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Original poster

How did you become content with life?

69 replies

december2020 · 16/04/2023 16:45

I just can't seem to be content - I don't know why.

My job doesn't feel right but equally I don't have a clue what else I would enjoy doing.
The house feels so cluttered and a mess but with really young DC - they often try to help (bless them) but it makes the task impossible (DH works shifts and I work weekdays) so doing it during nursery/school/weekends is a rare rare happening.

DH is great but he doesn't get it - he is content in his career, content with the house and content with his free time. He can't relate and wonders why I can't seem to be content too.

It's just put me in a huge funk of being discontent but feeling too glum to do anything about it. Partly because I don't know what the answer is and partly because it feels a bit "why bother, won't happen anyway".I know the simple answer is lower your standards but that's not making me any more content.

So it made me wonder, how did you find contentment? What got you there?

OP posts:
Peakypolly · 16/04/2023 17:00

Content is a funny concept really. It is defined as 'a state of peaceful happiness'. I'm not convinced that is actually possible in a household full of really young DC!
I feel so lucky to be here, and the realisation that simply existing, having DC, having a home etc. was a privilege, hit me when people who were dear to me died in their 40's leaving young families.
My house is a mess but that doesn't matter in the bigger picture does it? There are many cheesy memes about what life is all about but sometimes they hit home. I think having a sense of purpose helps, but what that is- career, creative passions, happy family, running a marathon, leaving the world a better place etc- basically depends on you.

Kanaloa · 16/04/2023 17:02

I’m content because I prioritise. A clean/tidy and organised house is important to me so often I miss out on getting to lie and watch a film once the kids are in bed. DH feels the same and pulls his weight. Other things I let go because they’re not as important to me, and I have to accept that. The acceptance that I have prioritised one thing over the other makes me content.

You say your DH is happy with his free time - do you have equal free time?

frozendaisy · 16/04/2023 17:11

By concentrating on a small handful of things that needed changing, some just nudging, and taking it small step at a time.

Sit down and think OP, what do you really want to do, know, learn?

Stuff doesn't make you content. But knowledge, time spent well does.

The details are individual.

PollyPeptide · 16/04/2023 17:15

I stopped reading newspapers during covid and when I realised it was filled with contradictory stories that couldn't all be true. And yet, they were published as if they were. Since I've stopped getting worked up by what I read, I feel a lot more settled.

Lcb123 · 16/04/2023 17:17

I think by know what’s important and being grateful. Having a safe warm home, being able to have the children you wanted (and they are well, hopefully), a happy marriage, etc. Constantly thinking of the next thing or next stage is not helpful. Sounds naff but is it worth writing down what you’re grateful for? If you want to improve your home, can you book 1 day without kids and declutter / clean as much as you can so everything has a place.

NewChange · 16/04/2023 17:28

As suggested above keeping a gratitude journal worked for me. I’m in a bit of a funk again so I probably should pick this up again.

Vivalaive · 16/04/2023 17:35

Being grateful for what I have, not comparing my life to others (deleting SM is liberating!). Remembering things I have wanted in the past and realising I now have them!

AncientToaster · 16/04/2023 17:42

Because I have worked and met people who really have endured lives that are completely dreadful, I mean at the extreme suffering end of humanity. You realise just how ok your life is.

You just sound bored, I must admit even in mundane situations I can find something to amuse or interest me inside my head.

Chickenkeev · 16/04/2023 17:43

Not content but at ease with being not content. I'm a moany hole as they say!

TwigTheWonderKid · 16/04/2023 18:05

I think the secret is balance and knowing what your "truths/ values" are which helps you to judge yourself by your own standards and no one else's.

Whilst obviously there must be an absolute minimum level of stuff you need to be content, above that, it's all subjective, isn't it? Afterall, very rich people with many resources can be just as, or more, discontent as someone with much less. Both DH and I could earn several times what we do, doing what we do in different settings (he works in IT in and work for a charity) but we prioritise the social impact of what we do and our work-life balance over financial rewards, so that we can have "enough" of everything whilst keeping a balance. Our house is slowly crumbling around us but we don't see it as a status symbol and we have true friends who would never judge us us for what our house looks like. Hopefully we'll sort it out when the DSs have left home and we have a bit more spare cash.

It also "helps" that we've both had some real shit to deal with in life, which puts other stuff in perspective.

stbrandonsboat · 16/04/2023 18:10

Getting a non stressful job.
Medication.
Going to church and making friends.
Living a simple life with minimal demands.

DaisyJones1 · 16/04/2023 18:23

I nearly started a thread like this myself. I have all the things I spent a long time longing for (and I don't mean material things... Lovely kids, good husband, time etc. the things that do really matter to me) and somehow I can't manage to feel content. I look back on times when I genuinely did feel content despite having much less and I can't put my finger on what made the difference! I know that the mess in my house stresses me out a lot, and that's something that I didn't have to worry about before kids, maybe I need to focus on just prioritising keeping on top of it and see if that helps. But I'm following with interest to see what people suggest!

