married, dithering and stuck due to £££ and own flaws

[Terrifiedbut]

Debated long and hard whether to post on here. Married for 22 years with two Dc (one in year 11 and other at uni). Am a long-term SAHM (haven’t worked for 19 years). Am 55. Am a recluse effectively - undiagnosed ASD (have never been comfortable socially and unable/unwilling to make friends) - but happy in my own skin and a dedicated mum with a great relationship with DC.

Husband and I tolerate each other. Have slept separately for 5 years. Haven’t had sex in last 8 years but sex life never been great - we were friends first and foremost and (from my POV) had sex only coz I wanted kids. Never had sex more than once a month in early years anyway).

if we split up our financial situation will be dire - we will both end up with 1 or 2 bed flats so can’t house both our DC. I will have to get a job (terrifying as recluse with no experience or degree).

As I say, we tolerate each other. Argue quite a bit but mostly ok, although he can be very cruel (but true) as he belittles me for not having friends. Not happy (although my DC make me so happy and I’d do anything for them) but not that unhappy so, as I don’t have friends to bounce this off, what do you think? Please be kind as posting here is proper scary.

@Orangesandlemons77

Pip is very hard to get for those who have diagnosis and hospital admissions! Honestly the advice of "claim pip" is way off the mark.

First step is to make positive changes yourself op, see your gp and consider antidepressants as at least a short term help. Second step is to get a volunteer position, can be from home or in person but something to get skills - also consider contacting the job centre for help with skills building explaining the situation, you aren't alone.

Self diagnosing a medical condition isn't that helpful (and as you can see annoys many people) so explore with your gp getting positive support (the diagnosis is not relevant, it's the help you need)

she just needs to go and see her GP) @MyriadOfTravels

As I said "in the first instance "

Self diagnosing and living your life by that is not helpful and irritates people. Same with 'claim PIP'

Oh dear… if it irritates people then you can’t have that!!

I don’t think you have any idea how hard it can be to get diagnosed with some conditions. And how life saving it can be to actually ‘live your life as if you had been diagnosed’.
im talking about physical illnesses too…..

Just to add that I am on a waiting list for autism diagnosis - but have been for over a year and no progress.

Eldest DC (now at uni) was diagnosed with autism 15 years ago and at the time they said I should also consider getting diagnosed. I didn’t though as was coping ok then

working through this thread and all the helpful replies and suggestions. Thank you

Been in a similar circs and to some extent still am. Decided not to start from zero again, u can't.
But you need to step out of your comfort zone a bit.

Check out meetup for ideas for activities where u can meet and make friends.

I claim PIP myself. She could get it with a diagnosis, it may take going to Appeal though (you can do paper appeals and online though) 70% are successful.

Pip can also lead to positives such as I use mine for a swimming membership which gets me out

How do you expect the rest of your life and your husbands life to pan out?

Don't you worry that your children won't have happy memories of their home life and will go through life worrying about you and your husband. It's a lot of responsibility for them even as young adults.

Do you have a good relationship with your kids? Do you have fun with them?

Give her a break, she asked for kindness