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Original poster

Did your parents/PIL come to stay during/after you gave birth? For how long?

73 replies

AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/04/2023 00:49

Just that really. Wondering about others experiences as I prepare for birth of second child.

did your parents or in-laws come to stay, and for how long? And was that a good decision or do you regret it?

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/04/2023 00:50

First baby was in covid so it wasn’t something we even thought about

OP posts:
EvenHeathens · 12/04/2023 00:57

I dont think anyone should stay in the house at that time. If they want to stay nearby so they can help take the baby/sibling in the morning if it helps you get some sleep then great, but having someone to stay is just adding work I feel. They should also help out/organise food and clean up after themselves as well, but not stepping on toes either - its a tricky balance to find really! I just enjoyed visitors for a few hours and then they left us to it. I cant stand having people doing my housework or flapping about around me so overall it worked best for us

Dracuuule · 12/04/2023 00:58

My mum came to stay for a week as soon as baby was born. Dh went back to work for that week then took paternity leave when my mum left.
It worked really well for us as my mum is so hands on, practical and loves to be busy. She helped out with the baby, cooked loads, and even cleared out my kitchen cupboards!
She left food in the freezer then when she left, I'd recovered a bit so dh and I could really focus on the baby and building some kind of routine.
I love my mum Smile

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Original poster
AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/04/2023 01:04

Your mum sounds amazing @Dracuuule

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 12/04/2023 01:16

My mum was with us for 2 weeks, she did nights

PJRules · 12/04/2023 01:18

It would be lovely if there was someone in your life able to step in and look after you and the house whilst you rest. That could be your mum, your best friend or DH. It must be someone that you don't feel you need to make an effort for or host in anyway though.

DH is the only one who fits the bill for me, but he wasn't in a fit state to do the job so I would have loved to have that relationship with someone else too.

Otherwise if visitors are real visitors, where you need to get dressed, keep the house presentable, be available, etc then they're welcome for a few hours but that's it.

mackthepony · 12/04/2023 01:19

FIL and mil came and stopped for three days. I wish they wouldn't have bothered. No help at all, just more people to run around after

My mum came and was more helpful

mackthepony · 12/04/2023 01:20

Otherwise if visitors are real visitors, where you need to get dressed, keep the house presentable, be available, etc then they're welcome for a few hours but that's it.

^

Exactly. House guests need to act like they live there Aka pick up after themselves, empty dishwasher, cook etc

Youdoyoubabe · 12/04/2023 01:21

Yeah my mum came for a couple of weeks. Did cooking meals, laundry, ironing, house work.

it was invaluable. Meant I could loaf around and focus on the baby. Husband couldn’t take paternity leave.

OhMyCherriePie · 12/04/2023 01:23

Wow no and i was a single parent!

Weatherwax13 · 12/04/2023 01:25

God no. But I remember my grandmother stayed for a fortnight after the birth of each of my younger siblings. It was definitely a "thing" then. 1970s/80s. She didn't look after the baby but did all the cooking and housework .
Daft thing is, my mother would clean frantically before the baby was due so she wouldn't be judged on the state of her house .

USaYwHatNow · 12/04/2023 01:31

My mum stayed for 2 nights when my son was a week old. My husband will have been off work for a year by the time he goes back to work (unusual and lucky work circumstances!) so I didn't really 'need' her to, but we are super close and he was first grandchild so she couldn't stay away which was fine 😂 my mum and dad gave me and my siblings an amazing childhood, and my mum is a natural, nurturing mother, so I found she instinctively knew what I needed. Water when breastfeeding, snacks, pillow plumped behind me, helping me to adjust his position, getting us out the house with the pram for the first time and forbidding me from walking too far (as all mothers are, she was right 😂 I was knackered after a trip round the corner!) empowering me to understand what each cry meant. Which was great, because she also gave us space to learn how to be parents and didn't intrude on my husband wanting to take care of me. Between the two of them I was treated like an absolute queen, still am to be fair, I'm extremely lucky.

StagsLeap · 12/04/2023 01:32

No, we said no visitors for three weeks, and then no one staying in our (tiny, London) flat. Which was just as well, as I had a difficult CS recovery and was hallucinating.

MoltenLasagne · 12/04/2023 02:17

My parents stayed to look after DC1 when I had DC2. It was a lifesaver as it meant DH could be at the hospital without worrying. They only ended up staying 2 nights as we were out the next day but I think they'd have stayed as long as I was in hospital for plus a bit extra to help us get settled back in.

EssexMamisoa · 12/04/2023 02:44

No one to stay here but mum came up every other day for three weeks. She did lunch, cleaning, holding baby while I slept. The usual. She is over an hour away so very much appreciated her making the journey. I preferred that to her staying.

IsolatedWilderness · 12/04/2023 02:49

No-one stayed when my babies were born. Thank goodness because it would have driven me nuts to have guests at that time.

ChickpeaPie · 12/04/2023 04:08

No thanks, can’t think of anything worse

Tinybrother · 12/04/2023 04:21

Yes my mum came for a week each time, after my husband’s paternity leave had finished. I would of course have coped without, but it was lovely nonetheless. She wasn’t a “house guest”, she was looking after us, and she is easy and helpful company. I felt very lucky.

blahblahblah1654 · 12/04/2023 04:27

First baby was born during covid so that wasn't an option either. I'm planning on an elective c section this time round and I've asked my mum to stay a couple of days while I'm in hospital. So there's someone to watch my toddler overnight when my husband is with me in hospital. We only have a small house so she won't stay long after I get home. Not planning on having any other visits for a little while after. Depends on recovery.

yikesanotherbooboo · 12/04/2023 06:13

DM came for a few days when DC1 was born and I was very grateful for the company and reassurance.DMil did the same when DC2 was born to entertain DD. Those were the days when fathers didn't have time off work so their presence was invaluable.DC3 was born by CS. I

didn't need anyone to stay as the grandmothers lived nearby but I was very grateful for their help ferrying the older DC and doing a spot of laundry etc.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 12/04/2023 06:20

My mum was a wonderful mum, but no chance - I breastfed so nothing that could be done there to help and the faffing described above by pps would have driven me demented. Mil was not even an option, if I didn't want my own mother there I certainly didn't want someone else's.

KitKatLove · 12/04/2023 06:28

I love my parents but honestly couldn’t think of anything worse. Wouldn’t have even considered either set of parents coming to stay.

Tinybrother · 12/04/2023 06:29

What faffing?

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 12/04/2023 06:36

Mum did with my last one. Planned section so she looked after the boys when dh took me in, and during birth and again when dh collected us. She came in when they met their sister, but waited till they met her first. She stayed a week, so went home two days after then dh had his paternity. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Wrongsideofpennines · 12/04/2023 06:38

I am so worried about this. My PIL want to come and stay for 2 weeks in a hotel nearby. First was during covid so I didn't have any visitors for months. This time my DH is wanting them to stay to look after the toddler and tells me we will need that support. The issue with a hotel room is they will expect to eat meals at ours as there will be nowhere else.

I wouldn't even want my own mum doing it to be honest even if she was in a position to do so. I'm so worried they're going to be in my space before birth and make my labour slow and stall, and then afterwards be there intruding on skin to skin and getting breastfeeding established.

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