When do you put baby to bed and not keep them downstairs with you?

[Itsmeitscathyivecomehome]

Little one is 9 weeks old.

so far we have just been putting her to bed in the Moses basket in the front room while we eat and relax and then just taking her upstairs when we got to bed.

Im starting to think TV and downstairs noise is more disturbing to her the older and more alert she gets. Also she is really filling her Moses basket!

at what age did you start putting baby to bed upstairs? I know recommended to keep baby with you at all times until 6 months but I obviously don’t want to go to bed at like 7-8pm.

What did you do?

Around 4 months. Before that they both had horrific witching hours that meant they just cried all evening.

Once that passed we'd put them to bed in their rooms. Then at 10pm DH would bring them into our room for a feed before spending the rest of the night in the next to me.

12 weeks - they went in the cot with the baby monitor on.

Better for them and better for us 👍

Probably from about 3-4 months. Sometimes I also went to bed at the same time anyway, but I was comfortable at that age leaving them for a short time 1-2 hours while I ate and had a shower. We co-slept so I was otherwise with them all night. I do get the guidance is 6 months but personally I just trusted my gut and went with what felt comfortable.

Risk of SIDS is quite variable and you need to take into account various other factors.

The biggest risk factor for SIDS is smoking. If you're a non smoking household you risk is already greatly reduced.

If you're breastfeeding your risk is reduced further.

If you follow safe sleep guideline with no loose blankets, cot bumpers or things in the cot your risk drops further.

As your baby ages your risk drops even further.

How do they do it?

• if its sound, ie them hearing you breathe, then surely there's no point keeping them downstairs with thr tv on? Or you could put breathing sounds ok alexa?

• is it something like increased CO2, in which case whether it works is likely to depend on size of room/proximity.

Obviously there is a reason there is a correlation between reduced risks of SIDS and proximity, but given we are talking about small numbers, its entirely possible that in how we keep them down, is actually eliminating the advantage, or that it could be suitably simulated upstairs.

DD was down with me until late until she was at least 9 months, we didn’t start a regular bedtime routine until I went back to work at 13 months though. She just slept on/fed on me until I wanted to go to bed.

I certainly wouldn’t have done it before 6 months.

Ah ok, so you are going 'its magic' basically, rather than any scientific reason being discovered 😂😂

I believe in intuition, instinct, and have personal experience of how a baby and mum can be so synched, but a measurable difference in death rates must have a scientific basis.

As far as I'm aware its about having the baby in the room with 'you', with ambiguity about whether that's with any person, or any adult, or only mum etc. If it only 'works' with a mum because of how 'synced' they are, then parents need to know this, as baby shouldn't stay with dad. If it doesn't matter who, then baby could sleep in a room with a napping/sleeping sibling safely?

Its really important that we get to the bottom of things like this so we can better minimise risks, but also alleviate unnecessary burdens we place on parents, and guilt them with.

Saying 'it just happens' isn't really good enough I don't think.

This is obviously quite new advice as it certainly wasn't anything I heard when mine were babies, but they are both over 20 now. But surely it isn't about syncing, which would only work if the baby was always very close to an adult, but more about the fact that the parent can see the baby and thus will check on them regularly? Or are there further guidelines that say you have to stay within 6 feet of the baby in a silent room?

At least 6 months,

But what happened in effect for us was I went up to bed and fed around 8.30/9 and had an early night (to gwt a chunk of sleep to better deal with the night waking!)

I personally wouldn't as young as 9 wks, but I know people who have.
We waited till DD1 was 6 months before we put her upstairs with the monitor in our room. We then moved her to her own room a month later.

However DD2 we were a bit more relaxed and put her up alone at around 4 months.

From around 3/4 months he went in his cot with baby monitor . Not recommended but we were waking him up with the tv etc

How the hell has the human race survived.

When mine were born, it was tummy to sleep (changed not long after) and in own room from the start.

I'm not saying that the advice isn't better now because I do believe it is BUT it will make minimal to no difference to most children.

Overall life expectancy is reduced for people that were 'over protected' as children but I don't think following the current advice for babies is being over protective.

I think it's reasonable to do it from whenever they start being disturbed downstairs.

Yes, SIDS can happen any time, not just during the hours of 11pm-7am, but honestly I think the tiny increase in risk from being in a separate room for 3-4 hours (probably less than this in practice, as they do usually wake for feeds during this stretch) is outweighed by them being less disturbed and you getting some separate adult time.

If you have a baby that is particularly high risk (e.g. low birth weight + smoker parent) I might be a bit more cautious about it, but for most people the risk of SIDS is extremely small. If you are following every other guideline then letting one go likely amounts to a very small increase in risk, especially in the smaller portion of the night.

With first, not until about 6m, she settled fine in the evening in her pram carrycot downstairs with us. Wed then dream feed and change her and take her up to bed in the next to me when we went to bed.

With second, about 4m, because he was disturbed by us even if we were sat watching telly quietly in the bedroom with him. I would check him at least hourly until he was 6m though and I did feel uneasy about it.

I kept mine in the living room until I went to bed until 6ish months, but we’re a higher risk for SIDS family due to losses for myself, my parents and my grandparents.

You have to do what you are happy with for your family.

The sync breathing theory makes so little sense I don't know how anyone takes it seriously! 😐

It's neither magic nor science. We don't have enough information to know why room sharing is protective, we just know that it is. Thankfully SIDS deaths are so low that we probably won't ever get much more information about the causes.

A helpful analogy here is that you probably know in the past, maternal death in/after childbirth was very high and initially increased when birth moved to hospitals. This was partly because germ theory was not yet understood, and doctors would go straight from the morgue to patients. Somebody noticed a link between hand washing and better patient mortality. So doctors all started to wash their hands - decades later, germs were discovered and we realised ah, that's why hand washing works.

With SIDS we are at the stage of telling doctors to wash their hands but we don't know why it is protective yet. We just know that it is.

Statistically room sharing is the most important thing you can do after back sleeping.

(I still think you can be balanced about it, but it's not true to say it's made up and has no effect).

I am expecting my first baby and I am so confused. How did you guys manage cooking, tidying up or actually doing something with babies asleep in the living room? Were they not bothered by noise or were you waiting until they're up to actually do something? Everything sounds like awful lot of information and I am feeling overwhelmed sometimes 😶

I didn't find mine were too bothered by noise for the first few months at least. I remember DD2 napping in a baby bouncer thing in the garden while we had a party!

4 weeks old.