Why didn't you want children?

[Peckhaminn]

As the title says, I've never wanted children, never felt broody, not a big fan of children in general and I just want to hear success stories from people who made the decision to carry on their life without children. Did you ever regret it? Or did you one day wake up and think 'yes I do want them' and then did?
I'm late 20's and I just don't see it being apart of my future, but have the fear of regretting it later down the line.

TYIA

I thought I would have children but then me and DH starting discussing it and decided against having any.

The main reason was that we both felt that the world didn't need more and more humans added to it and that, overall, it was a pretty shit world to bring children into.

We also felt that we wanted our marriage/relationship to stay happy and that was far less likely if we chose to have children.

Both now in our late 60's, very happy after 43 years marriage and never once regretted our decision.

im not a fan of children there to loud to needy to messy want want want AND MUMMY piss off cant deal with them i like peace

You're me. I tick every one of those boxes. Add to that the mothering I saw in my family didn't fill me with that much enthusiasm, so I decided not to.

High five, sister!

(My actual sister felt the same. Dogs for her, cats for me!)

I wasn't one to play with dolls. Never had the imagination I suppose. Two or three reasons why parenthood wasn't on the agenda. I've heard that having children is a sign of optimism about the future - there you are then. Too may people, not enough water or other resources, too much consumerism.

Never met a partner I wanted to reproduce with, and I know I couldn’t do it alone. Particularly as I suspect there is undiagnosed autism in the family and I know I couldn’t parent a complex child alone. Also I do not have much hope for the way the world is going and I worry for the future of children today.

I'm 54 and don't regret for one minute not having children, I really don't ever think about it. I didn't want to be a mother, most definitely never wanted to be pregnant and give birth.

Oh yes - definitely number 2 here! There were many, many other good reasons for not having children, but the thought of turning out like my own mother is just horrendous - for me and the putative children.

I have never wanted children. We have some very strange genes in my family and I think nature had deliberately made me and my sister non maternal in order to try and kill the line. My sister met a man with money and buckled to the pressure to have heirs. Seeing her two children and my half brother's two children just makes me more certain that remaining childless was the correct thing for me!

The planet is overpopulated as it is and cannot cope with the pressure put on it either.

I have never once regretted my decision. I know I would not like the personalities of any kids I would have had as a result of the genetics.

I am late 50s, widowed, no close family (physically or emotionally) and child free. No regrets.

I simply never wanted children. Not a maternal bone in my body.

When my DF got very old and unwell (he has since died), I helped him move into a sheltered flat. I remember the warden saying to me one day how it was good that I visited so often, many of the residents hardly ever saw their children.

When I did still have family, I found family gatherings extremely boring, a group of people with little in common past genetics sitting around making small talk.

Not having had children has meant I have had a good career, built up savings and retired early. I plan to move myself to sheltered accommodation when I am in my 70s whilst I have the capacity to develop new interests and friendships and get my place set up the way I want it. I will document my wishes if I can no longer look after myself and appoint a solicitor to oversee my care. The place my DF was was a lovely, worry free environment with company when you wanted it.

You sound extremely sensible. Wishing you an enjoyable and relaxing retirement.

Great thread 😊 I really REALLY did want children for long periods - I felt the urge and the ache and the longing and all that. And yet, thanks to working with children for 20 years, I knew what parenting would involve, and I knew that deep down I wasn't cut out for it. I wouldn't have coped with the relentlessness of it. I have very poor relationships with my parents and my mother has told me that if she had her time again she wouldn't have children. So yeah, no rose tinted specs here!

It has definitely been a loss that I have grieved very deeply, but on the other hand, I do feel very strongly that staying childfree was the right decision. I love having a clean, quiet, comfortable home, I love having time to spend with my DP and with friends, and I love having plenty of money. I love not having to deal with homework, school bags, school lunches, and all the other stuff that children need. I really enjoy spending time with children, and I really wish we had more children in our lives. We would be such great and very willing babysitters!

