How did you become content with life?

[december2020]

I just can't seem to be content - I don't know why.

My job doesn't feel right but equally I don't have a clue what else I would enjoy doing.
The house feels so cluttered and a mess but with really young DC - they often try to help (bless them) but it makes the task impossible (DH works shifts and I work weekdays) so doing it during nursery/school/weekends is a rare rare happening.

DH is great but he doesn't get it - he is content in his career, content with the house and content with his free time. He can't relate and wonders why I can't seem to be content too.

It's just put me in a huge funk of being discontent but feeling too glum to do anything about it. Partly because I don't know what the answer is and partly because it feels a bit "why bother, won't happen anyway".I know the simple answer is lower your standards but that's not making me any more content.

So it made me wonder, how did you find contentment? What got you there?

Agree. I feel the same

I am content because l feel I'm not lacking in anything. I live a different way of life to most but I'm happy.

I left the uk. Tbh. Never looked back.

I'm still a work in progress but I've dropped a day at work, embraced nature and have totally turned my back on trying to find a life partner.

Dropping social media and newspapers help me when I'm feeling like this. I unconsciously compare myself to everyone, even rich famous people when I'm on them.
I try to do something I like, for me it would be reading. I love to be in the middle of a book rather than looking at someone's holiday on Facebook.

This is interesting

Two serious brushes with death through swine flu and Covid that both made me face leaving my young children behind were pretty formative for me. It was a powerful reminder to be very, very grateful for what I have and to be here and not put up with petty BS.
Not that I would wish that on you OP, of course, but it was a huge reminder to stop comparing myself to other people and get on with what I want to do in life, just in case I should ever be in that position again.

Ask yourself this -you may not be religious, but imagine much older you arriving to meet your maker and they ask what you have done with the life you have been given - would you be happy with your answer? Are there other things you want to do? If anything was possible, what would you do?
Discontent is either caused by comparison or an itch to do more with life, IMHO.

Read “The Happiness Project “ by Gretchen Reuben,It is exactly how to seek and attain contentment in the areas you mention

Working with some of the most vulnerable and disadvantaged people in the UK reminds me every single day how lucky I am and to enjoy the nice life I do have. Yes- I could push myself and earn more, but equally I have a nice home and everything I need.

Same.

I became too disabled to work about 10 years ago and yes my disabilities cause me intense physical challenges (chronic autoimmune issues including lupus) but it’s a relief that I don’t have to work anymore. I manage on disability benefits and dh works full time, he actually enjoys working. I’ve done everything from senior management to working in bars and everything in between and hated all of it. I’m happiest at home, eating chocolate, knitting and watching utter nonsense on Tv - mainly crime drama stuff. I enjoy a walk when my body permits it and I like doing a bit of light gardening. But I’m happy just doing my own thing, in my house on my own. And I don’t miss people or working at all. I think seeing my Mum (who I had a terrible relationship with but that’s another topic) die I bowel cancer in 2019 changed my outlook a lot. I always felt I failed at life by not having achieved something “big” but it was a very strange thing seeing her cease to exist, as if everything she used to get so upset about and worried about didn’t actually matter. It made me realise that all that matters is we try and enjoy the time we have, in the simplest of ways.

Hmm, I am quite content. My DC are fairly independent at 13 and 17, we have no money worries, we both have good jobs, the mortgage will be paid off in 9 years.

Also we have a cleaner!

It sounds as if you’re not living the life you want. You don’t like your field of work — can you seek out some career guidance or coaching to explore new directions? Surely mild untidiness when you have small children isn’t really a source of unhappiness? If it is, and it’s really affecting you, can you afford a cleaner once a week for a couple of hours? As a pp said, do you get similar amounts of free time to your contented Dah?

Goals!

Realistic expectations.

I was almost euphoric during lockdown.

This. Me and so many people I know felt this, but it's hard to admit to the 'real world'.

I agree with this.

The minute I was on target to hit my financial goals was when I relaxed because I finally have fuck off money. I have always felt insecure about money so this took a big load off my mind. I can buy security for myself and my dcs, so that stopped me worrying excessively for dcs, especially dd who has additional needs.

I gave up work. The two most beautiful words in the English langiage are "voluntary redundancy".

I was diagnosed with a primary cancer in 2019 and later it spread. I'm considered to be terminal although I'm still here and to look at me you wouldn't know it.

It was a wake up call. I started meditating along with lots of other health stuff - and even though the other stuff waxes and wanes, I'm consistent with meditating.

I listen to / watch / read /follow Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach, Joe Dispenza and Esther Hicks. I also use the Insight Timer app and have lots of favourite meditations there.

I'm much kinder to myself, and consequently to others. I'm appreciative of many things. I mostly worry less about the future and am getting better about living in the present. It takes discipline and I'm certainly not happy all the time but all states are temporary. Accepting that you never 'get there' and the joy is in the journey is a big one for me.

Are you bored? I used to feel like this but then again I was unhappy from the things my husband did lying with money causing me stress, we split up a year ago. I remember ringing the dr as my mind felt so flat etc and he said your life is hunky dory you're bored and I cried because I eally wanted help, he suggested I go to the gym etc.

A year on I spoke to a different dr again to say I still felt the same but now found it harder due to my separation, they gave me anti ds and they help so much, also not having stress from ex has helped me feel content but honestly recently, I used to look at people and think how are you happy why can't I feel that spark in my brain but I do also agree it was a combination of boredom aswel/marriage problems

I love reading these! And it does make me feel like being content is possible - I just need to get there somehow.

DH is good and gives me 'me time', he's never been selfish in that sense. And if I really needed time to tap out, he's pretty much always accommodate. DH is lucky in the sense that due to his shift work, sometimes on his days off he gets a day to himself (me at work, DC at nursery). It's not premeditated from his side - just how our family schedules and his rota works out some weeks and I think that is also a big source of his contentment on his time off, which he is lucky to have.

I have put the books in my Amazon basket - thank you!!

I think you've hit the nail on the head - it seems to be a combination of boredom (but not being break out of the mundane), not being on board with my day to day life (so content on holidays abroad but I can't do that all year around) and I guess feeling like there is a lack of fun.

I'm also like several posters - my mood is definitely set by my surroundings so a decluttered - everything has a place house does me a world of good. Though I have no expectation it'll be crumb free at all times with small DC about.

Hi again,I said about the boredom.

That's what I felt like I need fun, spark excitement, my brain felt flat I couldn't describe it, I was too aware of my thoughts. I work part time but on my days off I built up a small cleaning business cleaning peoples houses and that kept me busy and felt successful. I also seen a physcologist say instead of trying to do big happy things keep adding small happiness into your life to eventually fill your cup.

"I always felt I failed at life by not having achieved something “big"...all that matters is we try and enjoy the time we have, in the simplest of ways".

Beautifully put. That's contentment.

My Mum makes me feel like it's almost sinful not to be productive but I can literally binge a box set over a whole weekend and do nothing else and I'm happy in my bubble. Doesn't hurt anyone either!

Therapy.

A light dose of anti depressants- I have a long life my history of trauma.

Family meetings once a week have helped with arguments.

Having an allotment to work on to balance a difficult and stressful job.

Dogs.

Lots of sleep.

Journals.

Also having been through abuse, happiness is the absence of stress and abuse for me.

People always say you can chose to respond differently or choose to be happy. For me - no, having them out of my life, therapy and boundaries and not having them cause carnage - day in and day out is highly peaceful.

Counting my blessings and not comparing myself with other people.
Have I got somewhere nice to live? Yes.
Have I got a car? Yes
Children? Yes
grandchildren? Yes
Enough money to manage? Yes