Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

For those with young children who are working full time, how tired are you?

105 replies

quirkyquerty · 13/04/2023 18:31

I'm a teacher, I live with dh and 5yo and 3yo dc. We see family every 2-3 weeks, but we live a 2 hour drive from them.

I am so tired so often, I'd quite like to know if it is comparable to other people in a similar situation or whether I ought to book in at the doctors. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting their time.

I wake up tired, but am woken 4-5 times a night usually by DC bed swapping, asking me to go in with them, squeezing into our bed, asking for water etc. Both have always been terrible sleepers.

I wake up at 5.30 most days with my youngest, I work full time, get home do tea, and DH does bed for the kids whilst I tidy and sort lunches for the next day etc.

I will always fall asleep on the sofa, often by 8-9pm. I feel like I'm seeing less and less of my husband as I just can't keep my eyes open. I can't remember being this tired before, but then I only began full time work agains since DC in sept. I could happily go to bed with them at 7pm and fall asleep instantly.

I fall asleep on trains, in the car when dh is driving, in the cinema, even felt myself nodding off at a nail appointment last week.

Is anyone else feeling this way or should I be concerned it's something more?

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Eileen101 · 13/04/2023 19:03

Shattered. I could have written your post, down to the ages of the kids!
To help with the issue of being too tired to cook decent food, what about a slow cooker? Mine is wonderful for being able to whip up a curry or chilli or similar.
Ditto with soup for lunches, if it's prepared and in the fridge, just heating it up is way better than grabbing something unhealthy in a hurry.
I've started going to bed at 8.30-9ish which has helped, knowing that the nearly 3 year old will be joining me at around 3am! Although it doesn't help with feeling like you don't see your husband - mine works shifts so I don't feel bad going to bed knowing he's going to work at 8pm!

Survey99 · 13/04/2023 19:03

Mine is late teens now and it was tiring regularly when they were not sleeping through for about 10 years! and I was working FT in IT which was long and unpredictable hours. I succumbed to co sleeping as the best way for us all to get a good sleep and dh was sent to the spare room for a few years!

But I was in my 30s/40s and I had the energy to recover from it with a good nights sleep back then, and I hate to tell you it was NOTHING compared to menopause which is relentless!

Funkyslippers · 13/04/2023 19:06

OP, the fact that you could fall asleep pretty much anywhere during the days shows that you're not getting enough sleep at night. How many hours on average do you think you get?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds 5 year olds Families
CloseYourMouthLynn · 13/04/2023 19:07

I hear you! I have a one year old and five year old and work full time. I've been exhausted since the first was born. Got a bit better when she was 3 so obviously thought another baby would be a good idea, back to square one!
I take a daily iron sachet which does help a bit with energy levels. I remember my dad hoovering loudly outside my room on purpose when I was a teenager fast asleep at 11am. I was annoyed at the time but I will definitely be doing it myself when my kids are older!

Mojoj · 13/04/2023 19:08

Sleep training is a great idea for a reason. At their age, they shouldn't still be getting in and out of bed. No wonder you're knackered.

Notimeforme · 13/04/2023 19:08

Mine is a good sleeper but I’m still shattered. I don’t even work full time!

Pinkflipflop85 · 13/04/2023 19:09

Full time teacher, mum of 2, Lways bloody knackered. About halfway through the Easter holidays I started to feel 'normal but it will be short lived when term starts again on Monday! I've been known to fall asleep reading my phone in the evening (have been woken up more than once when I've dropped it on my face!)

Had lots of tests done, as I've had physical symptoms alongside the tiredness but everything came back within range!

Irritateandunreasonable · 13/04/2023 19:09

I was less tired when I was I working full time I honest. I’m WAY more exhausted only working 15 hrs a week and being with the kids the rest of the time.

CloseYourMouthLynn · 13/04/2023 19:09

We used a gro clock and chart for the eldest when she kept getting up and it worked but she's very compliant. My son would absolutely not fall for that sort of arrangement.

Ginandrosemary · 13/04/2023 19:10

Also a teacher, work full time with children a very similar age to you and also don't sleep. I'm knackered and the holidays are the only thing that keeps me going. I crawled to the end of last term. I drink so much coffee- probably too much. Wish I had advice but wanted to say that I'm in the same boat.

chessburger · 13/04/2023 19:11

When mine were 2 and 3 i went to Specsavers because i thought i needed glasses. Nope.. just so tired i couldn't see straight. They're 7 and 8 now and I'm not that level of tired anymore because they can do so much for themselves. Plus my 8 year old has an Alexa and loves audiobooks so keeps herself busy if she’s up late or wakes up too early to start the day.

overitunderit · 13/04/2023 19:12

It sounds like you're getting basically no sleep. If you can't sort the DC sleep out overnight or the early morning wakes then you need to find a way to get more sleep. What's your DH doing when you're dealing with the kids overnight and at 5:30am? Can one of you do the overnight and the other do the early morning? Can you take it in turns to have a lie in?

