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Original poster

Where to put all these kids?! Wwyd?

667 replies

MissMooley · 25/03/2023 21:00

Wasn't sure where to post this to get the most advice.
Basically I'm in a 3 bed house. Me, dds 14 & 19, and ds 11&8.
Currently, dd 14 & 19 have their own rooms, and the boys share. I have a bed in the living room.
It's worked for us nicely, but now I'm due twins in 10 weeks 😂🙈
I have no idea where they're going lol
My options so far are:

1- Scrap having a living room and just make it a full bedroom for me and the twins.

2- make the living room a full bedroom, and move the sofa etc into the outshed, but not sure how that will go in winter, it gets pretty cold and I don't have the money to fully convert it (also a council house, so would need permission I assume?)

That's it. I don't like the idea of having no living room but there's literally no space to have the cots and all the baby stuff in there with my bed and the sofa etc too.

I've considered the girls sharing, but eldest has asd and several mh disorders so can't see that working for her.

Just feel a bit stuck and hoping someone has a magic solution I haven't thought of!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:14

So the solution is, according the majority. Abort the twins, get the others adopted or throw them out to live with their dad, you get off universal credit and work more and be on your own, ripped apart from the children. Burn down the outhouse and get sterilised. Buy a caravan or don't. Insulate the loft or don't. Agree you're a loser and don't care about the children or the environment. Once you do the above, the world will be a happy and harmonious place.

I mean, seriously. How is sticking the boot in and some of these nasty comments helping a mother. Who genuinely seems nice and asked for help for her children!!!!

Women are meant to support and uplift women. Some of you really enjoy dragging them down and sticking the boot in .

PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:16

@Capricornone1 I am saying being abusive and insulting and nasty in general on any form of forum or even in real life! Wasn't saying you. Was just saying generally !!! Have a good Sunday

WhiteFire · 26/03/2023 14:17

80% of houses in E&W have three bedrooms or less (census), the percentage higher in social housing. Most people do not have the space for lots of children whatever their tenure, so it isn't really an anti social housing argument just a lack of bigger houses argument.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:17

@MathsNervous good point and well said !

Comedycook · 26/03/2023 14:18

I would have had an abortion if I'd been in this situation...it's an absolute no brainer for me.

However, if you are pro choice then you must realise that not having an abortion encompass that.

I don't particularly care about the environment or the social security benefits...but the op has chosen to make her and her existing children's lives much harder than they ever needed to be.

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 14:22

PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:16

@Capricornone1 I am saying being abusive and insulting and nasty in general on any form of forum or even in real life! Wasn't saying you. Was just saying generally !!! Have a good Sunday

if you were saying in general why direct at me ? There are some unpleasant comments that you could’ve directed your distain at instead on me

WhiteFire · 26/03/2023 14:33

The oldest daughter moving to live with Grandma is probably the best solution out of the pick of not great options. This will at least free up a bedroom for the twins and OP remains downstairs. No it is not ideal but will probably be a lot better for her than living in a house with her five siblings and no room for two of them.

Bepis · 26/03/2023 14:35

I think OP has long gone due to the awful comments.

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 14:41

Bepis · 26/03/2023 14:07

@Capricornone1 It's clearly your opinion too though. I just think empathy and tact goes a long way.

You went back and read @threeplusmum post then!

PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:45

@Capricornone1 calm down.... i only said you were very invested in the thread , which is true.

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 14:49

PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:45

@Capricornone1 calm down.... i only said you were very invested in the thread , which is true.

obviously I’m not denying that as it’s a somewhat intriguing thread, but you are being an arse towards me unnecessarily 🤷🏻‍♀️

NIparty · 26/03/2023 14:49

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 14:09

What age are you, OP? 30s, I thought you said? It’s ludicrous they refused sterilisation to a woman in her 30s with four children.

