Tell me about your summer born children and starting school

[IAmTheWalrus85]

I’ve got a late summer born boy who’ll be starting school in September when he’s just turned 4.

I feel really nervous about it. He just isn’t as developed as many of his older friends. Even 6 months seems to make a huge amount of difference from a developmental point of view at this age.

He’s toilet trained but he still has the odd accident if he gets absorbed in what he’s doing and he isn’t reminded to go to the loo. He still needs help with wiping (he can do it himself but not very well). I’m assuming reception teachers won’t be able to help with anything related to going to the loo.

He can put his own coat and shoes on but sometimes gets the shoes on the wrong feet. He still needs help with getting dressed (doing up on trouser buttons etc). I assume teachers can’t help them with getting changed for activities etc.

I suppose I’m just looking for stories of summer borns who’ve started reception with their chronological age group and how they’ve got on for some idea of what to expect and any tips for what I can do to help with the transition.

Thank you in advance!

Bizarre take. Never occurred to you to consider it, now don't want anyone else to?

2 late July babies, they were both fine

DD2 had only just turned 4 when she started school. She was tiny - we had to buy aged 2 school dresses (yes, they exist!) and really struggled to find school shoes small enough. If I could have deferred her then I definitely would have. We worried about her academically, and she was always sort of mid-range ability. Socially, she had no problems at all.

However, she grew into herself physically and academically and is just finishing uni, which she has loved. She's doing brilliantly, and I'm glad she started school when she did, because she is still friends with many of the same group she had in nursery, and has picked up a lovely group around that too.

Both of mine are summer born. With my eldest (a dd), she was more than ready to start school and went in all guns blazing. She realised there were some who were almost a whole year older and were confident at reading etc but it still didn't faze her. She's in secondary now and happy and does well at school. She's also quite laid back about friends etc.

My son was a slightly different kettle of fish. He was quite uncoordinated and also not as sociable etc and so was due to do another year of nursery but could suddenly read well and add up etc and was told it would be crazy to have him stay in nursery. The first year or so of school were tricky. In terms of work it was ok but he was shy and struggled and got overwhelmed. He's 8 now though and found his own way. He writes and reads beautifully - my kids are both young and mature at the same time so maybe it was never a summer born thing! With boys it is tricky though because everyone has this idea that they should be confident and boisterous but sometimes they're just not.

Late August baby. She was slow to pick up phonics but reading took off in year 5 (during lock down under her own steam). Since diagnosed with dyslexia. Predicted grade 7s at GCSE, except maths which is 6.

Socially year 7 was far more difficult than foundation. She’s found her people now. Still very young in her interests and has friends in lower year groups. Academically ambitious and hard working.

With hindsight waiting a year for foundation would have benefitted her socially.

My boy was 7 weeks early and born the end of august. So he’s in the wrong year group, he’s now year 10 and is on for 7s and a 9 in maths. He did take until secondary school to catch up but he’s fine now.

My daughter is tall for her age and born in August. At 5 she is the same height as an 7 year old so would have looked silly being held back.

Socially she is a bit less mature than her friends and isn't always that well behaved. She is quite immature compared to her peers. We didn't hold her back because she is very bright and would have found an extra year at nursery frustrating plus all her nursery friends go to the same school as her. She also had issues with toileting but we put spare panties etc in bag.

I think deciding on keeping them back a year should be decided on a case by case basis because some wouldnt thrive being held back.

I literally started a thread about this a couple of days ago. Here you go OP lots of positive stories here:

Should say the toileting issues are now resolved!!

DS is last day of July birthday, I had some misgivings about sending him to school at just turned 4 (and there was no option to defer at the time). He loved Reception and all the activities they did, but he did get very tired. I remember that first term running up to Christmas being very hard work. It felt like I was picking him up from school, getting some food into him and then putting him to bed! Some nights he was asleep by 6pm!

They all grow up so much in that reception year. There are lots of kids who have accidents and ones that can't put their clothes on properly. Honestly the teachers have seen it all before.
Focus on two things: putting on shoes and putting on coat. Get a winter coat with poppers and a zip. Zips are tricky!

Isn't what your describing isn't it normal?
My daughter is turning 4 in July and what you describe is just like her.
She tries to wipe after a poo but her hand can't reach properly. So we just keep trying!
Again most of the time the shoes are on the correct feet, sometimes they aren't. She can put her coat on and still learning to master zips. She can't do trouser buttons.
At school they don't get changed for activities, the my go in PE kits for that.
I don't feel that she needs to be held back, she's settled at school nursery, she has friends and teachers have no concerns.

If you’re going to fall back on the “state recommended age”, in fact compulsory school age isn’t until after a child turns 5. And “the state” now permits deferrals
for summer born children precisely because it is now recognised that those children are, as a cohort, disadvantaged when compared to their older peers.

The fact that you don’t appear to have considered these things for your own son is no reason to suggest that the OP shouldn’t.

@Jujujuly the overwhelming majority of respondents here would agree to not hold a child back. I'm glad you enjoy parenting by statistics, I tend to go with my maternal and gut instincts. I also don't believe in selling children short.

I won't be responding further. I wish you well and bid you adieu.

Both of my July babies started school age 4. They are now in years 9 and 4 and I deeply regret it. They have both struggled massively.

My advice would be to start them at compulsory school age when they are 5, so they are the oldest in their year. I so wish I'd done this for my two.

I have two summer borns, a boy and a girl.

I'll be honest. My son has struggled with school however I do feel this is more personality and motivation rather than ability. He will do the absolute bare minimum and is happy with that. He always seems to meet the expected standard by the end of the year (when his maturity catches up) however he is happy and a character with his own motivations that just do t align with standard education.

My daughter is also summer born and has thrived at school. She is achieving well. In all honesty I would say my son is a happier child than my daughter.

I completely agree that of course you should consider your individual child. But your initial response seemed to suggest that the OP should do exactly what you did because in your opinion your kid did fine. You said “please don’t” defer based on nothing whatsoever.

I’d rather base my decision on statistics than what some random on mumsnet said.

My summer born was still 3 the week before starting school so a very late August baby. It was ok, really. I bought the pull up shorts/school trousers so they had no fly and elastic adjustments, socks had coloured toes and heels so he could see where they were supposed to go and we practiced putting coats on and off etc. I bought bigger jumpers too as these are easier to take on and off as well as using large type name tapes sewn into the neck of each item.
Toileting was a bit tricky. He couldn't manage to wipe so in the end I just worked on a fairly strict mealtime routine and then I would sit him on the loo after breakfast (allowing enough time) until he'd done a poo, wiped him properly so he was comfortable at school and he just needed wees. It worked for us and by the summer/Y1 he'd got the hang of it. Teachers and dinner ladies won't wipe but they offer wipes and give instructions if needed.
It was socially that we struggled and to be honest I made the effort to be a class helper and joined the pta so I could be more available to him and help to build a friendship network.
It turns out that DC has Adhd and this explains how sensitive they were on starting school. Academically they thrived though and it didn't make a difference being summer born.
You will notice it in terms of maturity but it evens out as they progress through school.
We paid for an extra half day at pre school so that they attended 3 full days a week and we did activities together and with friends on the other days which all helped prepare for school. I was fortunate to be a sahm though.