Where to put all these kids?! Wwyd?

[MissMooley]

Wasn't sure where to post this to get the most advice.
Basically I'm in a 3 bed house. Me, dds 14 & 19, and ds 11&8.
Currently, dd 14 & 19 have their own rooms, and the boys share. I have a bed in the living room.
It's worked for us nicely, but now I'm due twins in 10 weeks 😂🙈
I have no idea where they're going lol
My options so far are:

1- Scrap having a living room and just make it a full bedroom for me and the twins.

2- make the living room a full bedroom, and move the sofa etc into the outshed, but not sure how that will go in winter, it gets pretty cold and I don't have the money to fully convert it (also a council house, so would need permission I assume?)

That's it. I don't like the idea of having no living room but there's literally no space to have the cots and all the baby stuff in there with my bed and the sofa etc too.

I've considered the girls sharing, but eldest has asd and several mh disorders so can't see that working for her.

Just feel a bit stuck and hoping someone has a magic solution I haven't thought of!

I think she said she isn't claiming carer's allowance, not that she's not on welfare. Even with the advantage of living in social housing I can't see how the OP is supporting soon to be 6 children alone if she isn't on welfare like universal credit etc as well as having the subsidised house?

@FlyingWormsAndSubterraneanBirds OP has said that she works, she earns too much for (trying to remember) carers allowance, her other children are supported by their dads through CMS.

It’s crazy how people are saying things like, ‘I couldn’t share a room with a sibling at 14, let alone 19’ like sorry what? Siblings share rooms all across the world. Would it be nice to have a little privacy? Of course it would. Is it gonna have a negative impact on your life until you die? I seriously don’t believe so.

Maybe I’m biased because I’ve never had my own room and all the kids in my family have shared bedrooms. I work with a woman who’s a single mum to 5 kids and they live in a 2 bedroom flat! No it’s not ideal but does that mean the parent can’t provide a stable living environment for their kids because they’re 1/2 bedrooms short? No!

I also don’t know why some people on here cry over the use of emojis and ‘lol.’ So what if the OP is using a laughing emoji? She’s clearly trying to keep it lighthearted seeing as so many people are jumping on her.

No doubt if she challenged other poster’s comments people would be saying that she’s argumentative. Can’t win on this site

The older daughters needs have been prioritised by OP though. She's got her own bedroom and OP has said she can't ask her to share. The younger daughter also has her own room. The boys share, but plenty of kids share rooms. Sharing a bedroom doesn't affect life chances and is not a sign of neglect.

Plenty of people with autism work. Although plenty don't. Obviously it depends on where she is the spectrum but if I could I would have lived with my mum forever. She may not manage working. I've tried for years.

Bloody hell. What utter nonsense. How could anybody think that's ok? Aside from pushing a newly diagnosed 19 year old autistic girl with mental health issues to leave because there's no space for her anymore. What could go wrong?

The OP doesn't have a load of options, the current bedroom set up isn't ideal but just about manageable, but is going to get much more difficult.

The eldest will be stuck between a rock and a hard place - stay at home in what will be a noisy and chaotic (nb twins tend to do that) environment, or move out to somewhere peaceful but may come with feelings of rejection.

If the eldest moving out is not an option (and I think if it is possible it should at least be offered as it "if it gets too much you can go to Grandma's") then one of the teen girls need to sleep in the living room allowing Mum to sleep upstairs with the babies. One teen will need less space then an adult and two babies. It may then be possible to divide off part of the room so it can at least be used in the day as a playroom.

Regarding the 19 year old moving out I mean.

My brothers were 15 (studying for GCSEs) and 7. They shared a room. The youngest preferred to play in the living room and garden and basically just slept and dressed in the bedroom. I knew plenty of people growing up who shared a room with their sibling, even when it wasn’t a close age gap. I know someone who shared with a toddler.

If the 19yo Dd likes her grandparents then why shouldn’t she move in with them? Autistic people tend to like a calmer atmosphere and she won’t get that in OP’s hectic, loud household. She can get therapy, a job, save up money etc whilst being a quieter house.

That won't help now will it?

If you think that's "dog whistling" or "santimonious" then you've clearly not been a child living with adults who did not consider your needs a priority.

I'm the one who use the phrase dog whistling and it wasn't to you, and it wasn't about 'welfare'. I quoted the PP who it was aimed at, and it was about the choice of words to describe having a child.

Some suggestions on here are nuts.
The 19 yo isn't going anywhere, Grannies or Autistic college (whatever one of them is)
I shall assume the 19 yo has come through main stream school and certainly won't be getting shipped of to a special college.

Nor is it logical for teens to be sharing with babies when the babies can share with each other.

There is a heck of a lot worse things in this word than sharing a room with your sister. Some people on MN just don't have a clue about the real world.

I'm sure all the kids will get plenty time and attention it's not like the Op is run ragged with 6 kids who are all under 10 needing hundreds of stuff done for them.

