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How much did you pay towards your child's wedding?

133 replies

boozybirds · 26/03/2023 09:32

One of my children is getting married and this is a first for me. I am going to offer money towards it, and wondered how much. Me and her father are not together. I know many people will say, it depends on what you can afford, but I'm just trying to gauge what would be the norm, as I have no idea what her Dad will offer, nor the grooms parents. Cost of wedding is Circa £11k. Taking place Spring 2025, so plenty of time to save.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 26/03/2023 13:16

My parents have me whatever HMRC excludes from IHT as a wedding gift - £10k, I think. They did the same for my brother.

shelbaba · 26/03/2023 13:32

What I would do is ensure you give the same amount to each of ur kids when they get married or if they have no intention to then give then the same amount towards a house of whatever.

We had a small wedding abroad 8 years ago. My parents gave us £1k or £2k (I can't quite remember). His parents gave us £5k. However I know they paid for his brothers wedding, well the actual wedding package, meals and drinks which must have come to £12k+. We thought that was a bit unfair but I get that they had a big wedding. However we chose not to have a big wedding as I wouldn't spend that kind of money on it.

Why don't u ask what has ur dad given or said he wld pay for. I'd happily tell my mum.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 26/03/2023 13:35

Zero. They are high flyers earning good money, unlike me.

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MissLucyLiu · 26/03/2023 13:36

I expect 10k from both side the families and we will come up with the rest together

PeopleAreToads · 26/03/2023 13:41

My parents gave me 10k plus paid for my dress when I got married last year and will do the same for my sister when she gets married next year. The knew neither of us would get anything from our in laws though, I suspect they'd have been less generous if we were

As a proportion they paid for a lot more of my wedding though, as my sisters is costing triple the amount! But they felt that was her choice, and giving the same amount was fair

riotlady · 26/03/2023 13:47

My parents gave us £1k and took us on holiday for our honeymoon (we have a child so more romantic than it sounds- meant we had built in childcare!)

usernother · 26/03/2023 13:51

I paid for a wedding dress. There was a limit though and if she wanted one over the limit she'd have had to pay the extra. The other child, I paid nothing towards it. He's got a very good well paid job. I didn't feel obliged to give anything to either of my children for their weddings.

Fairydustandsparklylights · 26/03/2023 13:54

Each set of parents gave 5k.

Keeween · 26/03/2023 13:57

I think it varies just so much, it’s hard to pinpoint a ‘norm’ but get that you’re asking to get more of an idea.
Our wedding cost significantly more than £11k but for what it’s worth, my in laws gave us £6k and my side gave us £3k, and paid for my dress, veil and shoes. My mum also arranged all the flowers for the reception, and my MIL paid for the stationery.
Honestly tho, only give what you can comfortably afford. It’s a gift and they’ll be grateful whatever the amount is!

PrettyMaybug · 26/03/2023 13:58

A third. Cost about £15K altogether. We gave them £5K, the in-laws gave them £5K and they forked out £5K themselves. They got about £2.5K in money off friends and family. (As wedding gifts.)

I think it's very uncommon these days for parents to pay for an adult child's wedding, (in full!) and a bit odd. I think it's a bit embarrassing to be in your 20s, (or 30s,) have your own home, and a job, and a partner, and expect your parents to pay for your wedding. Very outdated indeed. Even if you don't expect it, and your parents offer, I still think it's cringeworthy and embarrassing to accept. I don't know a single person whose parents have paid for their wedding in 30 years or more. Me and DH even paid for ours in the early 1990s.

Though my 2 female cousins did have their parents pay for theirs 6-8 years before me. They weren't career women, and professionals like me though. They left school at 16, got a job in a factory, met a man at 17, got engaged 6 months later, and married at 18/19, Had their first baby by 19/20.

They settled down young, but I was more independent and self-sufficient, and took nothing off anyone! I married some years after them. I would never have let my parents pay - OR my DH's parents.

My 2 female cousins mothers (my 2 aunts,) completely took over the whole wedding(s), and invited many people my cousins had never even met... The weddings were basically about my 2 aunts showing off, and both cousins were upset that out of the 80-85 guests, they only knew about 30 people.