I'm 33 and have 3 children and have been refused sterilisation because of my age in case I meet someone in the future who wants to have kids?? Wtf. Eh no, I'm having no more kids, and have had terrible side effects from hormonal contraception, even ended up pregnant on the implant, and had an ectopic pregnancy with the coil! I can go private, but can't afford that. So it is definitely within the realms of possibility that she was refused with the NHS the way it currently is. My ex husband went for snip and at the time the waiting list was 5 years long! It was cheaper for him to go private than me so we did that, but obviously as we've no separated that does me no good! Of course, as a single mother I should just be abstinent for the rest of my life apparently instead.

PopsicleHustler · 26/03/2023 14:54

@Capricornone1 very good

Bepis · 26/03/2023 14:58

@Capricornone1 I've read all the posts on the thread.

FlyingWormsAndSubterraneanBirds · 26/03/2023 15:03

She's not on welfare. Take your dog-whistle language somewhere else.

I think she said she isn't claiming carer's allowance, not that she's not on welfare. Even with the advantage of living in social housing I can't see how the OP is supporting soon to be 6 children alone if she isn't on welfare like universal credit etc as well as having the subsidised house? I say this as a lone parent who receives no welfare at all and struggles to support two children even on a good salary. I'm taxed to high heaven, we struggle to get by. I don't see how it's remotely possible for the OP to support 6 children on one salary, even in Council housing, if she's not claiming UC and being subsidised to quite a high extent. The fact she works does not mean she's paying for the cost of her family, by any means.

If she is not placing this burden on the taxpayer and is paying it all herself, then it's nobody else's business, although people are of course allowed to still express sadness for the children who will grow up in overcrowded conditions and have less parental time, be unlikely to ever have much 1:1 time at all, have fewer opportunities and experiences because finances will undoubtably be far more stretched, an autistic girl who is having to live in very overwhelming conditions, and some have suggested she "just kick out" to make way for the next children. It's very sad to read to be honest. Again, I say this as an autistic woman with two autistic children and although OP says she copes with it, this may be masking or just the fact she knows no different, when actually it may be having a huge impact. OP citing her achieving good grades doesn't show otherwise: I did too. My mental health is still a mess. OP has even said the girl's mental health is a mess, that she wouldn't cope well with sharing a room. But other posters then reply saying it's fiiiine, her needs shouldn't matter, just chuck her in with her younger sister. No problem. Nobody knows how that loss of personal space may be her lifeline keeping her mental health just manageable of what impact it may have. But it doesn't matter, because OP's right to have more children trumps any concern for her disabled child, or the other existing children. The boys who will be teenagers with no private space, trying to study for exams with the chaos of baby twins in the house.

And if the taxpayer is funding a large amount of this - including lone parent households like me who are struggling to get by and support our own children with no state help and huge tax bills to pay with that money redirected away from our own children to others who are getting support for much larger families, or households who've decided they can't afford a child or more than one or two children because again they are self-funding and are taxed so heavily - then yes it is completely reasonable for people to be upset about it.

I have a lot of sympathy for people who end up in awful situations. Life happens. The story of my own is beyond a joke and nobody would believe it. But the assertion that it's all fiiiiiine, do what you want, who cares about the impact on the children, anybody who says otherwise is nasty, can't expect people to be responsible and fine to shove children to live in a shed or caravan or kick them out, oh maybe the OP is neurodiverse too so that excuses making decisions that negatively impact your existing children, oh we must all live in an ivory tower to point out that this is not a good situation to create when other options existed so must be horrible people, I find very offensive tbh. I've been reading through it all and I think it is all completely dismissive of the people who matter in this situation: the children.

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 15:04

Bepis · 26/03/2023 14:58

@Capricornone1 I've read all the posts on the thread.

Good for you

Bepis · 26/03/2023 15:06

@Capricornone1 Why ask then? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OMG12 · 26/03/2023 15:08

ImAGoodPerson · 26/03/2023 12:34

This is vile, whilst I most definitely do not agree with having more children than you can afford/house sensibly, anyone suggesting this should be ashamed.

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Why is it vile? All things considered adoption may well be in the best interests of all of the children. Or are you vilifying any mother who thinks she hasn’t got the resources to look after her children and selflessly gives them up like so many round the world do. You should be ashamed of yourself. The well-being of ALL of the children is the only thing that should be considered here, and honestly, this might not be in an over crowded house with six kids.

