Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How to diplomatically decline coronation events

113 replies

BansheeofInisherin · 30/03/2023 08:36

I am in a social group which is organising an event at the Coronation. I am rather fervently anti-royalist. Some of them are very pro-royalist, which is their business. Is there a polite way to decline without fibbing or offending others? Can I just say briefly," Sorry, that's not my thing." They already know I am not travelling as I committed to the group before I realised they were doing a coronation event.

OP posts:
FrankColumbo · 30/03/2023 10:11

Isn't it just like Christmas: time off work and an excuse to have a few drinks? You don't have to believe in God or the monarchy to enjoy it 🤷‍♀️

RestingRulers · 30/03/2023 10:12

@BansheeofInisherin
But my father and grandfather marched against monarchy and went to jail for it ( colonial subjects). This feels different.

I think you owe it to your father and grandfather to tell people! There is no need to be combative or rude. Loads of people don't support the Monachy. Why be evasive about it.

Paq · 30/03/2023 10:16

Thanks @Hoppinggreen I'm well aware of Christianity's appropriation of older religious traditions but I don't think you can honestly say Easter has "naff all" to do with Christianity 😀

I also eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday and accept a Mother's Day card on Mothering Sunday. Shoot me now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
Sugarfree23 · 30/03/2023 10:18

For most the Coronation is an excuse for a long weekend and possibly a party
If you don't want to attend then don't.

But stop and think do you actually want to socialise with the people or not? Are they just using the Coronation as an excuse to have a social event or are they really royalist?

It's a bit like Christmas half the people who celebrate it never set foot in a church but enjoy the excuse for a party that's not focused on an individual.
Yeah yeah it has its roots in paganism...who really cares...it's an excuse to have a bit of fun!

happysingleversary · 30/03/2023 10:18

drpet49 · 30/03/2023 08:45

Left the country for a few days? What an extreme reaction.

Show quote history

I was going to say what fuss? I was here and nothing happened.

EyesOnThePies · 30/03/2023 10:19

We need to be more aware of those who were actively oppressed, dehumanised, robbed and invaded as a result of the ‘Empire’, and the origins of much of the wealth of the monarchy.

I understand why you feel as you do, OP, about the difficulty of being direct with your social networks. I am white, and have booked to go camping for that weekend with a big group of friends (‘oooh good, extra bank hol w/e’) but have realised that every couple has at least one partner from the diaspora of a colonised country. Unspoken may not be alone.

happysingleversary · 30/03/2023 10:19

But you are being difficult. They aren't making you join the royal family, just go and have fun.

I couldn't care less about the royal family but did some jubilee celebrations which in reality had nothing to do with the jubilee and it was never even mentioned, just some flags with an old lady's face on stuck in some cakes, which were easily ignored..

Namechangingagain111 · 30/03/2023 10:22

Same as I said for the Platinum Jubilee parties "Thanks but not my thing"

Penguinsmum · 30/03/2023 10:24

I am a member of the republic movement so very anti monarchy! To anyone who doesn't know me well and asks me to come to any kind of celebration I'll just be saying thanks for the invite but I have something else already planned.

MarshaBradyo · 30/03/2023 10:26

How do you decline other things you can’t do?

You’re over thinking it. Just be brief

LadyKenya · 30/03/2023 10:30

We need to be more aware of those who were actively oppressed, dehumanised, robbed and invaded as a result of the ‘Empire’, and the origins of much of the wealth of the monarchy.

I agree, but until this starts happening, it is not something that I get into when talking to random people about the monarchy. I did not go to the street party around my way for the jubilee for instance. People who are close to me know the real reasons. I have understood that a lot of people do not want to hear certain things. That is what I was trying to say to the OP. Just turn down the invite, they do not have to know what she really thinks. Yes she could tell them, but be prepared for what may be a total lack of understanding, and pushback.

Ragwort · 30/03/2023 10:32

i frequently turn down all sorts of invitations if they 'aren't my thing', NYE celebrations, dances, balls, dinner plastics with boring people, ... I don't understand why it is so hard to (politely) decline an invitation. But frequently on Mumsnet people tie themselves in knots over invitations to weddings, parties etc that they know they don't want to attend.

Personally I am looking forward to celebrating the Coronation and will be in London for the weekend Crown Grin

Ragwort · 30/03/2023 10:33

Dinner parties not plastics Grin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/03/2023 10:34

Even the Queen (the previous one) passed on the opportunity to go to her own son's (second) wedding - one US paper had the wonderful headline 'Queen skips Chuck nups' - so I don't see why any rational person could object to somebody not wanting to go to a party to celebrate a stranger getting a new job.

I'm not a royalist in any way either, but when the time eventually comes, depending on the outcome of the election for the next one, I might warm more to whoever ends up being chosen for the job then....

Mrsjayy · 30/03/2023 10:36

BansheeofInisherin · 30/03/2023 08:36

I am in a social group which is organising an event at the Coronation. I am rather fervently anti-royalist. Some of them are very pro-royalist, which is their business. Is there a polite way to decline without fibbing or offending others? Can I just say briefly," Sorry, that's not my thing." They already know I am not travelling as I committed to the group before I realised they were doing a coronation event.

