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Original poster

How did you become content with life?

69 replies

december2020 · 16/04/2023 16:45

I just can't seem to be content - I don't know why.

My job doesn't feel right but equally I don't have a clue what else I would enjoy doing.
The house feels so cluttered and a mess but with really young DC - they often try to help (bless them) but it makes the task impossible (DH works shifts and I work weekdays) so doing it during nursery/school/weekends is a rare rare happening.

DH is great but he doesn't get it - he is content in his career, content with the house and content with his free time. He can't relate and wonders why I can't seem to be content too.

It's just put me in a huge funk of being discontent but feeling too glum to do anything about it. Partly because I don't know what the answer is and partly because it feels a bit "why bother, won't happen anyway".I know the simple answer is lower your standards but that's not making me any more content.

So it made me wonder, how did you find contentment? What got you there?

OP posts:

Rubyupbeat · 17/04/2023 21:53

Please let me know, I'm nearly 60 and really need this

Original poster

december2020 · 17/04/2023 23:27

I have a girls weekend in May with my best friend who lives in another country, so I'm hoping it'll be the catalyst for change.
In the meantime till then I'll definitely try start making small steps in changes.

I went running today, albeit a short 3k. But it was a long time since I prioritised my health over work and l what I can only describe as life paralysis.

I'm also going to try find 15 mins a day to declutter somethings.

In short, I'm going to try implement stricter boundaries and make a conscious effort for exercise, eating healthy, decluttering (until it's done) and injecting a bit of fun in my life. It all sounds overwhelming at the moment so I guess I'll have to break it out.

I definitely don't feel I have a purpose in life and I'm really tired with the concept that I can live and do things once I'm retired.
I think another poster hit the nail on the head that my current life just isn't working for me.

OP posts:

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 17/04/2023 23:30

I am naturally a very content and settled person.

Until I became a mum. I'm still right in the thick of it with young children, amd relate to everything you've said op.

I'm hoping I will get that me back again sooner rather than later.

wingingit1987 · 17/04/2023 23:45

I am generally a very content person but constantly feel as if a bit more money and life would just be easier. I’m very happy in my marriage and family life. I could be better at housework but it’s just not something I stress over. As Iong as it’s clean, then I can go to bed and ignore the odd toy lying about.
currently on maternity leave with baby no.5 and I’m just so grateful to even have her as husband was “done” after no.4 then had a change of heart and we tried for one more.

Chickenkeev · 18/04/2023 00:08

SandLResources · 17/04/2023 18:59

"I always felt I failed at life by not having achieved something “big"...all that matters is we try and enjoy the time we have, in the simplest of ways".

Beautifully put. That's contentment.

My Mum makes me feel like it's almost sinful not to be productive but I can literally binge a box set over a whole weekend and do nothing else and I'm happy in my bubble. Doesn't hurt anyone either!

Show quote history

That's it 100%.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 18/04/2023 00:16

It’s called the modern disease ‘chronic dissatisfaction’

Chronic Dissatisfaction (CD) is that restless feeling of yearning, wishing for something more but not even knowing what it is…CD can be an ever-present hum in the background of your life or it can show up sporadically

worth reading up on.

Chickenkeev · 18/04/2023 00:20

Random waffley shite but my friends. I have a particularly good one and talking to her really makes me feel alive.

Chickenkeev · 18/04/2023 00:22

LadyVictoriaSponge · 18/04/2023 00:16

It’s called the modern disease ‘chronic dissatisfaction’

worth reading up on.

That's fascinating!

zombiecupcakes · 18/04/2023 00:26

LadyVictoriaSponge · 18/04/2023 00:16

It’s called the modern disease ‘chronic dissatisfaction’

worth reading up on.

Not the OP but I just googled this and - seriously not kidding - it has been life-changing. Thank you. You have helped me more than I can possibly express by posting this.

Youdoyoubabe · 18/04/2023 00:27

I did literally lower my standards and realise that i am a cluttery, untidy person.

I went on anti depressants... horrid to start with but feel quite ok most of the time now.

Also my kids grew up alot so they take up much less of my time.

I now realise (after lockdown) that I actually wasn't short of time... I am just not really into home making. I do the bare minimum to try to stop it looking like a shit pit.

