don't understand why you stop, and anyway you just know as you crawl past kid 1 on one side or kid 2 on the other is going to dash across and swap sides just in front of you. Or the dog will walk out, pulling kid 3 with it.

I fantasise driving down and knocking them flying like skittles - isn't that on some nasty film?

LinMortisanass · 23/04/2023 10:58

I would like all the evil people who bullied me at school to feel for a while what it was like to be me. I'd like them to really understand how it has affected my whole life, and given me a lifetime of low self esteem. It has affected my choices in life - my partner, jobs, general relationships. I'd like them to pay for the therapy I have had - it didn't work - and for my prescriptions for antidepressants that I've been on most of my adult life. Mostly I'd just like them to feel what it's like to be ugly little me. I can't help the way I look, you little shits.