Why didn't you want children?

[Peckhaminn]

As the title says, I've never wanted children, never felt broody, not a big fan of children in general and I just want to hear success stories from people who made the decision to carry on their life without children. Did you ever regret it? Or did you one day wake up and think 'yes I do want them' and then did?
I'm late 20's and I just don't see it being apart of my future, but have the fear of regretting it later down the line.

TYIA

I just always knew I didn't want them and never had that maternal urge. I don't hate kids like some people assume and loved spending time with my nieces and nephews. As much as I love them I was always happy to give them back 😂No regrets what so ever.

I did. But I was never broody, the way I saw my friends being. I just reckoned if it happens, fine; if it doesn't, that's life. As it turned out I had a string of early miscarriages then a final later one, which was technically a stillbirth. Only that one upset me.

The advantages to being childfree are many! The two biggest for me were my career (shouldn't be harmed by having children, but the evidence is glaring) and the freedom to travel anywhere at the drop of a hat. The extra money and spare time are good, too.

I would never have opted to be a SAHM. I like children but find them tiresome, full-time, until they're teenagers. Perfectly happy to look after other people's DC and then give them back.

I’m indifferent at best towards children. Don’t like the noise, the demands of childrearing, certainly never wanted to put my body through the trauma of pregnancy and labour, and the only man I ever wanted is long dead. I didn’t much like children when I was one. I don’t have the temperament for such a life. And what need is there? There are far too many humans as it is.

When first married it wasn't an option. Time went by and I realised DH wouldn't be able to cope with all the anxieties that being a parent can bring. He wasn't very keen either, coming to his own conclusion that he was too selfish. We were both teachers at the time and thought that would sort out our feelings about 24/7 care. It did, don't regret the decision one bit.

I'm nearly 47 and knew I didn't want them

I find it all very boring....well I did in my early 20s....then my friends began having them and it seemed worse than boring, like boring and hugely stressful. It was funny because I'd often get patronising folk saying "when your friends have them, you'll change your mind and want them". In fact the opposite happened, though I dutifully read books to friends' toddlers and later in life, helped with uni applications etc.

Some people really enjoy teaching children and playing with them etc, I'm not one of them. I am always glad to be childfree. I didn't progress enough in my career and have some life regrets, but the choice to be childfree remains a great choice that I'm really happy with.

pp mentioned noise - I don't cope at all with child noise. I didn't find being a child much fun, I was much happier as a teen and then as an adult.

I didn't even like kids when I was a kid. I worried in my 30s that I'd change my mind but I'm in my early 40s now and feeling happy that I stayed true to myself. I don't think parenthood seems very happy these days - there's so much pressure and so little support and what joy there might once have been seems wrung out of it.

I also think the future will be bad and it would be cruel to create someone who has to exist in it.

People ask if I'm worried about being old but I think being vulnerable will be awful for everyone and you can't rely on your future kids to look after you.

I definitely wasn’t having any, wasn’t interested-no broodiness or maternal feelings. Then I turned 40 and had a last minute but very urgent need to try, and had DD easily at 41. No regrets, best change of plan ever.
I still have absolutely no interest in other people’s kids though.

I am sure if I’d been unsuccessful or not in a relationship the feeling would have passed and I’d have been perfectly happy child free.

Everyone that knew me was absolutely gobsmacked though when I was pregnant, genuinely shocked. But as soon as I was pregnant I felt absolutely sure it was a good thing. But I have no idea why my biological clock waited so long to spring in to life.

I was never interested in babies or small children. I am an only child and my cousins were mainly older than me. When friends had babies and small children I just wasn't moved by them at all. DH knew that. He wanted children but would have settled for not having any if I hadn't changed my mind (although he always thought I would).

We were married almost 5 years when I had DS1. I was 35. It was seeing DH with friends' babies and children that made me feel selfish by refusing to have one. As it turned out, we had 3 in 5 years. They are 3,6 and 8 now and I love them to bits. Still not very interested in anyone else's small children. I do long for all our child feee weekends where we just did whatever we felt like.

Never wanted them. Had not maternal instinct. Preferred mechano to dolls.

as an adult, I hate the way society has changed. Children should be seen and not heard. They should give up seats on buses and trains for adults not the other way around. You earn respect and privilege not have it automatically because you exist.

I hate the way they squeal as children - no volume control.

I think von traps whistles was good crowd control and a good idea.

when I was a kid you got dinner and if you didn’t like it tough. You went hungry.

ingot a train and a bus to high school but even if dad was off the most he’d do is drop me at the station because I had the legs god gave me and what would I do if he wasn’t around. Now kids get driven and god forbid they have to get wet on the way in.

only child as well which may have something to do with it.

but I’m a very independent female who can’t understand the mentality of women who can handle life. I wonder if it’s connected.

And I’m 47 and menopausal- ain’t changing my mind now either

Notanotherhousepost

we are in a strange era of child worship and I really dislike it, children everywhere bugs me. Last time I was at the Museum of London, there were groups of toddlers rolling on the floor and playing. It seems to be a norm now.

my god daughter's parents raised her well but were often told by other parents that they were too strict.