Me and DH paying ourselves for ours, meant nobody had a single reason to tell us how our wedding should be. We invited who WE wanted to invite. And DIDN'T invite who we didn't want to invite! There were a few butthurt and very sore people at the time, who never spoke to us again. Result! Never liked them anyway. If we had, they'd have been invited!!!

cptartapp · 26/03/2023 14:08

My widowed DM payed for half of everything but all of my dress.
Well off PIL contributed nothing. But paid for all SIL wedding (as well as giving her 10k for a house deposit).
Whatever you do for one, do for all if you have others.

caffelatte100 · 26/03/2023 14:12

Wedding in 2004, my parents gave me 6,000 K which was almost the full cost plus helped with making the cards, menus and favours. My sibling didn't get married but they gave him the same amount for his savings instead as they wanted the money we receive from them to be fair.
Some friends donated cakes, flowers, music at the reception as gifts.
OH paid for all the rings and honeymoon. OH's father didn't offer anything as he is traditional and thought the bride's father should pay for it all (!!!!) but he helped us with the deposit to purchase our first house.

Mumski45 · 26/03/2023 14:15

Officially nothing as they didn't want us to. However we did give a generous wedding gift which was supposed to be for a honeymoon but due to Covid ended up going towards a new car for them.

However I did manage to pay for a few things along the way, eg dress alterations, organised a car and a few other minor bits.

FinallyHere · 26/03/2023 14:16

2000

My parents paid for the reception

They had also bought new "white goods" (fridge, freezer, washer/dryer, dishwasher) when I originally bought my own house. They warned me this was an 'early payment' on my wedding present and did not say out loud they were afraid I would never get married. They had done the same for my sister who had rented until she got married.

I was very grateful for the white goods. Very much less so with funding the reception as they insisted on paying and on controlling some aspects such as who was invited etc.

It seems I'm not that grateful, but I was and was proud that I could afford to pay for it all myself. They insisted on paying anyway I suspect because they wanted the control.

Newusernames · 26/03/2023 14:16

We got married last year. My parents gave us around £16,000 and his around £1,500

StylishM · 26/03/2023 14:25

My DDad bought the cake and paid the photographer (£2000 total), DMum bought the dress & the drinks package (£2,500 total) and in-laws paid for the honey moon (£3000). We were very lucky but the entire wedding cost £8k 8 years ago so we paid £3500 ourselves

Delectable · 26/03/2023 14:25

It really depends. 1/4 if parents are footing the bill. 1/6 if jointly by parents and couple. Or choose out of cake, dress, photography, transport etc?

Duidi123 · 26/03/2023 14:26

In laws gave €1000, my parents gave €4000. We had the wedding saved for in its entirety at that point so it was a nice to have to put right back into savings. Don’t know what they gave my brother and sister.

Lcb123 · 26/03/2023 14:29

My parents gave us £3k, and MIL gave £2k wedding. Then we put in £5k each.

mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 14:30

10k
I was a student though so didn't have any money of my own

StrandedStarfish · 26/03/2023 16:21

We gave half, which was £10k

Toastnbutter · 26/03/2023 16:50

My dad gave £1000
dh parents gave £500
wedding cost £9k
we paid the rest

tinytemper66 · 26/03/2023 17:13

Nothing. We have them over £20k as a deposit for their house.
We will pay for the Hor-d'oeuvres which may cost around £500.

stoptherainny · 26/03/2023 17:20

My parents gave us £1000 and DH parents £1000. To be honest I really did not expect them to pay anything towards it.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 26/03/2023 18:22

Delectable · 26/03/2023 14:25

It really depends. 1/4 if parents are footing the bill. 1/6 if jointly by parents and couple. Or choose out of cake, dress, photography, transport etc?

This is why parents think they are entitled to equal say in decisions about the wedding though - understandably because commuting to a % of the total without any input is scary unless you have limitless financial resources. 1/4 could be £200 or £20,000 depending upon how no frills or insane the wedding is 😂

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