My child hits me

[Hernaneislola]

My 5 yo DD is generally a very easy going child. She makes friends easily, she is kind to everyone, well behaved at school, she never ever hit anyone except me and her dad.

She has these emotional outbursts for absolutely no reason, particularly when we have a playdate or at a playground when we meet her friends and other mums. It's as if she likes being mean to me in front of other people, doesn’t do it much at all when there is no one around. She cries, hits and occasionally spits. I think the other mums are horrified and quite frankly I avoid going on playdates now. Some don't ask us for playdates anymore.

For example she wants to climb a difficult climbing frame, she'll ask for help, if I come near her she'll start screaming don't help me! I say ok..but then she can't do it and she asks for help again, if I try to touch her she'll scream and then cry and hit me.

Or if she hurts herself and starts crying I naturally go to her and ask her what's the matter, she pushes me, hits me and screams at me to go back!

I'm so embarrassed and just don't know what to do. I do tell her off of course but I don't want to make a scene in front of these other mums.

Tonight I feel really down as she behaved badly again in front of 2 mums and I don't think I want to meet them again.

I feel particularly down as I've spent the last 5 years staying at home, being there with her, giving her the most amazing adventures (I come from a verbally and physically abusive family with patents mostly absent) and I wanted her to not grow up the way I did and I do wonder where I went wrong as I don't see other kids behaving quite so badly in public or being quite so mean to their parents.

This week she is not allowed any tablet or TV (which are limited anyway).

Can anyone relate to this? Any words of advice?

My 8 year old gets very anxious in social situations and gets embarrassed if he can't do something and can be quite rude. He doesn't have a diagnosis but his 3 older brothers all diagnosed with ASD.

I think in your situation, I would rethink the activities for the time being and look into something like yoga. We're semi rural but there seems yo be a lot of yoga/mindfulness for children groups popping up..I think post lockdown a lot of DC are struggling with anxiety etc

...."I don't want to make a scene in front of these other mums."

You daughter knows you won't make a scene, that's why she behaved badly and gets away with it. You could stop taking her to parks/to see friends etc until she stops that bad behaviour, or tell her off, get hold of her hand, crouch down so that you can look her in the eye, and say in a authoritative voice "that's not nice and we are going straight home" - then do that.

You're the adult. Show it. She's getting away with terrible behaviour (and it IS terrible for her age) because you and your husband allow her to. You're not in charge, and she doesn't respect you because of it.

Unless you are prepared to stand rock solid and ride out the ensuing tantrum you will never stop this.....but if you don't one day she will get a huge shock as the wider world, (friends employers etc) won't tolerate her being badly behaved towards them, so you are not doing her any favours by letting it slide.
Toughen up op, set a firm consequence and follow through come what may, most parents will understand if not that is not your problem.