Does anyone else remember so little about their life?

[Woodywasatwat]

It worries me sometimes.

I have hardly any memories especially of childhood.

An old school friend is currently cleaning out her parents loft and is tagging me in a sorts of childhood photos, things that look like school events and trips, plays.

I’m there, sometimes dressed up in costumes but I have no memory of the event at all. It could be someone else.

I have this all the time. Cleaning out my loft once I found old tickets for gigs. I saw Blur and Greenday in the 90s - cannot remember seeing them but when I asked the friend I would have gone with she looked at me like I was crazy and couldn’t believe I didn’t remember (I was 15, too young to have been out of it on anything!)

Why don’t I remember things?

I'm exactly the same but no traumatic childhood or anything! I joke to DH thank god he's been around for the last 10 years to remember things for me as he remembers everything!

Is it really?
That would explain a lot for me then. I have huge portions of my life missing. Its infuriating and upsetting sometimes.
My eldest will sometimes be able to jog my memory with certain anecdotes.

I'm proof of the trauma related memory issues thing. Up until my late teens I had perfect recall, near-photographic memory. 100% is exams, knew tge entire script of a play after reading my part once, that kind of thing. Then I went through a very stressful time with I'll health and the resurgence of childhood things I'd buried. Since then, my memory for personal experiences has been ridiculously bad. I didn't realise how bad until I overheard my sister explaining 'she forgets things' to my BIL and realised she was used to saying it. So there's a definite before and after (the stress breakdown) for me.

I had a pretty shite childhood and don't really remember any of it. Only have bits of memories and stuff that i put together from reading ss and police reports.
I can recall things like facts I have learnt- e.g I was in Mrs Lennons class for year 6. But I dont know what Mrs Lennon looked like, can't picture the room, or other children in the class, any lessons we did, can't remember ever actually being there- or any of primary school. Except the name of it.

I know I lived at x address, I know I had bunk beds as a child, I know I had a red dress with green pockets when I was about 10. Because I have seen photos, not because I remember it. Same way I know I had a friend called Beth Thomas from year 7 to year 11. I dont remember what she looked like, or really anything about her other than her name and that she existed. Presumably we did stuff together as I was hardly ever home but I can't think what it would have been. I don't know why or when we stopped being friends.

Weirdly I have a full and detailed memory of sitting at her kitchen table, and I know it was beths house even though I cant picture her at all. We are doing a puzzle of a busy london street with her mum and eating doritos out of a raffia bowl. Her mum is testing us on the capital cities for a geography test we have coming up. She has a dressing gown on and she is smoking and laughing especially when I forgot the capital of england and she told me to "look at the puzzle love".

I don't know why that is pretty much the only memory I have of before 18. I'm glad I do though because its a nice one.

OP have you thought about keeping a journal?

It won't help with the past, obviously, but could help you to remember things going forward from here.

I do think though that we all have different types of memory and different strengths. I rememeber my life very well, but I'm terrible with remembering things like movies and books, or names of famous people. My husband is the opposite and is more like you - big blanks in his life memories - but he does remember every single plot of every movie he's ever watched!

I’m like this virtually no childhood memories, major life changing events like the birth of my children, my wedding day etc vague memory only. I don’t have ADHD or a traumatic childhood, I’ve seen photos and cine film and my siblings reassure me of that, cause pretty sure my lovely mum and dad could have locked me in a cupboard for the whole of my childhood for all I remember of it. I remember normal things like how to do my job, cook recipes, phone numbers but rarely remember peoples faces and cringe inside every time someone, who I should remember, comes up to me in a shop or suchlike and starts chatting away. I rely so much on my DH and it must be hurtful to him that I don’t remember special days or things involving him. I spoke to my GP about it once, as I was concerned it might mean I was more likely to suffer from dementia in the future, he said there was no link that he was aware of. Conversely one of my siblings has a super memory and we all joke they got my share of memory making as well as their own.

OP, Have you heard of SDAM? I have aphantasia and I reckon SDAM as well. It's upsetting. I take 100's of photo's but have hardly any childhood memories. The same for my children's lives.

Frankly, I think I've blanked out a lot of my past. I was unhappy throughout my teens and 20s – bullied, crippled with social anxiety, bouts of depression, etc. Since I turned 40, life has got better and better. I feel happier every year. I'm one of those people who just aren't suited to being young. I hated every minute of it. I hated the pressure to socialise and have relationships, etc. Now, at 46, people finally leave me alone. I can walk in the countryside and read Jane Austen and listen to Stephen Fry reading Sherlock Holmes and no one thinks I'm 'sad'. At last I can do what I want to do – learn Russian, visit art galleries, paint, take sculpture lessons, have a quiet coffee in Neros with a friend instead of screeching with fake laughter in some godawful pub. Ah, it's heaven. I have zero nostalgia. Literally not a nanogram. You'd have to put a gun against my head before I'd attend a school reunion.

Yes, maybe I should.