DitzyDaffodils · 18/04/2023 01:15

and I'm really tired with the concept that I can live and do things once I'm retired.

Worth remembering not everyone makes it to retirement age. Best to do your living now

Chickenkeev · 18/04/2023 01:46

Youdoyoubabe · 18/04/2023 00:27

I did literally lower my standards and realise that i am a cluttery, untidy person.

I went on anti depressants... horrid to start with but feel quite ok most of the time now.

Also my kids grew up alot so they take up much less of my time.

I now realise (after lockdown) that I actually wasn't short of time... I am just not really into home making. I do the bare minimum to try to stop it looking like a shit pit.

Anti ds are good. Not a panacea by any means but good. And totally relate to the cluttery untidy person!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/04/2023 01:52

God / Bible

Having my son

Less Internet especially news more books

I get inspired by cleaning videos on YouTube sometimes

Getting out in the fresh air

Original poster

december2020 · 18/04/2023 06:54

LadyVictoriaSponge · 18/04/2023 00:16

It’s called the modern disease ‘chronic dissatisfaction’

worth reading up on.

@LadyVictoriaSponge runs off to google! Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

december2020 · 18/04/2023 06:56

DitzyDaffodils · 18/04/2023 01:15

and I'm really tired with the concept that I can live and do things once I'm retired.

Worth remembering not everyone makes it to retirement age. Best to do your living now

@DitzyDaffodils I absolutely agree! And there is no guarantee of your physical and/or mental health if you do!

I think this has been lacking for me recently - apart from holidays, I don't enjoy my life as it currently is.

OP posts:

LadyVictoriaSponge · 18/04/2023 16:39

zombiecupcakes · 18/04/2023 00:26

Not the OP but I just googled this and - seriously not kidding - it has been life-changing. Thank you. You have helped me more than I can possibly express by posting this.

Show quote history

I’m so glad

Wisenotboring · 12/07/2023 09:14

TwigTheWonderKid · 16/04/2023 18:05

I think the secret is balance and knowing what your "truths/ values" are which helps you to judge yourself by your own standards and no one else's.

Whilst obviously there must be an absolute minimum level of stuff you need to be content, above that, it's all subjective, isn't it? Afterall, very rich people with many resources can be just as, or more, discontent as someone with much less. Both DH and I could earn several times what we do, doing what we do in different settings (he works in IT in and work for a charity) but we prioritise the social impact of what we do and our work-life balance over financial rewards, so that we can have "enough" of everything whilst keeping a balance. Our house is slowly crumbling around us but we don't see it as a status symbol and we have true friends who would never judge us us for what our house looks like. Hopefully we'll sort it out when the DSs have left home and we have a bit more spare cash.

It also "helps" that we've both had some real shit to deal with in life, which puts other stuff in perspective.

I really agree with the point about understanding what your true values are. I think lots of people spend their lives making choices that prioritise values that aren't actually their own but what society says is high value or high status. Periodically I write down what is good in my life and where I want change. I've had a few periods where I have had to really think what is not working for me. This should reveal what your genuine priorities are. For me, that has meant pursuing opportunities for professional fulfillment, but also being very present and having time for family/children/relationship. In a different life I might have enjoyed a very corporate job as I think I would have enjoyed some of the challenges that this would entail. However, it would not allow me the time that I want with my children...one of my bottom line values. I've found niche somewhere else. The pay isn't as good, but this is OK as money and status aren't my primary motivators. Other people really want more money but aren't bothered about making adjustments with family.

Luck plays a part also in terms of the opportunities you get, but it definitely favours the alert and proactive.

Life still may.not be perfectly in balance all the time but I feel.very content knowing that I'm not just floating through life as a passive participant. Knowing I can effect change when I want to is very empowering which makes me content.

hattie43 · 12/07/2023 11:15

I got older . Things that mattered when young I now realise don't matter at all.

riotlady · 12/07/2023 12:35

It’s not exactly easy to replicate but personally having been through abuse and trauma it just makes me really appreciate what I have. Sometimes I just look around and I’m in my own little house with my lovely daughter and husband and I think gosh, how lucky am I to have found this life.

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