What do you think about this woman's style of parenting?

[Atealltheminieggs]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11942993/Im-strict-mother-parent-reported-social-services.html

I found this quite an interesting read. Hats off to her, she was divorced and then the 3 children list their father, meanwhile she's worked several jobs to pay the bills.

I'm nowhere near as strict as this and admit to doing some of the things she talks about. I actually drove an hour to deliver my sons forgotten sleeping bag (although he was much younger), I have allowed my youngest to sleep in my bed. I'm way more lax on screens and devices. Although I am very strict on other things such as doing chores, school attendance.

I will admit my eldest frustrates me with his laid back attitude to life (laziness) although he's bright capable and independent. My youngest is a sensitive worrier but very determined.

She made her child play rugby with a nasty bug. If he had collapsed during the game, I think the rugby coach and the doctors would have raised some.concerns of neglect there.

I think the scouts would have concerns as well over the sleeping bag incident. Especially if he told them about her behaviour.

I can't think the scouts would allow a child to sleep without a sleeping bag in sub zero temperatures.
Strict parenting I'm sure can work with compliant neurotypical children. But to me she's just another person who hasn't walked a mile in the shoes of someone with challenging/ND children.

I can see what she's trying to do but there is a balance between ruling with an iron fist and the non parenting that some quarters practice.

Regardless of the rights or wrongs with her parenting(and in my eyes there is plenty wrong) it's not how I ever want to parent.

Some of it is extreme, but having boundaries and sticking to them does work.

I was quite strict when they were young but I would have dropped the sleeping bag off (or gone to the nearest camp shop) and the 2nd place comment was a bit mean.

Fully with her on the rugby story. I did similar. Also, although it sounds harsh that the dc went to school after their dad's death - that would have been what's best for them. Normality, structure and routine. That's what makes dc feel safe.

I would advise her to let up in the older teen years. It's nice that when your dc trust you to do what you say, listen when you say no and have that structure that you can mostly enjoy the teen years as the hard work of parenting has been done. When you don't put that in when they're small the teen years are a nightmare.

Those children have no choice but to keep to her rules.
I wonder how they will parent once they have their own children.

average is a dirty word?
There's a 12% risk the children won't live past 80?
How the fuck would that be proven? My nan died at 74 and was born in 1940. So she didn't live to he 80 but still had a very independent upbringing. she sounds like a mental case.

and her child was seeking comfort after her divorce and she wouldn't give her a cuddle at night?! Blimey.

oh and texting her Don that his forgotten sleeping bag looks comfy and warm in the hall? Surely that's bullying not parenting.

I think a lot of what she’s doing is good, many parents do mollycoddle their kids these days but not cuddling your 2 year old is harsh!

The article is all about controversy, controversy sells, as you can see by people feeling compelled to post here. Controversy is great for the daily fail and excellent for Mumsnet, it increases traffic between the sites .

I'm all for not over indulging, setting limits and not spoiling my kids materialistically. I'm definitely all for letting kids be as independent as possible and I am very careful not to mollycoddle and let them live a life that's more analogue than digital so they grow up with natural consequences.

Indulging the click bait article, of course this is abusive parenting, how gleefully she says she snuggles up happily with her electric blanket after having shown to her son that his physical comfort and safety don't matter to her. Her son probably got a sleeping bag from scouts anyway but she made a point that she'd be happy for her son to freeze at night while enjoying warmth herself, that's rather psychopathic.

It's management by fear and she's too dumb to realise. I wonder why she and her ex husband separated.

Also, although it sounds harsh that the dc went to school after their dad's death - that would have been what's best for them. Normality, structure and routine. That's what makes dc feel safe

As someone who was back at school 2 days after her father died, I can assure you I didn't feel safe - I felt bewildered and disorientated and unwanted (altho my classmates were lovely).

The whole article, in particular the comparison between her snuggling under her electric blanket while her son shivered in a tent with no sleeping bag, just sounds deliberately inflammatory to wind up the readers. Usual Daily Mail controversy to get everyone worked up into a frenzy. I can't help wondering how she would parent a child with, for example, mental health problems as she sounds completely devoid of compassion or empathy.

When you say it “works”, what do you mean exactly?

I parented this way, my kids now 24, 26 and 33 are all independent, self-reliant adults, we can talk about anything and are great friends

Boundaries are key

The way she treats her dc, they are likely to grow up very repressed.