Shininghope · 13/04/2023 19:14

Me and DH work full time and I’m exhausted. I tried giving up alcohol, eating better, exercise etc which marginally helped but not that much. No advice just solidarity.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 13/04/2023 19:16

Yeah, exhausting. We’re not designed to be at full pelt all the time. Humans are designed for an afternoon sleep! Other than moving to a country that still has a siesta I’m not sure what to suggest, but agree the sugar/caffeine cycle won’t be helping, you’ll be having major crashes. I’d look at easy-ish ways to get more nutrients in, start some multivitamins and absolutely go to bed at 7pm some nights if you’re tired enough. Your body obviously needs it!

ShortDaysLongNights · 13/04/2023 19:17

Full solidarity! It's no surprise you're being tired being woken up so many times and getting up early. Not to mention working full-time!
Ours aren't particularly good sleepers and when they fall into the pattern you describe, my husband and I will take turns to do the "night shift". So one of us can get a solid night's sleep. We either camp out in the spare bedroom or sleep in kid's rooms so the person having the night "off" really doesn't have to do anything.
Is that an option for you?

Photosymphysis · 13/04/2023 19:17

You poor lot. You have my sympathy. My youngest is now 7 and now I can look back on that time, and look at you all and wonder how I did it (and how you are all doing it now).

The amount of paid work + domestic work (even if you've got a better than average OH) + childcare you're doing on completely inadequate sleep is just bonkers.

I remember when the Holy Grail was to get 4 hours of sleep in a row.

Women with young children really should be celebrated more. We're just expected to get on with it. And are made to feel like we're lacking if we, completely reasonably, start to fray when we're doing 3 jobs on several years of sleep deprivation.

Like everything, this will also pass.
It took mine till they were 3+ to sleep through reliably. And then I'd developed a weird hypervigilence and had to relearn proper sleeping myself!

Please, all of you, give yourselves whatever breaks you can. Please don't punish your bodies with diets/punishing exercise. Please do whatever you can to nourish and build your body & mind. When you're sleep deprived you do crave carbs. It's only for a few more months. It'll pass. And you can get your sleep and healthier eating back then. Survive for now.

And yes, going to bed at 8:30/9pm is the new rock & roll. Embrace it!

Danikm151 · 13/04/2023 19:18

Knackered!
Lone parent working full time. My son is now 3.
I was told it would get easier but nope he has so much more energy to burn and bed time is now nearly an hour later but wake up time is the same!

Lostmyway86 · 13/04/2023 19:21

I have a 2 and 3 year old and work 5 days a week. I also have 2 DSDs at the weekend. I'm exhausted. But more so at the weekend when I'm home with all 4 kids. Work is the easy bit. I put my DC to bed around 6pm and I'm always in bed by 9, usually read for a bit and try to sleep by 10. I call it my reverse lay in as I'm up and dealing with the kids from 6am every morning. Would rather that than the evenings though!

Hubblebubble · 13/04/2023 19:22

I feel exhausted too. But my aunt has hashimotios disease and my gran has an underactive thyroid, so I'm thinking there could be more to it than chronic sleep deprivation with a toddler and a fulltime job. Going to the doctors is on my to do list. If they refuse to run a blood test I'll stick my heels in and ask for a second opinion/quote NICE guidelines.

101dalmatians · 13/04/2023 19:24

Not to scaremonger- but just to those saying they are exceptionally tired, and especially to the pp who was refused a blood test by her gp on the basis that it’s normal to be tired as a working mum. That’s exactly what the gp said to my friend in the same position - a couple of months later she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Please, if you suspect your tiredness is unusual, get a second opinion!

TigerMog · 13/04/2023 19:25

Same here. I get through the evenings by having a glass of wine cos if I don't I crash much earlier. Not a great habit but...it definitely keeps me going longer. Isn't this called having it all? Hmm

Lifeisrosy · 13/04/2023 19:26

Both full-time, very demanding jobs, 5 and 2 year old, no family help and musical beds every night. Always exhausted. Went to the doctor last year and got a full work up, I'm fine, just exhausted.

Currently laying on my bed after bedtime, debating going to bed, or joining my husband on the couch.

Disneyblueeyes · 13/04/2023 19:30

I have no idea how you work as a full time teacher with two young kids.
I work two days as a teacher and have one child (3yr old). After my 2nd day at work I'm asleep by 9pm.

mintz · 13/04/2023 19:32

6 yr old twins here, we both work full time, using a combination of grandparents and after school club to manage weekdays. We have extra curricular activities 3 times a week on an evening too. I am constantly exhausted, more so than DH. I do work more hours than DH as I'm on a 40 hour week and he a 35 hour week. I'm dropping to sleep by the time we sit down on an evening around 9pm. Difficult to get into anything on TV as I fall asleep most nights!

WideFootWelly · 13/04/2023 19:33

Fucking knackered.

Although considerably better at 3 and 6 since the now 3yo sleeps through most nights. Still knackered, assume it'll get better.

Worth seeing a doctor to check bloods to check.