How to deal with relative who impersonates me

[inshitsville]

I've just found out that 15yo niece does "an excellent impersonation" of me. I know she's only 15 but I'm mortified to think of my family (DH's side) laughing at this. To me it's mockery and my worst nightmare.

I'm quite a reserved person and can be really self conscious, qualities that I've tried to learn to hide over the years. I'm sure I'll hear this impersonation one of these days and I need to plan how I'm going to react when everyone else is smiling/laughing. I don't want to come across as oversensitive to them or show my humiliation but, with some kind of humour, ask for this to stop.

I would reply with “Oh sorry was that supposed to be funny” if they do it in front of you

People can say it’s harmless or what an actor would do (🙄) but really it’s taking a part of someone’s personality and bringing humour to it for the benefit of others

Fine if you are in on the joke and are happy with it but OP obviously isn’t and so in that instance it’s rude.

I know if I was 15 and doing an impression of another relative who wasn’t there I would have been told to wind it in by my parents

The obvious retaliation is to impersonate a 15 yr old entitled brat who has no empathy, no respect for others, and a number of unfortunate and highly recognisable personal quirks and attributes. That she's very sensitive about.

Here's a few ideas for starters

Crikey @Makesense12 - I'm good at accents, etc but I would never impersonate someone when retelling a story, etc. It's really weird that you would think this okay.

Even so, go easy you just need to nip it in the bud imo

We don't hear ourselves as other hear us. Like when you hear a recording of yourself it always sounds weird. So even if the niece's impression sounds spot on to everyone else it won't to the OP and she'll feel even more self-conscious.

I'd be tempted to let it drop and hope it doesn't come up again. If the worst happens and the niece is prompted to "Oh go on, do Auntie Inshitsville" I'd try to laugh it off with "No thanks, I'd rather keep my delusion that I sound like [insert whoever]...can you do so & so"?

Years ago I read an article by Susie Orbach, a well-known psychotherapist, about teasing in families. She pointed out that it is always unkind, and not something that should happen in well-functioning families. She was right imo. This impersonation is mockery, and in the same category - not to be dismissed as "only joking".
How to deal with it? Get your DH to speak to his brother and ask him to get his daughter to stop, saying it makes you uncomfortable. No need for your DH to go into other reasons, such as you are upset or quite sensitive etc., as that could add fuel to the fire. If they know it makes you "uncomfortable", they will stop if they have anything decent about them.

they don’t make fun of the person, it just makes the anecdote funnier as you can really imagine the person in the situation.

It makes it funnier, but they're not making fun of the person? No, that doesn't work at all.

I have never, ever heard anyone mimic a friend or relative without it in some way making fun of them. Whether it's their accent, the pitch of their voice, or a language or speech tic, there's ALWAYS an implication that there's something about them that's funny and mockable. I hate it when I witness people doing it, and I'd be mortified if someone did an impression of me.

Would you do it if the person was in the room?
Of course you wouldn't. Because you know they'd be hurt. And they'd be hurt because whatever spin you want to put on it, you're mocking them. So stop doing it.

I would walk right up to her and ask in a friendly way to see her impersonation of you. You might be surprised. If it’s sweet then she won’t mind but if it’s nasty then she might learn a lesson.

Some people/family/friends are fine teasing each other and using impressions. They can tell between good-natured ribbing - which may or may not happen regularly in passing and can be done in front of the person too - and nasty mockery which is intended to belittle.

All parties must be laughing genuinely and okay with it for it to be 'good-natured ribbing' though. If someone says stop, best thing is to stop.

Exactly this.

The BIL specifically said the niece does impressions and she’s training to be an actor. He mentioned she did a good one of the OP. Doesn’t need to be malicious or taking the mick out of the OP. It probably means there’s something about her unique accent or voice that makes an impression worth while. Honestly, all this hang wringing is so OTT. People do impressions of people all the time and if they’re any good at it it’s sublime. I just wish I had the talent to do it.

I wouldn’t be worried about the impersonation, but what was being said by her in your voice. It can surely only arise in the context of telling a story about someone.

On the other hand, I think that most people add a little ‘flavour’ to quoted speech if they’re telling a story or describing a situation. For example, a deeper voice to convey that a person is serious. Even when reading aloud in class, a child might use different voices to differentiate the characters.

