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Why are people so fake and nasty?

67 replies

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 13:39

I parent and work, date and am financially stable. I have acquaintances/friends who are really struggling financially, I understand life is hard, mine can be too. I front loaded a lot of my responsibilities, didn't travel for years on end or study multiple degrees/juggle career changes. I didn't follow some artistic dream, I followed a practical path. I m relatively financially stable now and still careful with money.

There is a group of relentlessly b1tchy "friends", who have realised I m financially stable and feel entitled to twist what I say and do, to soothe their own jealousies. I m sick of it. I ve distanced myself from so many of these frenemies. A slightly bonkers woman who I met on the street out walking, even said it to me, it's because you are mortgage free and the rest of us are stuck facing into x number of years tied to these mortgages.

I get it, but you know what, I paid mine too. I didn't win the lotto, I put the years in. I m still parenting and paying for kids, and fending for myself 100%.

I m just sick of people trying to twist what I say or do, to find a hook to hang their jealousy off. I understand its scary being broke as hell in your 40s, but I can only fend for myself. It's the twisting and the disengenous communication that I m sick off. Trying to pry into my private life or dating life to generate gossip etc. I think lots of people have really lost the plot.

It's sad, because you just distance yourself from all the negative people, grey rock them all, and your circle decreases.

OP posts:
Comfies · 11/04/2023 14:56

I don't think op deserves any nasty comments, but it was drilled into me growing up that it's ruDe to discuss money in detail. This is why! It brings out the worst in some people. Now you've learned the hard way.

Move on, find new friends, deflect any money talk.

Comfies · 11/04/2023 14:59

And I'm sure the very poorest in society would take the nasty comments in return for financial stability.

I count myself as in the stable category, but even I can see that. So I do find this thread to be in poor taste as well. But that's just how I was brought up. Don't ever appear to whinge about having too much money even if you have cause to. It never ends well.

LakeTiticaca · 11/04/2023 15:08

I have seen a lot of jealousy and resentment from those who go out on the piss every weekend and go to Benidorm.3 times a year and live in a crap druggie area, toward those who have modified their lifestyle in order to have some where nice to bring up their kids.
That is their choice of course but it's nobody else's fault except their own

LadyKenya · 11/04/2023 15:17

Keep your financial affairs to yourself. I find that it works for me. My friends have no idea about the ins, and outs of my financial business.

Lizzt2007 · 11/04/2023 15:25

saythebellsofstclements · 11/04/2023 14:19

Has this 'friend' recently joined a running club?

I read that post too !!!

ElectricMagpie · 11/04/2023 15:30

Literally nobody (except potential cocklodgers) want to know you're mortgage free.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 11/04/2023 15:40

TeenLifeMum · 11/04/2023 14:03

Why are you telling friends this? It sounds like bragging to tell a group of people struggling with mortgage payments that yours is all paid off. That’s just weird.

Quite.

TeenLifeMum · 11/04/2023 15:41

@rockpoolingtogether i know, never discuss finances with friends who aren’t in a similar position. Jealousy never ends well.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 11/04/2023 15:41

Their just negative people who will never be happy. Best avoided because it can drag you down too.

grayhairdontcare · 11/04/2023 18:16

Honestly these people are not friends and you need to keep your financial business to yourself.
People will always be jealous of something

Muddays · 12/04/2023 03:36

When you've been told that you're stunningly beautiful on a regular basis then tell me about "relentlessly b1tchy friends".... your finances are puddles in the real shark pit sweetie...

AllIeveknewonlyou · 12/04/2023 04:27

Well I'm fairly broke. It wouldn't occur to me to judge you nor you me.

Sounds good you have financial stability. Is it a close knit environment where you are? It's coming across as being claustrophobic.

You don't owe anyone anything however so gently detach if someone is putting pressure on you.

WandaWonder · 12/04/2023 04:30

People can't comment unless they know things you have told them, you can keep on speaking in code as much as you like but people will comment if you tell them things

Sure you and poster's here can comment and say 'That is rude' or whatever but stop telling people things, but it can work both ways maybe they feel things about you that you do that annoys them?

Adelaide66 · 12/04/2023 05:04

This thread is all too me-ish.

blahblahblah1654 · 12/04/2023 05:05

Sounds a bit childish to me. You need to make better friends.

Clementineorsatsuma · 12/04/2023 05:19

Yep. You're perfect and can't see why everyone else isn't.
They sound awful but tbh, you also come across like that.
What's that saying now.... in a World where you can be anything... 🤷‍♀️

LadyJ2023 · 12/04/2023 05:36

I see it both ways you do also apund like your bragging about being financially stable tbh aswell

frozendaisy · 12/04/2023 06:45

The world of full of all types OP.

Bitchy jealous ones, regretful ones, ones who enjoy others success.

I disagree to some extent, that talking about money is taboo. I don't mean present spreadsheets in the pub, but many Europeans aren't as uptight as the UK about money and seem to fair better because people learn from each other and their small societies are much more equal in financial terms. Hence making more people content, or at least not asl bitter.

Everyone has the potential to be jealous, that is entirely their problem but how you talk and divulge information can make a difference.

