Why are people so fake and nasty?

[CreationNat1on]

I parent and work, date and am financially stable. I have acquaintances/friends who are really struggling financially, I understand life is hard, mine can be too. I front loaded a lot of my responsibilities, didn't travel for years on end or study multiple degrees/juggle career changes. I didn't follow some artistic dream, I followed a practical path. I m relatively financially stable now and still careful with money.

There is a group of relentlessly b1tchy "friends", who have realised I m financially stable and feel entitled to twist what I say and do, to soothe their own jealousies. I m sick of it. I ve distanced myself from so many of these frenemies. A slightly bonkers woman who I met on the street out walking, even said it to me, it's because you are mortgage free and the rest of us are stuck facing into x number of years tied to these mortgages.

I get it, but you know what, I paid mine too. I didn't win the lotto, I put the years in. I m still parenting and paying for kids, and fending for myself 100%.

I m just sick of people trying to twist what I say or do, to find a hook to hang their jealousy off. I understand its scary being broke as hell in your 40s, but I can only fend for myself. It's the twisting and the disengenous communication that I m sick off. Trying to pry into my private life or dating life to generate gossip etc. I think lots of people have really lost the plot.

It's sad, because you just distance yourself from all the negative people, grey rock them all, and your circle decreases.

I did not tell a soul when I paid off my mortgage, I was under 40 and knew it was unusual. Not , siblings nor even the friend I had known from day 1 of primary school.

Your ship has sailed but I’m writing more for others to understand that no one and I mean absolutely no one at all should know your financial dealings.

Missed writing parents in sentence above which should read, Not parents, siblings.

I used to work 3 jobs to cover all my bills, then when dh and l bought a 4 hed house, had loads of people tell me how lucky l was. Luck had nothing to do with it!! So l get what you are saying op.

She s not a stranger, she sa friend of a friend, loosely part of the sane localsocialcircle. I was admiring her baby and compliment the local school, and the conversation developed.
I told my ex best friend about the mortgage, she the told a pack of schoolyardbullies and the gossip mongers spread gossip, adding layers. Bored people.

Not a stranger? Sorry it's the way you worded it as 'even a slightly bonkers women you met out walking said it' about the mortgage! So I wondered how that subject came up. You said the conversation developed to mortgages...

She brought it up, as in the reason they are all being bitchy is the finance stuff.

Anyway thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.

TBF (and I can't explain it all in a couple of sentences), I had kept it to myself for many years, and this revealing ex friend was asking me favours about finances and querying me in a rude kinda way and I guess I thought I ld put her in her place. She was seeking freebie accommodation for her adult child. This person has already received financial help from me and others in the past and has always point blank refused to work herself. Sympathy has run dry.

I m never jealous of a two salary household, it doesn't occur to me to get jealous, my choices, my life. I get it. I m also not jealous of people who have more than me, in finances, looks (subjective), sports, pensions, inheritances, nothing. Everything is what you make it, more or less. Even though its very important to me to feel financially secure, I genuinely get the most joy out of stoopid laughs and stories, free stuff, walks in nature.

Yes, it is a relatively small town/circle.

Yes, I think I also inspire envy, I think people can really be jealous of female agency. It takes very little to trigger envy. It's mad, because I ve worked my ass off for whatever I have.

Anyway, sorry for the mefest, thanks for the feedback.

Fuck it all - time to focus on new friends.

And I also know, other people worktgeur assess off too, and dye to circumstances, changes in career values, luck,... They still have to slog and slog and slog to make it work. I understand, everyone sacrifices something and is lucky in some areas. It's not all a competition.

I wish people didn't view it all as a benchmarking competition.

On another tangent, I think, maybe this is an unexpected semi consequence of the spill over from culture wars, where people are decamping into different categories, triggered by housing issues and other various concerns.

For example, I m quietly GC, I don't see it as my fight but I also don't support the eroding of female space, sports or identity. I won't be getting too vocal about it, because "the local people's front of genitalia", will undoubtedly use that as a stick to beat me with. Condemn those views as anti liberal, so I guess, I think it's best to keep a low profile for the moment. Social interactions are funny right now.

I agree, people are very difficult, in general right now.

What is GC?

Gender critical meaning I believe there are two genders and you cannot simply declare yourself the other and expect access to the other genders spaces, sports, human rights.

I was thinking small town when you said a stranger had approached you commenting. Those of us who've lived in insular small towns with narrow minded folk who like to gossip get it! Only way to combat that is to keep to yourself. Tell no one your business it will kill them. I personally couldn't live in a small gossipy community having grown up in one but I see moving is not an option as you own your house.
They must have very boring lives to be so invested in yours! You should pity them but keep them at arms length.

I seeeee.

Thanks

The gender debate I thought I'd leave until the debate was had and the decision made. However, it still isn't resolved.
I'd say if you are born into the wrong gender, which isn't aligned then after going through significant realignment process people can identify as the gender they choose. I think we can then deal with the two main scenarios that keep cropping up. Sport...have leagues like in boxing, feather weight, lightweight,heavy weight based on the physical attributes of the sports people. The male rapists in female spaces such as womens refuge and prisons is simple to me. A rapist is a rapist. The idea that all male rapists rape women is not the full picture. Men get raped in prison. There is woman on woman assaults in female spaces. I say risk assess the rapist and regardless of sex/gender if they are a risk to anybody take the appropriate action.

Back on topic. Yes small towns/villages. Don't tell anybody anything you don't want them all to know. My experience is it's a fertile environment for envy and they will try bring you down. Tell em nowt and move on.

I know!! My life isn't bliss, I wouldn't mind moving somewhere more cosmopolitan, or sunnier even, but that's not an option, I have children in a good school, who need access to their dad and local community.

Swings and roundabouts.

The dating pool is dire as well

Best not complain 😆😆, the good ole menopause will kill my libido and I won't need to think about dating!!

Good points, and to confirm I m not militant GC, just cautious. Issues will be teased out in due course. It's yet another very polarising consideration, feeding into culture wars, and mini local culture battles. People are very easily provoked.

Hopefully not! But if you are thinking of dating I'd definitely look further afield if possible. Sounds like you need to distance yourself & ditch the fake friends too. Just because you've possibly known each other for years doesn't mean you've outgrown the friendship. Any true friend wouldn't be toxic & try to bring you down by gossiping about you.
Sounds like you have a lot of positives as well in your home town so concentrate on them & grey rock the rest 💐

Doesn't mean you've NOT outgrown the friendship I meant

Thank you 💐