Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does anyone else remember so little about their life?

126 replies

Woodywasatwat · 28/03/2023 14:02

It worries me sometimes.

I have hardly any memories especially of childhood.

An old school friend is currently cleaning out her parents loft and is tagging me in a sorts of childhood photos, things that look like school events and trips, plays.

I’m there, sometimes dressed up in costumes but I have no memory of the event at all. It could be someone else.

I have this all the time. Cleaning out my loft once I found old tickets for gigs. I saw Blur and Greenday in the 90s - cannot remember seeing them but when I asked the friend I would have gone with she looked at me like I was crazy and couldn’t believe I didn’t remember (I was 15, too young to have been out of it on anything!)

Why don’t I remember things?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 28/03/2023 21:14

I assume I will be screwed if I get dementia. People with dementia don't have a good sense of the presence (working memory) but remember details from their childhood much better (long term memory). I guess I will end up knowing nothing.

Oblomov23 · 28/03/2023 21:14

I don't even think it's that Bigga deal. I went to my friends 50th. They were all recounting stuff of 23, 15,17. A particular mufti day in 1984. I knew it was true, but these things don't 'log' in my memories. They aren't important.

blueshoes · 28/03/2023 21:19

MysweetAudrina · 28/03/2023 21:13

No @blueshoes I said I can't understand how you could not know you did something.

That would freak me out as what if I had done something really bad and couldn't remember it? Also anyone of tries to gaslight me gets put in their place very quick. I think I have whatever the emotional equivalent of a photographic memory is.

I see. It is not that I cannot remember I did something (my mind is not a complete blank!) but that I don't call up people and experiences from my past in detail. I don't have a good sense of direction or time, which might contribute to this.

I am a lawyer so am razor sharp if someone tried to gaslight me. For such things, I have a mind of a steel trap. Maybe that is where my brain cells have gone ...

Cherrybl0ssm · 28/03/2023 21:24

I have this and have Adhd.
Strangely having some hypnosis therapy really helped me. I could see my childhood home. And I know it’s accurate because I went back. It sort of unblocked me. I still have problems remembering specific events but it’s much better than before

Thesharkradar · 28/03/2023 21:32

blueshoes · 28/03/2023 21:14

I assume I will be screwed if I get dementia. People with dementia don't have a good sense of the presence (working memory) but remember details from their childhood much better (long term memory). I guess I will end up knowing nothing.

I think with dementia it's more that the past comes through more because there is less of a grip on the present

Highdaysandholidays1 · 28/03/2023 21:33

I realised a while ago that other people remembered a lot more than me and often reminisced about things I don't remember. One of my friends says she came to stay in my family home and remembers a whole holiday there, I would have sworn blind she'd never done that, but I believe her as I asked my parents and her about it and they are all right and I just don't remember it.

In my case it isn't especially about trauma (although I totally agree trauma will wipe your memories or cause them to be buried). I just live very much in the present. I don't even remember terribly much about what I was doing yesterday or last week, I can if I make a huge effort, but if I don't, it's just gone. Facebook memories is ace for me, I can't believe what I've forgotten!

I live in the present, and if I'm happy in the present, I'm happy. If I'm sad I'm sad. I do have past memories of a few upsetting things and a couple of fun things, but not like other people.

I don't see it as a massive problem for myself but I can imagine having a blank in certain times of childhood would be very upsetting.

As for not remembering someone's birthday on the day, that's me at the moment, but I think that's cognitive overload/memory issues since a nasty bout of Covid. It's often a sign of stress/overload on the brain. I can see a work meeting in my diary at 9am and then have forgotten it by the afternoon. Despite having to apologise quite a bit I'm good at my actual job.

Riverlee · 28/03/2023 21:34

I’m like that with my dc.

mommatoone · 28/03/2023 21:34

Im the same OP. My sister is 7 years younger than me and often goes ' oh do you remember this..' ?(things that were quite significant at the time) i honestly dont remember at all?. Even stuff that we spoke about days ago!: I feel like ive lost years sometimes x

Geministranger · 28/03/2023 21:40

I'm exactly the same OP. Like, really really bad. Cannot recall even major life events, holidays, all sorts. Think I've always been like it and it's certainly not getting any better. Quite scary at times!

My sister once had some insight into this- she thinks it's down to being anxious (esp when younger)- struggling socially etc, so the brain power that would've been used for memories for used up on coping with the anxiety instead...?!
Disclaimer - this not a scientific explanation!

Binjob118 · 28/03/2023 21:40

I'm 48 and definitely have large gaps in my memory. My kids childhoods have sort of blurred together and I find it hard to tell them specific stuff. I was also stuck in a lift and rescued by the fire service in my 20s, but have no memory ( not drunk apparently!!).

ghettihead · 28/03/2023 21:42

I am the same there is so much from my childhood I have no recollection of. I am doing yearly photo books for my kids with details of who people are and where we went to. Though I think it's as much for me, as I'm scared of forgetting as them. I had a very traumatic time at university, I wonder if that is related?

Squidger45 · 28/03/2023 21:45

Same over here.

MinesALattePlease · 28/03/2023 21:45

Just want to say I find this too! I remember so little of my kids being babies. Like you said I take photos of literally everything to try and make me less likely to forget.

DuesToTheDirt · 28/03/2023 21:45

I have a poor memory, of my life and I can't blame trauma, ADHD or anything else.