It's is quite a traditional British way of raising kids, it's all about manners, and doing as you're told without the warm affectionate approach e.g., Mediterranean cultures tend to have. Manners, routine and duty are important but need to be offset by warm, caring loving interactions, not cuddling a 2 year old is very sad.

IME her children will either turn to alcohol and drugs as a way to unclench from their repressive upbringing and they'll treat their partners and own dc in the same harsh way or they'll become the opposite of their weird mother and shower their own kids with love and attention and possibly have lack of boundaries as a result of an abusive upbringing.

That said, mollycoddling, materialistically spoiling and letting dc play hours and hours of video games every day is also a form of neglect IMO.

I’ve seen children grow into fearful adults as a result of this kind of parenting. They put dominant parents like this on a pedestal & become anxious to please, meek & timid as a result. So they’ll be forever dutiful.

Her kids looking fucking miserable.

Banning a two year old from your bed, who has lost her dad 🙁

In terms of the social care referral, if she actually had social workers visit to do an assessment there is no way this was based on lack of access to television alone. I would hazard a guess that the referrer raised concerns about emotional abuse/neglect and the TV was one example of this.
I feel incredibly sad for these children, sending a small child who has just lost their parent away at night time feels cruel. As do many of her choices (sleeping bag, fever, race comments). I would be very surprised if these children don't have real challenges in adulthood.

It doesn’t need to be that extreme.

I agree a lot of teens are molly coddled lately but there’s a happy medium. I have a
colleague who still packs suitcases for her DCs in their early 20s 😳.

What about the chance of infecting the other boys too?

I found the article interesting. The longer I am a parent the more I realise 'parenting' is largely about how I am or feel or how I was patented myself.
I imagine having a strict routine was pretty useful when she became a single parent to 3 young children. And being controlling gives her a sense of control after she split up with her partner and he died and things felt out of control. I guess if she lets her control slip then she will feel bad.

I felt sad for the recently bereaved 2 year old not able to have a cuddle with mum in the night

Seeing the way my MIL is with DH I'm not surprised.

She shouts at him for washing his own dishes when we pop down for a visit. I saw her physically pushing him away from the sink once

I'd love to see her reaction to everything he does at home!

Um no, this isn't emotionally intelligent parenting. I was pretty strict and stood no nonsense, but I wouldn't have seen mine without a sleeping bag or made them do sport with a viral infection (which can actually cause a strain on the heart). There's being strict and there's being downright unpleasant. She's too uncompromising. Her kids will probably move to the other end of the country.

Children absolutely need boundaries. They're positive, there's safety in them and they learn how to explore pushing them if they're there to push against! I see so many children barely 'parented' these days because parents are so afraid of damaging their little darlings that they cannot impose firm boundaries and decent behaviour expectations. Those children will struggle when they get to adulthood and frankly they struggle in school now! Teachers are so mean or picking on the child for correcting poor behaviour - no, they need this Janet and if you did it at home your child would brush it off and learn from it.

Children also need love, care, encouragement and to know that no matter what mistakes they make - big or small - that their parents will continue to love and care them anyway. I'm always telling my seven year old that her 'mistakes' (or poor choices/bad behaviour) are the best opportunities to learn how to do better next time and then when I tell her off, which she hates, I'm doing my job as as her Mum to teach her this.

This woman is ruling by fear. I want my children to be polite, responsible and well behaved. I don't want them to be crushed and afraid to ever screw up. I can't imagine a situation where my children would ever be frightened or fearful of me, or worried about coming to me for help because they've done something wrong, not come 'first' or forgotten something. Even on the rare occasions that I need to raise my voice at them, they aren't scared. It makes them stop if they're doing something dangerous because if I yell, they know I mean business but it's not fear.

She sounds like a horrible mother.

I read this. My first thought was, that my mum was a single mum with more children than her, and she has raised us all to be resilient and independent but, some of my fondest memories are of when she did things like warm our school uniform on the radiator on cold days and waking us up with cuddles in bed. I think I'd rather those be my kids key memories, than the time they nearly froze to death on a camping trip!

So I personally find her approach too strict and she seems to imply that unless parents take this same hardline approach, their kids will grow up to be useless idiots, which I just don't agree with.

The thought of turning a 2 year old away and telling them their a 'big girl / boy' after a life changing incident like their parents splitting up, just goes against every instinct in my body as a mother and isn't developmentally appropriate for that age. I don't think that teaches resilience, I think that teaches them that they can't rely on their parent to comfort them when they're having big feelings and I think long term, it could have the opposite effect.