What do you think about this woman's style of parenting?

[Atealltheminieggs]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11942993/Im-strict-mother-parent-reported-social-services.html

I found this quite an interesting read. Hats off to her, she was divorced and then the 3 children list their father, meanwhile she's worked several jobs to pay the bills.

I'm nowhere near as strict as this and admit to doing some of the things she talks about. I actually drove an hour to deliver my sons forgotten sleeping bag (although he was much younger), I have allowed my youngest to sleep in my bed. I'm way more lax on screens and devices. Although I am very strict on other things such as doing chores, school attendance.

I will admit my eldest frustrates me with his laid back attitude to life (laziness) although he's bright capable and independent. My youngest is a sensitive worrier but very determined.

I think children should have boundaries but they're also people, to be treated with kindness, understanding and respect.

To take one line, in every situation and insist it works is ridiculous. Who cares that much if a lesson is learnt or rather rammed home at every opportunity?

I feel sorry for those children and hope they can understand one day that life isn't all about discipline and lessons and that to err is human.

I'd much rather help give my children the tools they need to navigate life than beat them with them (metaphorically).

I read this. She sounds like a monster.

The sleeping bag ‘lesson’ is faulty. As an adult, if I screw up and forget something important I can decide to go out and purchase a substitute. Or go home. Or call a friend to ask for a favour. Unless I’m on some sort of extreme wilderness expedition I can use my resources and know-how to find a workaround. Consequences to me are most likely to take the form of having to shell out financially and hassle, but I’m struggling to think of a situation where making the normal fallible human mistake of forgetting something at home would mean I’m camping with no bedding. As a child, her son doesn’t have those options.

Same principle applies to most situations that arise in modern life.

So I think it’s an utterly shit lesson.

I agree with this I strongly believe the high level of anxiety in teenagers today is due to a lack of boundaries. Parents tend to want to keep children happy, to be their friends, and they feel scared of saying no. Yet if a teenager knows they have limits, it makes them feel safe — which is vital to help prevent anxiety later on. Modern culture says children should be at the centre of our universe, their wants coming first without question. I've seen where that can lead.

I'm appalled at this They were only ten, eight and seven, very young to lose their father, but they showed incredible resilience - still going to school, keeping on top of chores, making their beds, setting and clearing the table and doing the washing-up. I couldn't even manage that when my mum died and I was 40!

Was an interesting article and I agree with her bases of what she says that children need responsibility and for adults to always stop finding excuses for them or their behaviour.

But I certainly wouldn't have been as strict as her and would have made sure things like the sleeping bag were packed before we left home.

From what I read the 2yo hadn't just lost her dad when the mum wouldn't let her in the bed. It was when they had recently split up, the dad died a few years later. She was trying to keep structure and routine for the dc during the upheaval of the split. I actually fully agree with not letting small dc sleep in their parents bed. I never let mine sleep in ours, we always took them back to their own bed if they tried to get in ours. We didn't want them to become dependent on us to get to sleep.

Tbh I agree with a lot of what this woman says but I think she's too extreme to the point of being cruel in some situations. Some of the anecdotes like not bringing the sleeping bag and telling her son that second place isn't good enough have probably been exaggerated for dramatic effect. I pretty much agree with her ethos but she needs to be careful not to cross the line into dictatorship. If she goes too far then her dc will end up hating her as as adults rather than appreciating the lessons that she taught them.

So many kids are mollycoddled and spoilt rotten. Life is not fair, and I decided very early on in being a parent that I wanted my dc to learn that sooner rather than later. I know that friends and family have thought I was too strict but then I've looked at how their children behave and thought "yep, I'll stick with how I do things thanks".

I'm not convinced that the high level of anxiety amongst teenagers has anything to do with boundaries tbh. It's one of those things that is often trotted out, but it's never very clear what the evidence is.

Personally, I would think a lack of responsive parenting is to blame e.g. refusing to cuddle a bereaved two year told.

I think there is such thing as balance and middle-ground. Her approach is very extreme and I’m very grateful my parents and upbringing was not like this.

She's a monster and her kids will cut ties with her at the first opportunity.

I'm all for natural consequences within reason but a natural consequence of wilfully making your child sleep outside without a sleeping bag is pneumonia. A natural consequence of making a child with a virus play rugby is also risk of more severe illness and a whole two teams of other kids with the same virus, plus their famililes etc.

Having recently had a child in PICU I don't have much time for women who would be laidback about whether their children end up there.

There's a modicum of truth in the idea that today's parenting styles give kids the impression they're not supposed to ever experience distress or disappointment, but you are meant to love them.

And also the sleeping bag thing - she's not making a problem for her son, she's making one for a member of staff who presumably had to find a solution because they had a duty of care (and plenty of other things to do)

She sounds awful.
The children look so miserable in the photos too, even when they were small.

Absolutely awful. Particularly the "I sent him a photo of his sleeping bag and said it looked nice and cosy". Vile, and emotionally abusive imo. Those children will need therapy in future.

Children can share a bed and want the it own bed.

I've never had any issues at all with occasional letting my dc sleep in the bed when they want.

One dd wanted too for about a week. She needed that. Dh actually slept downstairs and after a week she wanted her own bed again.
At all varying ages.

The fear some people have is just not necessary about them always wanting something if you allow it once!

The things that made me sad was leaving her son without a sleeping bag (and then to text him a picture of it!), not letting her 2yr old stay in bed with her, saying she's a big girl now, she was 2!!!! a toddler ffs, telling her son 2nd place wasn't good enough and making him play rugby while very ill.
The thing with screens/chores etc fine, each to their own on that. Teaching them to cook etc is great, i do that with my 6yr old where i can and she does a few chores such as helping with table setting and unloading the dishwasher.

@whoruntheworldgirls

Same, that made me sad too. I co sleep with my 2 year old all the time, she's little more than a baby ffs. I can't even imagine telling her "you're a big girl now" and making her sleep alone when she's upset. She wouldn't even understand what that meant. Awful.

This. I feel sorry for the kids.

So hang on....her eldest daughter killed herself?
Surely that alone shows that perhaps her methods aren't the best?

To be fair she was the stepmum as it was the fathers second marriage. She does imply some of how she is comes from trauma and loss

100% agree with you. It's a lazy statement with no basis.

They're going to pick her nursing home!! I hope they go to town. She's a cow.

An attention seeker looking for a book deal and/or media interviews is how I read her....

Poor kids.

The sleeping bag thing I think could potentially be quite dangerous depending where/how he was camping. I wouldn’t necessarily have driven back but I would have helped him to buy,borrow, beg another one from a distance.

I strongly believe in encouraging your kids to try hard, do their best, consider others (as well as themselves), and do things that they need to do - even if they don't want to (think: tidying, homework, sitting at the table to eat, being patient).

But I also believe in teaching compassion, empathy, and consideration - in being confident enough in themselves to represent their own needs and not be taken advantage of.

I'd be so sad to think of DC shivering at night, in a tent or anywhere else.

Well said. There is a balance to be struck.

Also, surely dc learn to be empathetic to others by you being empathetic to them?

Personally, I'd deliver the sleeping bag( after getting him to check if there were any spares available.) I think he'd learn a lot more from someone doing a kind thing for him than from a cold night in a tent. What sort of man does she want him to be? One who offers a helping hand to others, or one that has a " you made your bed, you lie in it"( in this case literally) attitude.

Some of it sounds psychopathic but I don’t really believe it anyway. If even half true I feel sorry for those kids.