ImAGoodPerson · 26/03/2023 15:10

OMG12 · 26/03/2023 15:08

Why is it vile? All things considered adoption may well be in the best interests of all of the children. Or are you vilifying any mother who thinks she hasn’t got the resources to look after her children and selflessly gives them up like so many round the world do. You should be ashamed of yourself. The well-being of ALL of the children is the only thing that should be considered here, and honestly, this might not be in an over crowded house with six kids.

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Don't twist what I said.

gwrachod · 26/03/2023 15:10

ImAGoodPerson · 26/03/2023 13:00

You can twist what I have said all you like, there is no point responding to you TBH.

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I'm not twisting anything. You are acting as if the OP was in poverty when she had her previous DC, but you have no idea if that was the case.

Of course it fits with the comforting idea that poverty happens to people because they're feckless and asking for it.

Not the unsettling - but more accurate idea - that any of us could find ourself in the position of having not enough money to solve any immediate issues, due to unexpected changes in circumstances that are beyond our control.

I'm getting the feeling you've not chosen a very apt user name.

Maireas · 26/03/2023 15:11

I'm just waiting for someone to suggest that the OP sleeps in the cupboard under the stairs like the pp upthread 🤔

gwrachod · 26/03/2023 15:12

OMG12 · 26/03/2023 15:08

Why is it vile? All things considered adoption may well be in the best interests of all of the children. Or are you vilifying any mother who thinks she hasn’t got the resources to look after her children and selflessly gives them up like so many round the world do. You should be ashamed of yourself. The well-being of ALL of the children is the only thing that should be considered here, and honestly, this might not be in an over crowded house with six kids.

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This is despicable!

I hope the OP isn't reading this any more.

OP, if you are, please ignore this poster. They obviously lack basic human empathy or decency.

FlyingWormsAndSubterraneanBirds · 26/03/2023 15:15

Not the unsettling - but more accurate idea - that any of us could find ourself in the position of having not enough money to solve any immediate issues, due to unexpected changes in circumstances that are beyond our control.

Yes, and indeed we do. Many of us more than once. We still have choices about how we decide to deal with those situations.

This thread has made me incredibly sad for the children involved, especially having first-hand knowledge of the lifelong impact of having a parent who does not prioritise your needs.

ImAGoodPerson · 26/03/2023 15:17

gwrachod · 26/03/2023 15:10

I'm not twisting anything. You are acting as if the OP was in poverty when she had her previous DC, but you have no idea if that was the case.

Of course it fits with the comforting idea that poverty happens to people because they're feckless and asking for it.

Not the unsettling - but more accurate idea - that any of us could find ourself in the position of having not enough money to solve any immediate issues, due to unexpected changes in circumstances that are beyond our control.

I'm getting the feeling you've not chosen a very apt user name.

Show quote history

You don't know that the OP wasn't in poverty when having 2 children more than bedrooms though.

I'm getting the feeling you are reading way too much into what I have said. I think it is irresponsible to have more children that you can house, i dont see how that makes me a bad person. 4 in a 3 bed house is too many IMO. OP can do whatever she pleases. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it. Of course we can end up in situations we didn't plan, I have never suggested that isn't possible but having 4 children in the first place is a lifestyle choice. I havent been unkind to the OP at all.

gwrachod · 26/03/2023 15:20

FlyingWormsAndSubterraneanBirds · 26/03/2023 15:15

Not the unsettling - but more accurate idea - that any of us could find ourself in the position of having not enough money to solve any immediate issues, due to unexpected changes in circumstances that are beyond our control.

Yes, and indeed we do. Many of us more than once. We still have choices about how we decide to deal with those situations.

This thread has made me incredibly sad for the children involved, especially having first-hand knowledge of the lifelong impact of having a parent who does not prioritise your needs.

With all due respect, I think you are projecting. The OP is not your parent.

We have a tiny snapshot of her life. Stop filing in the blanks with your assumptions.

She's trying to make it work and we have no reason to believe she won't find a way.

It sounds like she has a kitchen they can hang out in, plus an outhouse they can use in summer. That's more space than many have - many homes only have one communal space.

Get off your high horse.