SandLResources · 16/04/2023 18:35

I just hate working in any way, shape or form. Outside of that I live a simple life with simple interests and I'm content. I was almost euphoric during lockdown.

squidwid · 16/04/2023 18:35

I think being content with not being content is what you need to do.

It's normal and healthy to always want more.

If you want something else - go for it. You will feel content for a bit then you'll want something else. And then you go for that.

It's expansion and healthy.

DitzyDaffodils · 16/04/2023 18:48

I can't relax in a messy home so I wonder if the decluttering is where you need to start? I do minimum 15mins daily. Usually it's thinking about whether to declutter something, but it's not time wasted. The sooner I start thinking about it the closer I get to making a decision to either find somewhere to put it or get rid of it. It's slow progress but knowing I'm making a difference to the place helps me mentally. When an area is clear, cleaning and tidying it takes no time at all. Use a playpen or screens to occupy them if you need to while you take the 15min to declutter.

Contentment for me is recognising whatever the situation is and making a decision to either take action towards changing it or make the best of it.

I think most people aren't bothered about their jobs, it's a means to bring in money which then allows them to do the things they like doing. Very few people would continue with their jobs if they won big on the lottery. So either get content with doing free stuff and cut your hours down because you can make do with less money or accept the job is the price you pay for the lifestyle you like to lead. Look for the positives. Does your job serve the community in some way? Be pleased about your contribution to society. Are you good at your job? Be pleased with your skills. Etc.

Are you trying to be all things to all people? Stop.

Put DC somewhere safe and let them grizzle while you take a shower and do some basic skincare. The world won't end, even if they try to convince you it definitely will.

Let DH deal with the DC while you go out for half hour. I say go out so he's forced to deal with issues himself, not ask you questions. Switch off your phone, you are not available. Park round the corner to listen to the radio or read a book, take a walk through the park or to the shop for a magazine, go to the hairdresser. Etc. It doesn't matter what so long as you take the time to do it and have that time as uninterrupted peace to be you. You are more than a wife and mother.

hattie43 · 16/04/2023 20:02

The biggest thing for contentment in my view is having money . I don't mean just to buy more and more stuff but the peace I get in not worrying if an emergency happens or paying bills . There's a lot to be said for the fact money gives choices , leaving a shitty job , not having to stay in a broken relationship etc etc . Easy to sleep without constant financial pressures.
It really helps with contentment.

Oblomov23 · 16/04/2023 20:04

I think I've always been content. My mum said I was a very content child.

Chickenkeev · 16/04/2023 20:06

hattie43 · 16/04/2023 20:02

The biggest thing for contentment in my view is having money . I don't mean just to buy more and more stuff but the peace I get in not worrying if an emergency happens or paying bills . There's a lot to be said for the fact money gives choices , leaving a shitty job , not having to stay in a broken relationship etc etc . Easy to sleep without constant financial pressures.
It really helps with contentment.

So so true. Nobody likes to admit it but you're bang on.

TwigTheWonderKid · 16/04/2023 20:06

squidwid · 16/04/2023 18:35

I think being content with not being content is what you need to do.

It's normal and healthy to always want more.

If you want something else - go for it. You will feel content for a bit then you'll want something else. And then you go for that.

It's expansion and healthy.

I totally disagree with. It's a recipe for never being able to find contentment or peace. I do concede that becoming stagnant is not a healthy thing either but the very definition of contentment is to be satisfied with what you have so how can constantly striving for more make you content?

Chickenkeev · 16/04/2023 20:08

What IS contentment though.

TwigTheWonderKid · 16/04/2023 20:14

Chickenkeev · 16/04/2023 20:08

What IS contentment though.

It's the peaceful ease of mind you get when you feel satisfied with what you have; an absence of want.

Chickenkeev · 16/04/2023 20:15

TwigTheWonderKid · 16/04/2023 20:14

It's the peaceful ease of mind you get when you feel satisfied with what you have; an absence of want.

Show quote history

Never had that!

eastereggs12 · 16/04/2023 20:37

I think I'm a content person, well except for my weight. I think its because I actually appreciate what I have and feel blessed (I know that's really corny). My life is in no way perfect but it's real and actually it's really good.

My job is not the best but it's good and it pays for our life. I work hard and can give my family nice things without counting pennies. Rather than focusing on what you don't have or what you want, think about what you do have.

Also when my DH met we were both so broke. We moved in together in a rented flat and could not actually afford any furniture, or things. We may not have everything now but what we do have is ours and I am proud of where we started and where we are now. I think this is why I feel content with my life

I have a good marriage, it's not always easy but we work at it and I set out my high expectations on the relationship from the beginning. Everyone always comments on how great my DH is but honestly we work as a team and I think that's why things are great.

My house is a mess and needs DIY but I am so lucky that we have this house with money to afford stuff and clothes etc.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/04/2023 20:41

I read how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones.

MsWhitworth · 16/04/2023 20:44

I think the key to feeling content is:

  1. Money. It’s an uncomfortable truth.
  2. The time and/or money to be able to eliminate things that make you feel stressed, such as a messy house or a unsatisfying job.
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