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Why are people so fake and nasty?

67 replies

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 13:39

I parent and work, date and am financially stable. I have acquaintances/friends who are really struggling financially, I understand life is hard, mine can be too. I front loaded a lot of my responsibilities, didn't travel for years on end or study multiple degrees/juggle career changes. I didn't follow some artistic dream, I followed a practical path. I m relatively financially stable now and still careful with money.

There is a group of relentlessly b1tchy "friends", who have realised I m financially stable and feel entitled to twist what I say and do, to soothe their own jealousies. I m sick of it. I ve distanced myself from so many of these frenemies. A slightly bonkers woman who I met on the street out walking, even said it to me, it's because you are mortgage free and the rest of us are stuck facing into x number of years tied to these mortgages.

I get it, but you know what, I paid mine too. I didn't win the lotto, I put the years in. I m still parenting and paying for kids, and fending for myself 100%.

I m just sick of people trying to twist what I say or do, to find a hook to hang their jealousy off. I understand its scary being broke as hell in your 40s, but I can only fend for myself. It's the twisting and the disengenous communication that I m sick off. Trying to pry into my private life or dating life to generate gossip etc. I think lots of people have really lost the plot.

It's sad, because you just distance yourself from all the negative people, grey rock them all, and your circle decreases.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 11/04/2023 13:50

I think you need to find a new circle of friends. Well done you for forward thinking and getting yourself into a financially stable position.
Many who can't afford to get on the housing ladder etc, stuck with expensive rentals are the same ones that spent years living the high life exotic holidays, travelling etc so no sympathy for them really!!

Ostryga · 11/04/2023 13:53

Honestly just block them all and never see them again.

I’m an expert at cutting people out of my life if they bring nothing positive, and trust me it works wonders for your mental health!

bellabellaIzzie · 11/04/2023 13:57

A slightly bonkers woman who I met on the street out walking, even said it to me, it's because you are mortgage free and the rest of us are stuck facing into x number of years tied to these mortgages.

I may have read this wrong, but how did a stranger, you'd met out walking, know you'd paid your mortgage off?

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 13:57

Sorry I m having a rant, ignore me.

Yes, I ve blocked the worst of them, but it's really social contagion, it's MAD.

I do have sympathy for people struggling, I don't have a magic wand to fix life for them. I don't expect anyone else to fix my life.

People are gone very funny, maybe it's a time of life thing. Mid 40s.

OP posts:
CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 14:00

bellabellaIzzie · 11/04/2023 13:57

A slightly bonkers woman who I met on the street out walking, even said it to me, it's because you are mortgage free and the rest of us are stuck facing into x number of years tied to these mortgages.

I may have read this wrong, but how did a stranger, you'd met out walking, know you'd paid your mortgage off?

She s not a stranger, she sa friend of a friend, loosely part of the sane localsocialcircle. I was admiring her baby and compliment the local school, and the conversation developed.

I told my ex best friend about the mortgage, she the told a pack of schoolyardbullies and the gossip mongers spread gossip, adding layers. Bored people.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 11/04/2023 14:03

Why are you telling friends this? It sounds like bragging to tell a group of people struggling with mortgage payments that yours is all paid off. That’s just weird.

FictionalCharacter · 11/04/2023 14:03

It isn't people in general, it's this particular group of your "friends".

Punkyspunky · 11/04/2023 14:08

Well done for you.She’s not your friend if she consorts with school yard bullies.

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 14:08

The friend was prying and being quite rude about expectations of being bailed out of a certain situation and the friend in question was being very disrespectful to me about my home and my life to my face, whilst in my home asking for favours. I rebuffed her and it came out. This friend had some unusual expectations about using my property for her purposes and I told her where to go.

Sorry I won't say any more as it is too outing.

OP posts:
Sunshineandchill · 11/04/2023 14:08

I think people should just try and be thankful for what they have. I have a mortgage to pay off, but what is the point in wasting time getting frustrated about it. At least they have a roof over their head, which is more than some.

bellabellaIzzie · 11/04/2023 14:09

I've heard of more envy from renters who are paying extortionate rent wishing they had a mortgage.

It does sound extreme reaction, though I do think people keep it to themselves as I don't know anyone (other than my parents) who has paid their mortgage off, but, thinking on it, I'm sure some friends must have but it's not something we've ever discussed.