Is it a micro-aggression to put on an accent?
I am not sure, but it would definitely be risky to do in front of someone!

You say "I know many have been told that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but I'll just say this now - I do not feel flattered. Far from it. Please don't include me in your repertoire of people you mimic, thank you"

If you felt like taking a softer approach, you could get your DH to have a word with his brother and tell him that he needs to get his daughter to stop. If that doesn't work, then you've been given a green light to say the above, to your niece and anyone else that wants to listen to you. You could even ask to have a quiet word with your niece and say it to her quietly but then the gloves are off if she does an impression of you again.

😂😂😂 absolutely scarlet for you, how cringy

I think most of you sound like a bunch of drama queens.

OP, you included. A teenage girl, who's into acting, impersonates someone within the family.... in a humorous and non-malicious way. Get a fucking grip mate 🤦🏻‍♀️

That's what I read into it too.

I had a friend who naturally imitated someone's voice when repeating something they said. If you asked her to imitate someone's voice she'd look at you blankly. It wasn't meant to be nasty, or even an imitation particularly.
If you said "what did Michael Fish say about the hurricane?" she'd say it in his accent. If you said "Do an imitation of Michael Fish," then she'd not be able to do it.

If you want to find out, then you need to find out if she's saying "This is OP baking a cake" (or whatever) or "When I saw OP last year she said <in Op's accent> XXX".
Two different things.

Don't get her to do it then rubbish it. If nothing else, I very much doubt anyone looks at an imitation of themselves and recognises themselves, good or bad. We don't see ourselves as others see us.

Those of you who say that being offended or cringe by this is OTT:

Could you perhaps contribute to the thread usefully by helping me figure out the best way to deal with it?

I'm assuming that my in laws have the same opinion as you, otherwise they wouldn't do it, so I'd be curious to know what you think I should say in order for them to kindly stop.

YOU are the people I need the advice from more!

Oh and just for the record I didn't say she's training to be an actor.

To go against the grain, i think you are going OTT and sound ridiculous.

It's obviously not malicious or they wouldn't have told you about it!

And I can tell you now that if you don't want to hear the impression, DO NOT bring this up with the 15 yo. Or I can guarantee that the convo you have with her will make it into the impression as well.

Why does it bother you? It might be a great impression. I have no idea why this would bother you unless you have a speech impediment or disfigurement that she is mocking.

If its just the odd mannerism or turn of phrase, why is it an issue? The way I'd deal with it is laugh about it with them.

The way I'd deal with it is laugh about it with them.
Same here, if, for some obscure reason, it was really bugging me.... I'd say "pack it in you dafty!" the next time it came up.

I really doubt this kid is spending large amounts of time impersonating you, if she was doing it all the time, that would be weird. A couple seconds here and there doing an impression of a relative? Who gives a fuck. (Well, clearly you, but my advice would be to work more on your self esteem and not assume somebody is doing it to take the piss out of you, which it doesn't sound like they are!)

I honestly think you are best to laugh along with them rather than rather than play the victim (unless you witness the impression and it is genuinely cruel or mocking in some way).

I would say something to your neice along the lines of "as your muse and inspiration I expect a cut of the money when you get your own TV show! "

Op I would just bite the bullet and get her to show you, assuming the family is not generally nasty, she might just be doing a crap impersonation of your accent, or perhaps a mannerism, or catch phrase you are unaware of it !
I’m thinking you’re going to be more underwhelmed by the performance than offended by it.
Put yourself out your misery and ask her to do it.

As I said previously OP. It is being done behind your back so it is unkind because people are laughing at her mimicking you.

Your husband should be the one to deal with this. Why should you? The girl needs to be told what she is doing is unkind. Perhaps doing it once is OK. but not as part of some dodgy repertoire. Stupid parents encouraging a stupid girl to be unkind is uncool.

OP the bad news is that they've all been laughing at you which is nasty.

The good news is that she's old enough to be told she's a bitch by her friends and future colleagues. If her behaviour isn't sorted by her parents (unlikely!) then she will have a shock when she's an adult.

Practise your impression of her.😉

You could also drop in a little "I guess you haven't seen her impression of you then" - next time your DH and In Laws mention it. A little drop of doubt and she'll fall out favour very quickly!!