We are not mortgage free, but wouldn't be jealous of you for being mortgage free. Would you be jealous of "us" for our happy marriage and that our kids have both devoted parents together in the same house? Because if you are, and I really don't expect you to be, there's nothing we can do about that. But we don't compare ourselves and say "oh poor x it must be hard work being a single mum but you know we made the right choice who we had children with and didn't "front load" our child bearing so I guess they just have to live with their choice of father".

You see how easy it is to be judgemental? So I disagree that topics are off limits. But how you approach them and respond to them is what makes you "fake and nasty".

Your post comes across a bit like you judge them for making different financial decisions than you as much as they are judging your mortgage free status.

We could perhaps be looking at retirement now, late 40s, had we not spent our 20s disposable income on wine, travel and song. But oh boy am I glad we did. We will never get our 20s back, being responsibility free, healthy no creaky body and lots of fit young sweaty people to waste endless hours having fun with at festivals, on dancefloors, would I exchange that for a slightly earlier paid off mortgage. Not a chance. So perhaps that is where you can start, even if you don't mean it, even if it's not true, you can be humble to help them feel better and not jealous you can say "yeah but sometime I wonder if I misspent my 20s being too sensible" "I wonder now if I had of gone to Peru when I had the chance would that have been worth another couple of years of mortgage". That sort of thing. It's how you socially make it harder for people to bitch about you, it also makes you more humble and less judgemental.

Perhaps being financially sensible is who you are. We still want to travel maybe that's just who we are. We could be mortgage free, I think, we could get a bigger house I think but we wander onto planes, boats, trains instead. No way is better than the other they are just different routes to our coffins.

If you want to remain 'friends' as 'finding new friends' isn't quite as easy as it sounds sometimes, perhaps point out your sacrifices rather than your gains. Everyone knows you are mortgage free now you might as well own it. But not in a martyr way, in a "I am jealous your younger days way". "I missed out on the holidays way paying a mortgage is boring don't you think" way.

Don't apologise for being you, don't gloat either.

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 12/04/2023 07:15

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 14:00

She s not a stranger, she sa friend of a friend, loosely part of the sane localsocialcircle. I was admiring her baby and compliment the local school, and the conversation developed.

I told my ex best friend about the mortgage, she the told a pack of schoolyardbullies and the gossip mongers spread gossip, adding layers. Bored people.

What layers can be added to you've paid your mortgage off Confused

readbooksdrinktea · 12/04/2023 07:19

If you tell people your business, many are going to have an opinion. Why tell people how financially stable you are, especially to a group who's struggling? No good reason for that.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 12/04/2023 07:24

To be fair to OP I know lots of people who are very honest and uncomfortably (for me) open about their debt and outgoings. I've been asked (also been mortgage free for 15+ years due to moving heaven and earth to overpay) and because I'm crap under pressure and have no poker face whatsoever, when they've asked me outright I've told them.

If they then decide to allow their circumstances make them pissy towards me that's on them. It's not me bragging

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 12/04/2023 07:25

Allwelcone · 11/04/2023 14:38

I have this sometimes, I look cookie-cutter "OK", I have a stable family life, kids, dogs and some fun, as in travel and enjoy dinners/ nights out with with friends etc..

I think the killer is that I appear confident and happy. (I say appear...)

Someone once told I inspire envy, and it is true I have to be careful with people I am obliged to be with eg work colleagues, to tone myself down.

All you can do OP is not tell anyone else about your circumstances and ensure you don't judge people on the same way.

I think I get where you are coming from ...

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 12/04/2023 07:26

Also many of the people who have been like this towards me are likely to inherit significantly later in life.

Whereas mine and DPs parents haven't a pot to piss in Grin

BurntOrangeAutumn · 12/04/2023 07:50

CreationNat1on · 11/04/2023 13:39

I parent and work, date and am financially stable. I have acquaintances/friends who are really struggling financially, I understand life is hard, mine can be too. I front loaded a lot of my responsibilities, didn't travel for years on end or study multiple degrees/juggle career changes. I didn't follow some artistic dream, I followed a practical path. I m relatively financially stable now and still careful with money.

There is a group of relentlessly b1tchy "friends", who have realised I m financially stable and feel entitled to twist what I say and do, to soothe their own jealousies. I m sick of it. I ve distanced myself from so many of these frenemies. A slightly bonkers woman who I met on the street out walking, even said it to me, it's because you are mortgage free and the rest of us are stuck facing into x number of years tied to these mortgages.

I get it, but you know what, I paid mine too. I didn't win the lotto, I put the years in. I m still parenting and paying for kids, and fending for myself 100%.

I m just sick of people trying to twist what I say or do, to find a hook to hang their jealousy off. I understand its scary being broke as hell in your 40s, but I can only fend for myself. It's the twisting and the disengenous communication that I m sick off. Trying to pry into my private life or dating life to generate gossip etc. I think lots of people have really lost the plot.

It's sad, because you just distance yourself from all the negative people, grey rock them all, and your circle decreases.

Do you live in a small town?

Differen · 12/04/2023 08:01

Same situation with me OP. I learnt the hard way to not be totally truthful about your financial position - especially the mortgage free bit. It sends some people insane with jealousy. Just because you see the whole picture and have been sensible for decades to get to your position really rubs the salt in the wrong way with people who are now regretting their life choices in this moment.

I've had to change circles and chosen to start again with a more guarded approach to revealing anything that might invoke envy. It sucks, but it's life I'm afraid. I plan on getting a place abroad and telling no one. I don't post photos of holidays etc.

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