A multitude of reasons:

1. Economical: not home owners yet (aged 35), in okay jobs but potentially not careers for the next 30 years. Didn’t think we’d be able to give our children the lifestyle we had as children, which felt selfish to me.

2. Environmental: am completely pessimistic about humanity. Felt selfish to bring children into a world that is on a cliff edge: perhaps people will suddenly change and the humanity will collectively avoid/overcome the self inflicted challenges it faces in the next 50-100 years. Don’t fancy the odds.

3. Risk to my wife’s physical (pregnancy, childbirth etc) and mental health. Perhaps also my mental health.

4. Being a parent. I would have hoped to have been a good one, but what if I was like most parents I see today? For a long time I thought I didn’t like lots of children, but really they are just the symptoms of their awful parents, and my god, these parents are the norm.

5. Having to do stuff that is children-centric, it would bore the living hell out of me. I once went to a soft play where my niece was having a birthday party, it was literally hellish. Parents staring at their phones in silent, eating crap food, whilst their offspring shriek and try to get their attention. I think cultures where children aren’t the centre of the family’s (extended) universe is healthier.

From time to time I wonder if I’ll regret it. Once we decided it was very freeing but also life is now a bit stressful thinking about how we go about the rest of lives - essentially however we want.

I think society is made for families, for a traditional path, and once you check out, you are sort of ostracised. I get it, we need kids blah blah, but it irks me somewhat.

I know quite a few people with children (now tweenies) who have secretly admitted that although they love their children to bits and would die for them, would actually choose not to have any if they could go back in time knowing what they know now about how hard it was all going to be!

I think it's a dangerous and unnecessary practice. Especially for women. It does damage physically and mentally and potentially makes them feel tied to shitty partners. Too many women on here stuck in bad marriages or out but stuck seeing their shitty ex forever because of kids.

Sod that.

Also, they don't exist. Why would I harm myself for non existent person? I don't hate myself xD

And if I feel something is missing then that's an indication that I need to do self work. Not pop out a whole other being so that I'm too tired running around after it to face my own demons or weaknesses.

I’ve never felt the maternal urge or got broody over babies. It was the plan to have kids when I married DH but a life-changing auto immune illness diagnosed in my 30’s and the impact on my health means we decided not to. I do like children, but not enough to have my own and raise them.

'And if I feel something is missing then that's an indication that I need to do self work. Not pop out a whole other being so that I'm too tired running around after it to face my own demons or weaknesses. '

SO TRUE 👏👏👏

Always wanted them - no real idea why - knew how many and close together in age- met DH talked early about future plans wanted same - finished education stated work married - always open about our plans - year or so later started trying though didn't announced this - got pg that every pg since shock horror and surprise every fucking time from our families .

When pointed out we'd done exactly as we'd planned and said and got we thought you'd change your minds or thought you didn't mean it or as you got older you'd see sense .

Not sure that's helpful but whatever you do someone will have an opinion on it and often try convince you never really wanted what you said in first place.

I was almost nine when little sis was born. I saw how hard it was on my mum who was an older mother. Now I look at the utter state of the world and know I made the right call.

The sex education we received was so horrific, showing vaginal births, it put many of us off having children. Of my group of four close friends, none had children.

Just to add, I never felt at all maternal. My doll's pram was filled with toy animals.

Could you clarify what you're trying to say here? Do you have children?

That was what decided me. Instant aversion therapy when I was fifteen. Sixty nine now and have never wavered.

I'm glad you posted that because sometimes I've wondered if I actually imagined those films.

Brava!!!!

Did not want to be like my mother! That was No1. She scarred me in many ways.

Never felt maternal.

I know I am not the type of person who would be a capable mother.

I can play with, entertain and enjoy other people’s children no problem. I made a good aunt and godmother and that’s enough
I have dogs who I love to bits. I’m in my 50’s and never once regretted it.
My ex fil told me I’d always regret not having kids, my ex mil told me on the quiet that although she loved her kids, she’d rather have never had them 😂