Thats not my thing is probably the quickest and easiest thing to do and just repeat.

Redebs · 30/03/2023 10:37

BansheeofInisherin · 30/03/2023 10:00

I suppose this is where my pluralism ends. Anyway, thanks for the replies.

I do expect on MN that being BAME will never have anything to do with anything!

I would be fine to let people know I'm antimonarchy, but I'm white and no one would think anything of it. There are still people around though, that would put a different slant on it for someone who isn't.

It's pretty awful, actually. It's ignorance.

A non-white person's 'not my thing' might imply that they aren't being properly 'British' in some way, despite centuries of anti royalist feeling across UK. It might even lead to some sweet, misguided people trying extra hard to make them feel 'welcome' 😕 at monarchist celebrations.

I was reading YouTube comments on the new Scottish leader yesterday and sickened that racism is still such a big thing. And here on Mumsnet, there are posters getting snotty about the term BAME.

JamSandle · 30/03/2023 10:37

Why not just say you're busy?

Beantag · 30/03/2023 10:37

EyesOnThePies · 30/03/2023 10:19

We need to be more aware of those who were actively oppressed, dehumanised, robbed and invaded as a result of the ‘Empire’, and the origins of much of the wealth of the monarchy.

I understand why you feel as you do, OP, about the difficulty of being direct with your social networks. I am white, and have booked to go camping for that weekend with a big group of friends (‘oooh good, extra bank hol w/e’) but have realised that every couple has at least one partner from the diaspora of a colonised country. Unspoken may not be alone.

I am black and I do have complex feelings towards the monarchy, but that said I benefit off of the back of the Empire living here as we all do. A small island without any highly valuable natural resource wouldnt be as it is today if it werent for the British Empire. Its a sensitive subject and everyone will feel differently about it I guess. I wouldn't minimise others opinions and thoughts on it but I also wouldn't use an invite to something related to the monarchy to 'educate' others. OP can just say no or whatever they are happy to do though, no need to complicate things.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 30/03/2023 10:37

'I've already made other plans but hope you guys have a great time'

I'd be surprised if anyone asked me to attend any coronation celebrations, but that's what I'd say if they did.

Redebs · 30/03/2023 10:42

Beantag · 30/03/2023 10:37

I am black and I do have complex feelings towards the monarchy, but that said I benefit off of the back of the Empire living here as we all do. A small island without any highly valuable natural resource wouldnt be as it is today if it werent for the British Empire. Its a sensitive subject and everyone will feel differently about it I guess. I wouldn't minimise others opinions and thoughts on it but I also wouldn't use an invite to something related to the monarchy to 'educate' others. OP can just say no or whatever they are happy to do though, no need to complicate things.

Show quote history

So you're ok celebrating the Empire and the shameful parts of Britain's past?
Colonialism? Slavery? Wars around the globe to serve Britain's interests?

There are some wonderful things about Britain, but the Empire certainly isn't one of them, my God!

Someone needs a history lesson!

LadyKenya · 30/03/2023 10:50

And here on Mumsnet, there are posters getting snotty about the term BAME.

Here we go, someone telling others about how they should feel about something that does not affect them. The arrogance is astounding.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/03/2023 10:51

So you're ok celebrating the Empire and the shameful parts of Britain's past?
Colonialism? Slavery? Wars around the globe to serve Britain's interests?

There are some wonderful things about Britain, but the Empire certainly isn't one of them, my God!

Someone needs a history lesson!

Did you actually read the comment that you quoted?!

It's perfectly possible to acknowledge that you ultimately benefit from something without celebrating it. You can enjoy getting a large, life-changing inheritance without celebrating the death of your parents.

We all know that history has seen countless atrocities, but we are limited in what we ourselves can do now - we can learn from it and work and campaign for greater global equality NOW, but none of us can go back and change what long-dead people did to other long-dead people.

Should we be like Oxfam and keep apologising for speaking such a dominant world language now - even though we know that the spread of it was hugely exacerbated by horrendous behaviours? Should we demand an end to the English language and ban the billions of people who now speak it from ever doing so again, on the pretext that to do so is to endorse the Empire?

Mostar · 30/03/2023 10:54

Just say you can't make it, but you've sent a 'Congratulations on Your New Job' card instead.

Beantag · 30/03/2023 10:55

Redebs · 30/03/2023 10:42

So you're ok celebrating the Empire and the shameful parts of Britain's past?
Colonialism? Slavery? Wars around the globe to serve Britain's interests?

There are some wonderful things about Britain, but the Empire certainly isn't one of them, my God!

Someone needs a history lesson!

Show quote history

You are being extremely ignorant if you don't believe that this country would be extremely different if it wasn't for the Empire. That's not celebrating it, that's being realistic and accepting this as its true.

Zipadeebooyah · 30/03/2023 11:06

@Redebs

I think you need the history lesson. This country is what it is because of the Empire.

It is also highly simplistic, child-like thinking to say colonialism = bad.

History is complex and nuanced.

Swipe left for the next trending thread