What is most annoying is that often I remember annoying trivia and forget the important stuff, or the context - so I might remember arguing with a family member on holiday, but not where we went and what we did on the holiday. Or I remember sitting in a pub with a friend in my town, but I don't actually remember the rest of their visit to me.

BananaPalm · 28/03/2023 21:46

bananaboats · 28/03/2023 15:08

I'm exactly the same but no traumatic childhood or anything! I joke to DH thank god he's been around for the last 10 years to remember things for me as he remembers everything!

That's me and DH! I had no idea other people also didn't remember so much stuff from their past. This thread brings me such relief!

Rarar · 28/03/2023 21:51

I genuinely thought it was all the weed I smoked in my youth so this thread is a massive relief Blush

blueshoes · 28/03/2023 22:01

Highdaysandholidays1 · 28/03/2023 21:33

I realised a while ago that other people remembered a lot more than me and often reminisced about things I don't remember. One of my friends says she came to stay in my family home and remembers a whole holiday there, I would have sworn blind she'd never done that, but I believe her as I asked my parents and her about it and they are all right and I just don't remember it.

In my case it isn't especially about trauma (although I totally agree trauma will wipe your memories or cause them to be buried). I just live very much in the present. I don't even remember terribly much about what I was doing yesterday or last week, I can if I make a huge effort, but if I don't, it's just gone. Facebook memories is ace for me, I can't believe what I've forgotten!

I live in the present, and if I'm happy in the present, I'm happy. If I'm sad I'm sad. I do have past memories of a few upsetting things and a couple of fun things, but not like other people.

I don't see it as a massive problem for myself but I can imagine having a blank in certain times of childhood would be very upsetting.

As for not remembering someone's birthday on the day, that's me at the moment, but I think that's cognitive overload/memory issues since a nasty bout of Covid. It's often a sign of stress/overload on the brain. I can see a work meeting in my diary at 9am and then have forgotten it by the afternoon. Despite having to apologise quite a bit I'm good at my actual job.

Yes, I'd say I live in the present and the future but not the past. I hold enough info to get through the present and plan for the future but don't dwell on the past. In real life, I don't have much time for history - never much cared for it as a subject.

So a do-er, not a dweller. Onwards and upwards.

Poor dh. He is the guy I have been with for more than 20 years.

Akite · 28/03/2023 22:09

I remember very little of my childhood too, but no trauma at all, I just have a poor memory.
@Woodywasatwat do you 'see' pictures in your head when you think? I verge towards aphantasia in that I don't think in pictures generally (although I can picture things if I concentrate) and I wonder if it's connected to that. I have a very good memory for facts and numbers though, I'm great in a quiz! But in life, it's just a big hole.

Original poster
Woodywasatwat · 28/03/2023 22:22

Akite · 28/03/2023 22:09

I remember very little of my childhood too, but no trauma at all, I just have a poor memory.
@Woodywasatwat do you 'see' pictures in your head when you think? I verge towards aphantasia in that I don't think in pictures generally (although I can picture things if I concentrate) and I wonder if it's connected to that. I have a very good memory for facts and numbers though, I'm great in a quiz! But in life, it's just a big hole.

Yes I do.

It’s all very vivid in my head. I constantly have another daydream life playing as I go.

OP posts:
AngelasEyelash · 28/03/2023 22:27

Yes! This is me! I'm on an old school FB page and I can only remember a handful of names. My DH is alway reminiscing about when we went to various places when our DCs were small and I just have no recollection.

CockSpadget · 28/03/2023 22:27

I have a 3 year memory “hole” and unfortunately it is the first 3 years of my middle child’s life. I know why it’s gone, because my then partner (the babies dad) had become controlling and abusive, and some horrendous things happened, so my mind has basically shut that time out. I left and my memory starts again. But it’s really hard, not even being able to remember ever feeding my baby, bathing her, putting her to bed, let alone he first steps, words etc. To top it all off the bastard kept/destroyed all the photos of her so I don’t even have those.

EmmaEmerald · 28/03/2023 22:29

Not only do I not remember a lot of stuff but I don't mind. I also don't think childhood has the huge impact that pyschs think it has. At 46, most of my personality, my fears and problems are clearly rooted in my early workplace experiences.

The only thing I have allegedly forgotten is seeing Bon Jovi as a teen. My sister is the only person who can vouch for this. I honestly think she imagined it. There is no way I'd forget. I'd have the ticket stub.

I do have some memories of childhood but my parents remembered much more about my classmates than I did. Primary school classmates are a virtual blank.

JustMyLuckItsHappened · 28/03/2023 22:32

I find I remember random snapshots, but the weird thing is some of them aren't even that significant. I feel I don't have enough memories though from parts of my life. I have to really concentrate when trying to remember, and sometimes I can see the environment but not remember the memories from there. I feel when my dcs were babies alot of that is a blur too (maybe I was just too exhausted but it saddens me!)

I don't mean to sound morbid, but people say you see your whole life flash before your eyes in great detail when you die. I wonder how this would be possible for me, I think it would be more of a foggy few fragments! 🤔

EmmaEmerald · 28/03/2023 22:36

JustMyLuck saying about your life flashing before you immediately makes me think of a scene Desperate Housewives. I say that because TV often seems more real to me than reality.

MathsNervous · 28/03/2023 22:37

DH remembers lots from his own childhood but I can't. It is very frustrating.