HappyMe6 · 11/04/2023 14:09

I wouldn’t be telling anyone my private buisness

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 11/04/2023 14:10

Well done you for all that you've achieved. I do get what you mean. My younger brothers do this alot. They say to me and my sister - it's alright for you, you've bought a house. But when I was a single mum, eating yellow sticker discount food, all holidays in a caravan, mending school uniforms and never buying new clothes they thought I was daft. And Driving an old banger that cost the same as their new trainers

Comfies · 11/04/2023 14:12

Don't tell anyone you're mortgage free FGS. Why would you disclose that? If anyone pries you say "I'm not telling you that".

We are lucky financially but nobody is nasty to me about it because I don't go around telling them (or maybe they're better off than me - I wouldn't know because we don't discuss our bank balances etc).

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 14:12

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 11/04/2023 14:10

Well done you for all that you've achieved. I do get what you mean. My younger brothers do this alot. They say to me and my sister - it's alright for you, you've bought a house. But when I was a single mum, eating yellow sticker discount food, all holidays in a caravan, mending school uniforms and never buying new clothes they thought I was daft. And Driving an old banger that cost the same as their new trainers

People see what they want to see.

OP posts:
Comfies · 11/04/2023 14:15

They don't "see" you're mortgage free though. You have to tell people that one.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 11/04/2023 14:15

I think you need to be more careful who you talk to. It isn't unusual to discuss mortgages with your close circle, but they have to be very trustworthy people who wouldn't use you for gossip fodder. Put it down to lesson learnt.

saythebellsofstclements · 11/04/2023 14:19

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 14:08

The friend was prying and being quite rude about expectations of being bailed out of a certain situation and the friend in question was being very disrespectful to me about my home and my life to my face, whilst in my home asking for favours. I rebuffed her and it came out. This friend had some unusual expectations about using my property for her purposes and I told her where to go.

Sorry I won't say any more as it is too outing.

Has this 'friend' recently joined a running club?

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 14:23

saythebellsofstclements · 11/04/2023 14:19

Has this 'friend' recently joined a running club?

I m no longer friends so I don't know.
😬😬😬

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 11/04/2023 14:38

I have this sometimes, I look cookie-cutter "OK", I have a stable family life, kids, dogs and some fun, as in travel and enjoy dinners/ nights out with with friends etc..

I think the killer is that I appear confident and happy. (I say appear...)

Someone once told I inspire envy, and it is true I have to be careful with people I am obliged to be with eg work colleagues, to tone myself down.

All you can do OP is not tell anyone else about your circumstances and ensure you don't judge people on the same way.

rockpoolingtogether · 11/04/2023 14:40

TeenLifeMum · 11/04/2023 14:03

Why are you telling friends this? It sounds like bragging to tell a group of people struggling with mortgage payments that yours is all paid off. That’s just weird.

She's not bragging. She told one perso. Who was jealous and spread it around. It's their insecurities. I've seen it happen time and time again

Allwelcone · 11/04/2023 14:42

Sorry for the typos I'm not feeling great

Ladybug14 · 11/04/2023 14:43

Here's the thing....these people are not friends. Imo, where you are going squewy is thinking of them as friends once they have shown themselves to be unpleasant/envious/not pleased for you

Friends don't do that

These people are envious acquaintances

TreesAtSea · 11/04/2023 14:46

I know exactly the type of person you mean. I used to work with someone who was obsessed with what she imagined to be my cushy life, even though we were on the same salary. I never mentioned anything about my finances to her, but that didn't stop her filling in the gaps with spiteful speculation. God help me if I ever wore anything new, however cheap it may have been, as that would set her off again. All she did know was that I was in the process of buying a one-bed flat - hardly a state secret.

The irony was that, despite her having a secure tenancy on a three-bed house for less than half what I was paying monthly, she insisted she was somehow a victim, even though she could've bought a place if she'd wanted to.

Ignore people who imply you somehow deserve this behaviour because you happened to mention to one person that you're mortgage-free. That doesn't justify people's nasty comments.

Lemur97 · 11/04/2023 14:53

I drifted from a boyfriend and a few close friends when I got a new job and my income doubled. The rate was public. They became very petty, underhand and spiteful.

Not all of my friends reacted like this. It wasn't an issue at all for some.