Yes. So has a job. The threshold for carer's allowance is that you cannot earn more than £132 after tax per week and claim it according to gov.uk. Not claiming that in no way indicates she isn't claiming welfare like UC. It seems extremely unlikely she'd be able to support four children on one salary without welfare let alone six, based on my own experience that it's almost impossible to do with two with no state help.

Their fathers should of course support them, but CMS is a pittance. And obviously she benefits from a subsidised house. But still, four, and soon to be six children self-supported without welfare? I find it unlikely. If she earned enough for that to be the case she could move out of Council housing and rent somewhere big enough for them all.

Regardless, my posts weren't focused on money primarily. They were about prioritising children and their needs over the wants and needs or adults.

The older daughters needs have been prioritised by OP though. She's got her own bedroom and OP has said she can't ask her to share.

OP said it really wouldn't work for her to share because of her mental health issues. Then later in the thread said that this was probably the best solution to make her share regardless.

@FlyingWormsAndSubterraneanBirds - I'm addressing you because its clear, though I disagree with you, that you've thought about this situation, and your responses are rational and well- thought out. Frankly, in my opinion you're worth responding to.

Some of the posts, however, are abhorrent and I can barely believe people walk amongst us that think like this. Telling the OP she should have aborted, or that she should put her children up for adoption. Calling her a drain on 'us taxpayers'.

Good god! You think any sane or solvent man would want to take on 6 kids from teenagers to newborn twins? And introducing yet another man into the picture.

Moving the kitchen appliances into the shed and making the living room into a bedroom for the babies and mum sounds the best way. I would hate not having a bedroom of my own while bringing up twins, but clearly no other option, since DD 1 can't share.

@MarieRoseMarie What is wrong with a council house?

Ok fair enough, sorry I misunderstood that.

@FlyingWormsAndSubterraneanBirds

Sorry. But having to move out of council because you can afford to live to a decent level isn't a good argument.

Private renting (in my area) is double council rates. Private renting isn't secure. I lost multiple houses while private renting. 1 they wanted back cos the marriage ended and she wanted to move back to here house. 1 the landlord died and the family wanted to sell it. 1 section 21’d without me even seeing a reason though at a later date I saw it listed as student housing for much more than I was paying for it as a single occupant tenancy. Council places offer secure tenancy’s. No risk of losing through no fault of your own.

You speak about priorotising children. My children lived in no less than 7 houses before we got a council house. Do you not think that instability and constantly moving has an adverse affect on children?

Unless circumstances change to the point you can buy a house, I would never advise someone with young children give up their council home for private renting. That security for their home is invaluable.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If the 19yo Dd likes her grandparents then why shouldn’t she move in with them? Autistic people tend to like a calmer atmosphere and she won’t get that in OP’s hectic, loud household. She can get therapy, a job, save up money etc whilst being a quieter house.

The posts I objected to weren't suggesting that. They were suggesting the OP just shove her in with her sibling when OP had said already her mental health is a mess and this would not work for her. And OP subsequently saying yes maybe that's the best answer even though she had acknowledged already her daughter would not be likely to cope with it. And her insistence that because she has got good grades despite living in this chaotic way that must mean she's fine and "not like most autistic people" and being disrupted more, having no personal space and living with newborn twins won't bother her. Maybe that's true, but unlikely otherwise she wouldn't have met the criteria for an autism diagnosis in the first place. Or people suggesting to let her live in the shed or a caravan. Or just tell her to move out as she's over 18. Those were the things I thought were shocking and wrong.

I agree with you that she would probably hugely benefit from going to live with her Grandparents and being in peace and quiet but still with family support. But OP knows her best so hopefully she'll find a solution that works for her not leave her to flounder alone in "supported living" (very little support at all and very vulnerable) or make her live in a shed or environment where she can never have any space or peace.

Room dividers and get girls to share with divider. Or look at IKEA and FB for ideas, I’ve seen some really good ones.

if twins are boys put all the boys together eventually in the largest bedroom with 2 bunk beds , by this time eldest ‘may’ be looking to move out, but maybe not.

Your house will be a lovely home for all.

Fair enough. I've never lived in social housing so know not much about it really except that it's subsidised so much cheaper. I can see why the security is important and renting privately with 6 children would be almost impossible. Like I said the OP's finances are a small issue here, I just didn't believe the claim of the PP I replied to that they think she is supporting all of these children without welfare. The cost of sending the twins to nursery after maternity leave alone would be £2-3k per month. To earn enough to pay for that even with a cheap house as well as support 4 other children with no welfare seems unlikely. It's hard enough to do just for two children, believe me. But as I said the finances aren't even the main issue. What shocked me was the apparent lack of concern about the impact on the children, and other posters attacking anybody who raised concerns about it and saying they were "evil".

Council housing isn't subsidised.

To be fair to the op, in her situation, council housing is probably one of the most secure options for her as she will have the safety net of benefits if she isn't able to work at any point in the future.