But what puts me off is that my dad kept a diary every day from the age of 15 to 80. He kept them
all.

He has dementia. When he first started showing signs, he burned them all as he found it so distressing that he couldn’t remember anything about what he’d written.

So that scares me too.

I kept a really detailed baby journal for my first until he was 3 as I was so scared of forgetting things about him. My middle child, I kept a journal until she was one.

My poor little “tell me you are the third child without telling me you are the third child” daughter has one from pregnancy until 3 months 🤣

I also had a traumatic loss as a child and am the same - barely any memories of school before the loss. It's the brain's way of coping I think, "if you don't remember, you can't hurt as much" type of protection thing going on.

I just accept it now and focus on current life rather than the past. We can't change it anyway.

No, I will look into it.

😅That's funny about the journals for your children.

I guess we are all at risk of dementia etc and we don't know what the future will bring.

Do you have memory problems in other areas too, or just your life experiences?

No it isn't. Both my sister and my best friend remember lots of childhood things that I have no memory of. It is odd and troubling.

I am like that too.

I almost no memories of my childhood and just a few of my teenage years. Some big blanks as well of my 20s/30s.

Fairly accurate memories of the past 10 -12 years or so.

Memory is not really a problem at work or in daily life though.

I had a lot of trauma in childhood/teenage years and I think this is where this comes from.

I have literally come across people who obviously knew me as a child and teenager and were school friends but I have no recollection whatsoever of who they are or what we did together.

That’s interesting. I’ve always wondered why I have big blank periods and I’m AuDHD.

@JaneyGee

Frankly, I think I've blanked out a lot of my past. I was unhappy throughout my teens and 20s – bullied, crippled with social anxiety, bouts of depression, etc. Since I turned 40, life has got better and better. I feel happier every year. I'm one of those people who just aren't suited to being young. I hated every minute of it. I hated the pressure to socialise and have relationships, etc. Now, at 46, people finally leave me alone. I can walk in the countryside and read Jane Austen and listen to Stephen Fry reading Sherlock Holmes and no one thinks I'm 'sad'. At last I can do what I want to do – learn Russian, visit art galleries, paint, take sculpture lessons, have a quiet coffee in Neros with a friend instead of screeching with fake laughter in some godawful pub. Ah, it's heaven. I have zero nostalgia. Literally not a nanogram. You'd have to put a gun against my head before I'd attend a school reunion.

I could have written this! I completely agree with you.

Sometimes.

It was my husbands birthday last week. I knew it was his birthday.

I text myself, like I always do, to remind myself to get thee children to make him a card the day before.

On the day, nothing. Until 10am when my eldest woke up and said, “happy birthday dad”. It was totally out of my head, even though I had looked at his card and helped dad hide it in her room the previous night.

I am going through an intensely stressful time at the moment though, so she didn’t mind one bit. But things like that get to me a bit.

I was so glad to read the OP and this sort of fits too.

I thought it was just me! When I posted some old school photos I had very little recollection of the trips and struggled with names. Peopl were posting pics of me and telling me stories I had no memory of. I just don't remember much at all. Slithers here and there until maybe 17ish, then it's hazy but generally better through to my early twenties where my memories are reasonably strong onwards. (I'm 47.)

My my view of how my childhood and schools years were doesn't fit at all with other peoples view of me. I know I felt unpopular, apparently I was popular and well liked.

The most frightening thing for me though is that I am slowly losing my vision.

And if I don’t have many memories too, that will
be hell.

Don't worry. Your brain 'prunes' itself during adolescents. It's called synaptic pruning and it's your brain's way of tidying up ready for adulthood.

It basically gets rid of all the information it's not used for a long time. So, if you've not kept those memories alive because they weren't important at the time, your brain just 'clips them' back. That's why, for some people, a smell or a colour can take them back to a memory - the pathway hasn't been pruned.

I have very little memory of my life. I’m early 40s, don’t drink and have never taken drugs. Can’t explain why there is huge holes where memories should be.

I think my sister is like this. She swears blind my parents never did anything with us growing up, however I remember loads of trips out, museums, camping, shows, cinema etc. It's really weird, she has a totally different memory of our childhood (or lack of?)

My husband said he’d understand more if I’d ever had any fun 😁

No drink or drugs here either.

I have this too. I have a couple of memories from age 0-10 but I don't know if that's because I've looked at pictures. I sometimes feel like I was just born as a 10 year old. It's weirder cause that was the happiest part of my childhood. 10-18 was full of bullying, anxiety, sexual abuse so I've blocked a lot of that out. 18-26 I have some memories, a lot of happy ones but I had a 2 year relationship which I don't really remember anything of. We weren't happy though so I guess that makes sense. 26 I met my now DH and I remember most of the last decade.

It's always made me really sad, especially as my siblings remember a lot of our childhood. But I'm glad to read there's reasons for it and that I'm not alone.

I don't remember things well but I think I live very much in the moment. My husband was reminding me how badly behaved our dog was as a pup but I've completely forgotten this!