1. They might have turned out like me.
2. I might have turned into my mother.

I’m very happily childfree by choice. I always knew I didn’t want children. I didn’t particularly like children even when I was one myself. I never had any doubts at all, and I have zero regrets.

I don’t find kids cute or endearing in any way. Just noisy, grubby, smelly, unhygienic, demanding, annoying, restrictive etc etc. Everything that knackered, stressed-out parents complain about on MN.

I understand that most people, and particularly most women, do want to become parents. This is normal. Good for them, but I am not ‘most people’ and I don’t want to be normal. When my friends started having children, I was genuinely pleased for them because they got what they wanted. I just wanted something different.

I have never and still don’t have a maternal bone in my body, I do have step children and step grandchildren they are ok, but no urge to have any of my own, absolutely no regrets.

Can't afford it.
Don't want to be responsible for bringing yet another human into this world.
A child wouldn't enhance my life experience.

I've never felt broody or maternal. I'm now 47. I like my own space, my own time, having money, and being able to do what I want, when I want.

Little appeals to me about children, although I don't actively dislike them. They're shrill, they smell and they bring illness home all the time. Nothing at all appeals to me about pregnancy or the way it ruins your body.

When I think back over past boyfriends, I cannot think of a single one that would have pulled their weight if I had been foolish enough to have a baby.

My family is bloody horrible and I don't have a good, happy family model to follow, so I decided early on that whatever happened I would not risk creating another generation of confused, miserable adults who take decades to work out a way of achieving equilibrium. It's a bonus that this spites my hateful mother's assumptions, who just thought I would one day fall into a non-job, domesticity, and parenthood the way she did, even though she doesn't like my father and didn't really want children either. "You'll change your mind." No. I won't.

I will die alone, and that's OK.

I don’t really have the temperament to be a parent and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life worrying about my children (which I imagine I would do if I had them)

Can't stand toddlers and young children.

Enjoy peace, order and time to think and create.

Worry about planet/environment.

Prefer to spend money on philanthropy, little luxuries and savings for older age.

Knew i wouldn't have patience with SEN, autism etc.

Not a single regret.

Having kids involves hard work, worry, expense and sacrifice.

None of which I find remotely appealing.

(58 and happily married for 30 years to a fellow free spirit.)

Adored kids (theoretically in that they are cute), but very content with life and enjoyed the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Also I liked being rich 🤣

Not one single regret.

the noise, the smells, the constant attention seeking. The lack of financial and personal freedom.

the risk of how they would turn out. Or the harm they might come to.

just reading the mumsnet threads about useless, unhelpful husbands who obviously never wanted kids but went along with it anyway or an overwhelmed mother struggling to cope with no sleep and a difficult baby/toddler/teenager/adult child. The sadness at now life with kids damaged their relationships.

or even worse the severe SEN/autism threads with parents at the absolute end of their tether, the black hole with no joy and no ending that they exist in every single day.

it’s just not worth it. I’ll keep my nice life, my time, my money and my sanity.

Lots of reasons, but they mostly boil down to the fact I wouldn't make a very good parent. I suspect if I had been foolish enough to have children, they'd have been removed from me during one of my long depressive episodes where I can barely function myself, let alone look after others.

I'm not one of these 'hates children' types - obviously they can be annoying at times, just like any other humans. I'm just not really cut out to be a mum, I have never felt 'broody' and I don't like myself enough to want miniature versions of myself running round reminding me how crap I am.

I always thought I would have them but knew I would only have children if I knew that the father would do 50%. In all my friendship groups I have never seen this. I see friends run ragged with the husbands 'babysitting' their kids. They do none of the mental load and just do what is asked of them. That was never going to be right for me.
I met my partner who had three children full-time. I think this has been the best outcome for me. I'm with a man who has to do 100% unless I step in. As it has turned out we tend to do 50% each but the difference is that I have the choice to step back. I'm definitely a parent now but certainly not their mum (she died years before I met him). Strangely I am glad I didn't have my own children with him as I know he would not be the parent he is now with his children if we had one together.

It always just felt like something other people did, never had any urge whatsoever. Sure, when I'm old (if I do grow old!) I am sure I will think it would be nice to have family around me but that was never enough of an incentive to live a life with babies/children/teenagers that did not appeal to me at all.

I have nothing at all against children, some are lovely, some seem to be a little more difficult, just like any age group. It's not, at all, that I hate children, I definitely do not.

Thankfully DH felt the same and we enjoy life as a family of 2.

In my 20s I never wanted them, I used to look after my little brother (who is 9 years younger than me) when I was a teenager doing the school pick up and drop off, school holidays and taking him out, whilst my parents were at work. I always thought that put me off. I think that's the downside of having a large gap between children. The older children tend to end up looking after the younger one.

I married in my 30s and decided I wanted children but I think that was because I thought I'd have that perfect family and hoped it might make my narcissistic ex change. Children never happened though and I'm kind of glad now.